Women overestimate a man’s abundance

[tksniper]

I really like this post! It actually answered what I had been thinking (as a woman) reading your previous posts, specifically how exactly do you escalate? But you explained so now I don't have to ask!

And what you said about moving/escalating to a more personal vibe (and gauging how she responds) without acting like an overly thirsty horndog was spot on!

The only thing I somewhat disagree with is a man assuming I'm trying to get his attention when all I'm doing is being social and friendly.

I've got a naturally warm and engaging personality (with everyone) and many men misinterpret as a some sort of 'green light' or 'window' to hit on me sexually.... sigh.

But you don't advise a man be aggressive like that so it's all good!

Flirting with another man? Not sure why a man would assume I'm trying to get his attention? I'm sure some women do but that's not always the case.

Me? I'm actually interested in the man I'm flirting with! Hopefully HE is flirting back!

The hair twirling? I'm not a hair twirler lol but OK that's fair!

Yeah escalation doesn’t have to mean sexual escalation. Going from a stranger vibe to sexually escalating is a big risky move nowadays.

Back in high school the main thing for me was always “who’s going to break the ice first?” The vibe is usually ice cold between a man and a woman until someone breaks it.

I feel like in the social media age, people don’t know how to break the ice any more. Im specifically talking about the current generation, hence my reference to women flipping their hair, trying to make you jealous by flirting with someone else, and doing everything indirectly to try to get your attention. Once in a blue moon a woman would flirt directly with a guy she is attracted to. But this is usually only the case when she doesn’t have to break the ice. There is no pressure.

Some of those situations are: A sexy male plumber shows up and she has the perfect excuse to talk to him; a male coworker; bouncer or bartender; some guy in her yoga class; guy who sits next to her in class; Social circle guy; Guy she is introduced to at a house etc. In those situations women tend to be more direct.

But in a cold situation, someone has to break the ice and more than likely it’s the guy. Women will give you signs but it’s mainly up to the guy to break the “stranger vibe” and make the vibe more personal.

I know most people are interested in cold approaching so this post is mainly geared towards that. However, I feel there are ways you can make cold approaching way more effective. And that’s having a fun and interesting lifestyle with cool hobbies where there are women in it. This gives women room to give you signs. And then you can make the “cold approach”, but it’s more like a warm approach because she’s already inviting you in.

To me, this is way more effective than spam approaching. I feel like spam approaching without any signs from women can make you jaded pretty quick and have you joining the monastery and becoming a monk after a few hundred blind rejections.

Another good line for breaking the ice would be what I would call a “preamble.” A preamble is anticipating where her attention is going and hijacking it.

An example would be I am at a book store. I notice a woman keeps looking at my direction. At some point she gives me proximity and reaches a book near by me (maybe as an excuse to be next to me) I then say to her “No not that book. That book sucks. Here, you seem more like a spiritual type of person” and I’ll just offer her a random book. This would either make her laugh and open up or feel weird and walk away.

Either way, I did my job as a man. I took her eye fvxking and closing the distance on me as signs of interest, and I broke the ice. And without the social pressure of having to break the ice herself, now she can reveal her true intentions by flirting with me or not. It becomes a normal situation like we were in a house party or socializing as coworkers. If she starts flirting, someone is going to say “Where are you from?” Either she’ll say it or I’ll say it. But the vibe is going to escalate from stranger towards personal.

Remember guys, cold approaching is kind of unnatural and creeps a lot of women out (especially in 2025). You have no idea how many random losers try to harass a typical attractive woman on a daily basis. It’s astronomical. 90% of males are lonely and sexually desperate.

I think men have to be more vigilant nowadays and look for social cues before we escalate the vibe from stranger to personal. There has to be some kind of effort to get your attention. Otherwise, we are giving it away for free, and that makes us low value.

And just in case you guys are wondering where I got the “preamble” approach from, it’s actually from women. Women do this to guys all the time.

