The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrWood]

2mo NC

ex has messaged me on FB, only preview so far, so not seen as "read"
*update - full text preview
"Hello Myname! How are you doing? I'm a bit better although not perfect yet with my tensions. I do hope you are good. would be great to hear about your successes!"

10pm Friday night, I for sure wont goto FB until morning anyway.
sounds like an EGO booster. it is..

"tensions" refers to her mother living with her plus her needing "space" aka CC
"successes" are how my life is, as I do some increased public speaking and movement in my industry

this was a very serious 2 yr high contact LDR, she left me to "get space" and "might be emotional for someone" out of the blue. I had very resigned to NOT letting her back into my life. I really should ignore it, i will "read it"

I think a SMS or Phone call initiated by her, with me ignoring the msg is what should be done if she was serious.

help. Part of me wants her. If she can say and do the right things, there could be a possibility. From our history, my style, my ignoring the FB msg completly, she would think I am "mad/hurt" still.

seems there is a way to "like" it, without reading it. That is quite impartial

 

[Tictac]

2mo NC

ex has messaged me on FB, only preview so far, so not seen as "read"
*update - full text preview
"Hello Myname! How are you doing? I'm a bit better although not perfect yet with my tensions. I do hope you are good. would be great to hear about your successes!"

10pm Friday night, I for sure wont goto FB until morning anyway.
sounds like an EGO booster. it is..

"tensions" refers to her mother living with her plus her needing "space" aka CC
"successes" are how my life is, as I do some increased public speaking and movement in my industry

this was a very serious 2 yr high contact LDR, she left me to "get space" and "might be emotional for someone" out of the blue. I had very resigned to NOT letting her back into my life. I really should ignore it, i will "read it"

I think a SMS or Phone call initiated by her, with me ignoring the msg is what should be done if she was serious.

help. Part of me wants her. If she can say and do the right things, there could be a possibility. From our history, my style, my ignoring the FB msg completly, she would think I am "mad/hurt" still.

seems there is a way to "like" it, without reading it. That is quite impartial

She reached out, twice. You could reply and try to set a date. Is there some reason you don't? Did you promise yourself NC forever and now want to backtrack?

 

[MrWood]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index....-just-got-dumped.160056/page-445#post-2325910

Yes, aside from my 50th birthday phone call, this is the first contact.
Her 1st reach out... it is not really a reach out is it?

The wording on this feels like breadcrumbs. She split with me, breaking our exclusive agreement.
Emotional and physical cheating. She knows that she deliberately disrespected me in handling the breakup.

Promise myself forever NC, no, but would take more effort/sincerity on her behalf than what is, IMHO, a breadcrumb FB msg. I have thought to be able to maybe try something in the future with her again, but promised myself she would need to show and deliver clear actions of self improvement..

All I can think to respond is "ok" or hit the message "like" button.

Those that say get off FB... I have been on FB since the beta days, and any change of routine activity from me would be highly odd, and me being an expat it is used to keep in touch with friends and family.

 

[MrWood]

Waited until after I posted about my being on TV last night, about 6pm

contact:
"Hello Myname! How are you doing? I'm a bit better although not perfect yet with my tensions. I do hope you are good. would be great to hear about your successes!"

"I'm ok thanks."

her reply 20min later
"Thats great!!"

I cant see any use in replying to the breadcrumb, back to NC

 

[Lucy]

Oh good. I broke NC on wed and had restarted (on day 5 now)and tbh I'm starting to feel a bit better already. I just keep reminding my self of all the negatives and that I can do better and I am starting to feel better in this short space of time. god I hope I don't relapse now!!

 

[MrWood]

Lucy, dont hope... do.

 

[finality]

Day 1.

I've been fuking my ex a couple times a week even though she has a bf but I ended everything today. I felt her poison in me when I was sleeping with other plates... like I would be pounding an HB9 and all I wanted to do was snuggle with my ex. I dropped all my other plates as well.

It sucks to lose my cows but soon I will not have to worry about losing my cows because I wont have any.

Signed up to an 8 day NLP workshop in 2 months with the purpose of never developing oneitis again.

So I have the next 2 months to work on myself and then re-enter the field a new man.

