Girlfriend broke up with me

[kingwilliam]

well my girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me.... to make matters worse, we lived together.

Over the last couple of months we have been at each others throats alot... arguing and ****. I thought we were both just stressed because she is deep into college and I just bought a business..

Apparently it was more serious that I thought...





I have to admit, this is very painful. We have been broken up now for a couple of weeks but today she actually came and got all her ****, which has mixed in with mine for almost 2 years.

I didn't see this coming.





So of course, I have immediately gone into "heal myself" mode.. I am currently practicing the "absolute no contact" method... but coming home today to a house with a bunch of **** missing really hit me hard..


anybody got anything inspiring to say? kinda down



EDIT: Maybe I should change the title of this thread to "I'm BACK"

[SoldMySoul]

I sure do have something inspiring to say! First, DO NOT let your business suffer because of this. You will get a better chance at another women than you may at a business right now considering the economy and what Uncle Sam is doing to businesses. That is all I will say about politics.

You have to remain strong and use that No contact to your advantage my friend. I have been the king of trying to use No contact for several years as I seem to get involved with Ms. Wrong.

If you truly loved her, some say it will take half that time to heal. Meaning maybe a year at most depending on your feelings for her.

Some will say go out and bang other chicks, but for me that never worked out since I was still hurting and loved the lost one. Takes time and what you do with that time is up to you. That is the hard part is the time between hurt and healing.

Work on you and that business!!! Best to you!

[joekerr31]

losing something only hurts if you believe that you NEED that thing to be happy. Once you realize that you don't need it, then you can cope without it.

it's really that simple.

relationships are complex because we commit time and energy to them - we become invested in them - and over time we feel we need them.

I analogize relationships to stocks. You buy a stock with the intent that it will go up in value. You take the money you've earned from busting your ass and put it in a stock.

now, for most people, they end up NEEDING that stock to go up in value. And the more the stock goes down, the more they stay committed to the stock because they can't stand the thought of walking away and losing some of the money they invested. they NEED the stock to go up.

but the smart investor knows the rules of the game. You buy a stock based on a thesis... that thesis plays itself out over time. When you start losing money... when the stock starts going down when you thought it would go up.... you acknowledge to yourself that your thesis was wrong. And your punishment for having a wrong thesis is to take your losses and walk away before you lose your shirt.

You don't get upset.... this is part of investing. You aren't always going to win... not every thesis will be correct. But it's only the fools who keep betting on a stock that they clearly have misunderstood... they may as well be gambling.

So you had a thesis on your woman. You gave her two years... the thesis ultimately didn't pan out. Better to get out after 2 years than 3 years, or 5 years, or 10 years.

There are other woman and things you can invest your energy in to - stuff that will give you a better return than a stock (woman) that's tanking.

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

[jophil28]

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

Nice ^^

[Jitterbug]

On the bright side, V-Day is around the corner and there are plenty of desperate girls out & about pretending they don't need a man but will go home with you after a few drinks and some sweet talk. It's like shooting fish in a barrel every year. The "GF dumped me before V-Day" angle may work too. I used that last year (although it was actually me that did the dumping).

Cheer up!

[kingwilliam]

Thats an interesting angle on things...... I will report back on how my V-Day goes..

very, very interesting.....

[darkstarrr]

i agree with what joekker said and i do understand kiingwilliam how painful the seperation anxiety can be, expecially when its coupled with the romanticistic nostalgia that we tend to naturally infect ourselves with when these sort of things go down.

pragmatically speaking, i believe the best thing for you to do right now is the opposite of what we as mature men know DOESN'T work, or doesn't help rather.

speaking from [ex]perience i know that you continuing to reside in that apartment is not good for your mental health. i remember seeing impression marks on the rug from where a former lover's furniture or belongings once were. oh how senti-mental i remember myself getting over it. what a crock of horse **** it seems like to me now.

and there in the word "seems" is your answer and key out. beyond you taking very seriously my recommendation to find another place right away, you have to remember that most things in life are a figment of how we view and iterpret them based on what we know and have experienced already.

although everything you are going through right now is of course very real, as are the toxic chemicals of defeat that may be running through your veins - if you take the appropriate steps to move on from this, regardless of whether you believe you can or not, that in taking those steps - you will come out on the other end a more happy and better man. look up some of my posts from about a year ago for bullet point to do lists on this topic. it worked for me.

anyway, there are trillions of women in the world. and i know its tough when you can't help but reminisce.. but trust me - it'll all seem rather minute soon enough.

good luck.