Here are some real life examples of women doing the preamble approach on me: I’m outside a bar trying to light up a cigarette and a woman asks me if I needed a light; I’m in class and have no idea where we’re at and the cute girl next to me flips the pages of my book to page 159 with a smile on her face; There was a time I accidentally dropped my cigarette and a woman next to me laughs and cracks a joke and the asked me “where are you from?”; I’m sitting at a park pulling out a cigarette and a woman comes out of nowhere and asks me if I have one and then sits next to me. I’m sitting in a coffee shop and the woman next to me says “You must be reading something important, you looked really focused. My response to her was “I’m just reading my horoscope.”; I’m sitting by the bar checking out a girl and another girl comes and sits next to me and says “Isn’t that girl so hot?” We immediately vibed on how hot the other girl was and I realized she was bisexual and she became a fwb/wing girl.

So yes, women do break the ice sometimes, but it’s usually in the form of a prelude/preamble/lead-in/preface type of flirting. Like an excuse to talk to someone to see if there is any bite. If the fish doesn’t bite, then you can save face because you weren’t really putting your ego on the line type of flirting.

 

[Sega Genesis]

So yes, women do break the ice sometimes, but it’s usually in the form of a prelude/preamble/lead-in/preface type of flirting. Like an excuse to talk to someone to see if there is any bite. If the fish doesn’t bite, then you can save face because you weren’t really putting your ego on the line type of flirting.

How do you differentiate flirting from her simply being social and friendly? In a social situation?

No romantic intention she simply enjoys interacting with people (both men and women). Especially at social events etc.

Not saying an attraction/chemistry (with a man) cannot develop once they begin interacting but that wasn't her intention for speaking with him...

She has a naturally warm and engaging personality (with everyone), and she's simply being social in a social situation.

Not "flirting."

How can you tell the difference?

Genuine question.

P.S. I realize some women make it obvious (the hair twirling for example) but not always.

 

[tksniper]

How do you differentiate flirting from her simply being social and friendly? In a social situation?

No romantic intention she simply enjoys interacting with people (both men and women).

Not saying an attraction (with a man) cannot develop once they begin interacting but that wasn't her intention.

Based on her efforts, not yours. That’s the whole premise of this thread. You escalate on the woman’s efforts, not yours.

If she tries to get my attention, I’ll break the ice (social escalation.)

Now we are heading towards more of a personal vibe. And this is where most guys fvck up because they can’t tell if the woman is being social or if she’s genuinely interested.

To me it’s very simple. If she is asking me questions, then she is genuinely interested in moving things forward.

A woman at a bar who wants to hook up would ask you questions regarding logistics. “Did you come here by yourself? “Do you live around here?” “Are you driving?” “Do you live by yourself?” “Do you have roommates?” At that point I can pretty much escalate and suggest we leave the bar.

A woman interested in me romantically would typically ask me personal questions like “Where are you from?” and we would vibe from there. The whole vibe is personal and getting to know each other.

Now, when the conversation isn’t personal and she’s talking about “things” like current events, the weather, some Netflix show like game of thrones, then she is just being social.

Or if you find yourself asking HER personal questions and she hasn’t asked you a single personal question (zero effort to move things forward), then her intentions are purely social.

Have you ever interacted with a woman and she’s just talking about random things and then a better looking guy shows up and she starts bombarding him with personal questions? Yeah, that’s the difference between attraction and no attraction.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Based on her efforts, not yours.

I'm female.

 

[Sega Genesis]

A woman at a bar who wants to hook up would ask you questions regarding logistics. “Did you come here by yourself? “Do you live around here?” “Are you driving?” “Do you live by yourself?” “Do you have roommates.” At that point I can pretty much escalate and suggest we leave the bar.

^^This makes sense. And quite obvious.

I was referring more to a non-bar/club environment, let's say a friend's party or event when it's standard for people to mingle and interact with each other.

