Girlfriend broke up with me

[kingwilliam]

well my girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me.... to make matters worse, we lived together.

Over the last couple of months we have been at each others throats alot... arguing and ****. I thought we were both just stressed because she is deep into college and I just bought a business..

Apparently it was more serious that I thought...





I have to admit, this is very painful. We have been broken up now for a couple of weeks but today she actually came and got all her ****, which has mixed in with mine for almost 2 years.

I didn't see this coming.





So of course, I have immediately gone into "heal myself" mode.. I am currently practicing the "absolute no contact" method... but coming home today to a house with a bunch of **** missing really hit me hard..


anybody got anything inspiring to say? kinda down



EDIT: Maybe I should change the title of this thread to "I'm BACK"

 

[SoldMySoul]

I sure do have something inspiring to say! First, DO NOT let your business suffer because of this. You will get a better chance at another women than you may at a business right now considering the economy and what Uncle Sam is doing to businesses. That is all I will say about politics.

You have to remain strong and use that No contact to your advantage my friend. I have been the king of trying to use No contact for several years as I seem to get involved with Ms. Wrong.

If you truly loved her, some say it will take half that time to heal. Meaning maybe a year at most depending on your feelings for her.

Some will say go out and bang other chicks, but for me that never worked out since I was still hurting and loved the lost one. Takes time and what you do with that time is up to you. That is the hard part is the time between hurt and healing.

Work on you and that business!!! Best to you!

 

[joekerr31]

losing something only hurts if you believe that you NEED that thing to be happy. Once you realize that you don't need it, then you can cope without it.

it's really that simple.

relationships are complex because we commit time and energy to them - we become invested in them - and over time we feel we need them.

I analogize relationships to stocks. You buy a stock with the intent that it will go up in value. You take the money you've earned from busting your ass and put it in a stock.

now, for most people, they end up NEEDING that stock to go up in value. And the more the stock goes down, the more they stay committed to the stock because they can't stand the thought of walking away and losing some of the money they invested. they NEED the stock to go up.

but the smart investor knows the rules of the game. You buy a stock based on a thesis... that thesis plays itself out over time. When you start losing money... when the stock starts going down when you thought it would go up.... you acknowledge to yourself that your thesis was wrong. And your punishment for having a wrong thesis is to take your losses and walk away before you lose your shirt.

You don't get upset.... this is part of investing. You aren't always going to win... not every thesis will be correct. But it's only the fools who keep betting on a stock that they clearly have misunderstood... they may as well be gambling.

So you had a thesis on your woman. You gave her two years... the thesis ultimately didn't pan out. Better to get out after 2 years than 3 years, or 5 years, or 10 years.

There are other woman and things you can invest your energy in to - stuff that will give you a better return than a stock (woman) that's tanking.

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

 

[jophil28]

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

Nice ^^

 

[Jitterbug]

On the bright side, V-Day is around the corner and there are plenty of desperate girls out & about pretending they don't need a man but will go home with you after a few drinks and some sweet talk. It's like shooting fish in a barrel every year. The "GF dumped me before V-Day" angle may work too. I used that last year (although it was actually me that did the dumping).

Cheer up!

 

[kingwilliam]

Thats an interesting angle on things...... I will report back on how my V-Day goes..

very, very interesting.....

 

[darkstarrr]

i agree with what joekker said and i do understand kiingwilliam how painful the seperation anxiety can be, expecially when its coupled with the romanticistic nostalgia that we tend to naturally infect ourselves with when these sort of things go down.

pragmatically speaking, i believe the best thing for you to do right now is the opposite of what we as mature men know DOESN'T work, or doesn't help rather.

speaking from [ex]perience i know that you continuing to reside in that apartment is not good for your mental health. i remember seeing impression marks on the rug from where a former lover's furniture or belongings once were. oh how senti-mental i remember myself getting over it. what a crock of horse shit it seems like to me now.

