Where do you place the limit?

[popsickle]

So I started dating this new girl a couple of months ago. It's the first time I'm actually into a girl's personality as opposed to just her looks. She's cute, but that's not her best trait. Things are going well, I'm keeping it light and funny and we don't see each other too often (1-2x/week).
My question is around when to express my discontent about something she does. Let me explain. I kind of decided to try the fully laid back/aloof attitude to anything she does, be it going out or whatever have you. I say "oh cool have fun" and do my own thing with my friends. She hasnt complained about any of my activities either.
The thing is, as a man, and no matter how "cool" or "alpha" you are, there are bound to be moments when you would rather have her not do something or go somewhere - generally involving some mix of her friends, alcohol and some other guys. Do you have no choice but to keep a smile on your face or is it ever okay to express disapproval? Does that automatically make you look like a controling loser?

 

[AttackFormation]

You're not in a relationship and you haven't mentioned even talking about one, so yes, in this case it would be negative. Unless she's naive enough to think controlling behavior is affection.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Until she has brought up being exclusive and the two of you agree on it, you have no place to tell her you'd rather her not go out and do something.

Once you become exclusive, you have two options:
1. Continue letting her do what she wants, because you know that if she really wants to go out and bang some other guy, she's going to do it whether you try to prevent it from happening or not.
2. Say something to her about your not being comfortable with it.

I go with option #1 because #2 comes off as insecure and controlling. So I don't try to control things that haven't happened yet and I have no reason not to trust her. On the other hand, if I see or hear of her doing something inappropriate (through word of mouth, my own observations, or social media), then I will say something to her about it. An example of what I might talk to her about is if she seems to suddenly be texting on her phone constantly while we are together, I might ask who she's talking to and if it's a guy, I will raise an issue about why she needs to be texting another guy non-stop while we are together, and ask her what's going on. But that's different than trying to prevent her from going out and doing things. Again, you can't lock her up in a cage to prevent her from doing what she wants to do.

 

[popsickle]

Sorry I should have specified - we've been exclusive for that time frame. We had been "hanging out" for a while before that

 

[popsickle]

You're not married she can do what she wants. Yes. Keep a smile on your face. Do not express disapproval through words; only by action. One thing a woman cannot live without is attention. Withdraw your attention from her if you feel she's displaying poor behavior. If she doesn't get with the program then walk.

If you try to control a woman she's only going to become more rebellious.

Yeah that makes sense. She will eventually pick up on you being distant though and at that point what do you do? Explain the real reason or just be like "oh i was busy..."?

 

[Stallionstud]

I also took this aloof approach recently, and it worked great. However the moment I told her she wasted one of my nights she was gone. Just like the girl before her, who I told was acting differently and I didn’t like it. Ghost.

From now on I’m not saying a word. Only actions. They want a reason to feel justified in calling you a weak loser. Don’t give it to them

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

Sorry I should have specified - we've been exclusive for that time frame. We had been "hanging out" for a while before that

She is probably testing the boundaries, and probably wants to see you express some concern about her wayward behavior... as it would signal that you mean something to her.

 

[popsickle]

She is probably testing the boundaries, and probably wants to see you express some concern about her wayward behavior... as it would signal that you mean something to her.

Thanks. This is more a forward looking thread for me - she hasn't really done anything to piss me off at this point. I'm just wondering if in general when in a relationship it's ever okay for a guy to tell his girl he doesn't approve of something she's planning on doing. Sounds like the general consensus if to just suck it up and withdraw attention. And I guess at the end of the day if she does that sort of thing regularly, you probably shouldn't be with her in the first place

 

[wifehunter]

Little girls act this way with their fathers.

 

[EyeBRollin]

The thing is, as a man, and no matter how "cool" or "alpha" you are, there are bound to be moments when you would rather have her not do something or go somewhere - generally involving some mix of her friends, alcohol and some other guys. Do you have no choice but to keep a smile on your face or is it ever okay to express disapproval? Does that automatically make you look like a controling loser?

The only time you can express disapproval is if she is directly disrespecting you. If it something revolving her friends or how she handles situations that don't concern you, keep your mouth shut. It's an argument starter and you'll never win.

If she frequently engages in troublesome behavior that bothers you, she probably isn't the one for you.

 

[ohrein]

If she frequently engages in troublesome behavior that bothers you, she probably isn't the one for you.

This. Controlling women is a fools errand. You set the frame and either she follows or she gets nexted. Frame is covert, not overt, like all your important communications with women should be. Do not fall into the trap of using male communication within a relationship. If you pick a party girl and try to overtly drag her into a frame that restricts the behavior she had when you started dating her, you are gonna have a bad time. If she has anything other than high interest, she's unlikely to make those changes and be within your frame.

And finally, never let a woman's actions get to you emotionally. Instant emasculation.