13 Reasons To Avoid Single Mothers

[word]

I'm surprised at some of the venom I'm reading in this thread. And while certainly single parents can be bitter towards the opposite sex, generally I've enjoyed my relationships with women with children. They have a more down-to-earth attitude towards relationships and being responsible for another human being makes them more used to thinking about someone other than themselves.

 

[I_Only_Live_Once]

wyldfire, you say you learned from your mistakes, so then why did your second marriage not work as well?

 

[Wyldfire]

wyldfire, you say you learned from your mistakes, so then why did your second marriage not work as well?

I've only been married once. After I left the abusive husband I met a wonderful man who asked me to marry him. I said yes but was in no hurry since the idea of marriage really terrifies me after that first go round. I was engaged to the great man for 5 years. He died before we got around to getting married.

 

[Wyldfire]

But when you keep winding up with the same common denominator, it gets VERY discouraging.


I've met them on both sides of the bottle.



HOWEVER, many single mothers are too busy raising children to be out meeting men. I'm just gonna start knocking on doors to meet the good ones instead of sarging the women with no kids. :crazy:

Yeah I know, I'm an *******. But I kinda like it that way

Des...I'm not telling anyone to go seek out single moms. I'm only saying that it's dumb for them to refuse to even get to know a woman simply because she has a kid because she might just be a good woman. Hell, I'm not saying to date single mothers. I'm just saying you guys really need to stop hating on single mothers, because the excuses given to hate on them could almost always apply to ANY woman OR man.

 

[Wyldfire]

Now you see how we see single moms. :cheer:

No...I am suggesting avoiding people who exhibit an undesirable BEHAVIOR.

You are suggesting avoiding people who have a child simply because they have a child...regardless of whether the child was from a marriage and the father died or took off or the woman was justified in ending up a single mother.

Two ENTIRELY different things.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Case-by-case basis is so true. There is a different story for every SM out there.
I can't believe some of the narrow-minded crap I've read here. What's funny to me is that there is a very good chance those spewing these views will someday have kids of their own, and (hopefully) love them without bounds as I love mine.
I used to think that I would never date or marry a girl with kids, but that was until I actually dated one. She treated me better than any other. I have kids of my own, which is why I take the stance that I do.
I am in the process of getting a dissolution, so my ex is going to soon be a SM. Her story is nothing like any of the nonsensical fiction that I've read in some of the other posts. She is a great mom, has a really good paying job and is more than capable of taking care of herself. She's going to be fine. We just fell apart over time. An awful lot of what I've read here is just plain stupid, and slams with a ring of conjecture. Everyone is entitled to their own way of looking at things, but some of the overgeneralizations are off the top.

 

[penkitten]

if so many people are so anit single mothers, why arent they anti single mother threads?

i think too many people have had their hearts stepped on with a single mother who might have strung them along...

 

[erik t]

the plague. Starting from the superifical to the serious.

1) Baby Damage Child birth has a traumatic effect on the female form. Pregnancy leaves stretch marks, saggy breasts, and c-section scars. I've also heard that the nookie is even stretch out and it isn't the same anymore. Then there's the weight gain. Some chicks NEVER LOSE IT or they never get their former hot shape back.

Oke,
Here's my POSITIVE spin on the outstretched nookie (*****?) part.
Especially when she is black (black girls tend to date black guys who are well hung according to scientific studies, which almost everyone beliefs, and that is the most important) every girl whos sees you will at lest understand one thing: you got it goin on there !

 

[Silquee Smoove]

(This pertains to men who have never had children.)

It is simply a lack of balance. The woman has the ultimate attachment and responsibility for a child that will be an integral part of her life for quite some time. The man does not. In a normal marriage, the child would be the man's, and hence an integral part of his life.

Now, Wyldfire's situation is not typical for a single mom. The typical situation is usually one in which the woman chose, generally at an early age, an unsuitable man - i.e., a bum, loser, etc. - and probably got knocked up by him as well. Life is a stern teacher, and a lot of times, the women learns not to go for losers anymore, so she becomes attracted to the man who is of high class and did not knock up such a lower class woman as her. She realizes that to attract such a decent man, that she must change her attitude - hence she is a "better" woman for her experience.

