What was your status when you started DJing/PUA training?

[playa in trainin']

I mean, what were you before you started reading on this site or reading on books about women?

Where did you start as?

How insecure, shy or how low your self-esteem back then?

Just curious..

 

[rgeere]

I hate to remember, but I had a few bad experiences with girls when I was young and was so hesitant to approach of talk to a girl that I came off as extreemely shy and introverted.

I didn't really have low self-esteeme, I just allowed the feeling of pain dominate not approaching women. Now I associate approaching women with fun and enjoyment.

 

[Capi Crimini]

Well originally I was a good DJ, not to shy except with older people(i was very young at the time) I didn't have problems talking but I wouldn't approach. So about fourth grade I became what i considered an older person. Once I knew people I could chat away with them and 'DJ' them.

About 7th grade I naturally got out of AFCdom. eight grade I was almost fully out and I found this site by accident looking for a poem(yes I like poetry. It was a E.E.Cummings Poem. 'she be brand')
anyway I stumbled onto S.S. then converted here. I find it fun here. I'm out of AFCdom completely since about the time I found this site. Since I already knew how to approach I didn't need most of the help here. But I did have a case of oneitis. Now I'm over it, though I still like the girl. Just in a different way. not obsessive form and **** like that. Havn't seen her in half-year+.

Thats my story.

So whats your story? You seem to have forgoten it.

-Edit- mainly what pulled me out of the AFCdom was my non-care attitude. Not the average not care.... I relaly didn't care. And the girls loved it, though in my non-caringness I never cared to return any of the numbers they gave me.-Edit-

to those of you who figure by not care I mean listening to Eminem. and eggin houses'. I mean I really didn't care. never did drugs though. They just really weren't attractive to me. Not because of the side-effect, but because lack of control or altering my mind makes me feel weak. Yes I know some drugs make you feel invincable, but frugs have funny affects on me. I'm not the normal case with most drugs.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by rgeere
I hate to remember, but I had a few bad experiences with girls when I was young and was so hesitant to approach of talk to a girl that I came off as extreemely shy and introverted.

I didn't really have low self-esteeme, I just allowed the feeling of pain dominate not approaching women. Now I associate approaching women with fun and enjoyment.

Hm.. I also am like that. When I was around 8 I got rejected by a japanese girl and she declined my handshake, I never knew why.

A cheerleader, upon interacting when saw me just shook her head from left to right, saying no..

Rejected twice as a youngin'.. Now i'm 18.. I still can't get over it.

What made you do the first approach?

 

[Capi Crimini]

Most of my life I've been in closed situations. It was approach or be an outcast. Outcast wasn't to fun.... I don't remember my very first approach... My biggest time with chicks Phone Numbers was when I was hospitalized... I got put in short term(for people who arn't too pysco) and I was really popular in there. I made one girl with ADD(14) me (15) pass out from laughing... I really didn't mean to. She had ADHD and I guess It got really bad and she passed out from laughing. She had a sort of crush on me... I've never gone out with a crazy-chick. Butin the mental hospitals they hit on you like crazy. Well... Me actually. Not reallly the other guys. That was really before my DJ days...Crazy **** though.

Collectively I just got over it. I'm lucky where I've never had it so bad it hurts to remember those days... They've all pretty pretty fine with chicks.

The oneitis I had liked me back. I've actually never had problems with chicks now that I think about it... I've had problems with me and my family. Which rubbs off on the chicks relationships.

I've never had a 'girlfriend'. At least one I would call a girlfriend. Though in othe people's eyes I've had a few.

I dunno I'm rambling. I don't often get to talk about this. It's mostly talking about getting chicks.

My real first approach really sucked ass though. Now I'm reme,bering it. I'll take you through the hard times in this next post. Maybe you'll learn something.

 

[Capi Crimini]

**** the story. Baisically I had the skills but my Christian virtues told me **** was wrong. Be nice to the chick. ect. Pretty much. I could get into girls pants if I wanted to... but I don't cause I was raised with sucky Christian virtues which screwed everything up. DANM PURITANS

 

[undesputable]

i thought i was the ****.....i many AFC things, i got girls but i didnt get that many....the ones i didnt get i just thought something was wrong with them....

 

[Hot Ice]

I was kinda DJ before sosuave.
A virgin though.

I've ALWAYS had high self value. I've known I'm worth something and never been desperate.
Lot of chicks had crush on me pre-sosuave time, but I knew I had a big prize tag on me.