[MKS82]

Yes that sh1t sucks. I got out of an LTR about a month ago and we were living together. She didnt sleep at home one night then boom she comes home and moves all her sh1t that night then im sleeping on the couch for a month cause she took her bed. I could barely handle walking into our bedroom. But i just occupied myself did my own thing and traveled blah blah you know the drill anyways good luck and stay strong

[Slickster]

Now is the time.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=34509

[samspade]

losing something only hurts if you believe that you NEED that thing to be happy. Once you realize that you don't need it, then you can cope without it.

it's really that simple.

relationships are complex because we commit time and energy to them - we become invested in them - and over time we feel we need them.

I analogize relationships to stocks. You buy a stock with the intent that it will go up in value. You take the money you've earned from busting your ass and put it in a stock.

now, for most people, they end up NEEDING that stock to go up in value. And the more the stock goes down, the more they stay committed to the stock because they can't stand the thought of walking away and losing some of the money they invested. they NEED the stock to go up.

but the smart investor knows the rules of the game. You buy a stock based on a thesis... that thesis plays itself out over time. When you start losing money... when the stock starts going down when you thought it would go up.... you acknowledge to yourself that your thesis was wrong. And your punishment for having a wrong thesis is to take your losses and walk away before you lose your shirt.

You don't get upset.... this is part of investing. You aren't always going to win... not every thesis will be correct. But it's only the fools who keep betting on a stock that they clearly have misunderstood... they may as well be gambling.

So you had a thesis on your woman. You gave her two years... the thesis ultimately didn't pan out. Better to get out after 2 years than 3 years, or 5 years, or 10 years.

There are other woman and things you can invest your energy in to - stuff that will give you a better return than a stock (woman) that's tanking.

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

Well said.

[squirrels]

well my girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me.... to make matters worse, we lived together.


What follows is what we call a "learning experience".

You'll be fine. Just focus your attention where it needs to be.

[Reyaj]

I've been there before although I think the current one I'm in might hurt the most..... I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

As others have said, time is the only constant that will get you through it. I advise to keep yourself occupied and start making new friends..

[jophil28]

.. I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

..

Where did you get the belief that a woman was available ," to support and to lean on ..." ?
Women generally feel no such obligation towards their man .

A woman' s expectation is that you will be there for her to lean on...not the other way around.

Women have compassion in troubled times for their girlfriends, their sisters, their children and their pets, but rarely for their men.

IF you want to see her contempt in full flight, tell her you are "depressed" for a week, and let her believe that you are not at work because of it..

[Jitterbug]

Some ancient wisdom:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora

Hesiod's Theogony, 8-7th centuries BC:




From her is the race of women and female kind:
of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who
live amongst mortal men to their great trouble,
no helpmeets in hateful poverty, but only in wealth.


Hesiod goes on to lament that men who try to avoid the evil of women by avoiding marriage will fare no better (604–7):


He reaches deadly old age without anyone to tend his years,
and though he at least has no lack of livelihood while he lives,
yet, when he is dead, his kinsfolk divide his possessions amongst them.


Hesiod concedes that occasionally a man finds a good wife, but still (609) "evil contends with good."



In other words, we're screwed either way, gentlemen. :D

[Falcon25]

There is nothing more unattractive than a man looking for support and emotional help from a woman. If you are having problems, talk to male friends, family, NEVER a woman you are attracted or with. This is a killer. If she sees you are emotionally needy, you are dead in the water. Life sucks, life is hard, in a perfect world you would love to turn to your mate and say "honey, I want to tell you a few things". But in the real world, it's an instant attraction and relationship killer. NEVER FORGET THIS.

