Asian Chick Game - not western

[Fruitbat]

Honestly though can we completely trust tge artichle? How accurate is the info ya know?
We talking asians from farm villages or asians from major city. Demographics come into play here?

This girl is from a city but one of the less westernised places in SE Asia.

Women are expected to be a virgin when they marry. Yet less so these days.

All I can say is:

What is working well

- Showing interest in her, keeping in touch.
- Cooking for her
- Buying gifts for her (nothing too much, but playing the game)
- Not showing any "player" and saying I want one GF. Her.
- I got one shyt test where she got p1ssed off about something minor and I put her straight immediately and firmly.
- Involving her in things, trip to the shops, what we eat
- Playful teasing, being mean in a funny way (I rolled her out of bed when she was hanging on the edge!) She is no diff to a western girl in this regard.

What didn't work

- Def don't talk too much, she gets p1ssed off, I can tell.
- SHowing disinterest just gets disinterest back
- She doesn't really respond to compliments on her physique, her ego doesn't seem to work that way.
- Tact. You have to be honest.

I've also found it's fine to talk about other women you a seeing, as long as you don't mind losing testicles.

The physcial loving I am getting is like nothing I have experienced. She is clinging to me and genuinely seems like sechs is something to please me, and she enjoys the hugs and closeness after and on the couch. However, on the merest hint from me, she's in the bedroom and seems to really enjoy and get off on making me happy. She doesn't seem in touch with her own sexual side and just thinks if I am happy,she is. It's amazing really.

 

[Fruitbat]

LOL!
im thinking im planning a trip to S east asia.
Im partial to vietnamese myself.
Seems like theres many single beautiful ladies there. Young too. They like older men it seems.
Im talking via video chat with a girl from vietnam and i got to say alot of what you said is starting to make sense. Who knows i may go meet this one.
No kids and still lives with parents. Very close.
Thanks for the post

They do, she said 10-15 is about the norm. But even so, an older decent man is not "eeeeeew" like it is with western women.

Relationships to them, it seems, are not about getting sexual stim in the main like a western girl. I have seen the dudes she likes and they are romantic western signers and really boy-bandy guys, guys who bring you flowers etc. Not ugly, but a million miles from the tattood muscle bound hunks that do well here.

Honestly, every one of my friends (except a few dudes who know the deal) seem to be warning me off. There are some women in my group who have been rude about her despite never even meeting her yet. This is the problem. Western women (not all, of course, millions of good ones) have been spoiled. I am pretty sure too, that they fear this dynamic a bit. I am not the "alpha" in our group but a mid-ranker. They fear if they see me getting domestic happyness with a much younger, attractive woman, the game is bust open. This isn't "supposed" to happen. THEY are in control aren't they?

Most of my male friends seem to rate their women not just on looks, but career etc. They actually got fairly disparaging when I said I could not give a shyt about a womans job, only her willingness to be a good wife, friend and potential mother to my kids. That was like a red flag to them.....like, shyt! Shut this guy up! You're not SUPPOSED to say that!

Even my family seem to not like it, as if there is some shame attached to picking an asian girl. Well, fvck them all. I tried getting a woman here and all I got was bullshyt, attitude and really confusing women. It has nothing to do with "you want a submissive woman who knows her place" BS. There is no chance in hell this woman, or most of these women, is sat there wishing to be some dudes doormat.

What it is, is that they actually respect men, what we provide while respecting their own value to a man, and not competing. I want her to work and have a good career, as do I. It is not about what they say western/asian relationships are. It's a frame of mind between both partners. it's about making each other happy, which so many women here don't get. To them, it's "how can I find the one man who makes me happy" not "how do I make a relationship work with some effort"

 

[Fruitbat]

So, increasingly confused by this chick. Wall of text but genuine input appreiated.

- Not dating others and telling other guys she has a BF. She is actively telling me of the dudes approaching her for meet ups and how she is investing time in me and is telling them she has a BF.
- She asks if it's wrong to even talk to them? I said if we are not officially an item, I have no right to tell her what she can and can't do.
- She says, as before, that we need to date exclusively for a while so we know each other properly before becoming official. Also, she has stated multiple times about needing to see genuine good treatement and character first.
- However, the last guy didn't seem as if he treated her well and she is still cut up, it appears, that he said no relationship. He is still wanting to meet her but she is telling him she has BF, and he has been very rude to her about this and me, why the fvck she is telling me this I don't know.

