Alcohol abuse.

[\O/]

Binge drinking has been an issue for me over several years, but now it has come out of control. Even though it's not an addiction and that i only drink on the weekends, it's clearly much related to some sort of alcoholism.

It's no secret that my confidence has taken a huge blow after my recent breakup, and also due to difficulties spinning and maintaining plates. I keep all that **** inside and i am confident in other areas of life (business, sports etc), but confidence regarding women has gone out the window in the last few months. I'm trying to be indifferent towards women and working on becoming a better man. Drinking ruins that, so i have to take control of it.

****faced = zero game.

This then turns into a vicious cycle where i get depressed because of failure, failure leads to increased insecurity and decreased confidence which again leads to me turning to liquid courage thus repeating failure.

Failing with women is one thing, but living in a smallish town, i'm also burning bridges like crazy, tainting my reputation and increasing anxiety. Sometimes I can't remember who i've met, what i've said and where i've been. It makes it more difficult to do cold approaches, because of the possibility that i've already hit on them in my drunken state and don't remember. This leads to approach anxiety, which historically has never been a problem for me. I've had around 40 ons's from cold approaches in the past. Missing those days when my game was better My life is much better now than then, so really it should been reversed.

I've talked about this stuff for years, but this time it has to be for real. I have to stop getting drunk. I will keep this thread as some sort of "journal" to keep myself in place. If i fail, i want to be flamed. I will fine and punish myself if i break my commitment. I will not drink when i go out for a month now. I will keep improving my life in other areas and gain my confidence back. I will be indifferent towards women and stop "hitting" on them. I just need a period without rejections.

Alcohol is a major depressant and it just reinforces the feelings you have deep inside. When you are unhappy and going through bad periods, it becomes much worse. My intention is not to never have a beer, but to gain enough control over myself and my life that i can restrain myself. I need to feel like i am100% in control of my emotions and behavior. That in itself is a confidence booster.

Anyone else been dealing with this ****?

Other than that, life is pretty good

 

[BeDJ]

Been there, what do you normally drink?

Addendum
What has worked for me is to get a glass of water with every drink I order. Personally, it was the psychology of motioning the drink to your lip. Give it a shot, it helped me lower my alcohol consumption throughout the night.

 

[\O/]

I love my beer, so that's pretty much all i drink. Stopped with the spirits almost ten years ago.

 

[perseverance]

I went out binging most weekends from the age of 18 until just after my 23 birthday earlier this year. Over the past two years I have been binging less and less often to the point where I hardly ever do it and I seldom go on nights out. For me it was a mixture of enjoying alcohol excessive and being in an environment where everyone's mission is to get completely wrecked.

I don't know what damaged I did to myself over that five year period especially from the age of 18-20 where I was binge drinking every weekend, Friday night and Saturday, I guess when people are doing that then they are addicted to alcohol. Thankfully I have seen the light and not only cut down on my alcohol consumption, but I have also gone five months without a cigarette.

Also why are you pinning whether or not you're a success or failure based in life based on how good or badly you're doing with women. You need to get some perspective here, my friend! Having sex, getting a woman isn't going to fill this void you have in your life. It might be a temporary fix like alcohol etc, but the void goes much deeper than just a lack of sex or women in your life.

 

[\O/]

Also why are you pinning whether or not you're a success or failure based in life based on how good or badly you're doing with women. You need to get some perspective here, my friend! Having sex, getting a woman isn't going to fill this void you have in your life. It might be a temporary fix like alcohol etc, but the void goes much deeper than just a lack of sex or women in your life.

This is the mindset that i'm currently trying to embrace. I'm getting there, but i'm still a little messed up after my breakup. Female validation is also something that i don't want to affect my mood or confidence.

I just need to find out what can fill my void. I don't really know what my real passion and purpose is. I'm currently reading "the way of the superior man" and Deida keeps talking about finding your purpose and never let any women or anything keep or stop you from obtaining your purpose. I don't think i have a clear purpose at this point in my life.