I did think too much what other people tought about me earlier.

I got my first girlfriend when I was 15 I think and I was the man when I chose her from a big bunch of girls, but some AFC bull**** confused me and I had to break up with her because I didn't knew what to do... My instincts were saying the right thing to do as they always do if you just care to listen to them. Hahaha.. good times!

The major things sosuave.com has given to me are:
- hardcore confidence
- taking more care about my health and fitness
- I lost my v-card somewhere... Have you seen it ???
- Got rid of few minor one-itis, and never can get one again.
- Some great social connections I think I wouldn't had if I wasn't a DJ.
- Seeing my life way more clearly


Can't think of more..

 

[Dirtheart]

Good question.

I was a rejected and paranoid WBAFC. Having just lost my girlfriend I sunk into a state of low self-worth and low motivation. Despite being very popular, very charismatic and good looking, I had no confidence and I was beginning to hate myself.

In addition, I had NO idea on how to spark or maintain psychological attraction in a woman. Until that point the women I had been seeing had used and humiliated me, and cost me a fortune (considering I paid for everything and bought them gifts). Then after they dumped me, I'd spend months trying to win them back with apologies and trying to get their sympathy.

Nowadays women are throwing their numbers at me. I'm constantly getting txts and emails out of the blue from women I have spoken to, who tracked down my number from my friends. And it seems like I only have to talk to a woman for 10 minutes and they're all over me, flirting, asking questions (and this is while they're sober). And now, I may be on the verge of a long term relationship with a HB9 who is crazy about me.

I'm not even exaggerating. As a matter of fact, I'm omitting a lot of the juicy details.

I'm extremely grateful to everyone on this board and I am trying my best to give back as much as I have gained from it.

If you will allow me just this one AFC moment: I love you guys!

PS. If anyone wonders why I spend so much time on this board instead of going out into the field every day and approaching women, it's because I don't need to any more.

 

[playa in trainin']

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Good question.

I was a rejected and paranoid WBAFC. Having just lost my girlfriend I sunk into a state of low self-worth and low motivation. Despite being very popular, very charismatic and good looking, I had no confidence and I was beginning to hate myself.

In addition, I had NO idea on how to spark or maintain psychological attraction in a woman. Until that point the women I had been seeing had used and humiliated me, and cost me a fortune (considering I paid for everything and bought them gifts). Then after they dumped me, I'd spend months trying to win them back with apologies and trying to get their sympathy.

I can't believe how much I AM you right now.

I myself, girls say i'm goodlooking, infact I get picked up and offered money for sex. I'm of high status, not to brag but i'm probably the richest sob in school (but i dont flaunt it, i just know it) I'm pretty popular. Thing is.. I just lack the confidence. Infact, just 45 minutes ago, I was just apologizing to a girl who turned me down, and I did'nt even know why she did. She made me cry like every other day. Even just 30 minutes ago, I shed tears. Yeah, how AFCish of me.. Why? Because I am an AFC!

This is so friggin' depressing. Why is it so hard for me to start approaching and stop living the AFC way.. I was raised to be an AFC. Even moments ago, my father told me to be nice to girls, and they will love me. But on the contrary, it is false. I grew up being an AFC. Why is it so hard to change my ways? I just wish I was'nt raised like this.

It's sad because i'm thinking, "I have it all, looks, money, car, i have the body i worked for.." but my mindset is so hard to change, i swear. I cannot even start to approach. I cannot. Sometimes I wanna kick myself for not doing it. But i just can't do it. I'm the worse case in this forum. The worst.

 

[Dimebag_Darrell]

Well, I had my first gf when I was 4 and then another one when I was 6 and then somewhere down the line I didn't have another GF until the age of 12 and thats when I started being super AFC with the gift giving, supplicating, and all that horny sh*t. I was f*cked over by the b*tch and it traumatized me for a while...

Then I started literally hitting on the Arkansas Razorback RBI girls at the baseball games. I remember saying to myself when I was surrounded by the whole squad once "so this is what those good looking women with shiny legs on TV look like in real life."
and they were a lot easier to chat up then girls my age, my friends were super jealous....this was at the age of 13 or 14...

I've always had a knack for being good at flirting and chatting with the best looking girls in my grade or school, but never really had the guts to ask em out because I was still traumatized....

