Why do women do this?

[NSUballer]

Yea now that I really think about it we werent really compatible at all. Youre right in saying that Im an athlete and had usually only saturday night to party. Its pretty hard to maintain a good relationship with someone when you can only spend time after 6pm (sleeping before 11pm) with class, practice or weights everyday. We would stay at each others house at least 4 or 5 times a week and I guess being together like that all the time drained everything. I DO know that if I wouldve done a few things differently She might still be around. But then I wouldve been prolonging the inevitable right?

 

[NSUballer]

Yea now that I really think about it we werent really compatible at all. Youre right in saying that Im an athlete and had usually only saturday night to party. Its pretty hard to maintain a good relationship with someone when you can only spend time after 6pm (sleeping before 11pm) with class, practice or weights everyday. We would stay at each others house at least 4 or 5 times a week and I guess being together like that all the time drained everything. I DO know that if I wouldve done a few things differently She might still be around. But then I wouldve been prolonging the inevitable right?

 

[Obsidian]

w/e Wyldfire, you obviously didn't read his entire post if you didn't pick up on any of his mistakes.

NSU -- If you're looking for a stable, long-term relationship, DO NOT go about it the way you just did. If you're just looking for a quick-fix with another hor, on the other hand, go right ahead and listen to Wyldfire.

 

[Vypros]

You were good for sex for her when she had no other options. Now she's got another guy on the string so you'll be second hat for a while and she'll ignore you. Then if she "ends" thing with the other guy, she'll come back to you for some more sex (possibly, maybe not).

My suggestion? Just forget about her man. You weren't giving her what she wanted and you, quite frankly, aren't relationship material.

Wonder what I mean by that? You can figure that out for yourself.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yea now that I really think about it we werent really compatible at all. Youre right in saying that Im an athlete and had usually only saturday night to party. Its pretty hard to maintain a good relationship with someone when you can only spend time after 6pm (sleeping before 11pm) with class, practice or weights everyday. We would stay at each others house at least 4 or 5 times a week and I guess being together like that all the time drained everything. I DO know that if I wouldve done a few things differently She might still be around. But then I wouldve been prolonging the inevitable right?

Yep...you can't force things to work that just aren't meant to work. You'd fare better with someone who understands your commitment to football. If you have to go to bed early, you're just not going to be able to maintain a relationship with someone who just wants to party or be out late all the time because they just don't understand the "zone" you're in.

 

[Wyldfire]

w/e Wyldfire, you obviously didn't read his entire post if you didn't pick up on any of his mistakes.

NSU -- If you're looking for a stable, long-term relationship, DO NOT go about it the way you just did. If you're just looking for a quick-fix with another hor, on the other hand, go right ahead and listen to Wyldfire.

He doesn't have the time to entertain girls becuase he has a demanding schedule. That is his reality. He had to understand that so he doesn't repeat the same mistake. He can't change his practice schedule to suit a party girl and it would be foolish for him to try. It's far better to find someone who fits his lifestyle than to try to force something without someone who doesn't fit it.

 

[NSUballer]

Right now Football is #1, School #2, everything else falls in after that...for now at least.

 

[So pimp its scary]

- it sounds like he didn't do anything the girl wanted so I doubt he was giving her much power

- I think he was too much of a challenge, in some ways. On the other hand, he was spending every day for two months with her right at the beginning of the "relationship" so I guess you could be right about this one.

- She spent way more money on him than he did on her. He wasn't a provider.

The other problems you mentioned seem to be on target, tho. He obviously screwed up in several ways if he was looking for a LTR.

I can see where you're coming from on the first two.

The third one, you took too litterally as provider... and well, that is accurate, but a provider in the lover/provider dynamic, is an emotional provider meant to provide (security, food, shelter) for her children. It's not about money, the lover in contrast is a guy that is reckless, strong, untamable, unpredictable, dangerous character... the type of man she wants to make babies, and so will sex the man very quick because she doesn't know how long he'll be around...

How this dynamic works into NSU's situation? Our friend would have approached this woman and started off in the category of lover, which would explain how she would sex him and be eager to start a relationship... she would have put him in the category of lover... Over time, small things start to slip, because well, i don't imagine NSU as being any sort of chump here, but he's not quite internalized these small differences of a natural. So slowly, provider traits started slipping, and over time, this girl started building more and more of a case that she had mistaken him for a lover when he was really provider material. Along comes another lover, on top of the relationship issues going on at the time... and we have a girl unhappy in a relationship with a potential other partner to grab on to.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

K yeah. You spent nearly every day with her right? Bad idea. When you ignored her and grinded with other girls you got her back right? Basically she got thinkin she owned you and then when she thought you didn't she was back on your ****.. learn from that.