So, I am in a position where we are both expecting exclusive dating, but she is laying down a test (or this is what she says) of being a good BF etc. However, this last dude didn't and got her wanting more.

So, I see this in 2 ways:

- She was hurt badly (right off the bat she was clear about how she was hurt etc) and this is genuinely what she is testing and is making me wait so I don't turn into a douche.....her GFends have coached her to find genuine guy etc.
or
- I am the best option while she keeps relatively free.....yet she is openly telling me about rejecting men and how she is concentrating on me only?? BUT she won't call it BF/GF and says we need a lot of time to know each other properly.

So, usually with this kind of BS with a western girl, I would back out of there, show no interest etc but everything I know about her and asian women in general is this is NOT how they roll. Yet, the last guy basicallty lied to her about a future and told her to fvck off when she wanted more, and now hits up her phone trying to get laid with her again.....I feel like the moment he tells her she can have it, I will be left like a shot. However, she would NOT be telling me about this guy I feel if she had this intention....I would only mention other women to make a woman jealous and want me more.....yet, she has the offer of a relationship but won't take it! WTF? Or, as I called her out on yesterday, is she using me to make HIM jealous? If so, she wouldn't tell me about how it didn't work.....so many confusing signals here.

Everything else is good - sechs is regular and fantastic, all her available time goes to me, good treatement but this game of "work to be my BF" is confusing me, as are the regular mentions of this guy and other orbiters she has....

I am becoming the woman somewhat here, yet disengaging and backing off seems like the complete opposite of what she seems to be looking for.

I am in a world of confusion. I am just tempted to keep dating her, treating her well but return to secretly spinning plates.

Just so you know, I actually want to have this chick as a GF. It's why I am dating, not to screw multiple plates. Yet, my fear here is I will truly be pissed off if I play this game and lose.

 

[Fruitbat]

Fruitbat after reading your post i would start focusing mostly on you and not give into this so much.

Too right, I cringe sometimes with my detail, I analyse everything.

The internet says a courtship is very traditional with these girls and that's all it is, she wants to play it trad.

Long story but several reasons led to this which are being resolved but you are on point, oneitus is happening and I will just enjoy the time and sechs and see what happens.

 

[Thorninmyside]

I think the other dude treated her mean and kept her keen. She hasn't let that go.

It's time for you to let a little slack work its way it, and for her to pick up that slack.

 

[Fruitbat]

I think the other dude treated her mean and kept her keen. She hasn't let that go.

It's time for you to let a little slack work its way it, and for her to pick up that slack.

OK, so all I am going to do in this respect is try not being so available/pro active over phone and text. Currently I have been.

I have done a ton of stuff to show how much of a stand up guy/treat her well etc. So perhaps she now has to work, but other than that I don't know how treating mean works. It's not really in my nature.

I was sure to only offer one day this week, which wasn't the weekend. So perhaps I already did this to some extent.

However. too much of this with this lady and I think I could be in trouble. She hasn't responded at all well to any disniterest, not with me.

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Yeah, she might think she has you in the bag, and is still wandering around doing a bit of shopping.

Try to find the 'goldilocks zone'... where there is still some a bit of tension and mystery to where things are going. It will keep her on her toes... and in sexy high heels.

 

[Fruitbat]

Its hard but try not to give into THAT right there. If it goes bad thats usually the root cause. You do t have to be mean or a d$ck just be cool and busy. By cool i mean level headed. Not cool as in show off...

Shyt, I was thinking something like this.......

 

[Fruitbat]

OK, developments here. Big developments:

- She said never married. Had a big discussion about "not telling lies" and she said....
- She was raped young, and this is bad for marriage in her country.
- She was encouraged/pushed into marrying some guy who she didn't sleep with before marriage (but she married because he didn't mind her not being a virgin).
- On marrying, she found he had a medical issue and couldn't have sex. She came here to study when still married but divorced him 4 months ago. She kind of told him before leaving (apparently wives/HB can live apart for study, not unusual)
- As a result of this, she is basically shunned by most of her friends and family and will really struggle to find someone in her country.
- She said she is so desparate not to go back and be v unlikely to ever find someone (and the shyt she is taking over divorcing so quickly) she even considered being a single mother here (massive red flag over this)
- Wants kids but said she wanted to wait a few years if she had a HB here.
- The biggest other worry is I mentioned I told my friends I was dating her. She seemed to get a bit anxious and said "I didn't meet my husbands friends" Which worried me as it's classic visa hunt to want to not be involved with anyone beyond me.

