Why is a man initiating the relationship seen as Taboo dating advice

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I see it a lot, let the woman initiate the LTR because imho a lot of guys are either too impatient or do it out of fear of losing the women. If a man is expected to propose to a woman in marriage then why are we letting the woman initiate the first step in to marriage which is a relationship? Trust me, if a girl wants a relationship then she will give out hints, so I am not telling men to just go out and make uncalculated decisions. Defense is good, but this is too much of a defensive strategy. You could be talking to a complete sloot and she has some off dream and realizes that she wants a relationship the next morning and puts your defensive @$$ in one without discussing the responsibilities or jack shvt and later down the road decides she's bored and decides to cheat on you. Relationships should be earned and valued not just given to any girl.

 

[bat soup]

I see it a lot, let the woman initiate the LTR because imho a lot of guys are either too impatient or do it out of fear of losing the women. If a man is expected to propose to a woman in marriage then why are we letting the woman initiate the first step in to marriage which is a relationship? Trust me, if a girl wants a relationship then she will give out hints, so I am not telling men to just go out and make uncalculated decisions. Defense is good, but this is too much of a defensive strategy. You could be talking to a complete sloot and she has some off dream and realizes that she wants a relationship the next morning and puts your defensive @$$ in one without discussing the responsibilities or jack shvt and later down the road decides she's bored and decides to cheat on you. Relationships should be earned and valued not just given to any girl.

The woman opens or closes her legs. The man opens or closes his wallet. That's why.

 

[Caelum]

I usually give them 3 months to lock me down. If they dont initiate after 3 months I view them as not potential for an ltr and they probably dont view me as someone to bet on. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I do it.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

High quality women want a strong, decisive, dominant man.

You initiating the relationship is a good thing.

It becomes a problem when a man comes at it from a place of fear and desperation.

This seems about right. But women can tell if you're initiating because desperate/no options or initiating because you want her out of the the other options you have available.

 

[RangerMIke]

Getting into a relationship with a woman is a big step. For any relationship to work, you have to have both people making an effort. If you have either putting too much work in then it will not work. It's true with any 'partnership' even if you are in business with someone.

Most of the 'relationship' advice I see here isn't too bad, but in full disclosure, relationships aren't something I am good at... but I think I could pull it off if I wanted to. THINK, being the operative word because I am a very objective person so if you don't have actual results then any advice you get from me should be taken with a grain of salt.

Truth is I am WAY too selfish... selfish people do not make good partners. You have to strike a balance... and every successful partnership I've been in were ones where skills complimented each other, and if I see myself putting in most of the work in a venture then I will insist on more up side... If I'm busting my @ss and my 'partner' isn't delivering what I think they should, then I'll renegotiate something that looks more like 75-25 rather than 50-50... If I'm in a 50-50 partnership... and my 'partner' is doing most of the work... Hell... I'll let that keep going, if they are not going to complain than why should I?

Same is true with men & women. But the only problem with this is you have hormones and emotional BS that blurs the lines on 'effort' and once a 'relationship' starts you CAN NOT renegotiate the deal. The only option you have is to dissolve the partnership and move on if you are not getting what you want. What ends up happening is if you have a man that is putting in too much effort to make something work, then you will start to resent what is happening, and just fvcks with your head. Oh... a man can carry a load for a long time, but that NEVER lasts. At some point you'll get tired of that, and you will start pushing back... then the chick says to herself "What the fvck! Things were going so well... what's wrong with him?" REALLY, this is what happens... and the truth is a woman can replace a man much easier than the other way around. I can think of 5 women in the last couple of years, that wanted to take our dating to the next level... and when that didn't happen, they walked off and... well... they had a new guy on a leash within a matter of weeks. All she has to do is get on a dating app and she'll have 10 dudes throwing their d1cks at her. Hell, last night a woman I used to date invited me to a concert she was performing in (she's a piano player, actually pretty good), her new boyfriend was there... it became fairly obvious the reason I was invited was so that she could introduce me to him... The message she was sending this poor b@stard was "See... you can be replaced." This happens to me all the time. Now if this guy had any fvcking balls, he would have walked away then and there... but alas... he won't he'll double down and triple down in effort. The more supplication he displays, the less attractive he becomes.

Waiting for the chick to ask for a relationship balances the partnership. Let's face it, the most men get out of relationships with women is access to sex. Now it's not in ALL cases, but most definitely this is the trend. Men value sex a lot more than women... and this is the best tool she has. Don't get me wrong... women actually want and need sex more than men, but because it is easy for them to get they really don't value it as much as we do. The more a man values sex the less value he places on everything else he brings to the table.... and the more effort (time, money, emotional energy) he puts into something, the more committed he is to it. Human beings value LOSS a lot higher than potential GAIN. Women really are the same way... she is only going to value those things she has to work for.

Now... I suppose you can make a relationship work with a woman if you are the one that initiates it but if she isn't putting in the effort to get you, then you are actually starting the mile run back 200 meters, and the chance of you both crossing the finish line at the same time (which is what you want) is significantly reduced.

 

[samspade]

If a man is expected to propose to a woman in marriage then why are we letting the woman initiate the first step in to marriage which is a relationship?

The marriage proposal is a vestigial formality from yesteryear. If a man is smart, he'll already know the answer 100% before asking. Thus, the woman will have initiated the commitment.

There are a lot of answers to your broader question. The short version is she won't want a man who is placing such a premium on commitment. It would be like a woman acting desperate for sex when you've just met her - you'd see it as a red flag.

 

[BadBoy89]

I see it a lot, let the woman initiate the LTR because imho a lot of guys are either too impatient or do it out of fear of losing the women. If a man is expected to propose to a woman in marriage then why are we letting the woman initiate the first step in to marriage which is a relationship?

Men often forget, women have FREEDOM now. It’s not the 1950s. It’s alpha fux beta bucks; it’s dualistic mating Strategy.

Women are not virgins and have financial and legal power. They are no longer dependent on men the way they once were. It was this dependency that made women feminine, loyal, sexy, submissive.

Now that women have power, there is no reason for a man to “work” on a relationship, or to that effect, get married. This work has to come from the women’s side. For a man to “work” on a relationship when a woman has Power, makes no sense. A man should work on getting her pregnant, not on a relationship.