what about guys who are suffering from a physical disability??

[refuelling79]

i entered this field 2-3 years back. now i am 30, not bad looking but i have got post polio residual paralysis involving my left leg. I initiate by making fun of girls. Getting phone numbers is easy. Have talks, go on a date. Then after sometime when you want to take the things to next level after doing everything right..they say I just thought of you a very nice friend and you will get a special gal in the future. It has been now with 4 gals.. the same thing ...I made mistakes initially but now i think i have kept my cool, i reduced my supply, i kept an attitude, but the result is still the same...i belong to india and here disabled people are looked down upon and not par with normal people. They are looked upon as freaks...do the principles of sosuave apply to disabled people too. I have got a govt job, a car, a decent house, I wear braces in my left leg and walk with a stick in my hand. Recently i got a comment from a lady friend of mine,," that she wanted to be around a person with whom she felt safe, not around the person whose safety she had to take care of" ---though it was tongue in cheek response... now tell me what to do..should i give up??

 

[playerone]

Never give up. Maybe your confidence wasn't evident enough to the women you were dating. If your self-esteem is higher than your disability, plus you do all the things right, you'd be fine.

 

[refuelling79]

thanks a tonne for boosting me up...i will try to rectify the mistakes i made after making efforts to identify those..

 

[scrouds]

You also need a new friend, that's a pretty shiity thing to say.

 

[The Asian Lover]

Your "friend" needs to feel the back of your hand.

If you're not opposing to lying, a good story would be to tell women that you were a soldier and was injured in combat.

Polio? Damn, no excuse for that disease to even exist...

 

[refuelling79]

seriously guys...i feel pumped up to again join the battle...thanks a tonne

 

[refuelling79]

Your "friend" needs to feel the back of your hand.

If you're not opposing to lying, a good story would be to tell women that you were a soldier and was injured in combat.

Polio? Damn, no excuse for that disease to even exist...

thanks buddy....actually i have tried that thing and it worked...i told a gal that i was injured in a motor-cycle race..n it got a positive response....

 

[trent81]

Listen to me,

Sometimes in life, you have to deal with the hand that man upstairs gave you. You will find someone who does not give rat's ass about your condition. THIS WILL HAPPEN ONLY if you keep getting better. If you keep making more money, more confidence, more attitude. Bro, midgets are getting laid here in US. You know why? Cause they have cash and attitude. Better yourself everyday, never settle. There are good looking perfectly healthy guys who don't even get to talk to four girls. You know why? They go off in some war and die. You have your whole life ahead of you. Just keep bettering yourself. Women are attracted to success, confidence, and a man who fights for a better life. You already have two out of three.

 

[Tictac]

refuelling79,

One of my best and longest friendships is with a man who is a paraplegic, due to an auto accident when he was in college. He is 50 now and for many years married to one of the finest women I have ever met.

He had a fantastic life as a single guy. And, like everyone who dates, had ups and downs.

Tom simply refused and refuses to see himself as anything other than 'the prize' and a real catch, which he was (and is if he chooses). When we were younger and I was married, we discussed dating, women, his life and everything else that friends discuss. When he asked my advice about the woman he eventually married, I simply told him that he should not commit to a long-term relationship (especially marriage) until he was convinced that it was better than being single. I also told him that he would know if and when that was the case. He liked that and still reminds me of that conversation.

Better, he held to it, dating frequently and (seemingly) always with very high quality women. Tom always amazes me. You forget that he is wheelchair bound when you're around him.

Is his experience like those of people without disabilities? Certainly not. But that did not stop him and it should not stop you.

Tictac

You can do this, not without putting your twist on it, but I have seen it.

 

[Desdinova]

do the principles of sosuave apply to disabled people too.

If a woman is attracted to you, it won't matter if you've got a big nose, are bald, or have a wooden leg. This is where men are at the advantage. A woman cares more about how she feels about a man rather than what the man looks like.

Women are the ones who have it rough with physical appearance. If she walks like a kangaroo, most men won't want to be seen with her. Men are the ones who are in the dating race for the trophy. Women are the ones who are in it for a good time.

I wear braces in my left leg and walk with a stick in my hand.

I've seen people with some really cool sticks. Why don't you look into making that 'stick' a feature or an accessory instead of just a necessity? Get a hunk of wood and get someone to carve something cool out of it. Not only will it serve its purpose, but it will become a subject of conversation and attract attention. If people (especially women) break the ice by telling you how cool your stick is, it'll be easier to land yourself some numbers and get yourself a date.