[Falcon25]

I've been there before although I think the current one I'm in might hurt the most..... I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

As others have said, time is the only constant that will get you through it. I advise to keep yourself occupied and start making new friends..


You are not alone, you just cannot expect an irrational person (a woman you are dating) to feel sympathy for you or your feelings. This is what your mother (the only reason why she understands is because she made you), father, brother, and best friend are for. Do you notice when a woman always asks "what are you thinking?", "please tell me what's wrong". She is highly attracted to the mystery of your feelings, the strength of your secrets. If you tell her, if you weep, if you show weakness, she will leave you. Or your relationship will never be the same. NEVER FORGET THIS.

[mrRuckus]

Life sucks, life is hard, in a perfect world you would love to turn to your mate and say "honey, I want to tell you a few things". But in the real world, it's an instant attraction and relationship killer. NEVER FORGET THIS.

Women sound more and more like vicious parasites by the day.

[Reyaj]

You are not alone, you just cannot expect an irrational person (a woman you are dating) to feel sympathy for you or your feelings. This is what your mother (the only reason why she understands is because she made you), father, brother, and best friend are for. Do you notice when a woman always asks "what are you thinking?", "please tell me what's wrong". She is highly attracted to the mystery of your feelings, the strength of your secrets. If you tell her, if you weep, if you show weakness, she will leave you. Or your relationship will never be the same. NEVER FORGET THIS.


I know the DJ Rule of thumb is to not show weakness or any real emotion that would be perceived as weak. But I'll honestly say that if you are with someone you love (albeit the definition of that word is arbitrary) showing some occasional real emotion is healthy and human... Weeping like a child however would cause an aversion

My point to the OP is simply that time heals all wounds

[jophil28]

Women sound more and more like vicious parasites by the day.

Oh, I don't know.
Go over to Enotalone.com and feel their compassion.
Ha ha ! (Oh, and don't forget your body armor)

Someone started a thread there asking for "One word for what you look for most in a woman."
In amongst the PC replies from the manginas, there is a priceless reply by the head male moderator. He wanted his woman to show him "kindness" ...KINDNESS ! The last time I expected a woman to show me kindness was my 3rd grade teacher.

There is some kind of parallel universe operating over there, or perhaps they are living in that same universe as the rest of the world, and we are the ones in another dimension. I really hope so.

[joekerr31]

Where did you get the belief that a woman was available ," to support and to lean on ..." ?
Women generally feel no such obligation towards their man .

A woman' s expectation is that you will be there for her to lean on...not the other way around.



This is the cold hard reality of understanding women.

You have to remember than for a man, becoming successful in life is the prime objective. For a woman, becoming successful is to garner as much attention as possible... hence for a woman, her primary focus in terms of her relationship with her man is to constantly be trying to garner his attention.

They will do this through sex, fighting, tantrums, drama, cooking you a good dinner, etc. - but always know it's to get your attention.

when you start 'leaning' on her... this destroys the whole dynamic she is seeking. Now YOU are hogging the attention... shifting the focus to YOU. Women HATE this.. because how dare you steal the spotlight from them... the world revolves around them and their emotions NOT you.

:p

men aren't much better. See how many men will stick around with a chic who 'leans' on them but doesn't give up the *****. Most guys will get sick and tired of it really fast and bail.

[joekerr31]

also, one other thing...

you should be working in life towards achieving a state where you don't NEED anything. where the things you have are by choice, not necessity.

You should save your money so that one day you don't NEED a job.

You should never NEED a woman.

You should workout so you don't NEED some $400 a hour training to get you in to shape.

becoming a MAN really comes down to the simple phrase: "Being able to handle your own ****"

[kingwilliam]

Well it has been about 3 weeks since the breakup.....Im doing much better. The first 3 or 4 days was pure hell, but I have been going out and occupying my mind quite a bit.

Plus, I discovered that Im still a deadly weapon in the pickup dept. I went out Friday and Saturday night and closed both nights with 2 of the hottest women of my life.... I think my "I dont give a fvck about anything" attitude is why I was successful.

The strangest part about the whole breakup is how you go from "I love you" and being with that person all the time to ZERO. Im a big boy, and everything is gonna be just fine.


