"You're lovely"

[Dirtheart]

Maybe I am being paranoid here, but I'm getting a LOT of women tell me that I'm "lovely".

I'm 28, yet I get girls from as young as 21 say this to me and it feels very condescending and insulting. Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, but the way I read it is that they're pretty much calling me "sweet" or "naive" and whenever I hear it, it makes me feel like a child.

I get a lot of interest from women, but at the same time I'm getting the feeling that I'm widely perceived as naive and innocent.

I had a lecturer tell me that I should be more arrogant in order to get the respect I deserve. I am pretty good at C+F, but I still get perceived as "lovely".

I would really like to know if anyone else has experienced this and how the hell to break the cycle.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Do you say the word, "lovely" around them before they say it? I've noticed that women will repeat the same words that I use and reference to me. eg. I say the word 'cool' alot and women will call me 'cool' or I say the word, 'sexy' alot and women will call me, 'sexy'.

 

[phenom]

I get that sometimes myself. Only I'm referred to as "cute". Sometimes I get called hot and, well, I love that but it's not that often. I'd like to think of it as a way for girls to knock us off our pedestals the same way we do them. I mean, how often do you go up to a girl and tell her she's "hot" or "the most beautiful thing you've ever seen"? Not very often unless your an AFC.

 

[gentleman193]

I don't think they're seeing you as a DJ if they say that but they *are* opening you, so run with it. You know this comment is going to be made again, come up with a clever reply. Show them you're not just some cute guy. This is an opportunity.

 

[Austin Allegro]

I used to get this quite a lot, but since developing the DJ skills its happening less often.

I think that any woman who thinks you are 'nice', 'lovely' etc is really just a variation on 'I think of you more as a brother' etc. Let me guess Dirtheart - do girls' mothers seem to like you more than the girls themselves?

The fact is that most women don't seem to go for men who are 'lovely', because that equates with 'safe'.

Since becoming a DJ, I've even had one woman say 'you're actually not that nice, you know' - yet at the same time she said she wanted to go to bed with me. That never happened when I was 'lovely'.

It's a sad state of affairs and one I hate, but I think DJs should aim to be decent, civilized, thoughtful, kind etc - but not 'nice' or 'lovely'.

 

[Dirtheart]

Well, I do get some women say I'm sexy and even things like "phwoar" about me, and I'm also told that I'm very smooth when making a first impression. I find the "lovely" comments come mostly from confident and outgoing women, so maybe it has something to do with them seeing me as less confident and more naive than themselves.

Unfortunately I do get the feeling these women don't see me as DJ and do see me more as the brotherly figure the more they get to know me, but I'm not really sure what is causing it and how to change it.

I may still have a touch of the "nice guy", which I'm breaking down bit by bit.

 

[WorldTraveller]

Hey my friend...

Next time a really good looking one says that, tell her "You should come and see how lovely I'm in bed"

 

[Draykers]

I don't compliment any women that I talk to while I'm in a bar or somewhere else just hanging out. I like to wear a hat wherever I go. It's not some ball cap or golf cap either, it's a hat I feel comfortable wearing and "I" like the way it looks. Women I meet spend most of their time trying to get that thing of my head the rest of the night and they let compliments slip out here and there. I just shrug it off and say, okay, but you're still not getting this hat off my head. Sometimes I even go as far as to say," This hat only comes off for one thing". -- Bandit. It gets them wondering about what I look like without it, what color my eyes are, or am I some cancer patient trying to conceal his bald head. For some reason they like the mystery and I end up taking them home or going home with them and move on to sex or other sexual acts. I don't ask for their phone numbers either, but they end up leaving it before they walk out the door. When I go to their place, I don't get the number. They get all upset that I didn't ask for it either, but all they were was a one night stand and that's not what I'm looking for.

 

[doctoroxygen]

Originally posted by Draykers
I don't compliment any women that I talk to while I'm in a bar or somewhere else just hanging out. I like to wear a hat wherever I go. It's not some ball cap or golf cap either, it's a hat I feel comfortable wearing and "I" like the way it looks. Women I meet spend most of their time trying to get that thing of my head the rest of the night and they let compliments slip out here and there. I just shrug it off and say, okay, but you're still not getting this hat off my head. Sometimes I even go as far as to say," This hat only comes off for one thing". -- Bandit. It gets them wondering about what I look like without it, what color my eyes are, or am I some cancer patient trying to conceal his bald head. For some reason they like the mystery and I end up taking them home or going home with them and move on to sex or other sexual acts. I don't ask for their phone numbers either, but they end up leaving it before they walk out the door. When I go to their place, I don't get the number. They get all upset that I didn't ask for it either, but all they were was a one night stand and that's not what I'm looking for.

I don't know what this post has to do with the topic, but that is an AWESOME idea.