Why am I so nervous about having sex?

[Shivastorm_88]

I remember back when I was (much more) AFC, I was dating a girl (first girlfriend, first kiss, etc etc) and she wanted to have sex after three days we'd been dating, and I also remember I shrugged it off. We went up too fingering but I didn't take it any further at all even though she made it as clear as water that she wanted to "rape me" (like she said herself). I had a few BS excuses that I gave myself, but the real excuse was mainly because I was nervous about it. The other excuses were just excuses so I wouldn't admit it to myself (except maybe the fact that there was no condom... STDs aren't cool).

Now, about 9 months later, I talked to her today on msn, and one thing led to another we talked about when we were dating and we started e-flirting (sad, I know, but I was working on a project at the same time so I needed distraction ) and it came down to: she still really wants to have sex with me. Now I know it's just words and it might not be the case, but ASSUMING she really does want it, I know I shouldn't but I can't help but feel nervous about it. Mainly because I'm scared of being really bad at it (and once again it shouldn't be bothering me at all, I know I shouldn't care about being bad or not at my first time), but I doubt it's the only possible reason that makes me so nervous. It's like I really want to have sex, but since I have so high expectations from it (DAMN PORN! lol) maybe I'm scared of being disappointed (on top of being bad, which shouldn't even bother me at all!)

Sorry for the long post, but I need some input on this guys. I don't want to freeze up again if I end up making out with her and about to have sweaty animal raw sex with her

Oh and another question (in case it does happen) what's the best brand of condom? lol:crackup:

 

[B4IFURU18?]

Tell her you're really nervous before hand. She'll understand.

 

[Night Owl]

Sex is like learning to ride a bike - you got to climb on and ride it, other wise you will never know. Yes, you may fall off a few times, but never give up. You will get the hang of it, and be riding like the rest of us.

As for watching porn - give it up, it's not good for the ego. It's not real sex, it's manufactured.

 

[Stuntmann]

When you are faced with giving a presentation. Why would you be scared of doing it?


When you are faced with going in front of a judge because of a DUI. Why would you be scared of doing it?


If you were to jump out of plane with parachute for the first time. Why would you be scared of doing it?




What's a solution to go past a fear and acquire more hands on knowledge?





Let me know, I'll share with you a secret that you could really use.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

When you are faced with giving a presentation. Why would you be scared of doing it?


When you are faced with going in front of a judge because of a DUI. Why would you be scared of doing it?


If you were to jump out of plane with parachute for the first time. Why would you be scared of doing it?




What's a solution to go past a fear and acquire more hands on knowledge?





Let me know, I'll share with you a secret that you could really use.

I'm interested. Although I'd rather not have to bypass stress of doing something through techniques, I guess for now it's a start until I finally reach the level I want to reach

 

[B4IFURU18?]

In all seriousness. Read some www.menshealth.com girl next door/sex articles and that should get you goin, and get her goin.

 

[CORVETTE06]

yo buddy i got the same problem. i had sex before wit a girl i went out wit for 2 years...

i could have had much more sex but i get nervous and don't make it happen...

idk why i get so nervous.. i get so nervous that i cant get my **** up. no joke. does that happen 2 u


im not no homo ethier, i like girls and only girls.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

Naaaaa I was hard as hell for the whole time we were making out, and also when we started masturbating each other... Yet I didn't dare bring it up a notch

 

[Night Time Pimp]

Tell her it's your first time and that you're a little nervous about it. You'd be surprised how excited that will get a girl.

Just like we love taking a fresh virgin and moulding her, a lot of girls LOVE showing an inexperienced guy the joys of vagina.

Especially if she already told you she wants to rape you. Just tell her straight up, lay back and enjoy the ride bro.

 

[Obsidian]

hell, at least you don't practically have a breakdown about calling someone on the phone like i do

 

[tsmith2334]

i feel you on the nervousness man. your not alone.

