Being C & F has turned me into an A$$HOLE!!!!

[Tantric]

3 years ago I was the top of my game...I was very funny, ****y, and confident. I was sleeping with a beautiful runway model, who, I fell for, and eventually turned me into a complete emotional mental case.

I met a really nice girl about 1 year ago, who I ended up sleeping with and spending a lot of time with about 8 months ago. She did (as still does) a lot for me...I owe her a LOT. She has always been there for me (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and she has always loved me. She used to tell me many, many times that she was in love with me...but my feelings towards her weren't the same.

I guess as a way of pushing her away, I ended up really taking digs at her. I thought I was being funny...but I wasn't. For example, if we were talking about something, and it turned to something sexual...I would comment (in what I thought was a C&F way) and say things like, "ohhhhhhhh, you slut!". I also began acting like a little shyt by teasing her, poking her, pinching her, etc.

I know I was doing this at first as a way to push her feelings away...like it would make her like me less. Well...it didn't work. So somehow I subconsciously kept poking more and more fun at her, teased her, etc. it basically turned into a nasty habit.

She has brought it up before that when I act like this it bothers her.

I get defensive, tell her I am joking (I have always had a problem accepting I am wrong)...and I pretty much am joking, but she thinks it is very mean, and I am acting like an complete a$$hole. She tells me that when we met I was a more loving person and respected her more. She now hates me, thinks I am now just an mean a$$hole who she wants out of her life. She says I am not the person she thought I was.

That is the last thing I wanted...

We've been very bitter towards each other (I am finding out moreso on my part), and we've been arguing, fighting, etc. We have had the above convo maybe 6 times now...and I still have not changed my behavior. It is like I don't notice it, or think my joking is that bad...but when I hear it from her...I realize I am being an a$$hole. Which is why we were led up to today's argument where she basically wants me out of her life.

I think I have some really messed up emotional problems, and resentment...but I have no idea how to take care of the situation or fix my relationship with this girl...

Any ideas or thoughts?

Thanks in advance...

 

[BacardiGuy]

You said it yourself, you were being an *******, and pushing her away. There's a line between C&F and going too far with it to the point it's no longer playful for both sides.

You didn't clarify whether you're trying to get back with her or just back on friendly terms; in either case I'd say a sincere apology on your part would be the place to start.

 

[zerocelcius]

Oops!!

Good lesson hopefully somebody can learn from this! Don't use C/F to push away GF when you really don't want to push her away.

 

[Nighthawk]

It's not your behavior that has upset her as much as your rejection of her. But amping up the c&f was a bad way to drive her away - she'd have taken it as flirting. Now that she accepts you're nothing but a c*nt-tease she's angry.

Don't let her dictate your sense of humour too much. If you are naturally c&f, let her deal with it. Sounds like there is an element of control/ball-busting/attention-seeking here also.

 

[Tantric]

Well...

I don't think I was actually "being" and an$$hole (at least in my head). To me it was joking, but to her it was more like "jokes that hurt".

I wasn't being and a$$hole on purpose to push her away...I just wasn't being as loving as she was. She just liked me so much. It was like the only way for me to keep some sort of distance, was to joke around like this, poke fun more. She would always tell me how "wonderful" I am, how she "loves me", etc. I just did not was to lead her on, or have her like me more.

She basically told me that this behaviour worked...she not only does not like me anymore, but wants me out of her life, thinks I am the biggest a$$hole she has ever met, and the worst person she ever could have in her life. I depress her, aggravate her, make her sad, mad, and overall treat her like a big piece of shyt. She pretty much said that all to me last night.

We were never really "together" as such. It was more of a FB relationship (she wanted more). She is easily my best friend...but on the same hand (looking back at it), I don't think I should be treating someone I consider my best friend in that way. She brought up that example, and she is probably right.

 

[wayword]

She basically told me that this behaviour worked...she not only does not like me anymore, but wants me out of her life, thinks I am the biggest a$$hole she has ever met, and the worst person she ever could have in her life. I depress her, aggravate her, make her sad, mad, and overall treat her like a big piece of shyt. She pretty much said that all to me last night.

So, what is your status now?

I'll bet if you just gave in a teeny bit now she'd be all over you again like stink on shyt.

Take away a foot to make her beg for an inch...

 

[Tantric]

Hey,

Though I do appreciate the advice, I don't realy want to start playing games or whatever with someone I consider my best friend.

All I want to do is heal the situation, so there not so much animosity between us and we are back on the right track to a nice friendly, loving relationship.

I know she is still mad at me, and the situation...

