When your friends get involved

[jcb1772]

Ok I'm SO close to asking this girl out who I see quite frequently during school. I plan to do it later this week after the class I have with her. BUT here's the fly in the oitment. One of my friends, who I told WAY back that I liked her (BAD mistake)...is indirectly figuring out that I STILL like her, and now he's pressuring me to ask her out.

What's embarassing is that he's nagging me to do it sometimes even when she's close by..and today he really made me pissed. He actually went up to her and asked her if she'd consider going out with me!! Fortunately it was real brief, nobody else was paying attention, and she seemed occupied with something else. And her answer according to him was "yeah, but if you're going to tell him, I'll get back to you" or something like that. I dunno, I guess that's better than "no, get away from me I don't like him" but still. Now it makes it even harder for me to do what I've been planning to do. Argh.

Has my friend fvcked it up for good? (in the larger scheme of things, I know, it's MY fault for telling him a while back)...or does it make a difference? Has this ever happened to anybody here?

I still plan to ask her out this week but now it's like she's expecting it because a retarded friend leaked the info to her and ohhh I feel so screwed.

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

honestly man, people that say sh*t like that deserve to be shot

you shouldn't have to worry about everything you tell people. when he was bothering you and saying when are you going to ask her out, you should have said when i feel like it f*cktard

no offence meant here man, but normally this REALLY hampers your game when your starting out. true djs can pick up a girl in a few minutes, but when your starting out its hard to set it all up. We've all been there

tell your friend to shut his damn mouth. give the girl like a week before asking her out. then she will be confused ie i thought he liked me?

ps sorry i needed to vent this happend to me alot a couple years back

 

[jcb1772]

aww man, sorry that had to happen to you more than once. lol I feel like shooting him now (not really, but I'm still mad). He's really not that bad of a friend, he's just that kind of guy that gets involved in other people's dating business...in this case too much so.

The only thing about waiting is that she'd think I'm too scared to ask her...and I don't want to make myself look any weaker than I already look. Which makes me realize something else...she probably thinks I WANTED him to ask her that. Which (although not the case), is a very pvssy act. Another aggh.

I'm going to ask her out on Thursday (don't see her much tomorrow) after I see her in one particular class. However, how can I prevent my friend from bugging me about going up tomorrow, or worse...going up yet again himself? He very well could strike with a "if you don't ask her now, I will for you" or some crap like that...how would I keep that from happening? I know this situation sounds incredibly stupid, but I've come TOO far to let a friend ruin the whole thing...

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

ya, i thought that it might make you look scared. but i also thought that if you ignore her completely then she would be confused. i like your way better, but you have to

a) tell her the truth, you were planning to ask her out anyways and didn't know your friend was talking to her. but only if she brings it up, if you do then its obvious that you've been thinking about it alot

b)tell your friend that if he opens his mouth one more time your going to put out his lights for him. if he does, he's not worth being your friend, since he was willing to screw you on something that is obviously important to you.

lol, back in my afc days it happend alot. they think their doing you a favour. knuckleheads

 

[stalluproar]

Him saying that lessened your chances. Females are turned off by hesitation.

Now if you go and ask her out, it will be too predictable.

I think the best way to get the momentum back in your direction is to go up to her and directly ask in a confident tone if your friend asked her if she would go out with you. Follow up by saying aren't friends funny like that going up to girls like that. Then you end the interaction first by saying you got to turn in an assignment quick or something. Act like you are disconnecting (walking away) and turn back and say, by the way, do you have email/number? Here, write it down (have a pen and paper handy). Then say great. I'll give you a call sometime. And walk away...

 

[jcb1772]

Originally posted by stalluproar
Him saying that lessened your chances. Females are turned off by hesitation.

Now if you go and ask her out, it will be too predictable.

I think the best way to get the momentum back in your direction is to go up to her and directly ask in a confident tone if your friend asked her if she would go out with you. Follow up by saying aren't friends funny like that going up to girls like that. Then you end the interaction first by saying you got to turn in an assignment quick or something. Act like you are disconnecting (walking away) and turn back and say, by the way, do you have email/number? Here, write it down (have a pen and paper handy). Then say great. I'll give you a call sometime. And walk away...

Well, see I already went up and asked for her number about a week or 2 ago...she happily gave it to me, and I called twice but no answer (left message on the second one)...brought it back up later in person but we've kinda let that slip behind.

Yeah see that's the other thing, now she's almost EXPECTING me to ask her out. Fortunately my friend didn't do anything today, and I plan to just ask her out tomorrow...after seeing/interacting with her in a class I have.

Btw according to some people who see her more than I do...she has been talking about me a lot recently with her friends. Not overly positive or negative, just "jcb1772 likes me blah blah". I guess I can't make any inferenceso on that, but man it sure bothers me that she's now aware of my intentions of getting her.

any other thoughts?

 

[TinyFzzyKiwi]

i feel your pain to man...

about a month ago i had this girl crushing on me like crazy, it was obvious to everyone around us(some people even asked if we were going out.) But anyway, i had a friend who likes to come up with metaphors for stuff, and so he came up with this one about "mr. opportunity is knocking" but i wasn't opening the door. He'd do it pretty much every single day whenever her and me were screwing around. I guess it hit me pretty hard wiith him doing it all the time, but no excuses for me, it was still my fault that i didn't ask her out soon enough. She even gave me a second chance and i blew that one even worse, oh well. It's in the past.