 

[Hitman10000]

Actually...yes, that most likely is all. They are young and in college. She wants to live it up, have fun, party, hang out at bars and soak in all the "fun" she imagined her college experience to be. He is an athlete with practice at the crack of dawn. He can't go out and party, closing the bar and staying up all night entertaining her. He just can't reach his own goals AND satisfy her need for entertainment at once. That means they just aren't compatible. It really is that simple. Even people who like and are attracted to each other sometimes aren't compatible...and it's okay. He doesn't need to second guess himself or question what he did wrong...they just weren't compatible.

No where in his original post did he indicate that she wanted to go out and party. Seems like you're basing your opinions on people's personalities when you don't have a basic knowledge of them.

In anycase, for the football player and for others. It could be that she's the type that likes to experience different things here and now. It could be the fact that she's knew you too well. It could be the fact that she finally realized the both of you are kinda incompatible and think that the both of you can find someone better. Who knows, she could be right and it's time to move on and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[afrojiggles]

you sold ur manhood lol

 

[christz]

lol dude you got served.. hard..

you got to comfertable way to fast.. and defenitly were a clingy SOB learn from the mistake

 

[NSUballer]

Feelings were mutual. She was the one that always wanted to sleep at my house or vice versa. I wasnt clingy. Theres a difference between clingy/needy and having a real attraction to someone to where you would want to be around them whenever you can. Might have moved a little fast but it wasnt like it was some girl that I had just met.

Like i said before , ive known her since spring 2005 and I always was attracted to her but never asked her out until 12/31/06. We hit it off and started an exclusive relationship. I did/didnt do things that pushed her away. Im not gonna get into specifics but lets just say they were pretty dumb on my part. I mean I think about it now and im like why the hell did I do that or say that? Why would I do/say things I dont really mean? And to the person I cared about the most. Shes gorgeous, wouldve done anything for ME, sweet person, awesome personality, and has alot of the same interests as me. Im such a F*ckin idiot.

 

[Wyldfire]

No where in his original post did he indicate that she wanted to go out and party. Seems like you're basing your opinions on people's personalities when you don't have a basic knowledge of them.

In anycase, for the football player and for others. It could be that she's the type that likes to experience different things here and now. It could be the fact that she's knew you too well. It could be the fact that she finally realized the both of you are kinda incompatible and think that the both of you can find someone better. Who knows, she could be right and it's time to move on and there's nothing wrong with that.

I gathered that she wants to party because she always seems to want to go to bars...or goes to bars. That's usually a pretty good indicator of someone who wants to party.

 

[bud1971]

I know you got attached, and loss is difficult. But the best advice I can give you is not to listen to many of the above that say you got too comfortable, were not creative or mysterious enough...that's all crap and bad advice.

Better you got her out of your life, she is high maintenance and expects you to entertain her. Let's get this straight you spend a lot of quality time with her plus share the intimacy of sex and she is not happy...now she wants to be entertained? Just find another who will be happy with you no matter if you just hang out under a bridge somewhere, and yes they are out there. The important fact is that she is with you, regardless of what you are doing. In the meantime, until you find another, channel the anger/loss into exercise and self-improvement. Works every time.

 

[Wyldfire]

Based on things he's saying on another thread, it sounds like he didn't give quite enough info on this situation. It appears that he may have done some things to push her away when he didn't really want to. He would like to try to salvage things. It could be that he caused the problems and that they weren't as incompatible as this thread implies.

 

[NSUballer]

She isnt high maintenance at all. She was always content with just hanging out most of the time, but what she told me is that she didnt feel like I cared. She said she liked being with me but i didnt show her that i cared. I guess i didnt. I never thanked her for anything really. She would buy me food, drinks, or whatever and i never even said thank you. She said she felt like i just expected all this from her. And i didnt expect anything like that because to me it wouldnt have mattered either way.

 

[Vypros]

I never thanked her for anything really. She would buy me food, drinks, or whatever and i never even said thank you. She said she felt like i just expected all this from her.

Her "I don't think you care" has little to do with her buying food, drinks, whatever.

Her "I don't think you care" means "You're not paying enough attention to me".

 

[So pimp its scary]

Yes, her IL in you was exceptionally high, and then you did the things I talked about earlier (with due corrections). If you want to learn from this don't just brush it off as 'we weren't compatible', seriously that sounds like a copout.

A better (more useful) question for yourself would be "what did I do that made us 'not compatible'?"