A million days later, I'm here, single, but I have many more options this summer than I had last summer. I could probably ask out 3 out of the 10 I know and at least go out with em, which would most likely lead to some good ol doggystyle.

Lately my game has been slowly improving and not at the level it could be because I'm a drug using and abusing, alcohol drinking, cocaine snorting, lifer. And although we got the right mentality and drive to get scores of women, we use that energy to find a QP, an 8 ball or some hash and so we get p*ssy whenever it comes around which it usually does.

I guess I need to start improving myself more so I can have a girl around to enjoy when my buddies are busy or working or too hungover to hang out.

 

[Dirtheart]

It's sad because i'm thinking, "I have it all, looks, money, car, i have the body i worked for.." but my mindset is so hard to change, i swear. I cannot even start to approach. I cannot. Sometimes I wanna kick myself for not doing it. But i just can't do it. I'm the worse case in this forum. The worst.

It does sound familiar indeed - except I never had much money, or a car.

There are two styles being preached on this board - the high pressure PUA style (e.g http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=46286) and the laidback DJ style (eg. http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=16926)

Some people go through the DJ bootcamp, force themselves to approach women and confront their fears, but I don't like this as I'm seeing too many people chastising themselves for "failing" and feeling down when it doesn't work out. I think the problems with this is that it is very rushed, it feels unnatural and relies too much on external conditions. I.e. you need women to accept you before you start to accept yourself. But a woman rarely accepts anyone who portrays a lack of confidence, so that's a step backwards.

I did try this approach to begin with, but it came back on me quite badly. So I decided to try the laidback route, stuck to what felt comfortable and took lots of little steps forward. I spent a lot of time reading and reconditioning my mind with things like positive affirmations and generally learning to appreciate my qualities and my life. Then very gradually I started applying a few of the subtle things out during my day: I'd stand and walk upright, move and speak more slowly, practise holding eye contact with people etc until it all started to come naturally to me.

It was like two different processes for me. One involved improving my state of mind, developing a carefree attitude and learning to appreciate myself; the second process involved learning the theories of attraction, so that I knew how to attract and keep women's interest. Once I was armed with that knowledge it really helped my confidence with women.

It sounds like you have a lot going for you, so try to take a break from trying so hard. Once you develop inner confidence and satisfaction with yourself, you will start to see the positive results come to you.

Stick around the board and read some of the tips and posts. There is a lot of junk as anyone will tell you, but trust your own judgement when reading them. I've learned that if something sounds far fetched then it probably isn't worth trying.

If you want a good place to start some of the best advice I've read on confidence appears in this thread:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=50381

Anyway, hope that has helped in some way. Good luck on your journey.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

This was from half a decade ago, but its a weird thing:

I was really funny and confident, but then some girl mentioned she liked nice guys, so instead of working on who I was, I started acting nice, wasn't as funny anymore, and became a total AFC.

When I found this board I shrugged off the whole nice guy thing, and went back to ironically, who I was before becoming an AFC!


Its funny how when we are young and innocent, we can be such great people, but as we grow up our experiences often "teach" us to fit into a certain mould.

 

[neobrood]

I WAS WAY BELOW AFC!!!

I swear... all of you are NOTHING compared to how WBAFC I was...

Here's something from my blog. Read it and tell me on a scale of 1-10 (1 being not afc and 10 being SO AFC)

***Note: Real names have been changed and comments were added***

[20 Mar 2004|01:20am]

Now... Im finally finding... LOVE...

Let me give 10 reasons WHY I LOVE HER!!!

1) Since she came into my life, I felt more energetic than before. I felt some sort of healing happen in me. I AM a ****ing hater... I grew up learning how to hate... and all of a sudden I was healed. I stopped showing signs of depression and suicidal behavior... What happened?!? [***SIGN OF NEEDINESS***]

2) My outlook on life kind of changed. The week before, I felt so suicidal and all... I was even planning to get my ass ran over by a car. Thanks to Diana it didnt happen. Diana made me see the light. If I normally spent the whole day hating myself and everything, thanks to Diana, I was thinking of beautiful things all the time. I normally viewed myself as so ****ing hopeless... therefore it is hopeless for me to study... cuz nothings gonna happen... Im a socially incompetent person who has FAILED to make friends in the past 20 years... so pathetic... therefore Im hopeless...
But with Diana, there is HOPE.

