ask a girl about potential personality disorder?

[TheTraveller]

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now. Attractive, intelligent, and thus far I'm having a great time with her. She's definitely exhibiting high interest behavior and enjoys her time with me.

That being said, there have been a few things that have come up in conversation that have really puzzled me. First, she said her relationships with her friends can be rocky. That confused me, but I didn't probe further. She's also talked a bit about her family. She was at her grandmother's house recently, and after telling me about her day there she mentioned that her grandmother is bipolar.

This got me thinking - should I ask this girl if she has any type of personality disorder? Should I dig more into the whole rocky friendships thing?

Me? I have mild social anxiety and obviously from the post I can get a little mildly obsessive/paranoid about certain things. I understand nobody's perfect but I absolutely cannot deal with a girl who has a personality disorder. I dealt enough with instability growing up and will not tolerate it with a girl.

Thanks,
-t

 

[Bible_Belt]

She will likely tell you 'no' and just be insulted, so asking won't get you anywhere. If she has any serious condition, you should have noticed it by now in her behavior.

 

[TheTraveller]

I guess my fear is she's hiding it and/or on meds and it'll come out when I'm really vested in this. Maybe it is I that should deal with my own stuff first.

 

[5string]

Here is the best advice you will get. Listen up.

Women reveal their past in small amounts of info over a period of time. In other words, they can't keep the hole under their noses shut. Just sit back, listen, evaluate what they tell you, and then formulate your opinion as to their value and whether or not they are fvcked up.

 

[SecondHalf]

Agree with 5string.

You missed your opportunity to ask when she mentioned her grandmother's condition. Could have asked "any other family members?" with a smile and observe.

SH

 

[origin138]

I've been seeing this girl for about a month now. Attractive, intelligent, and thus far I'm having a great time with her. She's definitely exhibiting high interest behavior and enjoys her time with me.

That being said, there have been a few things that have come up in conversation that have really puzzled me. First, she said her relationships with her friends can be rocky. That confused me, but I didn't probe further. She's also talked a bit about her family. She was at her grandmother's house recently, and after telling me about her day there she mentioned that her grandmother is bipolar.

This got me thinking - should I ask this girl if she has any type of personality disorder? Should I dig more into the whole rocky friendships thing?

Me? I have mild social anxiety and obviously from the post I can get a little mildly obsessive/paranoid about certain things. I understand nobody's perfect but I absolutely cannot deal with a girl who has a personality disorder. I dealt enough with instability growing up and will not tolerate it with a girl.

Thanks,
-t

I wouldn't jump the gun on it. Even if you could verify she had a PD of some sort, mentioning it to her would be the most fruitless thing you could do. You would kill the relationship at that point.

When she mentions having rocky relationships with friends, this is definitely a red flag that you should watch. Why would you be any exception to that rule?

Aside from this, have you seen anything like this?:

Pushing sex with you constantly and immediately before even having any kind of "real" conversation

Gross disregard of your personal boundaries (i.e. you telling her you want things a certain way, she agrees, then is pushing the issue 3 minutes later trying to get you to break on your assertions)

Showing off scars on her arms

Talking about abandonment by a parent or mentioning a mother that cheated her way out of relationships

Is she distant with her family?

Never takes her eyes of you even for a second and seems to make you the center of her world

Builds you up into a superhuman and plays into your ego with endless worship

Is her cell phone blowing up with AFCs when you guys are together?

Does she laugh at everything you say?

IV drug history? Alcohol problems?

Is the relationship moving at breakneck pace, and if so, is she the one pushing it?

Crazy behavior in public (exhibitionism, AWing). Are you constantly "cleaning up her tornado" after you leave public places?

Does she have periods where she "goes off the map" and then shows back up like nothing ever happened?

I hope this helps. I am currently trying to manage a BPD girl as my "other girl" with Bible Belt's help...so I definitely see your concern. Best of luck.

Don't forget, it is possible to have narcissistic or borderline traits, but not be personality disordered. Don't rule your girl out. If she's disordered, you'll know it.

 

[Burroughs]

Don't forget, it is possible to have narcissistic or borderline traits, but not be personality disordered. Don't rule your girl out. If she's disordered, you'll know it.

Why should he wait for her to be officially "disordered" before he pulls out? Even hints of narcissism or borderline traits can shift the balance of power against you. Origin your list was good... The better move would be to 'next' and search for better fish...of course that's easier said than done.

So many girls these days are fvcked for so many reasons...realize that if you bring them into your lives outside of a pump and dump, you are bringing her problems onto yourself...

