ebracer05
Senior Don Juan
I don't know if I'm actually looking for any advice or if I just feel like ranting.
I perfectly acknowledge that I still struggle with creating the initial spark of attraction in a woman. But when I do, I am totally the man. In all of my past relationships except 1, the girl has continued to pursue me and pine for me like mad after I broke up with her (I've only ever been broken up with 1 time), sometimes for years. 1 girl got married 2 years ago and has never gotten over me. She's tried 3 times to have an extra marital affair with me. It's not necessarily a bad problem to have, because it really reinforces to me that I'm awesome, but what happened tonight is the reason I'm frustrated.
My ex called me up tonight... I broke up with her after about a 6 month relationship in June. She's been broken up about it ever since and can't escape my memory. She's told me before that she would marry me in a second, which is really why I got in to the pick up game to begin with... but it's so weird.
She's maybe an HB7.5, but prolly more of an HB7 and of all the girls I've dated, probably one of the least attractive. I have always had high standards for who I date. But for some reason I was attracted to this girl even though she wasn't on the same plane of attraction as what I normally go for. And as soon as things got easy with her and she started telling me all the things I've always wanted to hear, I wasn't interested. I don't know what the problem is, maybe it's that I'm too young. I'm 24 years old and still want to experience other women and don't want to be tied down to a commitment. And I feel like I should be able to attract someone more physically attractive than her. I don't know.
But she called me up tonight and reiterated in the clearest context I've ever heard that she wanted me back in her life and articulated everything I've ever wanted a woman to say to me. And I just don't feel like saying I'm okay with that.
It's not even like there's anyone else in my life. She'd be a brainlessly easy target for sex. She's an excellent person to be in a relationship with because she's not needy and let's me do my own thing and does all sorts of things for me. And I'm just not interested.
I'm just in a generally frustrated mood right now. I'm on a drug holiday from Klonopin and Ritalin so that I can get my tolerance reset before I start back in school. I feel awful from that. And it's just unsettling to me to have everything that I have, the ability to make girl's go crazy for me... and these aren't isolated cases, as I've been writing this I have thought of 10 different occasions this has happened, with people who have had their acts together. I have grown so much over the last 2 years since the first time I ever heard of a "pickup artist", and despite all the accomplishments I've made, I am still not getting anything that interests me.
I may have my expectations set too high, but I can't seem to find anyone that I'm interested in on a level beyond the physical. And if someone asked me to quantify an image of someone who would interest me, I don't know what I would say. It used to be enough just to have a female body that was attractive and interested in me, but now that I know that I can make that happen pretty easily when the mood strikes me, it's not enough. And I don't know what would make it enough.
Obviously it's not enough just for it to be someone who can fit in to the image I've crafted for my future. Isn't a man supposed to know what he wants? And I don't have any idea what I want right now. In fact, I' hadn't considered I didn't know what I wanted until that phone call tonight.
I've got 4 or 5 (I can't even really remember) 8's and 9's on the string right now, and I'm even talking to one of them right now, and I'm heavily disinterested. I haven't bought myself a drink in at least 2 or 3 months. And I've been drinking. I don't know what the problem is. But I don't feel like typing anymore. So I am going to watch some Seinfeld. And go to sleep.
I perfectly acknowledge that I still struggle with creating the initial spark of attraction in a woman. But when I do, I am totally the man. In all of my past relationships except 1, the girl has continued to pursue me and pine for me like mad after I broke up with her (I've only ever been broken up with 1 time), sometimes for years. 1 girl got married 2 years ago and has never gotten over me. She's tried 3 times to have an extra marital affair with me. It's not necessarily a bad problem to have, because it really reinforces to me that I'm awesome, but what happened tonight is the reason I'm frustrated.
My ex called me up tonight... I broke up with her after about a 6 month relationship in June. She's been broken up about it ever since and can't escape my memory. She's told me before that she would marry me in a second, which is really why I got in to the pick up game to begin with... but it's so weird.
She's maybe an HB7.5, but prolly more of an HB7 and of all the girls I've dated, probably one of the least attractive. I have always had high standards for who I date. But for some reason I was attracted to this girl even though she wasn't on the same plane of attraction as what I normally go for. And as soon as things got easy with her and she started telling me all the things I've always wanted to hear, I wasn't interested. I don't know what the problem is, maybe it's that I'm too young. I'm 24 years old and still want to experience other women and don't want to be tied down to a commitment. And I feel like I should be able to attract someone more physically attractive than her. I don't know.
But she called me up tonight and reiterated in the clearest context I've ever heard that she wanted me back in her life and articulated everything I've ever wanted a woman to say to me. And I just don't feel like saying I'm okay with that.
It's not even like there's anyone else in my life. She'd be a brainlessly easy target for sex. She's an excellent person to be in a relationship with because she's not needy and let's me do my own thing and does all sorts of things for me. And I'm just not interested.
I'm just in a generally frustrated mood right now. I'm on a drug holiday from Klonopin and Ritalin so that I can get my tolerance reset before I start back in school. I feel awful from that. And it's just unsettling to me to have everything that I have, the ability to make girl's go crazy for me... and these aren't isolated cases, as I've been writing this I have thought of 10 different occasions this has happened, with people who have had their acts together. I have grown so much over the last 2 years since the first time I ever heard of a "pickup artist", and despite all the accomplishments I've made, I am still not getting anything that interests me.
I may have my expectations set too high, but I can't seem to find anyone that I'm interested in on a level beyond the physical. And if someone asked me to quantify an image of someone who would interest me, I don't know what I would say. It used to be enough just to have a female body that was attractive and interested in me, but now that I know that I can make that happen pretty easily when the mood strikes me, it's not enough. And I don't know what would make it enough.
Obviously it's not enough just for it to be someone who can fit in to the image I've crafted for my future. Isn't a man supposed to know what he wants? And I don't have any idea what I want right now. In fact, I' hadn't considered I didn't know what I wanted until that phone call tonight.
I've got 4 or 5 (I can't even really remember) 8's and 9's on the string right now, and I'm even talking to one of them right now, and I'm heavily disinterested. I haven't bought myself a drink in at least 2 or 3 months. And I've been drinking. I don't know what the problem is. But I don't feel like typing anymore. So I am going to watch some Seinfeld. And go to sleep.