Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

wine and dine for first date and nothing!

babooya

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So I took this girl out for the first time tonight - we met at a bar and club a few wks ago. Dinner was good - good rapport and 70/30 talking.

Afterwards for drinks, we playfully discussed our first (steamy hot dance sessions!) time meeting at the club bar and I got to do some c&f and we had some fun with the convo. We kissed at the drinks place.

Then, after a really nice walk, all seems good, I bring her to my place where - BAM - at the door to my apt. she states she won't go it, so I had to do some convincing (I know I should have ended the conversation right there), but I was going to be calm and persistent. So she came in after about one simple "but why" from me (in which she stated: *I don't know you that well*).

But, here's the million dollar question: If she doesn't know me that well, but decides to french kiss in a bar and on the walk, and a few weeks ago get freaky on the dance floor, then what is going on here? Tonight drinks had *NOTHING* to do with it.

So she spends 1h at my place, we just talk, blah. I make 2 moves on her and I realize she isn't going to stay the night or go further than kissing. So we say our goodbye and she says, directed to me: *Call me *

I politely said: "I have a phone, if you want to you can call me" (this makes the point clear that it is up to *her* now to show her interest, as I sure as hell did tonight, with not much gained.

Any advice here? Should I just forget about her? Should I realize that even after a few long french kisses and nice rapport that it might take a few days to get into the girls pants? Or was she just not into me (which just makes me question girls completely).

Thanks,
bb.
 

Bonhomme

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That was a painful read

She had second thoughts right from the git-go, and the way you acted came across as pushy and needy, and drove her further away. You pushed when you should have chilled, laid back, and let her settle back into her comfort zone.

Dating doesn't always progress as expected. Sometimes you gotta step back to move forward.

I'm seeing a gal, and the same sort of thing happened, but I went with the flow, and we're cool. A couple weekends ago I ran into her at a party, and we had a marvelous conversation, which led to some hand massage, and a really good makeout session when we left.

Then we had a date about a week later, which also led to lots of making out ... but it was getting a bit beyond her comfort zone.

I could see she wanted a bit of space and to slow things down. We had set a date for last night, so I decided I would just lay back, enjoy her company, and not expect anything physical. In fact, I halfway expected to be giving her the "let's just be friends" speech.

We had a great time, without being so "touchy-feely," -- just a little hand-holding as we walked to the car -- and were about to go our separate ways, when I gave her a gentle goodnight kiss, and invited her into the car, since the vibe was really good. We ended up making out hotter than we have before, with her taking more of the initiative for the first time.

So don't freak out if a gal got into it with you, and wants to step back a bit. It doesn't necessarily mean she isn't into you. Whether or not she's into you, you must give her the space she needs. Then she just might surprise you by wanting a bit more closeness.

In fact, when a gal sees you as a real long-term prospect, she may want to take things a bit slower. You might not bed her at all, because that's a sort of "all or nothing" mentality in which she's attracted enough to have sex with you, but doesn't find you "disposable" enough to just have sex with you. This is essentially the reason jerks get a lot more sex. The gal has no qualms about having her fun and moving on.
 

babooya

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I don't normally move *that* fast, at least I usually let her warm up to me. Usually the french kisses and such help the girl relax, if she goes along with the kissing.

With her, I feel it helped her relax but I'm sure she saw me as a good guy, not a "jerk". That is the case with me :)

But the situation is this: She's only here temporarily for another year so I'm not thinking LTR. I'm thinking - have fun NOW.

Why won't these ladies just think the same thing. And if they're not into you, why do the deep kissing? And since they do kiss you and such which implies (at least some) interest, why so slow to open up? I just don't get women. :-S
 

Tigris

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If I tell a guy he can call me, then that's how I tell if he's interested - he calls me. If he isn't interested enough to call me, or has some other agenda, I'm not going to chase him and try and change his mind.

If he responded by ordering me to call him, that's the last time I would see him. Too weird.
 

babooya

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Too weird? It is just TURNING THE TABLES.

geez. whoever calls first wins a freaking prize. whoop dee do.
 

WaterTiger

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She was being all flirty, bold and deep kissing when you guys were IN PUBLIC! There were other people around, witnesses! She knew you weren't going to get hot and heavy there. Back at your place she was alone with you, just you and her. No witnesses, no one to help her if things got "out of hand".

You need to build up some more trust with her. Lighten up, hold back on the heavy stuff for a bit.

(And by the way...the DJ Bible WARNS against expensive wine-and-dine first dates! It should have been a casual meeting at a coffee shop.)
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by WaterTiger
She was being all flirty, bold and deep kissing when you guys were IN PUBLIC! There were other people around, witnesses! She knew you weren't going to get hot and heavy there. Back at your place she was alone with you, just you and her. No witnesses, no one to help her if things got "out of hand".

You need to build up some more trust with her. Lighten up, hold back on the heavy stuff for a bit.

(And by the way...the DJ Bible WARNS against expensive wine-and-dine first dates! It should have been a casual meeting at a coffee shop.)
I agree completely. It's as if guys that try to impress women with the whole dinner first date thing feel that they are owed something for feeding them. What's funny is that typically in those situations, there is such an emphasis on the activities and not on gaining the level of rapport that would make a woman truly comfortable with you.

This example is perfect in that it shows a woman you is returning affection but yet it didn't mean nearly as much since it was just in public. These types of interactions usually fulfill their need for drama by giving them an immediate thrill. The sad thing is that there wasn't enough intimate rapport to make her feel comfortable enough to be real after the date.

But then again, there is always something to be said about someone that 'expects' something out of a date. It's as bad as when a woman expects a guy to always plan and pay for the date.
 

babooya

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Great advice Francisco. I usually follow the "rules", but this one was different - she was definitely not relationship material (I wasn't that attracted to her, I've just been out of the game for a year so I was desparate), and she was too negative.
 

babooya

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Look all, it is easy as 1-2-3.

talk to the girl. forget about pickup lines, those are for silly times.

BE A MAN.

be up front.

show your intentions but be fair.

and treat all with respecct.

respect you. once you have that you will have gained respect from others.

be open minded and have fun before you are looking back realizing "I missed her". Act. Have fun and just move to a new city. Then you will have to meet new ppl.

I moved to NYC - a plethora of all. Wow. So easy to meet people and takes so little effort, just TRY! I was affraid for 6 months, then I just went out tonight, and could have got at least 6 numbers. Forget about being a supermodel, be CONFIDENT! c'mon guys, get out from the keyboard and just talk to girls. If they are cool with that they'll guide the way, TRUST ME. If they don't, easy one word.

NEXT!

Peace and to all a good night.
 
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