3) I am in the process of seeing the beauty of life... thanks to her... Look... I normally HATE looking at myself in the mirror. I normally feel like I wanna shoot that mother****er Im staring at in the mirror... But now, I think Im seeing a different person in the mirror. I dont feel like shooting him anymore... He's not a "mother****er" anymore... [***JUST BECAUSE OF HER?!? LOL!!!***]

4) She made me go to school. The 2nd term of college was really bad for me... I was really getting so ****ing depressed that I became a chronic absenter. Because of her, I got motivated to come to school EARLIER... and like I said, I became more energetic... I also got more motivated to continue studying... to continue the fight... to not give up hope...

5) She saved my life... Without her, Im supposed to be dead!!! She was the one who started loving me... She was so damn patient even if im such a ****head and such a boring person to talk to...

6) She taught me how to understand and forgive... I normally get pissed whenever I hear bad comments about Jesus... But in her case, I tried to be more forgiving. Didnt Jesus teach forgiveness of enemies? She really didnt say "bad" comments... she only said that Jesus is NOT God... [***YOU NOD YOUR HEAD AND SUPPLICATE TO THIS NON-BELIEVER? UPHOLD YOUR BELIEFS!!!***]

7) The way she talks to me... Like I think she is actually concerned about me. When I was absent from school... like 5 times, she always approaches me and worriedly asks me why am I absent... As if my absence affected her. Im really touched. Cuz I normally GO UN NOTICED whenever I absent myself. [***HAHAHA!!! YOU ARE SO GULLIBLE!!!***]

8) She taught me how to LEARN how to love... Face it... She is NOT THAT beautiful. She does not even try to wear revealing clothes or extremely tight outfits... Her hair is so damn messed up... and her figure is not really perfect. No magazine will make her a cover girl... cuz she is NOT cover girl material. If I were to rate her beauty from 1-10, she is only a "4". [***I'D UNDERSTAND IF SHE'S AN HB 7 OR HIGHER BUT 4 IS PATHETIC***]

I just learned how to LOVE her by getting to know her... A LOVE that is not influenced by any form of lust. Her beauty lies within. If beauty is measured by what is inside, she is a really really sexy and attractive woman... Right now Im so damn obsessed with her... I love you... [***OBSESSION? WHAT ARE YOU? A STALKER? YOU MORON!!! GIRLS HATE STALKERS!!!***]

9) Reduced looking at other women... Since I met her, I learned to control my polygamous nature. Whenever I see a pretty woman, I try to look away... I should only be looking at Diana. Only Diana. Nothing else. [***ONE-ITIS!!!***]

10) I started praying more... and learning how to thank God... I normally dont wanna fast and abstain... I normally see my parents like the "police" and I eat meat when they're not looking... Now I do those things on my own free will... to thank God... for letting me meet such a beautiful woman.
[***FIRST YOU SUPPLICATE AND THEN YOU THANK GOD? YOU MUST BE INSULTING YOUR GOD?***]

I LOVE DIANA!!!!!!!!! [***HAHAHA!!! I'LL TELL YOU WHAT! YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A DESPERATE NEEDY WEAKLING!!! GRAB SOME BALLS AND GET OVER IT!!!***]

 

[Dirtheart]

Let me give 10 reasons WHY I LOVE HER!!!

OMG!!!

I kept a journal last year too, but it got rather obsessive and depressing. Still it is so valuable to look back on these journals now and see all the mistakes I made and see the mindset I was in back then.

 

[comic_relief]

Good question

I was so bad that I did not even know that I was supposed to get her number and I asked chicks the question "Do you want to go out with me?"

Neo,
that was pathetic because of two reasons. 1.) they are pathetic and 2.) I did numbers 1, 2, 4, 10.

Sample prayer:
"Please God, Please let Oneitis go out with me. Please let her say yes when I ask her out. In Jesus name. Amen"
There was a bit more but that was a basic prayer I made everynight.

God I was so sad. New Prayer
Please God, Do not let me become an AFC ever again. Thank You. In Jesus's name amen.

 

[So Many Ways]

I was in pretty bad shape before I began reading all of the material online and began getting my game together. I had a ton of limiting beliefs, I thought I was unattractive to women, I thought I was one of those people that was destined to never find a woman, etc. I've come a long way since then but I still have far to go.

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

I would never approach. I stuck to worshipping girls from afar. Then, at the end of the day, I'd have the gall to wonder why I couldn't get a girl. *shakes head*