 

[origin138]

Why should he wait for her to be officially "disordered" before he pulls out? Even hints of narcissism or borderline traits can shift the balance of power against you. Origin your list was good... The better move would be to 'next' and search for better fish...of course that's easier said than done.

So many girls these days are fvcked for so many reasons...realize that if you bring them into your lives outside of a pump and dump, you are bringing her problems onto yourself...

Agreed, and I would never suggest not spinning others in the process or even stepping out at the slightest sign of PD traits. It simply depends on what he's willing to tolerate.

A case of oneitis is the worst possible place to be, particularly if you're dating a PD'd woman.

I would disagree that hints of narcissistic or borderline traits can shift the balance of power in all cases. If your emotional mastery and awareness are solid, you can keep these traits from ever taking away your game.

Everyone has SOME nacrissistic/borderline traits as they're essential for survival.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Most people who have a mental aren't aware they have a mental illness. That's part of the mental illness. The brain has problems but everything seems fine to the person with the mental illness. So asking makes no sense. For more info, read:
I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment
Xavier Francisco Amador

 

[TheTraveller]

Other than that friend comment from origin's list (thanks bud), she has a high sex drive and is open in bed. That's it. Nothing else from the list, and perhaps quite opposite of the list. Somewhat reassuring.

I'll find a way to bring up this friends thing this weekend. I don't think she's a social misfit or anything of that sort. She has friends, hosts friends for parties at her place, and the like.

Bottom line, this seems confusing by jumping the gun with a personality assessment. She's said that odd comment about friends, her grandmother and that's it. Perhaps I'd be better off just enjoying my time with her and make judgement when there's actual evidence.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Traveller,
If she had a genuine disorder,you wouldn't need to post,it would be evident...Check out her medications,usually in the bathroom....some of the Posts are a bit extreme,Women are moody creatures,the test is if you are getting on OK.

 

[TheTraveller]

Dear Traveller,
If she had a genuine disorder,you wouldn't need to post,it would be evident...Check out her medications,usually in the bathroom....some of the Posts are a bit extreme,Women are moody creatures,the test is if you are getting on OK.

Scaramouche, great to hear from ya. Ah, the old medicine cabinet trick. Beauty. We'll see if that's logistically possible, but I like your 'it would be evident' comment. Thank you for the reassurance - the girl and I get on great.

 

[Borknagar]

Don't ask, just assume, she is a women.

 

[TheTraveller]

Seems a little like a generalization, Bork.

 

[Serg897]

Here is the best advice you will get. Listen up.

Women reveal their past in small amounts of info over a period of time. In other words, they can't keep the hole under their noses shut. Just sit back, listen, evaluate what they tell you, and then formulate your opinion as to their value and whether or not they are fvcked up.

This is so true. The girl Im seeing now cant help but reveal little bits of info about her past sex life/relationships once in a while. Its quite funny.

 

[Zodiac]

Maybe she got molested or something along that type of nature. Every girl that I've been with that got diddled either was full on nympho or asexual depending on what was done to them.

Just a thought.

 

[sodbuster]

Just like we know in 10 minutes what a guy is,women know women...NO female friends is an ISSUE. A rocky relationship with friends.... needs some more discovery

 

[Warrior74]

Wait, why do you care again? I mean I could understand from a personal safety POV, but are you in this for the smash or for a girlfriend? What do you want out of this and how long do you see it lasting and how is she treating you?

I know the average life span of a girl I'm seeing is 3-6 months. I know if any disorders or craziness pops up in that time, that's just reasonable grounds for the oncoming dismissal anyway. That may seem harsh to you, but I know what I'm in it for and I know when I'll be out. So as for right now, if she's treating you right and doing her job who cares. When it's ejection time its ejection time.

Of course if you are a dater/girlfriend type, watch and listen closely. Screen hard.

 

[The_411]

PD or no, the bigger issue is that you are uncomfortable with somethings going on and your gut is telling you to run away. The gut is very rarely wrong.

As for dating a PD woman trust me you'll know assuming of course you understand what a PD is and how to identify it.

We all have PD traits they just don't manifest concurrently.

There are also what I like to the call the unofficial signs or the playbook plays that are hallmarks of BPD behavior. They're not aprt of the DSM IV criteria but they can be just as revealing or even sometimes more so than the DSM criteria.

The key isn't to label but rather ask yourself is x or y behavior acceptable to you, or would be acceptable to someone who didn't know you but heard about your situation.

If the answer is no then you need to get out.

 

[amnni]

ask a girl about potential personality disorder? Reply to Thread

Every person have own ideas and perception so we realize a lot of aspects mostly girls thoughts are limited and they focus to accomplish goal.