On the plus side, she has genuinely questioned my plans for the future which did spell seeing things beyond getting married, and also she said having another divorce for her would be an absolute disaster and she would prob lose any shed of respect at home.....she had 2 family members excommunicate her over getting divorced ONCE.

She showed me pics of wedding and the dude seemed like a bit of a dork.

I am not sure what to make of this.....if she was a bona fide visa hunt then she would have just painted herself as perfect and told me what I wanted to hear. Plus, she was unmistakably physically hot for me, sodden pvssy with just a hint of interest!!!

The reluctance to see my friends is the big flag for me, plus saying about being single mother.....that freaked me out a bit but to be fair, if what she says is true, she has been through a lot and is quite young and inexperienced generally.

Bit unexpected.

 

[Fruitbat]

I would agree with this. I would just proceed with caution and drop all relationship talk.

She obv picked up on this as she just explained that family is no1 and my family become hers etc. Which is why friends are secondary etc....hence friends being a bit odd to her.

Issue is, my family are a nightmare and I barely have any, mum is a bit bonkers and Dad is great but they are not as together as me. Their place is decent but the way they keep it is embarrassing.

it seems in her culuture you hang out with your family 24/7 and I would never want that with mine. She has a hard time understanding this.

Explains the friends issue though.

 

[Fruitbat]

Fruitbat im not entirely sure then. I still wouldnt FULLY invest until the girl is ready to follow you and build the family you desire.
Iwould think that she would understand your unique situation.
I dont know all the details but she may be smoke screeing you for whatever reason. Is she a citizen of the US?

No, she is here for another 18 months on student visa so we both know what that means. I knew this before I dated her and I don't care if she is legit. I want marriage and kids.

I told her in this talk that marriage and kids go together and I can't wait long, not as long as she said. So if it gets to this then that will be the deal. Plus, the way my system works is she can't just marry and divorce, visas don't work like that and she would get nothing from the court, plus pre nups would be sought.

It checks out that divorce is a massive thing in her country but I need to do some real digging on her first. SHe is still quite unsure about actually wanting to commit to me, the discussions are all theoretical and she hasn't jumped or pushed for immediate results.I also floated the idea of courting from long distance and she didn't baulk, as long as we have a solid 6-9 months prior to doing anything then I'll be happy. That's a long time to fake a story and interest especially as we are spending days at a time together.

This also all came out when she was drunk as a skunk which I feel is unlikely as a pre-planned story and it took some pushing to get the truth out. She has also put on a lot of weight since marriage which tells me she hasn't been happy since then. Very difficult to read foreign people.

I know I am crazy to consider the risk but there is chance this is legit and divorce-phobic, hot women 10 years my junior, who culturally respect men and are trad wives are not easy to find here.

 

[Erik VL]

She doesn't sound bad, fruitbat. The part about having a baby - well, thoughts go through your head. Especially when you're in a bad situation and the rest of your life is at stake. You'll think of every possibility. It's actually a good sign that she'll tell you something like that, it shows that she will share whatever comes to mind for her. I'm sure that if she is with you, half a year later when she thinks back on it she'll be embarrassed that she ever thought in that direction. And as you say, she also says she doesn't want children yet.

And you are right, she could have just painted herself as perfect, but she didn't.

I dated a Vietnamese girl for a while. Hot girl who loved sex, one of only two girls I've been with who wanted it to be so long and intense that she wore me out. Ahem, but I digress. She never told me about whether her family back home was traditional, how they would view divorce or so, but she did tell me about the Communist Party acting like gangsters, taking an uncle's business and throwing him in prison on fake drug charges because they wanted his building, so that his relatives lost all their savings that they had put in his business. And she told me how she chased a thief who took her laptop and no one in a crowded street helped her. (She got the laptop back.) And how the Party turns men into cold, sneering animals with their compulsory military training, making them hostile to their own mothers and sisters when they come home on breaks. It's a very cold society. No wonder a girl would want to get away from there.

