Alcohol abuse.

[\O/]

good work

Thanks

^^^My favorite thread

OP, I had the same issue, except I was doing it daily! Took a lot of effort, but I changed my whole lifestyle around, moved house, changed job etc.

Yeah, that thread is fantastic.

Do you drink at all now? If so, how do you limit yourself after the few first beers? Not drinking when i'm sober is not that tough, but after a few beers you become overconfident and think you are in control and can avoid becoming drunk. But before you know it, you're already wasted...

 

[Purefilth]

Thanks






Yeah, that thread is fantastic.

Do you drink at all now? If so, how do you limit yourself after the few first beers? Not drinking when i'm sober is not that tough, but after a few beers you become overconfident and think you are in control and can avoid becoming drunk. But before you know it, you're already wasted...

Yeah, you just have to realise the point - you know the one whre you dont need another beer but say fvck it, and get one anyway? stop there, maybe have a water instead (I know thats a hard thing to do but hey - self control when pissed = stronger sober, right?).

I moved out of the town centre, so it isnt so easy to just go out to clubs every day. I have to get a taxi home if I wanna drink, so I normally drive, and now its like 1 time every 2 weeks or so that I'll meet my buddy, go sarging on beers/whiskey. still have the occasional night out getting hammered - but nothing like I used to.
Hitting the gym helps.

I did go dry for a few months when I first moved. I think thats a neccessary part of controlling the drink. Go dry, then take control.

 

[\O/]

**** me. Failed miserably

I'm so disappointed in myself right now. My problems are deep. This is the ****tiest sunday for years. Got wasted last night and made a fool of myself.

Started of well with just a few beers with my friends. Then we went out to the bars and i just drank until i was wasted. Then i sent a text to a girl that i had dated but that went cold. I had pretty much nexted her, but last night it seemed like a good idea to contact her after 4 weeks of nc after she cancelled on a date. Met up with her and we started arguing. I was pissed at her for losing interest in me and tried to find out why. AFC ftw... I left and she later unfriended me on facebook. I was a real ******* to her yesterday, so i sent her a message on facebook and apologized for my behavior and wished her a nice life. She wrote me back and wished me a nice life too and agreed that it was sad it ended that way, but what's done is done. I think i developed a small case of oneitis with her, because of my inability to get plates spinning. I felt better than her, but still she didn't want me. That's what ****ed with my head.

To make matters worse, after i left her, i drunk dialed the girl from the lay report above. I had basically nexted her aswell, because she flaked twice on dates. I was going to call her one last time, due to the fact that she kind of counteroffered the second time. That ship has now sailed, but oh well, she appearently had low interest and just used me for sex that one time. She didn't pick up on my drunken calls though. I called her twice. After the clubs had closed. I haven't drunk dialed a girl for 5 years....What a ****ing retarded thing to do.

I also approached girls after the club had closed and got rejected all over the place. Don't remember much, but i remember people telling me to leave. I also was a **** to other guys and was annoying as hell. It's a miracle i didn't get punched out. I'm so ****ing calm and relaxed when sober how come i change so much when i'm drunk?

I'm at a new low now. I have no confidence. I'm obviously ****ed up. Just so sick and tired of being rejected everywhere and that i can't get that part of my life handled. I registered here 7 years and 40 lays ago, and as far as i'm concerned, i'm worse of than ever. I'm unable to change myself.

I have no plates, so my desperation comes from that. But i think i have to stay away from girls for a while. And more importantly, i HAVE to get this drinking problem under control. It brings out all my inner insecurities and my hatred towards women. I have to listen to Mauser96 and just go completely dry for a while.

End of rant.

 

[perseverance]

When you go out drinking leave your phone at home, buddy!

Mobile phones and alcohol just do not mix, leave the phone at home, enjoy yourself, come home, drink several glasses of chilled water and then have an enjoyable sleep.

The amount of time I have done AFCish things when mixing a mobile with alcohol is beyond ridiculous. It's gotten to the point where I leave my phone at home. Idle thumbs cause mischief, so that's why I leave it home.

 

[perseverance]

I have to listen to Mauser96 and just go completely dry for a while.

Why can't you go out and have a few small bottles of beer, say one every couple of hours? Ironically the best night out I had was when I was virtually sober, it was fantastic seeing everyone else making absolute idiots of themselves.

Maybe try that first and if you find you cannot do this, then go cold turkey. Maybe Alcohol is something you depend on, on a night out? A bit of dutch courage is more than acceptable, but if you are relying on alcohol to give you a false sense of confidence, then you probably need to lay off the stuff.

 

[\O/]

Why can't you go out and have a few small bottles of beer, say one every couple of hours? Ironically the best night out I had was when I was virtually sober, it was fantastic seeing everyone else making absolute idiots of themselves.

Maybe try that first and if you find you cannot do this, then go cold turkey. Maybe Alcohol is something you depend on, on a night out? A bit of dutch courage is more than acceptable, but if you are relying on alcohol to give you a false sense of confidence, then you probably need to lay off the stuff.

I have tried just drinking less. I thought i could control it. Last few weeks i have been drinking less, but last night i failed. And it's ot the first time i've failed at this. So i have to go cold turkey, atleast for a while. I'm also giving women too much importance in my life, so i have to stay away from dating for a while aswell i think.

Alcohol has been something i rely on for liquid courage, yes. I'm a pretty ballsy guy in every day life, but when it comes to picking up girls, i dont have the same confidence. I think it' because i want something from them so i'm outcome dependent.

