Woman suddenly avoids me?

[Lambda]

I am about to change employer in a few weeks, so please don’t give me the “don’t sit where you eat speech” . So there is this girl at the office I want to date. We have been flirting for a long time. I’ve got some good signs of interest, and we have shared a lot of “moments”, staring each other down while smiling, touching, she asking for help for minor stuff (isolating me in the process) etc.

She has a BF, but I’ve got the impression that the relationship is not so good. When she mention him it is mostly in negative terms like “he’s a little fat you know”, “his room is a little messy”, “he got really bad eyesight” etc.
So I asked her out last week and she responded like: “Hi! Actually BF asked me out this Saturday, but I would be glad to go to the cinema with you another time!!”

I said that is a deal.

Next morning she was very energetic around me, and had positive body language, smiling, stroking her neck when we talked, stretching and thrusting her breasts when we talk etc.

Now, a week later my plan was to ask her again today, but a couple of days ago she started acting strange. She has started to avoid me a little, and have a slight attitude. And she is more nervous. Also there is a work-party coming up, and she’s bringing BF. I am going to another party, so won’t be there. I don’t know if she has changed her mind (not interested), or trying to be more discrete (we are at work after all), OR trying to make me chase her to ask her out again!

I still notice her looking at me secretly, but she is very subtle and stiff, like she is pretending not to be looking!

About being discrete, at the same day as the avoiding started there was a new leader beginning at work, so of course she wants to make a good impression. Also some of the coworkers have noticed that something is going on recently.

I have played it cool, and not chased her, just being polite.

I have to to something now, so how do you think I should handle this? Remember I will be out of here in some weeks.

 

[Lambda]

Is her boyfriend big enough to put you in the hospital for a couple weeks?

No single women around?

Isn't it up to her to decide what she wants to do with her life? If she is flirting with me, then I take her as fair game until she say stop.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I'd say she feels guilty. That's understandable. I'd be very aloof for a while, start hitting on other chicks at work and generally just playing it cool.
If she reinitiates, that's good. If not, then you know she was never that interested in you romantically.
Remember, chicks with BFs love getting attention from other guys to boost their ego with absolutely no intention of cheating.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Just ask her out again ^^ Got nothing to lose, you'll be out of there soon anyway.

 

[Cremasta]

I have played it cool, and not chased her, just being polite.
.

Now is not the time to play it cool. You're leaving in a few weeks, so you need to ramp things up and seal the deal.

Chances are she's backing off because she thinks you're no longer interested in her.

Get her on a date. You've already done enough groundwork to go for the kill!

If it doesn't work, big deal, what have you lost?

 

[Lambda]

I'd say she feels guilty. That's understandable. I'd be very aloof for a while, start hitting on other chicks at work and generally just playing it cool.
If she reinitiates, that's good. If not, then you know she was never that interested in you romantically.
Remember, chicks with BFs love getting attention from other guys to boost their ego with absolutely no intention of cheating.

Actually, she came up to me once at the end of a work party, and asked me what my plans are now. I should have asked her to come home with me then, but I could not at that time.

 

[dap]

This girl was using you to as an insurance policy if things ever didn't work out with her BF. All the flirting, etc was just her making sure that you were an option should she need you. Once you started trying to push for more, she resisted. She is attracted to you as a Plan B, not as a Plan A. All this coldness is her trying to push you back into the Plan B frame. Fck that, go NC (be polite since you work with her) and start talking to other women.

EDIT: read my signature

 

[Lambda]

This girl was using you to as an insurance policy if things ever didn't work out with her BF. All the flirting, etc was just her making sure that you were an option should she need you. Once you started trying to push for more, she resisted. She is attracted to you as a Plan B, not as a Plan A. All this coldness is her trying to push you back into the Plan B frame. Fck that, go NC (be polite since you work with her) and start talking to other women.

EDIT: read my signature

Maybe, but I would expect her to act cold the day after I asked her instead of keep flirting. The day after she actually asked me for some help with a lame excusion, and then we were isolated. And she was asking me if I had asked someone else for cinema in the weekend. I told her I was going out with friends. Also at the same incident she was staring at my crotch, butt and I stroke her back/shoulder a little, which she enjoyed (seemingly)

 

[Kbomb]

Maybe, but I would expect her to act cold the day after I asked her instead of keep flirting. The day after she actually asked me for some help with a lame excusion, and then we were isolated. And she was asking me if I had asked someone else for cinema in the weekend. I told her I was going out with friends. Also at the same incident she was staring at my crotch, butt and I stroke her back/shoulder a little, which she enjoyed (seemingly)

right, so ignore everything being said here and continue to act the fool.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Yeah for real I agree with Kbomb, when she asked you that you should have said "Yeah I asked someone else, I figured you could get your boyfriend to bring you if you wanted to go" or something like that. End the conversation, and leave the room. Only way she's gonna stop the mind games. What you did is just feed her ego pretty much, didn't help your situation at all.