and there in the word "seems" is your answer and key out. beyond you taking very seriously my recommendation to find another place right away, you have to remember that most things in life are a figment of how we view and iterpret them based on what we know and have experienced already.

although everything you are going through right now is of course very real, as are the toxic chemicals of defeat that may be running through your veins - if you take the appropriate steps to move on from this, regardless of whether you believe you can or not, that in taking those steps - you will come out on the other end a more happy and better man. look up some of my posts from about a year ago for bullet point to do lists on this topic. it worked for me.

anyway, there are trillions of women in the world. and i know its tough when you can't help but reminisce.. but trust me - it'll all seem rather minute soon enough.

good luck.

 

[MKS82]

Yes that sh1t sucks. I got out of an LTR about a month ago and we were living together. She didnt sleep at home one night then boom she comes home and moves all her sh1t that night then im sleeping on the couch for a month cause she took her bed. I could barely handle walking into our bedroom. But i just occupied myself did my own thing and traveled blah blah you know the drill anyways good luck and stay strong

 

[Slickster]

Now is the time.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=34509

 

[samspade]

losing something only hurts if you believe that you NEED that thing to be happy. Once you realize that you don't need it, then you can cope without it.

it's really that simple.

relationships are complex because we commit time and energy to them - we become invested in them - and over time we feel we need them.

I analogize relationships to stocks. You buy a stock with the intent that it will go up in value. You take the money you've earned from busting your ass and put it in a stock.

now, for most people, they end up NEEDING that stock to go up in value. And the more the stock goes down, the more they stay committed to the stock because they can't stand the thought of walking away and losing some of the money they invested. they NEED the stock to go up.

but the smart investor knows the rules of the game. You buy a stock based on a thesis... that thesis plays itself out over time. When you start losing money... when the stock starts going down when you thought it would go up.... you acknowledge to yourself that your thesis was wrong. And your punishment for having a wrong thesis is to take your losses and walk away before you lose your shirt.

You don't get upset.... this is part of investing. You aren't always going to win... not every thesis will be correct. But it's only the fools who keep betting on a stock that they clearly have misunderstood... they may as well be gambling.

So you had a thesis on your woman. You gave her two years... the thesis ultimately didn't pan out. Better to get out after 2 years than 3 years, or 5 years, or 10 years.

There are other woman and things you can invest your energy in to - stuff that will give you a better return than a stock (woman) that's tanking.

breakups are GOOD things because they free you up to invest in the world around you.... to let go of a stock that is tanking and begin the search for a better place to put your money.

Well said.

 

[squirrels]

well my girlfriend of 2 years recently broke up with me.... to make matters worse, we lived together.

What follows is what we call a "learning experience".

You'll be fine. Just focus your attention where it needs to be.

 

[Reyaj]

I've been there before although I think the current one I'm in might hurt the most..... I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

As others have said, time is the only constant that will get you through it. I advise to keep yourself occupied and start making new friends..

 

[jophil28]

.. I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

..

Where did you get the belief that a woman was available ," to support and to lean on ..." ?
Women generally feel no such obligation towards their man .

A woman' s expectation is that you will be there for her to lean on...not the other way around.

Women have compassion in troubled times for their girlfriends, their sisters, their children and their pets, but rarely for their men.

IF you want to see her contempt in full flight, tell her you are "depressed" for a week, and let her believe that you are not at work because of it..

 

[Jitterbug]

Some ancient wisdom:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pandora

Hesiod's Theogony, 8-7th centuries BC:

From her is the race of women and female kind:
of her is the deadly race and tribe of women who
live amongst mortal men to their great trouble,
no helpmeets in hateful poverty, but only in wealth.

Hesiod goes on to lament that men who try to avoid the evil of women by avoiding marriage will fare no better (604–7):

He reaches deadly old age without anyone to tend his years,
and though he at least has no lack of livelihood while he lives,
yet, when he is dead, his kinsfolk divide his possessions amongst them.

Hesiod concedes that occasionally a man finds a good wife, but still (609) "evil contends with good."