 

[perseverance]

Re-read what you have typed, the answer to your questions are staring right back at you.

 

[\O/]

Re-read what you have typed, the answer to your questions are staring right back at you.

I won't fail this. It will be the first step to becoming the man i want to be.

 

[Three]

OP, I feel your pain, man. I've mentioned my story in other posts, but I'm finalizing divorce number 2 this week and I'm fucking bummed, too.

I drink. A LOT. I have for years. My achilles heel is bourbon. Love beer. Loved vodka (still do) WAY too much.

I have gone through cycles all of my adult life where I go from not drinking much to drinking four or five beers and then half a bottle of bourbon in a night. Then I wake up and realize I have to dry up. So, I take some time off. Don't feel like drinking for a few days or a week. Then I start up a beer or two here and there.

I don't think I have a drinking problem, per se. And I doubt you do, either. My theory is the drinking (or whatever else), as other posters have alluded to, is self-medication of some other, deeper problem.

Unfortunately, I'm in a similar place, but I've been here before. I know I just have to hunker down and bull through it. You'll have to do the same.

I want to fill my life with interesting things, with passion and adventure. It's hard to do that when you're still feeling that gaping void where a woman you loved used to be.

You know, I always look at your username and wonder whether your intention was to create a picture of a gaping hole and spread legs, or a drowning man holding his arms out for help. We all have parts to our character that few people know.

 

[NobodyCares1]

I know how you feel, I'm basically in the same situation as you are... I haven't got any real action with a girl for a month now, had something a bit more serious back then. From the last 4 weeks I was drunk every weekend first two I was drunk senseless, but then I realised I have to control myself to pick up a girl so I drank less. Still I have to get back to the state I was 3 months ago, on the top of my game.

 

[BeDJ]

You know, I always look at your username and wonder whether your intention was to create a picture of a gaping hole and spread legs, or a drowning man holding his arms out for help. We all have parts to our character that few people know.

Hands in the air celebrating, dude....

 

[Godless]

yes you are right. we need to control oruselves, but we cant. so wwe need alcohol

 

[muscleman]

Yes, you need to stop getting drunk. Controlled drinking in perfectly fine. I have 1-2 drinks probably 2-3 nights/week and 3-4 drinks a couple nights a week when I'm out. So, I probably consume alcohol 5/7 days, but I rarely get drunk - maybe 3-4x/year.

Might want to consider getting out of your smallish town if there's that much negativity associated with it.

 

[Scars]

This was my thread, posted not too long ago. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198992

I'm in the same boat, but there's a lot of good replies and inspiration there. I've already started slowing down quite a bit, if not for health reasons then at least for financial reasons. I easily spend $160 a week between cigarettes (another habit I need to quit) and beer. I feel like there's a lot better things I could be spending it on.

I'm also getting into the online marketing game. It's a slow start but I'm earning a little revenue, and if I stay on the same path I am now it seems to keep doubling every 3 months or so. I like to rationalize that drinking makes me more "productive" but it's only temporary. It's nice to be able to make money from home and have a cold one, but when one cold one turns into 9 you start getting sloppy. I can't say it's hurting my business horribly, but I think it's holding me back a bit.

Maybe you should just make a list of all the negative effects it's having on your life, then make a second list about how it benefits you. I bet the negative list will be much longer. Then contemplate on why you would do something that negatively effects you. Remind yourself of the negative things but don't dwell on them too much, just enough to make you want to turn around and change yourself. Once you out weight the bad with the good it's easier to make a decision.

-Scars

 

[Married Buried]

I used to be an alcoholic. What helped me is start smoking weed. After I have 3 beers, I smoke some weed and I am a happy man. No need to drink any more.

The combo from weed and beer gives the perfect buzz.

 

[stephen_dedalus]

I finally quit binge drinking also and it has only led to positive changes in my life, weight loss, more time for productive hobbies, better performance at the job, etc.

I think I was using it to self medicate also, however I found a better way to self medicate is to create the life you want to have without a woman. Only you can make yourself happy dude, women are only icing on the cake. I know this gets said a lot in this forum but I don't think a lot of the guys here really appreciate it- I know I didn't really for a while either.