I'm asking because as a woman with a naturally warm and engaging personality many men assume I'm flirting when I'm not.. I'm simply being social in a social environment.

That said I do get what you're saying, it does answer my question more or.less, thanks.

 

[tksniper]

^^This makes sense. And quite obvious.

I was referring more to a non-bar/club environment, let's say a friend's party or event when it's standard for people to mingle and interact with each other.

I'm asking because as a woman with a naturally warm and engaging personality many men assume I'm flirting when I'm not..

That said I do get what you're saying, it does answer my question more or.less, thanks.

It’s hard to put into words.

I would say romantic/sexual interest is more of a vibe. Since I was 14 I could tell if a girl liked me in that way. But if you were to ask me to write down all the signs on paper, I would have a hard time describing it.

90% of communication is body language. Most guys know when a woman is genuinely interested.

The guys that are assuming your outgoing personality means you are interested aren’t confused. They are just desperate and have low standards for what a woman has to do to get their attention. And this is 90% of the male population.

Or they are so starved for female attention that they have completely lost their radar to detect genuine interest. When you are thirsty everything starts to look like water.

But I sympathize for the men. Social media has completely skewed the game in favor of women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She isn’t indirect because she is trying to play games. She genuinely overestimates your abundance because she is projecting her own infinite abundance of free d1cks to your reality.

And men overestimate women's "abundance". The average woman does NOT have an infinite number of desirable male suitors. Not even close. Sure, a woman can create an OLD account and find someone will to fvck with little effort but most women are not looking for a quick lay.

Modern women are riddled with anxiety, suffer from lack of self-esteem, and have poor social skills and no game. In other words, they have the same problems as modern men. This often applies to hot women as well, who frequently engage in self-sabotage and end up with lower quality men than they could have secured if they had better seduction skills.

 

[tksniper]

And men overestimate women's "abundance". The average woman does NOT have an infinite number of desirable male suitors. Not even close. Sure, a woman can create an OLD account and find someone will to fvck with little effort but most women are not looking for a quick lay.

Modern women are riddled with anxiety, suffer from lack of self-esteem, and have poor social skills and no game. In other words, they have the same problems as modern men. This often applies to hot women as well, who frequently engage in self-sabotage and end up with lower quality men than they could have secured if they had better seduction skills.

In my experience the reality of men and women aren’t even comparable. Women complain about 7’s approaching them. A female 7 approaching a guy would make his entire year.

Sure modern day women settle all the time. But the average guy can’t even do that. His version of settling is banging trannies and paying for prostitutes.

I know plenty of attractive women whose number (men they’ve been with) are well over 100. They go on a new tinder every week. And they do this for decades, all the while complaining about the lack of “quality men.”

Your mistake my friend is listening to women’s complaints about not having enough quality options. Women love the game. They will play the game and soak up all the validation while complaining until they hit the wall...and in the process miss a bunch of quality men because he was 5'11 and not 6 feet tall., or because his hair line was fvckd up - things he can't even control. Does that sound like lack to you? To me it sounds like entitlement.

The average woman isn’t looking for sex because she already has 5 penises in her rotation. She doesn’t need a 6th one. But she’ll take all the validation and free dinners she can get, while complaining to anyone who is dumb enough to listen to her dating woes.

I often hear the “most women aren’t looking for a quick lay” argument and it almost insinuates that they aren’t as sexual as men, which is being disingenuous. They already have quick lays on speed dial while simultaneously “dating with intentions.” I know because I’ve been the speed dial guy for the majority of my life. The self sabotage you speak of comes from entitlement due to being spoiled from social media/dating apps, not because of poor seduction skills or anxiety.

And yes, having too many options causes self sabotage. It’s almost like having no options. People wouldn’t understand this phenomenon unless they’ve experienced it themselves. Most guys see women having dating issues and project their own lack to women. It’s the opposite for women. Attractive women suffer from the paradox of too many options.

This is something 99% of men can’t relate to, which is why it sounds unbelievable.