 

[Fireballs]

Day 4. Would have been day 17 but I had to sort out buying her out of our purchase we made. Will be picking up the boat from her house and leaving paperwork for her to sign at her front door next week while she's at work. Then she will drop it in my PO Box so I don't have to see her. After that I will have nothing more to do with her which I'm looking forward to. I can't sort all this out now as I'm away for work.

In our conversation she brought up that I left my deep freezer there and when would I like to get it. I just told her to keep it. I really don't want to see her. I live in a small tourist town with a population that sits between 15,000-50,000 depending on the season so hopefully I don't run in to her.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Is having sex with someone else...like a coping mechanism?

It's how you would get off of someone. IE: if you where stuck but unable to break away it's a way to get your feelings to yourself. Why where you having issues? The guys here will probably make us talk offline because they won't want to hear about women complain about their relationships unless it was showing that not being alpha enough or being too alpha actually hurt things.

 

[Black Sunshine]

Day 1

I despise selfish b!tches like you. You deserve everything that's coming to you, again. I smile to myself when I think about the abusive guy that you're probably gonna end up with. Make sure you call me after the first slap so I can tell you to die in a fire.

Oh man... summa down now! But I feels ya

 

[drej0238]

Week 3 of NC

Ive been keeping busy with friends, playing sports and hitting the gym. Went out last Friday and made out with a french chick in the bar, which was a boost, but I didnt take her home or anything. Nothing much to report in terms of the ex. There has been no contact from her or anyone she knows, which is good right? However I dont feel 100% yet. One thing thats looking like good news is the new employee in my work place. We made eye contact for a few seconds from distance, I smiled and she returned it. Im not hoping for much, but we will see if I can get things escalating.

 

[dustmuffin]

Week 3 of NC

Ive been keeping busy with friends, playing sports and hitting the gym. Went out last Friday and made out with a french chick in the bar, which was a boost, but I didnt take her home or anything. Nothing much to report in terms of the ex. There has been no contact from her or anyone she knows, which is good right? However I dont feel 100% yet. One thing thats looking like good news is the new employee in my work place. We made eye contact for a few seconds from distance, I smiled and she returned it. Im not hoping for much, but we will see if I can get things escalating.

Dating a coworker is asking for trouble

 

[Reykhel]

What is abundance mentality I hear you ask?

Abundance mentality is a profound understanding that there are at least 10,000 single, willing and
able women waiting for YOU just around the corner (of life)........it's not a belief.....it's a deep, knowing.....that radiates in your being and when it radiates in your being it also radiates outwards........

can you see how this energy vibrates??

What is oneitis I hear you ask? It's been hung up on one fvcking chick and believing that she is the only one on this planet that can give you what you are looking for.

What's worse than oneitis I hear you ask? When this one chick that you are hung up on has zero fvcking interest in you but you insist on putting all of your motherfvcking hopes in her....

Gentlemen can't you see that there's not so much milk coming out of this one, dead tit that you're sucking on...........

why have one tit when you can have the bunch?

why have the bunch when you can take the whole cow?

Gentlemen, get off your fvcking knees.......you're hurt now, but I can assure you that in the long run
there is no b¡tch on this earth that is worth your tears.

 

[MrWood]

after 3mo breakup and NC for most of that, I am starting to feel much resolved in myself...
I cant take her back anyway.

I will be meeting someone new for a weekend, next week. While being a few years older than usually I go for, at 41yr, this one exhibits the values and qualities in personality that I always wanted in my oneitis.

note my phrase "I always wanted". She was my ideal, except for everything I want emotionally in a LTR.
this ideal... pedestalization and my professment of continued emotional investment is what, in my opinion, pushed her away. How do I know? I found this phrase...

Women who we love without reciprocation are our teachers.
They are teachers of a truth that is about self-worth. “Valuing the self.”
They are teaching a lesson which is basically this:
“In your excitement over my beauty, and your enrapturement over my beauty, you forgot your own inherent value, and have opened yourself to me in a way that was not compassionate towards yourself. I do not desire this expression of low self-worth in a man.”

NOT ATTRACTIVE TO HER!!! and... monkey branch.

