Will not marrying hurt me?

[Abbott]

If and when I marry, I know that it'll be a very careful, thought-out decision. I'll only marry if I think that she's a really good fit for me.

However, given the crazyness of society today, I think that it'll take me longer to find her, if I ever find her.

My concern is that I've heard that some people, especially employers, may think that married men are somehow more stable and reliable than single men, so thus will have a better time getting better jobs and pay. I wonder if there's any truth to that. If this is true, then I might stand to be indirectly hurt financially, due to difficulty in getting better jobs (even if I'm just as capable, if not more so, of actually doing a good job). I don't think that a 40 year old man, if single and never married, is necessarily a worse worker than a married man, but do others think so?

Another concern I have is that could it turn into a serious embarrassment? Will people think "Why has he never married? Is something wrong with him?" "Is he gay?"

I'm prepared to accept whatever the consequences are. However, I'm just curious.

All I know is that I think marriage is no laughing matter, I'm going to take it seriously, and I will not marry unless I find the right one. This still stands even if there are negative consequences for me if I don't marry.


Ben

 

[dietzcoi]

It may in fact hurt you with some religious types for sure, BUT

If you stay unmarried you will not need such a high paying job as you won't have to support the wife and kids, AND you can retire earlier.

You win all around unless you just want a high pressure high paying job working for a "family-oriented" business for the prestige value.

In any case, marrying just for career advancement is foolish in the extreme. You don't realize how little money you will need to live single.

Who cares if people think you are gay or whatever. They are all in the matrix anyway. I wish I had never cared what anybody thought, I would be a much better person today.

Dietzcoi

 

[dietzcoi]

Frivolous

Go back and reread your statement in 20 years when you are standing in divorce court....

Dietzcoi

 

[Jamo]

heh

frivolousz21, I guess you are part of that lucky 1%...I truly hope you don't come here crying one day...I really hope so....

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"If you like fvcking, marriage aint for you!"
- Chris Rock


It's funny cause it's true

 

[al77]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Who cares if people think... They are all in the matrix anyway.

I think this should be written in the cover of the DJ bible.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
you guys are crazy...nothing is better then love....its not natural to live without a women.

Ahhh....youthful ignorange......

Abbot, you really think there are negative consequences to not being married?

Aside from mising out on having children (if that is your thing) what are the negatives? I don't buy the job thing. And the gay comments....that will probably be more of a jealousy issue on the part of others.

Don't let ANY mothafvcka ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH preach to you that you need to follow some kind of predetermined path, whether it be marriage, money, or otherwise.

I am a 34 years old. People tell me that they can't believe that I am in my 30's. I look at my married friends and think "Damn, how did they get so old so fast?" Could there be a connection?

Despite the fact that married men live longer (I'm sure this has more to do with the fact that they take less risk than the fact that a woman is a magical youth potion) I firmly believe that marriage AGES you prematurely. Before you know it you don't care so much about how you look and how you dress and you become OLD. Not for me. I will wait until I find an IDEAL situation before I take the plunge, whether it comes next year or never comes at all.

Also, think about this.

I could have been married to a half dozen different women by now. They pretty much all wanted to marry me. A couple were even pretty good catches themselves. The only problem is, I know that as many times as I would have married, I would have been divorced an equal number of times by now. Why would I want to put myself through that?

And to make matters worse, nowadays I have to find one who is willing to sign a pre-nup, or it's a no-go. It's bad enough that she's gonna already get half of whatever you make when you are together, but I'll be damned if she's gonna take anything I worked for prior to us.

And if you think you are an "exception" to the divorce statistics, I suggest you get your head out of your ass. Your marriage has a 50% chance of survival, I don't care WHO you are. Then on top of that, how many of the other 50% do you think are TRULY happy? I would be willing to bet that the majority of marriages that don't end in divorce are still not very happy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

OXIDE: I have yet to meet the married man who told me how much better, and how much more sex he was getting after marriage. It's a cosmic and universal truth that sexual frequency declines within 2 years after marriage. Sad, but true and I have to unfortunately agree from experience. I get laid about twice a week as compared to between 4 and 6 times prior to marriage. It's a fact of life.

FRIV:

nothing drives a man to do anything like a women can.

Which is precisely why you shouldn't get married at your age. If it takes a woman to motivate you, you become the sum of what she expects of you, not a man of your own choosing.

having a woman love you unconditionally by yourside is the best thing life can offer

Learn this right now, with the exception of God in heaven, in your lifetime you will never experience unconditional love. Love, by it's very nature, is conditional. There will ALWAYS be determinants for love and mutual respect - anyone who tells you different is selling you something. Talk like this only betrays your ego-investment in a ONEitis / soulmate myth mentality.

Now, name a one benefit there is for a man in marriage that he can't get while being single? If you can name a single benefit, be my guest, go get married.

