why does it seem so damn hard?

[xerex]

hello, im the ideal example of AFC, 18, only had one girlfriend my whole life and even that was a very ****ty relationship. she broke up with me twice before i realized that she wasnt worht it.but i've had enough of this dreaded AFC'ism, i want to change but just dont know how to go about it. thats why i joined sosuave. After reading countless material about guys like me going from AFC's to DJ's, i decided to give it a shot. so here's my life story...

im pretty good looking, girls have told me that im cute and even got approached once by this HB7, but i was too nervous to make a move, so she walked outta my life forever...im actually pretty funny and act very goofy around family and my guy friends, sometimes i even surprise myself with the jokes that i crack so i kno a lack of a sense of humor is not the problem but it does go out the window when Im around somebody with titties on their chest..

but i always get very nervous around strangers, especially women.. and the thought of approaching a girl scares the sh!t outta me..i get very self conscious and feel like i would ANYTHING else besides approach ..and i thought that maybe u guys could help...

 

[Obsidian]

Hmm, you have some issues. Try reading the DJ Bible. Then start approaching. (I also found some of the stuff in the 101 Guide at fastseduction.com to be useful when I was first getting started.)

And remember: You're a man, not a woman. Good looks aren't gonna cut it. You have to go out and make something of yourself. Women want to date a MAN, not a good-looking androgynous being.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

God, do I wish I had started this when I was 18!!! Good work Xerex!

 

[Obsidian]

do I wish I had started this when I was 18!!!

same here

But on the bright side, we all have plenty of time left to set things straight.

 

[Last Man Standing]

... but i always get very nervous around strangers, especially women.. and the thought of approaching a girl scares the sh!t outta me..i get very self conscious and feel like i would ANYTHING else besides approach ..and i thought that maybe u guys could help...

I know why!! It is because you feel as if they are judging you and that you feel you may not meet their expectations!! Don't worry about it kid -- when a man approaches a woman he is merely indicating an interest in her - she either accepts or declines!

Look at it like this---- Do you know a man rejects thousands of women before he approaches one that he is interested in? I have rejected tens of thousands of women before I approached one - do these women feel rejected? No, because our non-approach is not as obvious when we reject women because there is no outright attempt on our part...but it is an obvious verbal rejection for the male when we verbalize our interest in the female and she does not reciprocate interest; thus, this is where our self-conscious fear of rejection emanates from - a verbal/non verbal signal of non-interest!!!

 

[PrinceBeavis]

same here

But on the bright side, we all have plenty of time left to set things straight.

Right on!

 

[bachelor]

You gotta think to yourself that approaching women isn't a scary thing... It's a process just like anything else in life. The more you do it the better you get at it... Heres a few ways to better your approach:

1. Look in the mirror- Tell yourself your not afraid of approaching women
2. Start Small- You don't have to go in and get the number but create small talk by saying hello.... You wouldn't believe how friendly women can be.
3.Take a deep breathe- Relax, if a girl is cold it doesn't mean it's the end of the world...

 

[xerex]

thanks for the advice...approaching still seems scary but getting rejected doesn't...it might actually be fun getting rejected.. ill give it a try..

 

[Obsidian]

it actually is kinda fun, in my experience. I still don't close enough, tho. The number-close always seemed somewhat inappropriate in college situations during the modern Facebook era. Now that I've graduated, tho (and read more of Pook and Anti-Dump), I'm gonna work on mastering the #-close.

 

[CDT_154]

I have a similar problem. Except I'm not nervous or have any anxiety about talking to strangers or strange women, however; I can't seem to ask a girl out or even for her number. I'll talk, joke or whatever until it becomes stale or awkward say goodbye and that's that. Now if someone can explain that I'll be impressed.

 

[aussiegoat55]

I started by reading David DeAngelo's free newsletters and slowly understanding and learning his material. I also read articles at sosuave.com and becomeaplayer.com to increase my knowledge of dating, self improvement, women, flirting, sex, and love.

Do things out of your comfort zone, I know I had to in school by giving oral presentations, by participating in class more, volunteered more. It's learning one thing a day and applying it the next. Anybody can read, but the few who apply and practice will be rewarded for their work and experimentation.

The DJ Boot Camp is also a good start. This whole website is really about gaining confidence through self improvement, then everything else will come easier because confidence is the absolute core. Confidence isn't going be gained in a day, week, or month, for me it took about six months to significantly grow, and I'm still growing.

There's really no right, best, or wrong place to start. Start with something and learn, keeping filling your head, go out and apply what you learned.

 

[Alphamale1821]

the only reason afc, ass kissers and nice guys have a hard time with chicks is because they lack confidence and inner game plain and simple. Work on getting genuine confidence and the rest comes natural.

 

[Interceptor]

I have a similar problem. Except I'm not nervous or have any anxiety about talking to strangers or strange women, however; I can't seem to ask a girl out or even for her number. I'll talk, joke or whatever until it becomes stale or awkward say goodbye and that's that. Now if someone can explain that I'll be impressed.

I'll take a stab at it...

Because you're so insecure and feeling unworthy of yourself that you feel a need to "entertain" her. You don't feel genuinely worthy of her , so you feel you need "material" to keep her interested.
Since you don't feel worthy of her, and don't know how to express your sexuality with her, you subconsciously realize that physically escalating with her is incongruent, and just not natural feeling within the circumstances you created with her.
Since you didn't mention kino in your interactions, you're also afraid of touching women. Meaning, you're uncomfrotable with sexuality, yours and hers.
Also, by not feeling worthy and not kinoing, or escalating, you are subconsciously self sabotaging your efforts.

Close?