what was i thinking

[crazysheep4]

I dont know what is going on with me. I dont even know very well how to explain the problem but I'll do my best. Basically if I see a girl I find attractive and would possibly like to go out with I do my best and persue her, but not overly. In some cases they end up liking me and wanting to date me, but then when I find out they like me, the attraction towards them is completely gone.

I ask becuase this is happening to me right now. I guess this girl really likes me, and about a week or so ago I liked her and thought I would be willing to go out with her. Now that I've found out she likes me, the attraction isnt really there. What is going on?

Then again maybe Im just an idiot with a mental problem

 

[wind20mph]

could you just post a more detailed situation please. I'll help you figure that out.

 

[crazysheep4]

Sure. Ill elaborate.

Basically I was considering going out with this girl. So last friday night I went to a movie with her and my little group of friends. We (her ,me, and my friends) went to get pizza. Nothing special. It kinda worked out becuase she works there along with 2 of my friends. This way it didnt seem like I was going specifially to see her or anything.

So while all of us were there we were flirting a lot of the time. On the movie I gave her a backrub becuase she wanted one. Duing the movie we flirted like we had been during the restaurant. Every now and then I would kinda act disinterested to make her wonder what was going on in my mind

After the movie I had her give me a backrub becuase I "wanted her to show me how to do it properly" The ride home was like the rest. We talked and flirted and some kino. Me, her, and my best friend drove to her house to drop her off and once again, we flirted. Did the whole C/F thing, then I went home for the night.

I found out a couple days later that she really likes me. Now Im sitting here and the attraction that I originally felt is not nearly as strong as it was before. Im just wondering what happened and why I dont really like her anymore? This is the second time it has happened to me (the first time was a couple months ago).

 

[PRMoon]

You have the "hunter" mentality much like myself. The workings of it are as follows.
You get a really big thrill off of the chase and adventure of persuing a girl that you're unsure of her intentions. While you're after them you feel an emotional high and the response you get that are postive but not conclusive are fantastic. However once you get the nod and the girl is interested or you have sex with them or they open up to you and tell you how different you are how much they like you blah blah blah, the chase is over so you don't get that same rush from chasing. You've crossed the threshold into dating which you find boreing and routine. You already know the outcome of what dating these girls will lead to in your mind and you've already played it through and you don't find it very exciting. So you get a number and never call because you've already thouht about pursuing someone else.

Well I just describe myself, I could be wrong about you but I gather this is what you're talking about and what you're "Suffering" from. The cure for it for me was to find a girl who understand this and is patient with me. She lets me do my thing but tells me there's nobody out there like her so go ahead and look. It's not a cure because I still spend time hunting but it's good to know I've got a nice warm bed with a nice warm body waiting for me if things don't go well.

 

[crazysheep4]

I understand what you mean. The only problem I see with it is where you said this:

Originally posted by PRMoon

You've crossed the threshold into dating which you find boreing and routine. You already know the outcome of what dating these girls will lead to in your mind and you've already played it through and you don't find it very exciting. So you get a number and never call because you've already thouht about pursuing someone else.

Im really a shy guy unless Im with my friends or people Im comfertable with. Once I open up, im pretty crazy. I dont really date much at all nor do I get a lot of attention from girls becuase I'm shy (i kno im lame and im working on it )

So why do I turn them down if I originally liked them and know that I could go out with them? Wouldnt I want to go out with them simply because I dont get much attention?

Maybe its becuase Ive kinda come to the realization that I dont need a gf. That life is just as good, and in some cases better without them?

 

[PRMoon]

Hmmmmm

Okay so you're shy, uncoforable with people you don't know, and don't date much.

Then it may be the opposite effect from what I described that's got you. I'm not shy, i'm very comforable with people and I date all regularly, so the symptoms I described fit me like I said.

So you may have a fear of the uncertainty in relationships where you don't know the outcome or what's going to happen. Since none of us really need a girlfriend, because of additional stress and the fear of heart break, maybe you're just secure with being alone and don't want to hassle yourself with the work and uncertain outcomes of a realtionship.

 

[crazysheep4]

Hmm. Thats cool, I'm not really left with a lot of options here. It just seems weird to me knowing that theres this pretty good looking girl that realy likes me and I feel nothing. Just feels kinda odd.

I asked a couple friends and they all seem to think I should go out with her. I guess I will and just see what happens. Maybe I'll end up liking her after all, Ill just have to wait to find out.

 

[Jay-X]

it occurred to me too, pursue better looking chicks and it won't happen