What do you need for an LTR?

[Johnny Alias]

So I thought rather than obsess about the ex cluster B fruitcake id write down all the things I want from a relationship. I think it's damned important I hold to these guidelines. Forgoing one or many because of a pretty face and nice tatas is asking for DISASTER long term.

Remember, you can't FIX anyone. They are who they are. Drop the ego and accept what they are or move on. They will not change over the long haul. They might attempt to to keep you reeled in, but the old red flags you noticed WILL comeback if they're not right in your face now.

1). Does she have a real job or means to support herself? No jewelry makers, photographers, massage therapists, interior designers, or school goers. Do they make real money or are they waiting on your wallet? Debt and credit scores also big indicators.

2) Does she have a stable family and had a good upbringing? Ask. Observe. If she says how hard it was or is estranged from family members find out WHY??? Huge red flag.

3) Does she have an abuse problem? Is she an alcoholic or drug addict. Don't kid yourself either. These kind of things can kill an LTR.

4) Stable friendships? High conflict oriented people have trouble maintaining long term friendships. My last was down to one or two old friends. The rest have decided she's CRAZY and walked away.

5) Can she communicate anger calmly and rationally? If she cannot to you or others now it WILL get worse in the future in almost all cases. Whether it be a rage attack or mean drunk episode, these things tend to get progressively worse.

6) Do you want a kid? How old is she? 38 years old and up becomes MUCH harder to conceive. 43 is pretty much the end of the line. Sure there are exceptions but they are unicorn rare. Most of the rich and famous use donor eggs which would cost you tens of thousands. Plus the older gals have a much harder time bouncing back from fatty land.

My two cents. Please feel free to share your thoughts. Met a pair of sisters the other day. Ones a hot party girl the others a cute career girl. Both shower me BiG interest. I ask out the party girl. Stupid! I want a kid. The party girl isn't good for the LTR. The career girl who's funny and doesn't drink is!

Took til the next day to realize my eff up... But I'm learning. We all are. Have standards. Stick to them. My ex BPD had NONE of them but was hot so I wasted years with her somehow expecting a different outcome. It isn't gonna happen. Trust me.

 

[TheException]

To add:

1.) Constant Sex. Whats the point of having a girlfriend if she only wants to sleep with you once a week?

2.) Fully supportive of your goals. Women are to support the man in the relationship. If she doubts you at all.....shes not worth my time.

 

[Blinkers]

I want to come home after a hard days work, have her fetch me a sandwich and make me a cup of tea. Then i'll sit in my armchair and she can either leave me the fvck alone while I relax, or kneel down in front of me and help the process..

 

[Cremasta]

To anyone looking at a girl as a potential LTR, I'd recommend administering a sh*t test of your own.

Go to a party or gathering with your circle of friends (none of hers can be there). After about 20-30 minutes, leave her for a little while - go and help your mate with the bbq or something. The test is how well she joins in with your group of friends.

If she stands there looking miserable, or refuses to leave your side - she's going to be high maintenance and a pain in the arse.
If she just joins in the conversation with your friends wherever she can and makes the effort to be involved - you could have a keeper.

Call your mates up the next day and ask them what they thought of her. If they're real friends, they'll tell you the truth.
I did that for my current girl, she passed the test and we're still together for over 10 years now.

 

[Dgwizdal]

The beauty of the Cluster B experience is that it shows you all this. No man that hasn't been burned intuitively knows to go for the nice girl over the hotter slvt. Live and learn.

THIS. REPPED. Although a cluster B's "love and affection" for you is very hard to beat when times are good, you must not overlook the signs that WILL cause things to spin out of control and fail.

 

[Johnny Alias]

Cremesta I like that idea to a point. You mates will give you an honest answer... But some chicks who are adept at faking appearances in the beginning will be able to pull wool over eyes of even your smartest buds. The sociopath I went out with would have failed miserably, but the BPD would have made them all laugh like hell. Still, it's good.

I like this one too. One guy said get her pretty wasted on first or second date. Like truth serum you should see some bad stuff come out be it crazy making, ripping on ex boyfriends, or out and out lies.