But this is classic alpha-beta behavior. The woman gets knocked up by the alpha, and wants the beta to help raise the product of that knocking up. I think that any man who has not fathered a child and gets seriously involved with a single mother to be that beta male.

For me, no thanks. I will wait to meet the higher class woman who considers me to be the alpha male.

This is very true and is something I was thinking about as I've had the chance to date single mothers in the past, but even then I knew that her child was the primary focus.

It was unappealing on a basic level because I knew that she still had the other man in her life. So that destroys exclusivity to a good extent. At least when she is without child you will always suspect on some level that she could be with some other man, but when she is a single mom you KNOW that the other man is still in the picture in some way or form and that affects the trust that you have for her, and as anyone who has been in a relationship knows, TRUST is the key ingredient of a relationship.

Without it, it really is a waste of time because other than a cheap f*ck there isn't a point in being with her.

swampwiz is right about another man taking care of a seed that isn't his, I know of a real-life case where a man has taken care of another woman and taken her kids in to raise as "his own", but in the end the mark he made on their lives will be his and his alone. He never had kids of his own so his own "legacy" will only live on through another man's seed.

In the scheme of things, every man can't truly be an alpha and because of that, those generous, good natured men end up doing what they would have no choice in anyway, and that's take care of business while the other men "get to have their cake and eat it too."

By the way, I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere on this thread yet, but for those of you who are Christians and know the story of Jesus' birth. You would remember that Joseph didn't want anything to do with Mary when he found out she was pregnant and he considered leaving her but was divinely told that he should stay with her, for the very thing I talked about in the former two paragraphs ~ his guidance and knowledge.

 

[RedPill]

(This pertains to men who have never had children.)

It is simply a lack of balance. The woman has the ultimate attachment and responsibility for a child that will be an integral part of her life for quite some time. The man does not. In a normal marriage, the child would be the man's, and hence an integral part of his life.

Now, Wyldfire's situation is not typical for a single mom. The typical situation is usually one in which the woman chose, generally at an early age, an unsuitable man - i.e., a bum, loser, etc. - and probably got knocked up by him as well. Life is a stern teacher, and a lot of times, the women learns not to go for losers anymore, so she becomes attracted to the man who is of high class and did not knock up such a lower class woman as her. She realizes that to attract such a decent man, that she must change her attitude - hence she is a "better" woman for her experience.

But this is classic alpha-beta behavior. The woman gets knocked up by the alpha, and wants the beta to help raise the product of that knocking up. I think that any man who has not fathered a child and gets seriously involved with a single mother to be that beta male.

For me, no thanks. I will wait to meet the higher class woman who considers me to be the alpha male.

Thank you, swampwiz.

This is the point I was trying to get across, but you put it into words much better. A lot of us guys (WITHOUT our own children already) don't want to live the life of a beta. We don't want to help raise another man's kids with a woman who had kids with some other guy, before she reproduces with us. We don't want to integrate them into our lives, which is the eventual evolution of a sexual relationship with a SM. This isn't to mention the SMs that are actually targeting betas looking for a new provider. Aside from all the other problems mentioned that frequently come with the SM territory, this concept is ultimately what drives us to avoid SMs. It has nothing to do with whether or not she is a quality woman.

 

[Wyldfire]

This "alpha/beta" male argument is retarded. Sorry guys, but it is. A true alpha male doesn't even think about whether or not he might "appear to be beta". My fiance who died was as alpha as they come. He bench pressed over 500 lbs and even men with authority over him behaved submissively in his presence. He was married before I met him and he married a woman 13 years older than him with 3 kids. She passed away about 4 months before I met him through her children...who he loved as his own even after her death. I had 3 children when we met, was his age and he adored my children and again loved them as his own.

Alpha males pursue who they want and like and don't care about what other people might think or how they may appear to other men or society. Any guy who is afraid of looking "beta" IS beta, period.

