When to listen to her problems

[Noobie]

I know that when you're "dealin" with a girl, you don't exactly want to listen to her problems because that puts you into the "Let's Just Be Friends" category.

However, if you are her boyfriend, listening to her problems is totally fine and often essential.

So where is the line drawn between listening and not listening to her problems. Right now, the girl I'm dealing with has been down for a few days and for the first couple days I just said something to the lines of, "You're a big girl now, I'm sure you can handle it" But again she told me she's down today.. also, she made it very clear that she's interested in me through verbal hints and her actions. If I do listen to her problems, I just don't want to be associated with bad emotions too early, when I'm not supposed to be.

(Btw, we didn't date yet because it's a long distance relationship... different universities. Last time she visited, she got attracted to me)

Could you guys give me some insight as to when you think the right time to start listening to her problems is?

 

[KontrollerX]

"Could you guys give me some insight as to when you think the right time to start listening to her problems is?"

When you are getting paid $85 an hour to do so.

Seriously though you can always help her out with small problems like say she wants to know how to set up a new stereo system she bought or a toaster or whatever or she needs simple cheering up that taking her for a walk or out somewhere will help her acheive.

The bigger problems never attempt to help her with unless she expressly asks for your help and advice and even then try to not help for too long or become too involved in her problem.

Look for an exit as soon as you can find one basically and take it and if a girl ever calls you out for not helping her enough assure her that you are doing all that you can to be helpful and yes it doesn't matter if you are lying when you say this.

 

[Igetit!]

I know that when you're "dealin" with a girl, you don't exactly want to listen to her problems because that puts you into the "Let's Just Be Friends" category.

True.

Could you guys give me some insight as to when you think the right time to start listening to her problems is?

Well,the best time to listen to her problems is NEVER!!!
It's bad to listen to her problems too much once you're a couple and have already been dating for two or three months,but it's total dating/attraction suicide to listen to her problems before you've even started going out.
If you in the beginning stages of building a possible relationship,STEER CLEAR of being her therapist. If not,you could destroy your chances with her and not even know you did it.

Another thing to consider:If whenever you two talk to each other she introduces her problems to the conversation and you two talk about them,that means that you have a weak frame. You see,you have your life,and she has hers. She has all these problems in her life,and let's say your life is fun,exciting,and you really enjoy the way things are. Well,instead of you drawing and pulling her into your fun,exciting life,she draws you into her emotional stressed/problem filled one. I know that's what's happening. You know how I know? Because whenever you two get together,which way does the convo go,toward your life that's fun and enjoyable,or towards her's that's problem ridden? Do you talk about what fun things you did over the weekend,or does she being up the stress,negativity,and drama that happened to her over her weekend?

This is simple to solve. You can either talk to her about the good things going on in your life,or if she brings up her trash again,GRAB AHOLD OF IT,then change the subject. If you really put some emotion and feeling into your voice when telling her about your life,then she'll pick up on it while you're speaking since women are emotional. Then she'll run with those good emotions. If you don't take control,and she dominates the convo with all her negativity and problems,then she'll run with all the bad feelings and emotions that comes from all her issues. Then of course,all those bad emotions gets transferred to.....well,why don't I let you guess to whom they get transferred.

 

[ready123]

as a general rule, if you in a LTR w/ a girl, her problems will become yours. I'm not talking about a long term fvck buddy, I'm talking about a real relationship where you care about the girl and are no longer worried about frame control

all the don't associate yourself with bad feelings advice is geared toward guys who are still trying to game the girl (AKA haven't fvcked her yet) or guys who ONLY want to fvck the girl and don't want a relationship

once you're in an LTR w/ an genuine emotional connection, it's impossible to not listen to her problems.

I'll also add that even if you just wanna fvck her and nothing more, it doesn't really hurt you to actually listen to her once in awhile, as long as it's not excessive