Hello friends!
Long post, but this applies to you all.. Especially nowadays where family, community and social support take a back seat to profit.
I'm curious to understand whether you've chosen a support system or total independence in your life.
For example, many friends and people I know had children before they turned 25, so that their grandparents, great-grandparents, and parents could help them financially, socially, and with the time to raise them. Today, in fact, they find themselves at 35 with solid careers, fairly grown children, socioeconomic support systems, and plenty of social networking, both for themselves and their children. We can say that at 35, they've achieved many goals!
The opposite example: friends who have gone their separate ways but who at 35 are still living in rented accommodations, even though they're studying, building their careers, working in high-paying jobs, are single, and are mostly independent.
Also, they have many friends but look like they lack a "strong" united group ofpeople that help themselves like a family does.
In the first example, people rely on existing, strong "systems"... a bit like a frying pan sticking to its rock.
What I'm saying is that if you rely on an existing, functioning system (you're actually keeping on the dinasty) then you have to compromise with what you consider healthy and unhealthy, as well as with what independence means to you, because there will be "rules" to follow in this, but you're actually set with guidance and goals to reach if that actually fits you.
In the other case, you don't compromise with anyone; it's your path. And it look so hard in modern times.
Given the economic and social circumstances you have to create for yourself, it's as if you have to create your own resources from scratch before leaving.
I'm sure there are people here who have faced both of these things and perhaps even managed to walk both paths.
Speaking of men, I've seen friends who want to be independent and reach 35 with many failures and return home to their parents. On the other hand, I've seen others who have accepted a sort of "partial dependence", stayied with the help and support of their families, and at 35 have their own things togheter but also turning towards independence.
Speaking of women, I see that they always tend to choose men with an already strong social and economic background, rather than lone wolves, even tho they're attracted to them.
They know that by having children with that man, they can be sure they'll have the support of their MIL, BIL, grandparents, uncles, cousins, friends, etc, and also the "illusion" of having socio-economic resources.
I believe this is much more important to them than anything else when it comes to longterm plans and family.
So, simply put, who benefits from relying on already functioning systems rather than going their own way and wanting to create their own?
It's like you chose from a well estabilished system, imagina a big and strong tree with his branches, leafes, where you can actually make your own branch, and grow it, or actually plant your own tree seed, waiting for it to grow and accept the fact that you may not actually see that reaching it's greatness?
To recap, from what I've learned, by choosing an established system well, you can already have resources—people, social resources, financial resources, support resources, career resources, growth resources, and networking resources—but you have to make compromises regarding the possibility of encountering toxic people in that same group, the freedom to stay and even experience some minor lack of interest (tolerance), and the ability to follow orders even when you don't think it's 100% what you would do.
While a group of your own might have everything you want, it will take a long time to get started, and you might run into these issues once you've created it...
So what will you do?
Long post, but this applies to you all.. Especially nowadays where family, community and social support take a back seat to profit.
I'm curious to understand whether you've chosen a support system or total independence in your life.
For example, many friends and people I know had children before they turned 25, so that their grandparents, great-grandparents, and parents could help them financially, socially, and with the time to raise them. Today, in fact, they find themselves at 35 with solid careers, fairly grown children, socioeconomic support systems, and plenty of social networking, both for themselves and their children. We can say that at 35, they've achieved many goals!
The opposite example: friends who have gone their separate ways but who at 35 are still living in rented accommodations, even though they're studying, building their careers, working in high-paying jobs, are single, and are mostly independent.
Also, they have many friends but look like they lack a "strong" united group ofpeople that help themselves like a family does.
In the first example, people rely on existing, strong "systems"... a bit like a frying pan sticking to its rock.
What I'm saying is that if you rely on an existing, functioning system (you're actually keeping on the dinasty) then you have to compromise with what you consider healthy and unhealthy, as well as with what independence means to you, because there will be "rules" to follow in this, but you're actually set with guidance and goals to reach if that actually fits you.
In the other case, you don't compromise with anyone; it's your path. And it look so hard in modern times.
Given the economic and social circumstances you have to create for yourself, it's as if you have to create your own resources from scratch before leaving.
I'm sure there are people here who have faced both of these things and perhaps even managed to walk both paths.
Speaking of men, I've seen friends who want to be independent and reach 35 with many failures and return home to their parents. On the other hand, I've seen others who have accepted a sort of "partial dependence", stayied with the help and support of their families, and at 35 have their own things togheter but also turning towards independence.
Speaking of women, I see that they always tend to choose men with an already strong social and economic background, rather than lone wolves, even tho they're attracted to them.
They know that by having children with that man, they can be sure they'll have the support of their MIL, BIL, grandparents, uncles, cousins, friends, etc, and also the "illusion" of having socio-economic resources.
I believe this is much more important to them than anything else when it comes to longterm plans and family.
So, simply put, who benefits from relying on already functioning systems rather than going their own way and wanting to create their own?
It's like you chose from a well estabilished system, imagina a big and strong tree with his branches, leafes, where you can actually make your own branch, and grow it, or actually plant your own tree seed, waiting for it to grow and accept the fact that you may not actually see that reaching it's greatness?
To recap, from what I've learned, by choosing an established system well, you can already have resources—people, social resources, financial resources, support resources, career resources, growth resources, and networking resources—but you have to make compromises regarding the possibility of encountering toxic people in that same group, the freedom to stay and even experience some minor lack of interest (tolerance), and the ability to follow orders even when you don't think it's 100% what you would do.
While a group of your own might have everything you want, it will take a long time to get started, and you might run into these issues once you've created it...
So what will you do?