Who hurts more and why?

[SmoothTalker]

Over the past year a LTR of mine ended and it was brutal (some of you may have read the posts about her...). It's taken a long time, but slowly I started getting better, and now finally I really do think I'm over it and ready to get some new hotties.

But recently I've been watching a friend go through some heartbreak too, and it made me think about two things.

First, who gets more attached, men or women? My gut and experience tells me its guys.

Second, and more importantly, why is this? After thinking about it for a while, the best I can come up with is scarcity. Girls have a much easier time finding a new guy, heck they often have backup while in a relationship. Understandably there is less attachment in this case than a guy who, even if he is not AFC, still focuses on the girl he's in a relationship with since that is his understanding of relationships.

Any thoughts? Anybody disagree? Share.

 

[everywomanshero]

I cannot directly answer your question. However, I can tell you about some research that might help you sort things out.

Men tend to fall in love faster than women do.

Men are more likely to commit suicide following a divorce, possibly because they make and maintain less social supports than women do during marriages. The numbers are also somewhat skewed because men are more successful when they do attempt suicide (use more direct means).

Women are more likely to suffer depression in general, regardless of relationship status.

Women are more practical in relationships than men are. This one is quite contrary to popular ideology, but it makes sense when added to other studies that show female dating sight users are more likely to search for men with high financial earnings.

There are actually more men than women in the lower age brackets in the United States. I forget what stage it stablizes, so look it up if you need to know accurately, but I think it's not until 30+ years of age.

My personal opinion, since men are still considered to be the "approachers" and "make the first move", those men who are not ashamed to risk rejection tend to have lots and lots of partners while men who sit and wait around tend to have very few partners and cling desperately as a result. This results in a viewpoint that any available women must be cherished to an extreme degree even if they have few redeeming values or are a poor fit. Not a good outlook IMO. I think it's worthwhile to remember that there are more difference in groups than between them. There are lots and lots of women who just want a hot mancake and lots and lots of men who just want a relationship & vice versa.

 

[SmoothTalker]

One thing's for sure, it cracks me up when I talk to a female friend and she complains about how guys never commit and aren't interested in relationships. Its just funny because I often know several guys at that very moment who would give anything just to be in a relationship with a girl and treat her like a queen, but are never given the time of day.

You get treated like crap because those are the only guys you'll give a chance to. Suits them right lol.

 

[DJVladdy]

Who gives a ****? we would all simply spend our time ARGUING in this thread (and you know how much the nerds looove arguing and trying to prove their opinion), but we would not really accomplish anything.

 

[Luminescence]

One thing's for sure, it cracks me up when I talk to a female friend and she complains about how guys never commit and aren't interested in relationships. Its just funny because I often know several guys at that very moment who would give anything just to be in a relationship with a girl and treat her like a queen, but are never given the time of day.

You get treated like crap because those are the only guys you'll give a chance to. Suits them right lol.

I've noticed this as well. It's not that guys are unwilling to commit, it's that the guys who all the girls are interested in are not willing.

 

[Luminescence]

Who gives a ****? we would all simply spend our time ARGUING in this thread (and you know how much the nerds looove arguing and trying to prove their opinion), but we would not really accomplish anything.

Why even post on this thread if this is your opinion?

 

[SmoothTalker]

See I don't believe so though KillaPetehog. I've heard from older guys, even when they have no problem with women, even after they've moved on, if they truely loved a girl she forever has a small place in his heart.

You hear about emotional baggage, but to be honest I haven't seen it. Most girls seem to forget a guy by the time they're on the next one, which is often quite quickly.

Actually I have seen baggage, but it as to do with being mistreated by a guy. So for example if she was abused or cheated on she might have trust issues, but they aren't due to her attachment to a guy. Its like she has erased him from memory, she just happens to remember what he did to her, but not him or anything good about him.

 

[KontrollerX]

Male and female AFC's get hurt the most.

That I think is the correct answer.

The AFC either male or female tends to look for excitement in their life which they cannot produce on their own so they find it in exciting non committed players.

The problems and hurt come for the AFC soon after getting involved with a player because they try to get the player to settle down and have a relationship with them.

They seek out the player because this person is exciting but ultimately the player does not have the same life goals as the AFC male/female and ultimately things crash and burn when the AFC tries to change the player and get them to commit.

The AFC gets dumped and then has the resulting deep emotional pain.

The AFC in reality needs to find some way to generate their own excitement in their life and not look to it in others and then once that is accomplished they need to seek out partners that have the same goals in mind as they do.

Like say for example if the AFC wants a committed relationship they have to find someone that is looking to settle down too and this person is not only judged by the same goal desire of wanting to settle down to be a good candidate for a long term relationship and investing one's emotions in but also through a long time of getting to know the other person and know if they possess your same morals and values.

Then you have a compatible match and don't have to work at the relationship much or fix it.

Since there is no fixing broken relationships anyway.

In short AFC's have to stop being AFC's and stop looking for stability in what is unstable.

Players are the birds that aren't meant to be caged.

The AFC that learns this saves themselves a lot of pain.