 

[Nighthawk]

Mad about what? More examples of your oh-so-offensive jokes please.

She's laying a huge head trip on you, making you feel bad over HER frustration. You can agree to knock off the teasing if it bothers her, but don't let her convince you to change who you are - a true 'best friend' wouldn't ask that. Would you?

 

[highschoolguy]

Stop being more of an ******* then.

 

[DarkLight]

Look!

Dudes come here, and think C/F and fronting all the attributes of an "Alpha" will get them the success they're looking for. WRONG!

Its about being a MAN... a KING!

King's aren't b!tches!
King's are straight up REAL!
Thats how they're so powerful. Cause they live they're truth.
Very few people do that in today's world... thus the power of a KING

The issue here is... you used C/F as a tool to keep her at a distance. Thats where you went wrong. When used positively... this behaivor attracts, in a fun superior alluring way. But... you used it negatively. And by the sounds of it... you probably were an a$$shole.

So what to do?
Be a KING!

First of all... credit her feelings, and stand up and own your non-kingly behaivor with her. You weren't being real... you were playing games w. her, to keep her at a distance. On top of that... the games you were playing were not classy, and probably did hurt her feelings. Own that truth. Your a KING! And KING'S live in truth.

Women are the best guide's for a man. Who better to see who you are, then looking at your essential opposite. So ignowledge the lesson here, for her feelings/reaction has given you light back onto your path of being a MAN!

I would totally be straight up w. her. And apologize for your weak manipulative lower class hurtful behaivor. Thats the big thing to do. Thats what a man would do.

Just ask yourself... what would redeem respect here?
And thats the answer you'll get.

Your not simping, your not putting her on a pedestal. Your owning the results of your actions, learning to be a better man, and having the courage to step into that higher position that you've now earned.

The site's name is SoSuave... be just that.
Be something you can both respect.
Be a KING!

 

[Phyzzle]

Here is a great lesson we migh miss:

She has brought it up before that when I act like this it bothers her.

If you had been a sappy simp, and was always telling her how you can't live without her, she wouldn't complain at all. She would sleep with another guy, flake out and dissappear.

But since you were too offensive, she COMPLAINED, thereby giving you a chance to FIX IT.

You did nothing fatal, until she said "knock it off" and you kept it up. It's going to take time for that anger to subside. A brief apology, followed by your own dissappearance, is in order. But you've just been dumped, so don't keep your hopes up.

 

[spamtar]

LTR v PUA n dating

C&F is good for PUA and dating but it wears a little thin for LTR. A lot of PUA is good for the beginning and bad for the ending. Also if you became a a$$hole then that of course is especially bad for most LTRs.

 

[bud_2005]

I am also kind of afraid I'm too much of an ******* sometimes because of much of the C&F I use on my girlfriend. I just bust on her a lot and I just hope that in the back of her mind she knows I'm joking. She seems to be eating it up now so I'm not too worried about it. Maybe I should compliment more to kind of level it out. We've been going out for about 5 weeks and I told told her this weekend that she was beautiful and I didn't think anything of it. About 10 minutes later she sad: "you know that is the first time you don't me i was beautiful" and I was kind of floored because even though it was the first time i said it, i could tell it meant a lot to her.

 

[eminence]

C&F doesn't mean you have to neg hit every other sentence you say.....rarely use neg hits, thats the problem with a lot of people.....they don't know how to control theirself.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Calling girls slvts isnt good.

 

[Rocko]

There are times when you should joke around and there are times when you should lay low and be serious. Personally, I try to lay off the C&F for the same reason, fortunately for me I had my brother call me out on how I was being an a$$hole. You may be saying it in good fun but not everyone will take it that way.

 

[Tantric]

Thanks guys...

We worked everything out today, and we're all cool.

I did keep my ground in the convo (no suplication), and next thing you know, she is all over me, making me dinner...a drink...a lick...he he...

I know i can get my C&F stuff out of control sometimes...I jsut have to recognize hit, and try to keep the negs to a minumum. As mentioned before, it does help when establishing attraction, but not so much when u are in a relationship...it gets offensive.

My bad...

But we're cool...

 

[DarkLight]

Solid! Good to hear man.

C/F has its place... and like you said, thats in attraction.
Beyond that... just enjoy that attitude.
Don't let it become you, it easily gets annoying and can turn sour quick.
Especially when the dynamic has turned into that of a relationship.

At that point, being a suave cool MAN is whats up.
You can still have fun, drop some C/F attitude in jest of your value.
But, all in balance.

Once again, good to hear you owned up, and sorted your situation back out to goodness.

Peace'

 

[Phyzzle]

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