 

[\O/]

OP, I feel your pain, man. I've mentioned my story in other posts, but I'm finalizing divorce number 2 this week and I'm fucking bummed, too.

I drink. A LOT. I have for years. My achilles heel is bourbon. Love beer. Loved vodka (still do) WAY too much.

I have gone through cycles all of my adult life where I go from not drinking much to drinking four or five beers and then half a bottle of bourbon in a night. Then I wake up and realize I have to dry up. So, I take some time off. Don't feel like drinking for a few days or a week. Then I start up a beer or two here and there.

I don't think I have a drinking problem, per se. And I doubt you do, either. My theory is the drinking (or whatever else), as other posters have alluded to, is self-medication of some other, deeper problem.

Unfortunately, I'm in a similar place, but I've been here before. I know I just have to hunker down and bull through it. You'll have to do the same.

I want to fill my life with interesting things, with passion and adventure. It's hard to do that when you're still feeling that gaping void where a woman you loved used to be.

You know, I always look at your username and wonder whether your intention was to create a picture of a gaping hole and spread legs, or a drowning man holding his arms out for help. We all have parts to our character that few people know.

This all sounds so familiar. I also believe that it is some sort of self medication. I have been thinking alot about this lately, and i feel like i'm subconsiously sabotaging myself. When my confidence is not up to par, I drink alot and fail miserably. But then i don't really have to take responsibility for my failures and rejections, because they didn't really reject ME, they just rejected a drunk moran (as they should). It's like i have an excuse for not being accepted in a pickup or not able to hook a girl. This is not all about girls btw, but i think that is the main reason why i drink so excessively.

My username is hands in the air like BeginningDj said. It comes from a positive place Would be sad if it was a man drowning though, but maybe that's more suited to my current state of mind. But honestly, just deciding to quit this binge drinking has made me feel more positive this whole week. Will be interesting to see how i hold up this weekend. I have 2 parties to attend, and it will be fun to not be the drunken monkey for a change.

Read my recent posts to Scarsin his post about "does alcohol cause depression". Nothing more needs to be said from me. Good luck.

Thanks for the links and your advice. Very insightful. I know you have struggled with this in the past and i really appreciate the effort you are making to help out others who are headed in a similar direction. Thanks for always being willing to share your thoughts and experiences.

This was my thread, posted not too long ago. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198992

I'm in the same boat, but there's a lot of good replies and inspiration there. I've already started slowing down quite a bit, if not for health reasons then at least for financial reasons. I easily spend $160 a week between cigarettes (another habit I need to quit) and beer. I feel like there's a lot better things I could be spending it on.

I'm also getting into the online marketing game. It's a slow start but I'm earning a little revenue, and if I stay on the same path I am now it seems to keep doubling every 3 months or so. I like to rationalize that drinking makes me more "productive" but it's only temporary. It's nice to be able to make money from home and have a cold one, but when one cold one turns into 9 you start getting sloppy. I can't say it's hurting my business horribly, but I think it's holding me back a bit.

Maybe you should just make a list of all the negative effects it's having on your life, then make a second list about how it benefits you. I bet the negative list will be much longer. Then contemplate on why you would do something that negatively effects you. Remind yourself of the negative things but don't dwell on them too much, just enough to make you want to turn around and change yourself. Once you out weight the bad with the good it's easier to make a decision.

-Scars

Good to hear that you are cutting down and dealing with this problem. Also that you are keeping busy with the online marketing. It's a tough business, but you have to start small.

I know the feeling of chilling with a cold one alone at home. Everything is more relaxed and entertaining. I rarely get drunk when i'm alone, but i often pre-game alone.

Yeah, the negatives outweigh the positives by far. Health, money, reputation, loss of frame, loss of self control, hangovers, UG hookups..you name it. Sure, drinking can be fun, but only in moderation. I don't think i have ever had fun being really drunk. It's just embarrasing.