I loved a woman for her beauty, without her giving me the emotions I needed, to validate my own self worth = "look at my hot fiancee/gf, i am 48 she is 30"


2 examples I realized in talking to prospective dates, different women:

me: thinking of you...
her: This is not the best choice.
(this was, from my frame, of saying "hi, your image/thought briefly passed my neurons and telling you that so you know I do actually know you exist")

me: I like your moods, but I dont know all of them yet
her: Why are you worrying about my mood?
(she mentioned a few of her mood styles and just said she had been in a frivolous mood)


they can smell neediness, AFC and bluepill in the most innocent of sayings, and it is TRUE

anyway this weekend will be the first real date/sex/meeting/hookup since my oneitis breakup and excepting the ex-ex weekend, wish me luck.

NC is for you, not her.

 

[Reykhel]

Death gentlemen,

do you want me to describe it to you...........you don't need me to no?

you know about it no? you know that when you go to the bathroom one night,
perhaps after watching one of your favorite tv shows, perhaps a little overweight, death will
put it's hand on you.........and caress you so gently and carefully......saying....
.....this one.

......and you will think....."oh my haircut.......it's not so important now..."

can you tell me then why you cried for this flower who would have died in any way?

 

[MrWood]

last time I died... the pvssy walked
I choose life, and found myself to be a mammal... with a backbone

 

[Reykhel]

last time I died... the pvssy walked
I choose life, and found myself to be a mammal... with a backbone

Yes, but only talk that way if you know you can.

 

[Reykhel]

If it's any consolation, my misses wants me to come to bed and I want to
listen to Matallitaca and have a whisky........but that's women, gents......

Enjoy your freedom guys

 

[Jariel]

Hi guys, I doubt many users here today will remember me. I was a regular member here around 10 years ago and around 2 years ago I began writing in this No Contact thread after my break up. I have never felt such despair in my life as I felt at that time. I saw no future and no point to my life and just wanted to give up on everything. Looking back, it's so irrational and alien to me now. It's hard to believe a man like me could ever think the way I did at that time, but that's how it hits you.

Here's the most important thing for anyone wanting to get back their ex. NEVER let her see you while you're in this state. You can try and hide it, fake indifference, play games, but none of it will fool her. I found myself doing all of this, trying to change myself in ways that might impress her and in the process I lost track of who I really am and who I want to be.

While you're mourning a break up you are not the man she loved and the man she respected, so I suggest you take time away from her to get yourself back to your former self....back to the man she originally fell for. It could take a while, but any contact with her in the meantime is just going to drive her further away.

A confident man is everything to a woman and she will perceive a supplicating man the same way we would perceive a fat slob of a woman. Imagine if you broke up with your girl because she was getting fat and taking less pride in her appearance. Now imagine if she continues to get fatter, stops showering, let's her legs get hairy and lets herself go. Obviously you are even less likely to take her back! You may even find yourself repulsed by her. Well this is how your ex girlfriend will see you while you're in a state of neediness, whenever you try to work things out, or whenever you contact her with your strategic texts or calls.

So imagine now if you dumped your girlfriend for getting fat then a few months later you see her and she's in great shape, taking pride in her appearance and looking hotter than ever. You'll probably regret dumping her and maybe even think of how you can get back with her. Likewise, as a man, you need to focus on improving yourself and your confidence. Take this time away from your ex to become the best you can be so that if she sees you months from now, she will see a new and improved version and will regret the day she broke up with you.

It's a tough time, I know and for me it took a very long time to get back to my old self all because I broke no contact too soon. But it does get better if you let go and focus on yourself.

One of the greatest things to come out of my break up was discovering and practising the art of being present. I started reading a lot of Eckhart Tolle and began applying his teachings. It allowed me to put everything in perspective and it had a very profound effect on me. I'm now discovering that a lot of PUAs, self help gurus and the like have discovered it too and claiming how much it helps them through hard times.

Anyway, I just thought I'd drop by to offer my support and encourage you to stick with the no contact. Trust me, it really is the best thing for you! Good luck!

 

[Black Sunshine]

drellum just f*cking told you.


I really did laugh out loud at this.

Me too!