3 years ago I was the top of my game...I was very funny, ****y, and confident. I was sleeping with a beautiful runway model, who, I fell for, and eventually turned me into a complete emotional mental case.
I met a really nice girl about 1 year ago, who I ended up sleeping with and spending a lot of time with about 8 months ago. She did (as still does) a lot for me...I owe her a LOT. She has always been there for me (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and she has always loved me. She used to tell me many, many times that she was in love with me...but my feelings towards her weren't the same.
I guess as a way of pushing her away, I ended up really taking digs at her. I thought I was being funny...but I wasn't. For example, if we were talking about something, and it turned to something sexual...I would comment (in what I thought was a C&F way) and say things like, "ohhhhhhhh, you slut!". I also began acting like a little shyt by teasing her, poking her, pinching her, etc.
I know I was doing this at first as a way to push her feelings away...like it would make her like me less. Well...it didn't work. So somehow I subconsciously kept poking more and more fun at her, teased her, etc. it basically turned into a nasty habit.
She has brought it up before that when I act like this it bothers her.
I get defensive, tell her I am joking (I have always had a problem accepting I am wrong)...and I pretty much am joking, but she thinks it is very mean, and I am acting like an complete a$$hole. She tells me that when we met I was a more loving person and respected her more. She now hates me, thinks I am now just an mean a$$hole who she wants out of her life. She says I am not the person she thought I was.
That is the last thing I wanted...
We've been very bitter towards each other (I am finding out moreso on my part), and we've been arguing, fighting, etc. We have had the above convo maybe 6 times now...and I still have not changed my behavior. It is like I don't notice it, or think my joking is that bad...but when I hear it from her...I realize I am being an a$$hole. Which is why we were led up to today's argument where she basically wants me out of her life.
I think I have some really messed up emotional problems, and resentment...but I have no idea how to take care of the situation or fix my relationship with this girl...
Any ideas or thoughts?
Thanks in advance...
I met a really nice girl about 1 year ago, who I ended up sleeping with and spending a lot of time with about 8 months ago. She did (as still does) a lot for me...I owe her a LOT. She has always been there for me (physically, emotionally, and spiritually), and she has always loved me. She used to tell me many, many times that she was in love with me...but my feelings towards her weren't the same.
I guess as a way of pushing her away, I ended up really taking digs at her. I thought I was being funny...but I wasn't. For example, if we were talking about something, and it turned to something sexual...I would comment (in what I thought was a C&F way) and say things like, "ohhhhhhhh, you slut!". I also began acting like a little shyt by teasing her, poking her, pinching her, etc.
I know I was doing this at first as a way to push her feelings away...like it would make her like me less. Well...it didn't work. So somehow I subconsciously kept poking more and more fun at her, teased her, etc. it basically turned into a nasty habit.
She has brought it up before that when I act like this it bothers her.
I get defensive, tell her I am joking (I have always had a problem accepting I am wrong)...and I pretty much am joking, but she thinks it is very mean, and I am acting like an complete a$$hole. She tells me that when we met I was a more loving person and respected her more. She now hates me, thinks I am now just an mean a$$hole who she wants out of her life. She says I am not the person she thought I was.
That is the last thing I wanted...
We've been very bitter towards each other (I am finding out moreso on my part), and we've been arguing, fighting, etc. We have had the above convo maybe 6 times now...and I still have not changed my behavior. It is like I don't notice it, or think my joking is that bad...but when I hear it from her...I realize I am being an a$$hole. Which is why we were led up to today's argument where she basically wants me out of her life.
I think I have some really messed up emotional problems, and resentment...but I have no idea how to take care of the situation or fix my relationship with this girl...
Any ideas or thoughts?
Thanks in advance...