I finally quit binge drinking also and it has only led to positive changes in my life, weight loss, more time for productive hobbies, better performance at the job, etc.

I think I was using it to self medicate also, however I found a better way to self medicate is to create the life you want to have without a woman. Only you can make yourself happy dude, women are only icing on the cake. I know this gets said a lot in this forum but I don't think a lot of the guys here really appreciate it- I know I didn't really for a while either.

This is exactly where i want to be. I want to create a better life. Well, my life is pretty good, but i want to create a better and more interesting self. I want to learn more stuff, read more books, have stronger integrity, have a stronger presence, dress better, put on muscles, build my financial freedom and enjoy life.

I know that women are only the icing on the cake, but in the aftermath of a breakup after many years, it takes a little time before that hole or gap starts to shrink. Filling that with self improvement will make me a more complete person when i finally meet someone else worth being with long term. I think my subconsious mind is trying to replace my ex through an irrational fear of scarcity. This is something different though, and i can control this and work on all this. However when i drink, all those crappy thoughts andfeelings manifest itself in needy and desperate behavior. The exact opposite of the cool, calm and collected guy that i want to be and normally am when sober.

Thanks for great support and good responses. It makes me more devoted to fixing this part of my life.

 

[stephen_dedalus]

I know that women are only the icing on the cake, but in the aftermath of a breakup after many years, it takes a little time before that hole or gap starts to shrink.

For sure man, its normal to feel like total **** after a LTR breakup like that. All of us have been there. There is a post from the DJB that I like to think about in bad breakup situations

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16003

"Nothing I can't handle". Its not just a way to get some girl interested in you, its a way of life, its how you get stuff done, its what being a DJ is all about. Just think of this as another challenge, it seems like your head is in the right place.

 

[Purefilth]

^^^My favorite thread

OP, I had the same issue, except I was doing it daily! Took a lot of effort, but I changed my whole lifestyle around, moved house, changed job etc.

 

[\O/]

LR: Fun weekend. Small steps.

Well, that was an interesting weekend. I said that i would use this thread as a journal of sorts, and so i'll add a LR from last night.

After having decided to cut down on my drinking, i felt relieved and exited all through last week. Like i'm finally taking this seriously and taking control of my life.

On friday after work, i went to the gym. Great way to kickstart the weekend. After that i went to a local pub with two friends to watch a soccer match. Had a few beers but i had every intention of taking it slow and to not get drunk. We went to a few bars, and all of a sudden my ex and her friends walked into the bar we were at. I have been NC for 4 months and it was pretty weird to see her again. I talked to her for a minute or two before they left again. The place was pretty slow and her friends wanted to leave. I actually agreed to meet her for a chat some day. I've told her that i want no contact, but i feel ready to be able to have a civil conversation with her again without it ****ing me up too much emotionally. So she sent me a text the next day to confirm if i actually meant what i said. I said sure and that i'd call her this week. It's pretty pointless really, but i'll just see what happens. I'm starting to get over her and i don't want her back.

Anyways, we went to the last bar and at this point i'm actually kinda tipsy. Which i am disappointed with, but i remember everything and was not really drunk. But still a bit more tipsy than i'd promised myself i'd be. I do 3 or 4 approaches, but nothing comes of it. I don't really get rejected, but i'm not feeling the hook so i eject. I go home alone, but the night was pretty ok. Didn't feel sad about running into the ex. Had some sweet imported beers and good conversations with friends. And no anxiety for having made a fool of myself. Still though, 2 or 3 beers too many so a bit disappointed in myself, but it's not easy. That's why it's a challenge.

On to saturday. My soccer team had a party because the season is finished. Normally these are the type of parties where i get smashed like crazy. Everyone drinks hard and it's a very masculine environment with beer, spirits, poker and loud music. A real challenge. I bring 6 small beers. Which is probably less than half of what i would normlly bring. After pre-game we hit the club. I'm the most sober guy of the group at this point. Some are denied enterence, some didn't even make it out and some went home. We find a table in the middle of the club, and we just chat, have some beers and having a good time. There are lots of pretty girls there, but i'm indifferent to it and i didn't plan on doing any approaches. I decided to just have fun with my buddies.

