"Are we just friends, or is this a date?"

[Four_Aces]

So I met a girl through a friend, we hangout once, and the second time she asks me this question: "Are we just friends, or is this a date?". I say, "It's both."

I didnt want to set up the expectation that I'm hanging out with her strictly platonically. She also pulled the, "Why did you want to hangout after you met me?" line. I said, "Because you have a unique personality and stood out from the rest".

So the date was cancelled, because her dad's in the hospital. We've been holding off on getting together at the moment, because we're busy at school. .. She just got out of an LTR, and I found out from a friend that she's not looking for anything serious at the moment, which is fine by me.

Have I lost any value here, because I've indirectly telegraphed interest? Any other pointers on this situation would be appreciated as well.

Also note: She's indicated her interest by calling/texting me, as well as taking the initiative to add me to MSN.

Thanks guys!

 

[slaog]

it all seems to be going well. She seems to have a direct style of communication by asking those questions. The good news is she wouldn't ask if she wasn't interested in you. She's also trying to contact you alot.


Theres no problem showing interest. Its a good thing to let her know you're interested. Also let her know (indirectly) that you're the prize and you can walk away from her anytime.

 

[playerone]

Sounds all good to me as long as you don't go over-texting or calling her and appear like a needy wuss.

Stop telling her she's unique. Act like she's not.

Game her.

Good luck.

 

[Four_Aces]

Thanks slaog, I feel at more at ease now. K+

I have told her she's unique only once.

I have to be careful in the amount of game that I do with her. She's a very modest and young girl. Not the "make out with" in a club type of chick.

 

[playerone]

Yes, you have to game her according to what type of girl she's like, and what kind of game she brings to you.

You usually overdo it with some girls at first, then you'll learn and do it just right. It's a learning process, trial-and-error if you will.

Just make sure you don't put too much value on any single girl, not too much emotional content involved, and continue to find new plates to work your game on.

 

[PerfectCircle]

duplicate on accident.

 

[PerfectCircle]

So I met a girl through a friend, we hangout once, and the second time she asks me this question: "Are we just friends, or is this a date?". I say, "It's both."

I didnt want to set up the expectation that I'm hanging out with her strictly platonically. She also pulled the, "Why did you want to hangout after you met me?" line. I said, "Because you have a unique personality and stood out from the rest".

Try being a little more direct and honest with your answers. Youll have more luck in the long run. pu$$yfooting around is one of the weakest things you can do.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

So I met a girl through a friend, we hangout once, and the second time she asks me this question: "Are we just friends, or is this a date?". I say, "It's both."

She just got out of an LTR, and I found out from a friend that she's not looking for anything serious at the moment, which is fine by me.

What does this "hanging out" consist of? Maybe your "hangouts" are too formal or something.

 

[Igetit!]

So I met a girl through a friend, we hangout once, and the second time she asks me this question: "Are we just friends, or is this a date?". I say, "It's both."

To me,this looks like she was looking to you for some type of structure and leadership. Slaog was right about her having a direct style of communicate which is rare for women in my opinion.
She came at you directly with that "are we friends,or is this a date" line.
She came at you directly,but your reply was wishy-washy. If she had said that to me,I would have said,"Yeah,it's a date,and you're my woman. You got a problem with that?". I'm serious,that's exactly what I would have said.
When a woman looks to you for leadership,your response will either increase or decrease her attraction/interest level. Your response was indecisive. It was like you either couldn't make up your mind about what the two of you were,or you could,but you were afraid to put yourself out there. I don't know how you were behaving when you were with her,but if you were nervous or scared while the two were having this conversation,and she "felt" it,then her interest in you probably took a hit.

I'm not saying that it's over with,but the next time you talk to her,if she seems different,a little standoffish,or simply just not as the same before.....then you'll know why.

I didnt want to set up the expectation that I'm hanging out with her strictly platonically. She also pulled the, "Why did you want to hangout after you met me?" line. I said, "Because you have a unique personality and stood out from the rest".

Boy this girl was agressive. Seems to me like she keeps testing you. That's both good and bad news. The good news is that the mere fact that she's even bothered to test you in the first place means that she does have some sort of interest in you.

The bad news is that if you keep repeatedly failing these test,she'll lose interest in you,but more than likely,you won't even realize it. You'll keep going around her and talking to her,but she'll have done switched from being interested in you to being an attention wh0re. She won't be direct anymore,but she'll still do,say,and give you little signs to make you think that she likes you when she really doesn't. She just likes the attention.

I agree with PerfectCircle. You need to be a little more direct. Her being direct,with you being undecisive/wishy-washy will cause her to loose interest.
She wants a man who'll make a decision and stand by it. Right now,you can't do that because you haven't made one yet. Are you guys friends,or a potential couple. You said both. You can't be both. Besides,you didn't reveal your true interest. You like the girl,but instead of showing your interest,you tried to play it safe,and playing it safe rarely works out.

Good luck man.

 

[Four_Aces]

The last time I saw her, there was lots of keno/touching, although no makeout. Next time I see her I am going to amp up the physicality, and see what happens. IMHO, this will solve the "are we friends/potential couple" issue. Still early in the game with this chick.

The major reason I was keeping the interaction vague and undefinable, is because she expressed she had just gotten out of an LTR (the day I met her), and was not looking for to date immediately. I wanted to be direct, but not assuming something more. Perhaps more assertiveness, regardless of her recent-LTR, would be useful.

She was direct in her communication, yes. I agree it's a rare quality in a girl.

I will give her a call tonight and setup a meetup for the weekend.