Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Don't try and think up something if you don't have anything to say that is truly funny and she'll laugh at. If you got nothing, a simple "Hey, whats up?" "I'm ...(name)". After that just go with the flow.. ask a lot of questions because girls like talking about themselves. Don't try and talk about something too complex or deep since you just met her.. keep it simple stupid (k.i.s.s.- good motto to remember). Just talk about current, trendy, hot stuff that you know she has a strong opinion over and has thought about. Ya know? Thats the best I can give you.mfd1830 said:I've always believed that in some way or another, but girls ignore me unless I attempt to start a conversation. I really think this is right, but how I can I do this while still making that first connection?
I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.Jitterbug said:Yep it makes more sense now. Well, your problem can be two-fold:
1: The girl needs to actually be interesting enough to have something cool to say. A lot of them don't. That's why many have "shopping", "party" and "have fun" on their list of hobbies.
2: You need to be interesting enough yourself to make them wanna share that with you. You need to lead first by sharing something about you while at the same time inviting them to contribute.
It takes a lot of practice. Best to post a real conversation you have with a girl here so people can give you better assessments, although it's not easy since what you say aren't matter so much as how you say it (& tonality, voice projection, speed, breaks, timing, posture, gestures).
I really want to do this but my experiences are always so negative. Even if I feel like total ****, which I do most of the time, if I start to pick out one good thing, then in time all I'll see is the positive things and the negative will be quickly forgotten? That makes sense because I'm not lying to myself, but instead focusing on the positive in a stronger way; just the same as how I'm now focusing on the negative in an unrealistic way.Well not exactly repitition, but you need to pretty much catch yourself in the act when you start doing it, and correct yourself. After a while of doing it, you will train your mind into thinking positively. It takes time and determination, but it can be done. It makes sense in a way I guess, but if you look at a situation from every angle, there will ALWAYS be something positive gained.
Exactly. Having negative thoughts about everything is completely absurd.. It really just comes down to reminding yourself to have a positive mindset over and over and over.. until its natural and you don't need to think about doing it anymore. I feel that way sometimes, and you just have to catch yourself in the middle of your snowballing negative thoughts, and think about how ridiculous your thoughts are. Maybe even laugh at it. I hope this helps?mfd1830 said:I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.
I really want to do this but my experiences are always so negative. Even if I feel like total ****, which I do most of the time, if I start to pick out one good thing, then in time all I'll see is the positive things and the negative will be quickly forgotten? That makes sense because I'm not lying to myself, but instead focusing on the positive in a stronger way; just the same as how I'm now focusing on the negative in an unrealistic way.
Thanks. That's pretty much what I do now though. It's frustrating because I've had that mindset since I was in middle school but it's never worked. That's what made me feel like I always had to have something interesting/funny/cool to say. I know that's definately not the right approach though, unless it comes naturally.splinterkb said:Don't try and think up something if you don't have anything to say that is truly funny and she'll laugh at. If you got nothing, a simple "Hey, whats up?" "I'm ...(name)". After that just go with the flow.. ask a lot of questions because girls like talking about themselves. Don't try and talk about something too complex or deep since you just met her.. keep it simple stupid (k.i.s.s.- good motto to remember). Just talk about current, trendy, hot stuff that you know she has a strong opinion over and has thought about. Ya know? Thats the best I can give you.
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Give us some examples of things you try to talk about. My guess is that you're talking about generic safe stuff. "What do you do for fun?" type of convo is what most guys try, followed by a lot of AFC arse-kissing compliments, and girls are bored to death with it. Don't do an interview. Instead, talk to them as if you're talking to your best friends. That means no question about what they do, where they study etc. Make statements about what you've been up to lately (like what you say to friends when you catch up), inviting them in to contribute. Their interests and hobbies will reveal themselves through what they say. People talk a lot about what they do without being asked. You just have to pay attention.mfd1830 said:I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.
I think that's true to an extent. I used to be really bad with that, but I feel like I've worked through it alot. I'm always listening to other guys and how they talk to girls and at best, they aren't any better at conversing with them than I am. There's just something else that I'm missing. It could be the "way" I talk to girls; maybe my negativity/lonlieness/whatever shows through, but I've done this with friends around and they've said that I do just fine.splinterkb said:You know maybe one of your problems is you're putting p*ssy on a pedestal.. you have such a strong urge to impress the girl that you're thinkin about it too much and over analyzing. The only thought in your head should be.. "Hey she's hot.. I'm gonna go talk to her." If you're sitting there thinking "omg what are we gonna talk about? i wonder if she thinks im hot? i bet not.." Stressing yourself out over the situation will always set you up for failure, and will probably make your convo kind of akward.
This makes perfect sense. I never, ever compliment girls. Maybe I would on dates and stuff, but I haven't been in those situations yet. I always try to be specific and try to relate things I'm saying to specific things they've said. But I try to do it in the way I would talk to a guy; so that the conversation is relaxed and free from any kind of pressure. I want her to think that she's a person that I'm enjoying a conversation with and nothing more. That way I always keep uncertainty in her mind and maybe she'll seperate me from all the other guys who make it clear right from the start in their awkward way that they think she's hot and nothing more. Is this right?Jitterbug said:Give us some examples of things you try to talk about. My guess is that you're talking about generic safe stuff. "What do you do for fun?" type of convo is what most guys try, followed by a lot of AFC arse-kissing compliments, and girls are bored to death with it. Don't do an interview. Instead, talk to them as if you're talking to your best friends. That means no question about what they do, where they study etc. Make statements about what you've been up to lately (like what you say to friends when you catch up), inviting them in to contribute. Their interests and hobbies will reveal themselves through what they say. People talk a lot about what they do without being asked. You just have to pay attention.
Wow. Where to begin.mfd1830 said:Yeah, that's literally happened every time I've talked to a girl and tried to take it further.
But now I don't even do that. I rarely even talk to girls and when I do, maybe 2% of the time I'll try to take it further and it won't work out. Usually I just talk to girls for conversation and I don't really have any expectations. I realize that's the "right" attitude in a way, but girls never want to have any conversation with me that's not surface level no matter how hard I try to make it more personal.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.