 

[Silverback82]

if so many people are so anit single mothers, why arent they anti single mother threads?

i think too many people have had their hearts stepped on with a single mother who might have strung them along...

because like i said there are too many attractive women without kids to worry about single mothers

sorry but that's the truth

 

[Silverback82]

This "alpha/beta" male argument is retarded. Sorry guys, but it is. A true alpha male doesn't even think about whether or not he might "appear to be beta". My fiance who died was as alpha as they come. He bench pressed over 500 lbs and even men with authority over him behaved submissively in his presence. He was married before I met him and he married a woman 13 years older than him with 3 kids. She passed away about 4 months before I met him through her children...who he loved as his own even after her death. I had 3 children when we met, was his age and he adored my children and again loved them as his own.

Alpha males pursue who they want and like and don't care about what other people might think or how they may appear to other men or society. Any guy who is afraid of looking "beta" IS beta, period.

didn't you say he was a prisoner and then got murdered?

sorry but he's a beta male, alphas know how to function in society without ending up in jail for multiple years

real life isn't like the sopranos:crackup:

 

[RedPill]

Wyld, it's not about being afraid of "looking" beta, it's about actually living a beta's life. I'll digress here though because this thread is a stalemate. There is a strong majority opinion here, but there will never be a consensus.

What baffles me about the arguments you put forth here, along with arguments I've read of yours in other threads, is that your experiences always seem to be a distant outlier from those of everyone else. I'm not trying to invalidate your experiences, but why is it that they almost always deviate so far from those of the rest of the group? This is exactly why so many flare-ups occur in threads that you take the minority opinion, which is very frequently your position. You're like the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of Sosuave.

 

[Wyldfire]

didn't you say he was a prisoner and then got murdered?

sorry but he's a beta male, alphas know how to function in society without ending up in jail for multiple years

real life isn't like the sopranos:crackup:

Not all people who do time are unable to function in society. Yet another foolish stereotype. The vast majority of those incarcerated are in there for doing the same things millions of others do every day...they just got caught. If you have had beer and driven...you can serve time in prison. If you get into a fight...you can serve time in prison. If you smoke marijuana...you can serve time in prison. If a girl accuses you of hitting her, raping her or harassing her...you can serve time in prison. If you are present when a friend or acquaintence does any of the above and don't immediately call the police and rat them out...you can serve time in prison. You are incredibly foolish to think otherwise.

That being said...my fiance was the most alpha male I have ever met...and at 40 years old I have met many such men. Had you ever been in his presence you would have been just as submissive as even the prison guards with authority over him were. He never behaved in a way that would give them reason to think they had to behave that way with him...they did because he was a real alpha male.

Now, I'm sure you consider yourself to be alpha as well...but the fact is...no man on this site is really alpha...because true alpha men never visit sites like this because they don't need to. The men on this site are beta males jockeying amongst each other to become the top beta. Sure, that might sting and come off as offensive...but it's true. With that being said...there is nothing wrong with being beta males.

 

[Silverback82]

Wyld, it's not about being afraid of "looking" beta, it's about actually living a beta's life. I'll digress here though because this thread is a stalemate. There is a strong majority opinion here, but there will never be a consensus.

What baffles me about the arguments you put forth here, along with arguments I've read of yours in other threads, is that your experiences always seem to be a distant outlier from those of everyone else. I'm not trying to invalidate your experiences, but why is it that they almost always deviate so far from those of the rest of the group? This is exactly why so many flare-ups occur in threads that you take the minority opinion, which is very frequently your position. You're like the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of Sosuave.

give me some examples so i can answer your question better

as for this thread, I don't see the point in bothering with a single mother when their are plenty of attractive women without kids

like somebody else said every woman has some baggage but why deal with that extra baggage?