 

[Fruitbat]

She doesn't sound bad, fruitbat. The part about having a baby - well, thoughts go through your head. Especially when you're in a bad situation and the rest of your life is at stake. You'll think of every possibility. It's actually a good sign that she'll tell you something like that, it shows that she will share whatever comes to mind for her. I'm sure that if she is with you, half a year later when she thinks back on it she'll be embarrassed that she ever thought in that direction. And as you say, she also says she doesn't want children yet.

And you are right, she could have just painted herself as perfect, but she didn't.

I dated a Vietnamese girl for a while. Hot girl who loved sex, one of only two girls I've been with who wanted it to be so long and intense that she wore me out. Ahem, but I digress. She never told me about whether her family back home was traditional, how they would view divorce or so, but she did tell me about the Communist Party acting like gangsters, taking an uncle's business and throwing him in prison on fake drug charges because they wanted his building, so that his relatives lost all their savings that they had put in his business. And she told me how she chased a thief who took her laptop and no one in a crowded street helped her. (She got the laptop back.) And how the Party turns men into cold, sneering animals with their compulsory military training, making them hostile to their own mothers and sisters when they come home on breaks. It's a very cold society. No wonder a girl would want to get away from there.

Bang right on the sex, I have never had a woman so willing to love me long time. When I say nothings is in the tank she takes it's like a challenge to her.

She said similar. No welfare state unless in party.....socialist republic, for the party members, not the masses.

This is the issue, the sechs is so good and selfless I wonder that I am being duped by it but she's def enjoying it. A part of me knows she wants out of there, but wouldn't you want a partner in a new land? Why would she opt for duping a poor guy when she has the real thing? They/she doesn't seem like the type of girl to want to ride the c0ck carosel. she has said the same.

her main concern is how she is treated by whoever she marries and she said men back home are controlling and cruel to women, but they don't run out on their fams. She said the single mother thing was because she thought all western men just pump and dump and that would be thebest she could hope for.

 

[Erik VL]

The fact is, you can't know for sure how the relationship is going to turn out in the long run, with her or anyone else. You can only know if the start is good, which increases your chances. I am sure you can tell with some certainty if she is genuine or not. If the sex is good that is a great plus. And of course she will have practical reasons for wanting to be with you, women always have that. It doesn't mean the guy is less attractive to her. In fact, that he fits in with her plans actually makes him more attractive. In her mind she will want him to be attractive, so she will see him in the most favorable light.

As for the sex, just some TMI: she loved riding with me sitting up, and once we were on a blanket on the floor, doing that. Afterward in the shower the water hurt severely. I realized she rode me so hard that the area around my tail bone was scraped against the floor, causing the skin to break. That was how intense sex with her was. Man, that girl. She lives just a ten minute walk from me, and it's too bad I won't be sleeping with her again.

Sex is half the relationship. There is the other half too, both are important. But be happy when the sex half is good. For many it isn't.

 

[Fruitbat]

The fact is, you can't know for sure how the relationship is going to turn out in the long run, with her or anyone else. You can only know if the start is good, which increases your chances. I am sure you can tell with some certainty if she is genuine or not. If the sex is good that is a great plus. And of course she will have practical reasons for wanting to be with you, women always have that. It doesn't mean the guy is less attractive to her. In fact, that he fits in with her plans actually makes him more attractive. In her mind she will want him to be attractive, so she will see him in the most favorable light.

As for the sex, just some TMI: she loved riding with me sitting up, and once we were on a blanket on the floor, doing that. Afterward in the shower the water hurt severely. I realized she rode me so hard that the area around my tail bone was scraped against the floor, causing the skin to break. That was how intense sex with her was. Man, that girl. She lives just a ten minute walk from me, and it's too bad I won't be sleeping with her again.

Sex is half the relationship. There is the other half too, both are important. But be happy when the sex half is good. For many it isn't.

That part is spot on. My only concerns are we don't have a lot of common ground, naturally. However, she seems willing to learn and explore things I like and seems a bit like she needs direction all the time - like she doesn't really have much idea how to make a life. That's fine with me, not that I want to control her, but it is nice to develop her in a good way, like helping her improve her life here/english skills etc. As long as I get a devoted wife and potential mother who puts family first, I could not want more. She also seems keen on working as well, not just being a mum and housewife, which, as long as she is family first, is good. It means we will be better off, even if she doesn't earn much....it takes the heat off me.