 

[penkitten]

heres the thing about marriage...
alot of people just rush right into it thinking they can be perfect at it or die trying.

its not so simple.

sometimes no matter what you do, how much you give and how hard you try does not matter.

sometimes promises are broken and things change and its usually something you never see coming.

if a marriage goes sour, a divorce can ruin you emotionally, physically, and finanically.

if you have children their lives get sucked up in custody battles and its so hard on both of you.

i am about to get married for the second time and chance it again. this time i dont have rose colored glasses on , i already know how hard it can be sometimes. however this time, i have found someone who doesnt have too many differences, someone who has the same plans and some of the same dreams that i do. this time i have found someone who loves me for me, and not just because i can take care of them.

i wouldnt be less of a person if i wasnt ever going to remarry. AND if something happens and it fails, i will never do it again haha.

 

[Egoist]

you know what? i really like what Napoleon Hill wrote about marriage and love. Basically, he believed that love was great but it doesn't have a standard time, maybe it will end tomorrow, maybe never. But you go with it, because its great even when it lasts a day. Once its over, move on and be happy. So basically do what you like what you feel is right, and realize that your marriage might not last, but if you are happy in the meantime, go for it. And when your marriage is screwed, move on.

he also talked about how a right woman can make or break a man (marry a hag, and you'll hate your life, marry a supporting woman, and she will make everything better) and he also believed that a woman is responsible perhaps more than a man for remaining desirable, giving the man a way to chase her, etc, etc, etc.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by STR8UP


Don't let ANY mothafvcka ON THE FACE OF THIS EARTH preach to you that you need to follow some kind of predetermined path, whether it be marriage, money, or otherwise.

exactly.

don't marry for the sake of it or because people tell you you should.

do it only if you really really want to.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
i never said she was a soulmate....I just care for her like I care for a family member..if she changes and gets on my nerves i will move on.

but i will still care for her.

I know that the relationship can end...thats life.

but its still better then not being with her.

if it ends I move on

well at least you are getting smarter.

 

[Egoist]

oh and and Rollo Tomassi, you rock. So cool to have a married guy who can objectively lay it all out.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Egoist
he also talked about how a right woman can make or break a man (marry a hag, and you'll hate your life, marry a supporting woman, and she will make everything better) and he also believed that a woman is responsible perhaps more than a man for remaining desirable, giving the man a way to chase her, etc, etc, etc.

There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that if you find a good woman (and I stress the word GOOD), your life will be infinitely better. Too bad most women fall closer on the scale to being a hag than being supporting.

I actually had one when I was about 25. I think she would have made a great wife, but I wasn't ready. I still don't think I'm ready. It isn't just about finding the right one for you, it's also about both of you being at the right stage in your life. Who knows...maybe I will never be cut out for it. Only time will tell, I suppose.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by STR8UP
There is no doubt in my mind whatsoever that if you find a good woman (and I stress the word GOOD), your life will be infinitely better. Too bad most women fall closer on the scale to being a hag than being supporting.

I actually had one when I was about 25. I think she would have made a great wife, but I wasn't ready. I still don't think I'm ready. It isn't just about finding the right one for you, it's also about both of you being at the right stage in your life. Who knows...maybe I will never be cut out for it. Only time will tell, I suppose.

yeah.

my ex was great, she'd be a perfect wife, BUT

i wasn't ready for marriage or whatever. Plus i think i sort of lost some of my feelings for her along the way. but that probably had more to do with her wanting marriage or something, and me being hesitant.

 

[Heretolearn]

Originally posted by djbr
I love this guy.

Really, even your mommy doesn't love you unconditionally.

Rollo is correct. A person's mother is a prime example of someone who does not love you unconditionally.


Perhaps you are referring to your mother which may be an exception ?

 

[Heretolearn]

Originally posted by frivolousz21
I dont care what negative happens with this.


if she dies or leaves me.. I will still have a child and a boatload of great memories.


everyone knows nothing drives a man to do anything like a women can.

Ive had my heart crushed 2 times...and I came back again because I realized I dated or went for the wrong women.

NONE of you would be here if you really just wanted to get laid..stop lying to yourselfs....

having a women love you unconditionally by yourside is the best thing life can offer.


most of you would admit you were afc...in your ltrs.

try being in one and being a man..and not letting her dis-repsect you..you will find having a good women and being a man go hand in hand

Your posts read to me like someone who is trying to justify a decision they are making in their life by assuming it is the BEST FOR EVERYONE. No such thing buddy boy. Choose a life for you and steer away awy from saying things for the whole of mankind as to what the best thing life can offer

Nevertheless, good luck with your life!

 

[Bonhomme]

A man should not marry unless they know what they're doing, and they really mean it.

After reading penkitten's post, that may even apply to women, though some less ethical ones make a lot of money from some chumps by doing so.