What Exactly is Confidence?

[waynejohn]

What Exactly is Confidence?

I've read that it is supposed to be a belief in yourself that you can do things and that is what women want, but that's never worked for me.

I'm successful, and I don't doubt my abilities. I believe in myself, work hard, and persist when facing difficulties in all areas of my life - I'm a tough freakin guy. I've never been the kind of guy who felt like I had to make up fake stories or do elaborate tricks to try to get a girl to like me.

But I've never been successful with women. I have the balls to approach them, let them know that I'm interested in them, ask them out. But that never works out. I've got a lot going on for myself, have personality, a good life, and balls, but can't get a girl.

 

[DjVita]

its not being afraid.
its being happy
its assuming youll win.
its taking action
its having experience
its taking chances
its about being dominant
its about following your dreams
its about ahving goals

confidence is like trying to define a PERSON, its multifaceted.

im great, but "i cant get a girl"
who said getting the girl is important?
soo many people have said here over and over again that its not about getting a girl,
well..its true. when your personality SHINES, when your prescence FILLS THE WHOLE ROOM, when people look up to you. thats when you can get not just a girl, but great friends, a happy personality, and a satisfied life.
less is more. the less you try THE EASIER IT IS
it seems you are a great guy on the outsidem but if you dobt yourself, ahh, girls see the AFC, just a veil. like if a chick just wants you for your money.
be authentic.

improve yourself, dont worry about results. just do it

 

[waynejohn]

I'm not sure you read my post.

I have a life. I like it a lot. I am happy, but am becoming frustrated by my lack of success with women. I have friends, work, activities all that.

Also, I know enough about myself to know that I don't care to make sure my "prescence FILLS THE WHOLE ROOM" or that lots of people look up to me. And I know enough not to fall into the trap of thinking a real man is someone who is the center of attention where ever he goes.

I make my own rules for life and live by them. That's not what my problem is.

 

[SandHawk]

Confidence is a state of mind. Just like meditation takes you into a certain mind state where you feel free, confidence is the same. It takes practice to become 'zen' with your confidence.

 

[MisterMcGee]

I'm not sure you read my post.

I have a life. I like it a lot. I am happy, but am becoming frustrated by my lack of success with women. I have friends, work, activities all that.

Also, I know enough about myself to know that I don't care to make sure my "prescence FILLS THE WHOLE ROOM" or that lots of people look up to me. And I know enough not to fall into the trap of thinking a real man is someone who is the center of attention where ever he goes.

I make my own rules for life and live by them. That's not what my problem is.

I'm just like you man, I understand you. That's why people separate "life" from "sex life".
My sex life isn't anything special, but my life is awesome. I'm a complete person, minus my lack of success with women. Recently its been a string of flakes that simply make no sense. What can you do!

 

[zekko]

I've read that it is supposed to be a belief in yourself that you can do things and that is what women want, but that's never worked for me.

I'm successful, and I don't doubt my abilities. I believe in myself, work hard, and persist when facing difficulties in all areas of my life - I'm a tough freakin guy. I've never been the kind of guy who felt like I had to make up fake stories or do elaborate tricks to try to get a girl to like me.

But I've never been successful with women. I have the balls to approach them, let them know that I'm interested in them, ask them out. But that never works out. I've got a lot going on for myself, have personality, a good life, and balls, but can't get a girl.

I also know where you're coming from. I liked myself, and I had done most of the things I had set out to do. But even though I have the girl I want, I realized there was a part of me that never really settled his issues with women. Even though I was confident in myself to get things done, I wasn't always confident that the girl would find me desireable.

After all, there's another thread here where it talks about a study that says women preferred a deceitful man. I'm not deceitful. If women are drawn to traits like that, why should I be confident that they will be drawn to me? And yet, I knew I could get women, and I have gotten women. I had just never worked out my inner issues with them.

My confidence with women was seperate from my confidence in life. I liked myself but wasn't sure women would like me. This was something I had never really addressed, sort of the last big challenge I had to tackle in life. Talk about not making women your priority, I left it for last.

For me, I solved it by tightening up my inner game, killing my habit of indulging negative thoughts, and by a conscious decision to be confident with women. I just needed some tweaking. Stick around these forums and I bet you'll find what you're looking for.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Confidence is something you get by defeating your own fears. Lets say you ask out a girl for the first time. You would get nervous. The next girl you ask out you would be less nervous and so on with the next. Eventually that nervousness changes and it becomes confidence.

You see self improvement makes it less hard to get girls. It makes you a stronger individual and you will be happier in life. It changes you from a weak person to a strong person. You learn to defeat your own insecurities through acting against them in the real world. This does not get you women.

If I were to go play a video game for the first time I would have no idea what I was doing. A lot of people say that you should just go up and talk. This is a good idea. The thing is that even though everyone says just go talk to her... the truth is theres a lot more to it. You need to think of what to say... get it into a good conversation. How do you do this? You must be used to being in this situation.

I remember each time I started at any new job or school I would always hold back a bit and not be totally comfortable there for a while. After time I would get used to the environment and act normally. My point is that if you want to be good at approaching you have to be in the habbit of approaching. Anyone who is good at anything is someone who does it a lot. Michael Jordon didn't make his highschool basketball team. He was pretty good in the NBA though. I don't care what any of these people say here. APPROACHING IS SKILL AND CONFIDENCE. If you do anything a lot you learn the tricks. Anyone who does not agree with me.. is either stupid and down with stupid ideals or they just do not approach a lot of girls. I've done like 100 in the last 3 weeks. So just keep at it. It takes a while to get good. A long while.

 

[Dukester101]

I wrote 2 confidence threads back in the day when I freqented these boards daily.

I was under a different, but similar username then. If you click the link to my old username in my sig, you'll be taken to my old profile which has links to my 2 confidence threads.

Granted, I wrote them when I was 19/20, but the premise is still the same. I may go back and revise them someday.

Personally, I'm trying to rediscover that kind of confidence I had when I was younger. It's a little difficult after a divorce though.

Good luck to ya bud!

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Confidence is experience.

Confidence is trusting yourself.

Confidence is happiness. And happiness is a decision. 2,000+ years ago, Marcus Aurelius said that "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." It's as true today as it was back then. It does not imply that you throw ambition to the wind and be happy with nothing, it tells us that our inner game should be golden because it is in your power to make it that way, regardless of circumstance. Therefore, confidence is also a decision. Our time here is so short, so why not decide now?

But above all else, confidence is EARNED. Perhaps the initial confidence to break your shell is a decision, and after that, it is upon you to EARN it.

I don't have to tell you how.

 

[Scion]

I think it's being comfortable with yourself as a person. But like someone said it's a state of mind so it's hard to define.

 

[Ease]

Your saying you have confidence but arent successful with women.

You need game.