 

[SgtSplacker]

I'd just give her my contact info and tell her that you really value her friendship and would like to stay in touch. Maybe set something up the weekend after and crush that shiz!

 

[Lambda]

Yeah for real I agree with Kbomb, when she asked you that you should have said "Yeah I asked someone else, I figured you could get your boyfriend to bring you if you wanted to go" or something like that. End the conversation, and leave the room. Only way she's gonna stop the mind games. What you did is just feed her ego pretty much, didn't help your situation at all.

Yeah I could tell a lie, but she is checking my stories so it could easily backfire.

 

[Lambda]

I'd just give her my contact info and tell her that you really value her friendship and would like to stay in touch. Maybe set something up the weekend after and crush that shiz!

Do you mean the weekend after I leave the job?

 

[VladPatton]

She's playing games because she is unsure. She has a lot of work to do to get with you first. She has to dump the BF, deal with his drama, while simultaneously date you. So she'll go back to him today, see something she doesn't like, come back to YOU, vice versa, rinse and repeat, all the while her ego is inflating because SHE has the power to choose between two guys.

Play it cool, stop feeding her ego, get colder, let HER wonder wtf is going on, and give her your number. Admit you go on dates with other girls when she flakes, so what? Don't be too nice, she's not doing you a favor by chatting you up at work with bullʂhit IOIs.

If she has any interest and wants to dump her current BF, fine. You made your move and asked her out and she gave a lame excuse. Don't waste your time waiting for her. There are single girls out there with better interest in you.

Good luck.

 

[nismo-4]

Women who are interested in you WON'T confuse you and make you plan A.

Your princess is in another castle. You are in the friendzone at best. Don't you get it? When a woman mention's she has a boyfriend, AFAIC she don't like you. Don't you understand?

If a woman is unsure, giving mixed signals, keeping you as backup, it's little to no interest on her part. Sorry. Judge nismo has ruled that your princess is in another castle and she's just not that into you. Fact of the matter.

Case closed.

 

[Lambda]

You are right

I guess what many of you say here is right. I have been too easy, paying her too much attention, which also has lead to people (including the female boss) has noticed. The female boss seems to be jealous as well, so I guess she is fearing for her job. This and/or feeling of guilt, and that things suddenly have become scary for her lead to her starting avoiding me.

By the way I never gave you any background info: She’s older than me (40), I’m 32. I would say I look good and stay fit, whereas her BF is kind of fat, and has low wage (where I have higher wage/long education). She is still an HB8 even though she is 40, but is kind of shy and submissive (at least when I behave like the alpha).

So I have decided to go back to what worked in the first place. Remember, she actually opened the door to have a fling with me, but this is a while ago. This happened on a work-party, where she started leg-flirting with me when we were sitting around a table (pushing her knee into my thigh). When I was about to leave the party she came up to me and asked what my plans are now. I could not do it at that point, otherwise I would have invited her home.

What worked in the first place was to let her come to me. I was attracted to her at that point, and flirting with her, but I didn’t “pursue” her. I didn’t expect anything from our flirting, just kept it fun and light.

So it’s only a fling she’s (or was) after, which is what attached women usually want anyway. And that’s why I have decided to just pull back, giving little attention, become less concerned about the outcome with her, but at the same time have a great time with people. When I quit this job I plan to say something like “if you ever want to meet me, don’t hesitate to contact me”, if she has not initiated something with me by then.

I have already withdrawn from her and it has shown results immediately. She no longer avoids me and instead comes to me (to say hi or whatever), but nothing more than that yet. I can see that she is quite nervous but trying to be cool when she comes to me.

Good plan?

 

[dap]

When I quit this job I plan to say something like “if you ever want to meet me, don’t hesitate to contact me”, if she has not initiated something with me by then.

Why not just say: "I can't stop thinking about you so if you ever want to use me as Plan B I'll be waiting by the phone if you wanna call."

 

[Lambda]

Why not just say: "I can't stop thinking about you so if you ever want to use me as Plan B I'll be waiting by the phone if you wanna call."

Ok. The rest is obviously good then.

 

[dap]

Ok. The rest is obviously good then.

Basically. Just be polite since you work with her and otherwise go NC. Assume that you won't get anything else from this girl since that is the most likely outcome anyway.