 

[Shivastorm_88]

hell, at least you don't practically have a breakdown about calling someone on the phone like i do

LIES!

Well I think? I remember seeing your posts a lot, and IIRC you seem like a guy that knows a lot of Pook stuff (my God... I'm trying to live by his philosophy) Hell even your signature says so. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE A FRAUD!?!?!? lol (by fraud I simply mean that I thought you were a master with dem ladies)

 

[Tazman]

This is what helped me. Be selfish!

I simply did things I felt like doing to get myself off. However, I wouldn't take this to extremes like you're just jerking off with her body (although I would probably do that with a chick I don't really like). I did things I thought she might like, and she made noises and gave me cues when I did things she liked, but my goal was to get myself off so I didn't focus too much on her and it worked out pretty good.

She didn't literally tell me it was great, but she wanted to do it again so I felt that was all the feedback I needed. The key is to get caught up in the moment and don't focus on anything but what feels good. Some people don't (especially women) like this, but I pretty much objectified her body like I do when I'm watching porn and boy did that get me going.

 

[Ace of Flames]

You're nervous because you haven't done it. Simple as that.

And honestly, its not that big a deal. Are you gonna live in fear of something your whole life because maybe you won't be a prodigy at it your first try? Well the only way you'll ever get good at it is doing it, and you're gonna have to work through those first few times regardless. Its either do it now, when you have a perfect chance, or do it later, when you have less time in your life to enjoy it, with girls you REALLY wanna be with.

Guys like you are so funny to me. I don't understand it. This girl doesn't mean anything to you anymore, right? So let's pretend you DO get it on with her after all. And let's say you were fvcking horrible at it, just for argument's sake. Well.... SO WHAT?! Why do you care what this b!tch thinks? She's just an old ex. She's not gonna go around yelling to the world, "Shivastorm and I had sex, and he was the worst lay ever! He's not worthy of being called a man!!". I don't understand where your fear comes from.

Look man, do you wanna know how its gonna go down, given you have enough balls to get there? I'll tell you. Everybody, listen to this, it may be the only time you hear it:

You and her will be sitting on the bed. You're gonna start kissing, then making out. You'll end up laying down, with you on top of her. The rubbing and kissing and all that will be getting more intense, and she'll be breathing harder. You start taking off some clothes, she gets down to her bra, one of you takes it off her, and you'll probably stare at her boobs for a bit, just cuz you're a newbie. She won't care.

You'll both end up naked, your raging hard-on will be saying hello, and she'll probably be saying something like "I'm so wet" or "I'm ready for you baby". It won't be anything nasty like in porn (hopefully). Anyway, by this point, I hope to Jeebus that your natural instincts have kicked in, and you know where to go from here. Here's a few clues: It involves a lot of repetitive motion, deep breathing, funny sounds, and at the end, some bodily fluids topped off with a very happy feeling. Maybe she'll share that feeling, maybe not.

It takes a real idiot to be BAD at sex. I mean, everyone should be able to have a fairly pleasing, average sex session. Its not that complicated. Once you've done it for awhile and really got the hang of it, you'll be pretty good. The real reason guys mess it up in the act is because they won't stop fvcking WORRYING about it. Get out of your own head and look where the hell you are! You're banging a chick! All the hard work is over, you'd have to really do something stupid to screw it up at this point. Stop thinking and start screwing! Its in your DNA, I guarantee you can handle it.

 

[Obsidian]

Hell even your signature says so. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE A FRAUD!?!?!? lol (by fraud I simply mean that I thought you were a master with dem ladies)

hah, sorry to disappoint, but I'm not a master. I just try really hard.

I used to mainly set up dates in person instead of over the phone, so I'm still somewhat inexperienced with phones. I've always kinda had a phobia about them, actually. Emails, facebook, even in-person convos seem way easier. Anti-Dump's Machine says to get phone numbers, though, so that's what I'm doing now.