The only things she has moaned at me about are my health habits like drinking/smoking/caffiene/food etc which any man expects and also shows a real element of womenhood. I think she kind of likes the fact I encourage her to drink etc as she isn't used to this and it must be cool to not have social expectations and an easy-going man who won't have strict rules on her.

However, the fact we can't get the same comedy shows etc and have some work to do to find shared interests is hard. My friends question this....but, I think that shared objectives and goals in life are more important. I know quite a few couples here who get on well, but are arguing about children and who does what. I'm thinking knowing what you want and planning is actually more important. We enjoy each others company, but the rapport is hard. Especially as her english isn't great, yet.

 

[Fruitbat]

I hear you. Im currently doing alot of video chat with a girl from Saigon vietnam.
Shes native and very traditional. And cute as a button and actually funny as hell.
It will be months before i would even consider a trip but it has crossed my mind.
I cannot believe the lack of fat people in that country.
The more i talk with her the more i am liking her. So i kinda get it but im not sure these 2 girls are alike as much.
She had no kids and never been married. Lives with parents very close family unit.
So who the hell knows i may end up with her.
I know shes constantly trying to feed me already hahaha.

Mine is from the north oiginally and they are even older-school.

If you think the food is good, wait for the sechs.

Mine is slightly tubby but she has a booty like a rubber ball. Not fat, just pleasantly womanly. She is very short too which I really like and being a bit of a fuller figure is better.

I explained the whole thing to a member of my fam and a friend and surprisingly they all have now said just do it dude, follow your heart and don't worry about being fvcked.

You will find they are ridiculously cute, they like cute things and act cute. However, they also don't hide emotions. When she is sad/frustrated...whatever, you see it on their face like a book. There is no sulking and hiding of emotions.

I've only dated one and this is what I see. Cooking for HER elevates you to god like status.

I do note as well that she hasn't a lot of initiative....works hard, cleans up etc but you need to plan out the day otherwise you will just stay at home, but she agreed to most things you suggest.

It seems I have the responsibilty for general life but she is responsible for making sechs life good and feeding you. It's a fvcking dream man if this works out! I mentioned I liked a type of clothing/outift on her and she returned home and came back with the nearest thing she had to it. Genuinely want you to please you, I always had resistance from western girls who think dictating what they wear is tantamount to domestic abuse.....

Be aware, from my experience their main concerns are: Are you a player? Are you violent? Are you a lousy partner who doesn't care? Do you treat her well? Do you care for her?

Their culture seems mega alpha for the guys who treat them like dirt from what I understand and they are opposite to western girls in that they truly don't want danger and excitement but happy times and love. Who would have thought it?

 

[Fruitbat]

Sounds spot on so far fruitbat. There is definately a difference in cultures and dating.
So far im enjoying her convos. Even though at this point its just video im keeping things sexual and always playing.
Alot less game playing for sure. Night and day.
Maybe its luck but she has a sister who married and moved to scotland so incase she grows on me more her family has been through it already.
This girl is wafey thin a d just how i like them but carries it well. I like em tiny. Haha

Me too but I can work on that.

 

[Erik VL]

Was this in vietnam or cambodia?
The girl im taking now talks like Saigon is full of foreigners and travelers. Like its more democratic.

Like I said, she is from Vietnam. The ruling party is a gangster organization. Yes, there are more foreigners and travelers - and I'm sure everything is peachy for them since they are not citizens.

 

[Erik VL]

However, the fact we can't get the same comedy shows etc and have some work to do to find shared interests is hard.

Well, I don't know about sitcoms ... but you can download some nice shows from mywatchseries com. Perhaps you could enjoy watching The Bachelor together. Just skip the latest and watch season 20 with Ben. Or watch New Zealand's first season - they have this novel concept that you don't need to put crazies in a reality show to make it watchable.

Or watch the mini series Shogun with her from the 1980s, it's good. It also has a Japanese woman and a British man. As someone wrote, "everyone fell in love with Mariko", and that was a large part of the show's success. Or since she's Asian, she would probably like watching Studio Ghibli's anime movies. Spirited Away is really good, and every Asian girl worth her bathroom salt likes Totoro. Trying to think of shows a girl would like .... I'll write more if I think of something.