As for moving to another place, thats not really an option because I own the house we lived in. Time is medicine.

[Romjuan]

hey king william,
i dont know if you have read any of my post, but I am in the EXACT same situation as you. my gf of 2 years and i just broke up 3 weeks ago. my pain comes and goes. one day i feel like i never needed her and im on top of the world, the next day i miss her and feel like ill never meet anyone as good as her. i still talk to her which probably makes things worse. I have been going out like crazy and drinking like crazy since the break up, still only temporary help. what is making you feel better? do you still talk to your ex?

[kingwilliam]

I am the same sort of predicament as you....


I KNOW that from experience, the best way to get over it is to CEASE ALL COMMUNICATION....

For the first couple of weeks, I didnt call, didnt text, didnt do ****..... and I was starting to actually kinda feel better.. She texted me one day. (which they will do because the silence ****s with their head... We ended up meeting for lunch which I now realize was a huge mistake on my part. It was as if I had a hit a reset button on my recovery.

I have been drinking more as well....


I have tried to stay busy, but as you probably know she will pop in your mind every few minutes.


I believe that time is the only medicine.... you need to stop talking to her or it is going to drive you crazy.


I know from experience that the longer you cease communication, the better you will start to feel. Also I have been hitting the gym REALLY hard and when I leave there I feel a thousand times better.



It really sucks...I feel your pain, literally. I was in love.




"I don't make mistakes, I just date them"

[BeyondCharm]

Hey king & rom, as you know from my Girlfriend of 8 Months has Diminishing Sex Drive thread, we recently broke up (last friday). I cut all communications with her, completely deleted her from facebook including removing all tagged photos of us together and basically any bit of evidence on there that we were ever in the same room. Then I blocked her so she can't even find me. It was kind of therapuetic to delete all that stuff. I was the one that ended the relationship on facebook too. She was the one whe had come over to break up with me though last friday, because the guilt of her branch-swinging had become too much for her to bear and she was no longer able to maintain herself... she was puking every day do to an eating disorder she has and drinking a lot...

I didn't post here to condemn her though or whine.. I'm actually sharing with you guys about how i'm coping... I am a recovering alcoholic, i've been sober for over 18 months now. The last time I was in a long term relationship and a girl ended it I drank fro 5 months straight into oblivion... this time is much different... I've surrounded myself with friends, family, supportive people i've met in AA meetings and lots of positive influences. I'm working out every day still, playing soccer, talking to tons of my close positive influence type friends and keeping my eye on the prize (improving the quality of my life through health, business, social life).

I haven't touched alcohol and i'm not a saint by any stretch so i'm not saying that to boast or brag. I'm grateful because for a guy like me, if I were to drink to numb the pain of this type of thing I might never came up for air. Anyway, i've found strength in the support of my friends and family, aa and in exercise, eating well and deciding that I'm going to move on and focus on moving forward.

A few quotes that have helped me:

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within.

Life is a rip-off when you expect to get what you want. Life works when you choose what you got. Actually what you got is what you chose. To move on, choose it.
Werner Erhard

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill


Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
Cherie Carter-Scott

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance,the wise grows it under his feet.
James Oppenheim

You do not meditate to heal yourself. You meditate to discover that you are well.
C.B. Shibuki

Life is too important to be taken seriously.

[Romjuan]

beyond charm, thats great news to hear your doing better. thats also great to hear that you cn have a good time without drinking. ive been going out so much i feel like i need to drink to enjoy my time.. i was curuios how youre doing king william? ive been hooking up with all kinds of girls recently but it doesnt seem to help. i still think about my ex all the time. its weird because i keep hoping shes missing me too and i keep hoping she wants to be with me again.

[Reyaj]

I'm glad to hear everyone is doing their best to overcome their LTR break ups. I basically did the same thing 5 years ago before engaging in my 100 approach journal and later finding my new LTR. If my current situation ends I know that it will sting but I know I can move on just like all of you are doing.

I am proud of everyone, and more so because you are posting honest feelings that you would be inhumane not to have.