what do you do when a girl doesnt know what she wants?

[aix237]

You're with a girl for more than a year lived with her for the past 8 months. She all the sudden gets stressed out with completing school and getting a job. She says she needs to find herself and says she needs to find out what exactly she wants to do...move and get a job with you or move away to back home....possibly get married to you. she just isn't sure what she wants. Im talking about my situation. I just talked to her today i no longer live with her. I basically told her how i felt and left the ball in her court. I said once youre ready im ready call me when your ready she said ok. that doesnt exactly mean im going ot wait around for her but still. How else should i handle this? Im assuming i should never call her cause I left the ball with her since shes in a sensitive situation . Im thinking shell crack and call. When i tlak to her again should I say i want your answer yes or no right now if she doesnt come out saying anything? I will look around for other chicks but im not going to next her right now for a stupid situation. Any good suggestions? I really love and care about her.

 

[Desdinova]

She says she needs to find herself and says she needs to find out what exactly she wants to do

When women say this, it means that their IL in you is dropping, and they probably find themselves attracted to another guy. This comes from their confusion between the situation they're already in (a relationship with you) and a situation they'd like to be in (dating another guy).

In her mind, the relationship is dying. She is, however, trying to keep you on the backburner in case she doesn't get a date with that other guy. You are no longer the most important man in her life. There's nothing you can do to change her mind on this.

You're best off to continue moving on without her, and find a woman who knows she's with a fantastic guy.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

What do YOU do?

Spin More Plates

Why in God's green pasture are you living with a woman at all?

 

[aix237]

This is not the first time this happened though...The other time I would be nice for a little while i let her take her time. Then I would get to the point where I would be fvck it and say im not sticking around anymore you decide otherwise were not talking anymore and it usually worked. But ive never seen her like this so i dont know. When i talked to her last i said call me when youre ready, so im going to give her till sun i think and call her up and say i guess you want to find yourself byyourself so were done talking forever. smart or not smart?

 

[Desdinova]

The other time I would be nice for a little while i let her take her time. Then I would get to the point where I would be fvck it and say im not sticking around anymore you decide otherwise were not talking anymore and it usually worked.

This is identical to setting up a "returning fox" scenario, or "ganji games". I've had it happen to me as well, but I never gave the woman the satisfaction to pick me up and put me down like a toy. Women will do this as much as they possibly can when they know you'll always come back. The whole break-up, get back together, breakup, get back together cycle ends up becoming part of the relationship.

Break that cycle next time she wants to come back.

 

[Warlord]

Yes, when a girl's interest level drops below 50-60% it's a point of no return - she may come back only because she can't find anyone better, if you like being sloppy seconds, then this is a great matchup for losers! You are not a loser, move on and get rid of someone who isn't that interested in you!

 

[Slickster]

Sorry dude that sucks!

Actions speak louder than words. If she was crazy about you then she'd move mountains to be with you.

Her interest is low and she wants out.

She may come back but there isn't a thing you can do to change her mind.

Dissappear from her life. Avoid any contact whatsoever. She'll either miss you and come back or be gone forever.

In the mean time you should be out there dating and experiencing other women. Its good for you and demonstrates to her that you have other options besides her which makes you more attractive.

Good luck

 

[legolas]

Originally posted by Desdinova
When women say this, it means that their IL in you is dropping, and they probably find themselves attracted to another guy. This comes from their confusion between the situation they're already in (a relationship with you) and a situation they'd like to be in (dating another guy).

In her mind, the relationship is dying. She is, however, trying to keep you on the backburner in case she doesn't get a date with that other guy. You are no longer the most important man in her life. There's nothing you can do to change her mind on this.

You're best off to continue moving on without her, and find a woman who knows she's with a fantastic guy.

This may be true, however keep in mind that I'm in the same position as her. It's not just her who doesn't know what she wants, it's her entire generation. No wonder books like Quarterlife Crisis became so popular.

Our generation, it seems, has more choices than our parents who only cared about getting a good job, getting married, buying a house and raising kids. Things have changed quite a bit in the information age.

 

[aix237]

seriously I just want to tell her that Im done with all this sh*t and give her a deadline cause this is not the first time and we should never talk again and see what she says casue thats how i really feel. I understand she needs space and if i give it to her then she will feel respected and cared about but seriously im impatient maybe a lot more than her but still. I want to be with her but frankly this aint fair but I dont want to really throw all this sh*t away. Any other options of what to say and do and besides nexting her? How well does it work when you give them the space they ask for and they know where you stand already? or is it better to put the pressure on and tell her its over and we should never talk?

 

[Tazman]

I'm in agreement with most others here. The hardest thing for you to do is let her go, and that's precisely why she has the option to string you along (if you let her). Think about it, SHE doesn't have the same sense of loss you do, what does that tell you? You aren't concerned about anything besides being with her, but she isn't reciprocating those feelings.

"I need to find myself" is as cliche a statement as you're going to hear. Don't be fooled into believing you can make her share your sentiment. She doesn't, that's why you're here. If I were you I'd tell her she should probably go "find herself" and you'll do the same. Don't be emotional about it, tell her this as if you're happy she's making this decision.

 

[Colossus]

Originally posted by aix237
This is not the first time this happened though...The other time I would be nice for a little while i let her take her time. Then I would get to the point where I would be fvck it and say im not sticking around anymore you decide otherwise were not talking anymore and it usually worked. But ive never seen her like this so i dont know. When i talked to her last i said call me when youre ready, so im going to give her till sun i think and call her up and say i guess you want to find yourself byyourself so were done talking forever. smart or not smart?

NEVER give women ultimatums. Assess the situation, tell them your intentions and let them either follow or trail off.

In my experience, waiting for a woman to decide can sometimes be like a fight that goes to decision; you usually are unhappy with the result.

 

[Desdinova]

How well does it work when you give them the space they ask for

HAHAHAHA!!! It doesn't work. It's a load of bull5hit.

I got the line "I need to do things for myself". That's exactly what she got. When she was at the apartment trying to drain the waterbed, she called me for help. My response was "No. You wanted to do things for yourself, so do it yourself!" After that, she starts fvcking crying. I still didn't go help her.

They only need "space" until they need you for something. You'll help her do something, and then she'll go back to needing "space". You're no longer a lover, you're free help.

Women want the things that you used to do with them without any relationship to speak of. You're then being used.

I want to be with her but frankly this aint fair but I dont want to really throw all this sh*t away.

Well, tough 5hit. Deal with the lost time, the energy and money that you put into the relationship. Life is full of risks. You win some, you lose some. Life is going to treat you like this for the rest of your life. The best you can do is learn to cope with it.