 

[penkitten]

because like i said there are too many attractive women without kids to worry about single mothers

sorry but that's the truth

if you just choose to not date single mothers then why is it up for discussion?
you already chose not to date them.
there are tons of threads about it , if so many people were against it, why are there new threads all the time? thats all i was saying.

its simple really. for instance, i didnt date single fathers either. so what if i was a single mother, i felt i had enough children and responsibilites that i didnt need to take on any more at the time. it hurt a few guys feelings and they didnt get it because i had children and should have been more understanding. i understood them very well and remained friends with them and wished them well, but i didnt want to date them or get involved on that level because i had enough on my plate.

in all that time, did you see my making even one thread about it to diss on them, saying they are irresponsible for having children and being single or anything of that nature. no.
why not? because i already made a choice so there was no need to further discuss it .

if you choose not to stick beans up your nose, do we need a thread?


i am not saying anything bad about you, im just thinking it is a waste of time sometimes.

 

[Wyldfire]

Wyld, it's not about being afraid of "looking" beta, it's about actually living a beta's life. I'll digress here though because this thread is a stalemate. There is a strong majority opinion here, but there will never be a consensus.

What baffles me about the arguments you put forth here, along with arguments I've read of yours in other threads, is that your experiences always seem to be a distant outlier from those of everyone else. I'm not trying to invalidate your experiences, but why is it that they almost always deviate so far from those of the rest of the group? This is exactly why so many flare-ups occur in threads that you take the minority opinion, which is very frequently your position. You're like the Ruth Bader Ginsburg of Sosuave.

Perhaps my experiences aren't really that different...perhaps it's just my attitude and fact that I hold myself accountable, take responsibility for my mistakes and choices and don't feel compelled to blame others for everything bad that has happened in my life. Perhaps the fact that I view adversity and unpleasant experiences as an opportunity to grow and learn and become wiser allows me to see things in a more positive light. Maybe these traits allow me to view people as individuals rather than members of this group or that group. Perhaps keeping an open mind prevents me from pre-judging others. Maybe being realistic that all people are human and make mistakes allows me to live my life free of silly resentments due to setting unrealistic expectations upon others.

The "strong majority" you speak of is nothing more than the result of this being a community of men who spend more time blaming everyone but themselves for their failures, mistakes and poor choices than they do holding themselves accountable, taking responsibility for their own choices and actually learning and growing into adult men.

Yes, I'm being rather harsh...but I'm being entirely honest. If most of the men participating in this thread were more concerned about why they tend to choose bad women (whether they have children or not) instead of collectively judging women or single mothers we'd see more threads focused on helping each other become better men instead of all these whining and blaming posts embracing victimhood.

Now, I'm not here with the intent of busting anyone's balls...that's never been my style. I'm here to offer a perspective and insight that really doesn't come from anyone else on here. If there were no truth in the arguments I make those arguments wouldn't hit so many nerves and instill so many flames hurled in my direction.

 

[Wyldfire]

if you just choose to not date single mothers then why is it up for discussion?
you already chose not to date them.
there are tons of threads about it , if so many people were against it, why are there new threads all the time? thats all i was saying.

its simple really. for instance, i didnt date single fathers either. so what if i was a single mother, i felt i had enough children and responsibilites that i didnt need to take on any more at the time. it hurt a few guys feelings and they didnt get it because i had children and should have been more understanding. i understood them very well and remained friends with them and wished them well, but i didnt want to date them or get involved on that level because i had enough on my plate.

in all that time, did you see my making even one thread about it to diss on them, saying they are irresponsible for having children and being single or anything of that nature. no.
why not? because i already made a choice so there was no need to further discuss it .

if you choose not to stick beans up your nose, do we need a thread?


i am not saying anything bad about you, im just thinking it is a waste of time sometimes.

The answer to that question is quite simple, penkitten...

As long as the men on this site continue to focus on complaining about and blaming women they won't have to take an honest and much needed look at their own flaws, baggage and mistakes. This forum has as many damn "victims" as a feminist forum does.

 

[penkitten]

The answer to that question is quite simple, penkitten...

As long as the men on this site continue to focus on complaining about and blaming women they won't have to take an honest and much needed look at their own flaws, baggage and mistakes. This forum has as many damn "victims" as a feminist forum does.

if everyone would just focus on meeting and attracting the ones they want instead of complaining about people they dont want to date then their time would be more useful.