In other words, we're screwed either way, gentlemen.

 

[Falcon25]

There is nothing more unattractive than a man looking for support and emotional help from a woman. If you are having problems, talk to male friends, family, NEVER a woman you are attracted or with. This is a killer. If she sees you are emotionally needy, you are dead in the water. Life sucks, life is hard, in a perfect world you would love to turn to your mate and say "honey, I want to tell you a few things". But in the real world, it's an instant attraction and relationship killer. NEVER FORGET THIS.

 

[Falcon25]

I've been there before although I think the current one I'm in might hurt the most..... I think the hardest thing (at least for me) is realizing that someone you felt was there to support you and lean on, isn't... and you realize the harsh reality that you are in this world alone and for yourself....

As others have said, time is the only constant that will get you through it. I advise to keep yourself occupied and start making new friends..

You are not alone, you just cannot expect an irrational person (a woman you are dating) to feel sympathy for you or your feelings. This is what your mother (the only reason why she understands is because she made you), father, brother, and best friend are for. Do you notice when a woman always asks "what are you thinking?", "please tell me what's wrong". She is highly attracted to the mystery of your feelings, the strength of your secrets. If you tell her, if you weep, if you show weakness, she will leave you. Or your relationship will never be the same. NEVER FORGET THIS.

 

[mrRuckus]

Life sucks, life is hard, in a perfect world you would love to turn to your mate and say "honey, I want to tell you a few things". But in the real world, it's an instant attraction and relationship killer. NEVER FORGET THIS.

Women sound more and more like vicious parasites by the day.

 

[Reyaj]

You are not alone, you just cannot expect an irrational person (a woman you are dating) to feel sympathy for you or your feelings. This is what your mother (the only reason why she understands is because she made you), father, brother, and best friend are for. Do you notice when a woman always asks "what are you thinking?", "please tell me what's wrong". She is highly attracted to the mystery of your feelings, the strength of your secrets. If you tell her, if you weep, if you show weakness, she will leave you. Or your relationship will never be the same. NEVER FORGET THIS.

I know the DJ Rule of thumb is to not show weakness or any real emotion that would be perceived as weak. But I'll honestly say that if you are with someone you love (albeit the definition of that word is arbitrary) showing some occasional real emotion is healthy and human... Weeping like a child however would cause an aversion

My point to the OP is simply that time heals all wounds

 

[jophil28]

Women sound more and more like vicious parasites by the day.

Oh, I don't know.
Go over to Enotalone.com and feel their compassion.
Ha ha ! (Oh, and don't forget your body armor)

Someone started a thread there asking for "One word for what you look for most in a woman."
In amongst the PC replies from the manginas, there is a priceless reply by the head male moderator. He wanted his woman to show him "kindness" ...KINDNESS ! The last time I expected a woman to show me kindness was my 3rd grade teacher.

There is some kind of parallel universe operating over there, or perhaps they are living in that same universe as the rest of the world, and we are the ones in another dimension. I really hope so.

 

[joekerr31]

Where did you get the belief that a woman was available ," to support and to lean on ..." ?
Women generally feel no such obligation towards their man .

A woman' s expectation is that you will be there for her to lean on...not the other way around.

This is the cold hard reality of understanding women.

You have to remember than for a man, becoming successful in life is the prime objective. For a woman, becoming successful is to garner as much attention as possible... hence for a woman, her primary focus in terms of her relationship with her man is to constantly be trying to garner his attention.

They will do this through sex, fighting, tantrums, drama, cooking you a good dinner, etc. - but always know it's to get your attention.

when you start 'leaning' on her... this destroys the whole dynamic she is seeking. Now YOU are hogging the attention... shifting the focus to YOU. Women HATE this.. because how dare you steal the spotlight from them... the world revolves around them and their emotions NOT you.



men aren't much better. See how many men will stick around with a chic who 'leans' on them but doesn't give up the *****. Most guys will get sick and tired of it really fast and bail.