But ya, anyway, i think debonaires right, though at the same time i think you shouldn't delay. Friends can be good for pushing you forward, or they can push you back the other way as well i guess. i've had both.

 

[jcb1772]

Originally posted by TinyFzzyKiwi
But ya, anyway, i think debonaires right, though at the same time i think you shouldn't delay. Friends can be good for pushing you forward, or they can push you back the other way as well i guess. i've had both.

Yeah so true.

(trying to be as positive as I can lol)...ya know I guess one good thing is that at least I don't have to worry about her being shocked or surprised. She's expecting it, so if she does NOT want me...she'll know what to say and the rejection can go by real fast. This one DJ who I talked with earlier today actually said that that can be a good thing...though obviously HOW she came to expect it is what sucks.

Guess I'll see what happens, but it's going to be hard not to blame it on my friend if I fail...

 

[jcb1772]

My friend officially F***ed it up

Today, I just got (in a sense) rejected by my oneitis. Ok for those of you who know the story...basically she caught my attention in Nov, but I didn't know her very well. Then after Thanksgiving break we were assigned work partners for one class, which gave me opportunities to talk to more. Then a dance came up, which I intended to dance with her there...but unfortunately she never came. So then a few weeks ago I went up and got her phone # (she gave a happy 'sure' when I asked). I called twice but no response, left a message the second time, but that kinda slipped away. Then this week I decided I'd just go up and ask her out.

That's when my friend came in. I told him I liked her a while back before the dance, but tried not to bring it up. For some reason he remembered it and told me I should ask her out. I told him yeah I'm thinking about it but don't get too concerned. What he did after that was he went up to her and asked her if she was interested in going out with me. The answer was a yeah, I'll get back to you...but then today I went up and asked her something about work (was going to proceed to ask her out after that)...she clearly wanted to get away from me. So I just couldn't do it, knowing rejection was obvious. THEN my weak-minded friend later asked her if she was avoiding me!! (WTF??) She said "YEAH, Kind of..." THEN, as if it couldn't get even more f*cked up, he went up yet again and told her that I've given up. I'm sure by this point she was thinking the shyttiest of me.

So there was no way I could fix it today, so I did the only thing I could do...went up to her casually and asked "has @ssFace been asking you all this stuff about me?" she was like "yeah...", then I just, with a large smile, said that I was sorry, I had no idea he was going to do all that...her response was a bland "it's ok". Then we split.

I LEARNED ONE OF MANY LESSONS THE HARD WAY...when you start getting interested in a girl, do NOT discuss it or bring it up with ANY of your friends. They may say they won't tell (technically, this kid didn't, but he still found a way to unintentially screw it up using his knowledge of the situation), but they may try to get involved. Sadly, I'll never know for sure if the outcome would've been different had my friend not blabbed all that crap to her...maybe she would have rejected me anyways. But there's no doubt in my mind that what he did was a huge turn off...end result, no girl.

I feel like a piece of shyt right now. I mean, not only does she not want to go out with me, but she was AVOIDING me...wanted to get away from me as far as possible. I creeped her out, because of my friend acting as the dumb little messenger boy.



And I still have to work with her through March lol...

 

[Microphone Fiend]

your friend sounds like he's living vicariously thru you. Tell him you don't like being put on the spot like that, in a serious tone. (Don't bring it up while y'all or joking or he'll just brush it off)

I kno guys that did this kinda thing when i was younger (and still do to each other, not me) Just tell them that it's pissing you off seriously and he shud get the idea. He doesn't kno that he's fvcking it up, but he is. When girls are put on the spot it tends to always end up like that. Hell, the other day some girl's friend put me on the spot like that and i was like..."uhh". It is always something to do in person.

 

[jrme1212]

yeh thats whats kind of happening with my saides date (snow-coming for some people) everyone is all bugging me if i am going to ask her out and stuff but the problem is she is even below my standards lol and im only going with her because she is one of my friends and she was already shut down a few times

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

Re: My friend officially F***ed it up

Originally posted by jcb1772
THEN my weak-minded friend later asked her if she was avoiding me!! (WTF??)

THEN, as if it couldn't get even more f*cked up, he went up yet again and told her that I've given up. [/QUOTE]

if he doesn't know that he was screwing you over, your so called "buddy" is a fcuking moron

 

[PeeGee]

I think what we've learned here is to choose your wingmen very wisely.

 

[t00dumb]

never talk your true feelings with any of ur friends unless he's trustworthy and won't go bash on you every second. keep your infatuation to yourself next time.

 

[Diaoz]

I guess I read this too late.

What I would have suggested would have been to go up and ask for the date.

As you know, hesistation is not a good thing and makes you look like a wuss.

Of course, predictability is not a good thing either?

So how should it have been done?

Say something like: You know, I'm interested in you(she knows it anyway, she's been going around telling all her friends), but now....[pause and look into her eyes], I still do. Let's get together this Saturday blah blah blah.

Point being, you HAVE to ask for it ASAP, especially after your friend went up and did the shyt. Because EVERYONE knows anyway. The little trick confuses her and also is less predictable.


Anyway it's ok mate, I've been through that too, lesson learnt here is that:
1.) Find a good wingman
2.) Pick-Up ASAP! The moment you feel like it, do it!
3.) If you friend screws you up, quickly get your act together and make him look like the beta-male by laughing about it openly.