And this one girl I've met up with lately (cold approach at a bar) doesn't use much expression when she talks over the phone, so it makes me feel even weirder talking to her. So far she's been surprisingly unflaky, tho, so I guess I'm not screwin' it up too badly.

I've got the Pookish philosophy down for the most part, but when my lust comes into play I still sometimes find myself tempted to forsake the Great One and let my ego grow wild!

 

[BannedGod]

You're nervous because you haven't done it. Simple as that.

And honestly, its not that big a deal. Are you gonna live in fear of something your whole life because maybe you won't be a prodigy at it your first try? Well the only way you'll ever get good at it is doing it, and you're gonna have to work through those first few times regardless. Its either do it now, when you have a perfect chance, or do it later, when you have less time in your life to enjoy it, with girls you REALLY wanna be with.

Guys like you are so funny to me. I don't understand it. This girl doesn't mean anything to you anymore, right? So let's pretend you DO get it on with her after all. And let's say you were fvcking horrible at it, just for argument's sake. Well.... SO WHAT?! Why do you care what this b!tch thinks? She's just an old ex. She's not gonna go around yelling to the world, "Shivastorm and I had sex, and he was the worst lay ever! He's not worthy of being called a man!!". I don't understand where your fear comes from.

Look man, do you wanna know how its gonna go down, given you have enough balls to get there? I'll tell you. Everybody, listen to this, it may be the only time you hear it:

You and her will be sitting on the bed. You're gonna start kissing, then making out. You'll end up laying down, with you on top of her. The rubbing and kissing and all that will be getting more intense, and she'll be breathing harder. You start taking off some clothes, she gets down to her bra, one of you takes it off her, and you'll probably stare at her boobs for a bit, just cuz you're a newbie. She won't care.

You'll both end up naked, your raging hard-on will be saying hello, and she'll probably be saying something like "I'm so wet" or "I'm ready for you baby". It won't be anything nasty like in porn (hopefully). Anyway, by this point, I hope to Jeebus that your natural instincts have kicked in, and you know where to go from here. Here's a few clues: It involves a lot of repetitive motion, deep breathing, funny sounds, and at the end, some bodily fluids topped off with a very happy feeling. Maybe she'll share that feeling, maybe not.

It takes a real idiot to be BAD at sex. I mean, everyone should be able to have a fairly pleasing, average sex session. Its not that complicated. Once you've done it for awhile and really got the hang of it, you'll be pretty good. The real reason guys mess it up in the act is because they won't stop fvcking WORRYING about it. Get out of your own head and look where the hell you are! You're banging a chick! All the hard work is over, you'd have to really do something stupid to screw it up at this point. Stop thinking and start screwing! Its in your DNA, I guarantee you can handle it.

YOU, SIR, are completely RIGHT!!!! WTF was wrong with me? Damn that post just pumped the living **** out of me... I should read that before working out it's actually an insane pump (not sarcastic at all)

Anyways thanks it's exactly what I needed to hear man

(if anyone wonders: I have a similar problem to the O/P)

 

[jamescr73]

I thought i was going to suck and not last long, my first time too. I got an extended pleasure condom so i would last longer, but in reality i was so nervous that i got performance anxiety. Its like when your young and cant piss in front of anyone, i literally couldnt cvm in front of her, even though i was banging her. So I fukked her for 2 hours and 45 minutes, having to take 2 piss breaks and a water break, she thought i was some kind of dynamo, but i never told her that i was a virgin. She was a squirter to top it all off, so i got broken in real well. That was a wild night.

So dont be nervous. Its not a big deal really. Millions of people are doing it right now. Do a google search, learn a few positions, and go to town and have a good time.

 

[speakeasy]

To the OP, don't worry man, nothing to worry about. When I got my first piece I was hitting it like a champ. The thing is, after an hour of making out and sucking her tits and finger banging her, I was so f*cking horny I wasn't even thinking about being nervous. Just stick to missionary your first time, it's nothing to worry about. Make sure you take plenty of time to makeout so you'll be relaxed before you put it in.