 

[refuelling79]

i was really pumped up with the great advice of highly respected desdinova, tictac and trent81 and others too and i acting upon the advice of trent 81 made several attempts at rising my level of stature....i made attempts at clearing exams for higher level civil services and went uptil the last interview stage even but was returned empty handed..it is considered the toughest exam in India..i even put the dating game in abeyance for this exam..
Now i am just a bloody junior assistant,though studying law from Delhi University part time..only positive thing that happened to me.. Already i am 32 years old and a virgin walking with a stick in my hand and my parents looking a girl for me who is disabled as i am ,for marriage. I am not against marrying a disabled gal like myself but had it been a country where facilities such as access to buildings been made for people like me, it would not have been a problem....here the peculiar situation is if we are both caught up somewhere, she would not be able to help me out and neither would i be able to help her out..and this thing though i told explicitly to my parents, they would not understand. If i marry a disabled girl..it will be my disability raised to the power two and same would be with the girl who agrees to marry me. I have made many compromises right from the childhood..may be this will add to the chain.I have gone through many books on dating and acted upon the advice of my senior brothers here, but very sadly i have to say that if you are born in a **** hole country like INDIA , these principles do not apply at all and if at all they apply, they only apply to a limited extent. You being american citizens may not know that what is prevalent here is caste system, corruption and now they are creating one more caste..disabled caste..they do not want inclusion but only exclusion of disabled...no equal oppurtunity..if you plan to go out on a date, then you have to think whether the place is accessible of not..because most places are not...and its really embarrassing...what to expect of other when my parents look at me as just a disabled guy....i am up in tears for so many days..facing rejections not only in my professional life but also in my social and family life...i am devoid of support and this forum only gave me the oppurtunity to vent it out..please forgive if its too long...but i am sick and tired ...i may sound defeated ...but i am really pouring my heart out..feel like dying..but may be do not have the guts...

 

[Tyson420]

Both my legs work and I still can't get a date.

This is bull****.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Refuelling,

Sorry to hear about your situation. I can totally understand it.

I went through a period of having a physical disability (much more off putting to girls than yours I would say) but was lucky in that during that time my then girlfriend stuck with me and was great about it.

I wondered what it would have been like if I'd been trying to get dates at that time. Pretty tough I think.

It is going to be tougher I think but definitely if you have the confidence and the charm it's not going to be an insurmountable obstacle. There are many guys with worse disabilities that will find good women to be with. Don't listen to your parents. India is messed up in many ways, you're right.

 

[phatboi408]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64Ixzp94ksw

 

[Bible_Belt]

From what I am reading at http://www.disabilityindia.org/ it seems that India does have their own version of the Americans with Disabilities Act, but they don't enforce it well, and they exploit a clause in the act that says a business only has to comply if they have the money to pay for improvements to the business. I'm sure that there are groups in India who are working for the rights of the disabled, and if you would find them and do something to help the cause, then that would give you a sense of purpose to your life. It would make you happier than a woman.

One of my former law professors has been in a wheelchair since a young age due to polio. I think he was the most difficult professor in the school, because that guy did not feel sorry for anyone, ever, period. And that included himself, which is how he got where he was in life. He also married a hot blonde student of his and knocked her up with two kids.

Women come to you when you are happy with your own life. They don't make you happy when you're already unhappy. Thinking that they do is just making excuses and feeling sorry for yourself. Go and find something that gives you a sense of purpose, maybe like fighting for the disabled rights of India, and that would make you into the type of man who can always get women.

 

[Desdinova]

if you plan to go out on a date, then you have to think whether the place is accessible of not..because most places are not...and its really embarrassing...what to expect of other when my parents look at me as just a disabled guy....

I work in the health care field and even though I live in a country where many *modern* buildings are designed accessible, many of the older buildings are NOT. I hear my clients talk about these issues all the time. They ALWAYS inquire about the buildings being accessible and if they are not, they take their business elsewhere.

Last week I saw a wheelchair with the seat being 32" wide - and that's not even including the extra width added on by the armrests. Even buildings that are built accessible will have trouble accommodating a chair that fvcking wide. Imagine how that person feels. You've got yourself a better situation because you are actually able to walk. Make use of what you DO have instead of focusing on what you don't have.