My sexual confidence is decreasing due to the amount of rejection i'm dealing with. And most of my rejections comes as a result of drunken behavior, so the real enemy is the alcohol.

 

[perseverance]

It's probably best to lay off the alcohol then buddy, I am planning on going tee-total (abstaining from alcohol) altogether in the new year. I have quit smoking and have gone five-and-a-half months without a cigarette, I plan on having an alcohol free 2013 and beyond.

Also you need to get over rejection, I have been rejected more times than I care to remember and it's gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me, I am able to laugh it off and move on. Hopefully you can work your way into a similar position too and hopefully you'll stop being outcome dependent, I guarantee that if you aren't outcome dependent, you'll get the sex you want.

 

[stephen_dedalus]

to the OP: what really made me quit drinking so much was when I started running and boxing a lot more. A hang over ruins training. Once I got more involved in these sports, I ended up caring way more about my performance in them than crushing as many brews at the bar as possible. Maybe make it a goal to start running or lifting weights on Saturday mornings instead of blacking out at the bar on Friday night

 

[synergy1]

OP, I have sort of been in the same boat this year. I think age has something to do with it as we are less able to tolerate alcohol as we once were in our 20's. Like you, I live in a smaller town, and also like you the combination of alcohol and rejection fuels a negative downward spiral. Many years ago, I feared I was too afraid to approach women, now I fear I am too aggressive and this has been very detrimental on the long run. Just last weds, I had a similar experience where I got drunk, saw a chick who started ignoring me, than burned that bridge to the ground. This was a problem more than one year ago, but it reemerged last week.

Looking at your most recent situation, it seems that you had one decent night of drinking where it wasn't that bad - heck it ended up as a LR. however, this seemed to validate that you could continue your old habits and it only got worse. As is the case for me, alchohol is a part of the problem, and it must be dealt with abstinence for at least a while. Moderation is difficult, especially if you feel okay about it than ignore what you set out to do.

The solution is to not drink. I might have some on new years or an xmas party if I am feeling up to it, but its a done deal at this point. With you, maybe the same thing is in order. keep us up to date. good luck

 

[betheman]

My Brother died from lver failure last week, due to years of drinking. low life,? no, lazy? no, never out of work, had a good career in business/engineering. very vain, always took care of his appearance. his flat last week looked like a murder scene, he looked dead even before he died.
he nevr thought he had a drink problem.
what I learned from his death and life re alcohol is that it can and has far more hold over you than you will admit, this hold is like a huge vice, such is its grip, the denial you will spout will consume you. by the time it has the grip, you wont know about it, it is not referred to as 'the demon drink' for no reason.
my Brother dies leaving kids behind who he hadnt seen for months and years, his choice, or rather drink influenced choice, it becomes your priority, your lover, your confidant.
he looked awful, his body shut down, looked like he had been kicked all around town, the brusies on his skin the tell tale sign his liver had given up. he was yellow and looked 20 years older than he was.
beating alcohol addiction is a tough emotional and physical fight, do not understimate this opponent

 

[handle]

Hey man, I see there's already a bunch of advice here but let me throw in some thoughts. I think we're quite similar: I don't ever NEED to drink but it was getting ridiculous on weekends. One night I was apparently mean to a friend's friend. That was the breaking point. I've been scaling back. Of course, take this with a grain of salt but here's what's been helping me.

My general approach:
Basically, I break down my drinking every month or so. I write out what I enjoy about it and what I don't. And I am 100% honest with myself. So at first I wrote stuff like...

GOOD:
- I like the whole 'live fast and party' mentality
- I enjoy the feeling of getting really drunk
BAD:
- I hate wasting money
- I don't have time to get drunk more than once a week
- I don't get anything done on Saturdays
- I might act mean to someone again

... Now, the good stuff sounds stupid and it is but I had to be honest. These days I don't honestly think of those as advantages, but at the time I did.

Anyway, then I came up with a plan that revolves around minimizing the bad. It took a while but I figured it out. This might sound silly but the key to my plan was taking people up on doing casual stuff during the week. If my friends were going to a movie I used to say "oh, nah... I have stuff to do but I'll see you at the party this weekend." But now if someone wants to hang out on Tuesday I'm all in. Or if a friend wants to grab a drink on Wednesday after work I'm game. Now, why does this work? Pretty simple: since I'm a busy guy and work/hobbies are ALWAYS my priority, if I fill up my during-the-week social schedule I will not go out or go "hard" on weekends. This has solved a lot of my issues. After about two months of doing this I stopped missing the blackout drinking.

I hope that's kind of helpful. I know you probably don't have the same situation, but identifying what you like and don't like about the drinking is very important in my opinion. Then you can adjust accordingly. There are some who believe going 100% sober is better, which is a totally legit idea too.

One last thing: if you have a regular friend group that likes getting hammered, it might feel like you have to continue going out with them and getting wasted... But one thing that totally surprised me was that when I told them I was cutting back they were totally cool with it. In fact, the hardest drinking guy in my crew thought I had a great idea and we started keeping an eye on each other when we went out. People are a lot more accepting of your decision to cut back than you may realize. And if they aren't, fvck them.

 

[handle]

Oh, and another last thing: I would make a decision to not put any pressure on yourself regarding game or self-improvement or whatever for the time being. One thing at a time, the drinking issue is your priority right now.