I have to take a leak, and when i return from the bathroom, some girl that one of my buddies know has taken my seat. I tap her shoulders and she turns around and looks at me. Kinda *****y look. I tell her to get up from my seat. She hesitates, but moves over. My friends start laughing and she looked a tad annoyed. She sits beside me but i ignore her and talk with my friends. All of a sudden she spills her drink and some spills on my pants. I get slightly irritated and tell her to behave herself. Her attitude towards me completely changes. She starts apologizing alot and starts to qualify herself like crazy. Her husband was standing right behind her as this played out. I reward her by being nicer to her and engage in positive conversation. This is just for practice. The reason i'm mentioning this is because that little situation completely switched my state. I had fun and felt really in control of the situation. Not drunk

There is this incredibly cute girl a few tables over that me and my friends had commented on. We all fell in love with her basically. Her face was an 8, but her cuteness made her a very special 8. Her body was decent, but not optimal, so her overall was probably a 7 on a strict scale. But extra interesting becuse of the cuteness. 27 years old.

So, the bar closes. I'm standing outside with my friends. I see this girl. She is standing with a tall guy. I don't know if they are a couple, but i had seen them hang together inside the club, but within their group. I haven't made any approaches yet, but when i see her, i just decided to man up and go for it.

I went over and laid a really cheesy line on her, which will come of as totally AFC, but bear with me

I tell her that i had my eye on her the whole night inside the club, but that she always seemed so busy. I tell her that i just had to come over to talk to her before i went home, get her digits so that we could get together sometime. She instasmiled and said "sure". We exchanged numbers and i told her that i was going to this comedy event next week and that it would be cool if we went together to get to know each other. It was pretty cool because i did all this right in front of my friends. None of them had made any approaches either.

I kept talking to this girl and she was giving me all sorts of positive vibes. When i approached her, the big, tall guy left. He was cool and pretty much just walked away when i went over to her. I'm pretty short myself, and i think she responded well that i approached her regardless of him being there.

I tell her that i'm hungry and that i'm going home to get some food. She asks me where i live, and i tell her that i'm only a minute away. (love living in the city center) I tell her that she should come. It's better that standing in long lines at 7/11 or macdonalds. She is undecided, but i feel like she might just join me. I play it cool and i'm not being pushy. Eventually i just tell her to grab my arm and start walking home.

When we get to my place, we stand in the kitchen talking. I ask her if she knows that i'm going to kiss her. She tells me that i'm cute, but quickly changes that to handsome (I'm pretty average tbh, but she is tipsy as well ). I grab her head and makout ensues. She keeps asking me if i'm sure that i want her to stay or if she should leave. This was pretty weird. Low self esteem? I tell her that she is staying. She says that i'm very confident and forward. I tell her that i have no reason not to be( This is a good response guys. Unapologetic) The truth is that my confidence fluctuates, but felt pretty good last night.

She has a dress that has a zipper in front. I just go ahead and open it and she is all exposed. She seemed a bit shocked by this but played along. I take her to the bedroom, and no LMR.

We fvck but i'm unable to cvm and we just stop. I go again this morning to finish, and i cvm too fast. lol. That was pretty ****. I definitely didn't fvck her as well as i'd normally do, but oh well.

The girl was very cool and damn...that cute face. I'm going to call her in a few days to try and set something up. I'm trying to be indifferent though. So i don't really care if anything pans out. I've started to expect flaking and will not invest any emotions. It's just good to know that i could pull a girl like that, and that quickly. 1 approach 1 score. That is a hell of a lot better than the 30 rejections i got last week in my drunken havoc. Quit drinking excessively. It will help your game more than anything!

So even though i did drink a bit more than i should and that i'm disappointed with that, it was a great weekend. I have to be harder on myself though. 2 more beers on friday and i would have been over the line. It's a tough challenge, but i have to take it seriously.

 

[Purefilth]

good work