"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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weird situation

P

PATRICKROY

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THIS IS A WEIRD SCENARIO

OK, THIS WILL SOUND STUPID, HOWEVER IT MAY HAPPEN TO ANY OF US. I HAVE NOTICED LATELY THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN "REGULAR" WITH THE #2 TOILET HABIT. SO I AM AT WORK AND PEOPLE START TO MAKE SOME WEIRD FACES AT ME. I GATHER FEEDBACK AND ITS BECAUSE THEY SAY I FART ALL THE TIME AND IT IT STINKS. WELL I HAVE NO IDEA I AM FARTING, ITS THE CONSTIPATION IN ME THAT HAS CAUSED GAS TO FORM IN MY STOMACH AND MY BODY IS ATTEMOTING TO GET RID OF IT.

HOW THE F^&%K DO YOU GET RID OF THIS PROBLEM - OR AM I HALLUCINATING?

THE OTHER THING IS THAT PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU LIKE YOUR A PIG!!

ALSO WHEN YOU SIT DOWN, ITS LIKE YOUR BODY IS PUSHING AIR THROUGH YOU BECAUSE IT WANTS TO GET RID OF IT, THUS WHEN SITTING YOU "SILENTLY" FART AND IT STINKS!!

PLEASE HELP THIS IS EMBARASSING AT WORK.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Saine

Master Don Juan
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You might turn the cap off first, then stop farting as you do so.
 
R

Reto

Master Don Juan
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A female body builder once told me that since weight lifters each so much protein, thier gas expendature goes up. To counter act this, eat a tablespoon of peanut butter. I've never tried it...

Might be worth a shot...
 
N

Neo

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get rid of the caps, then i'll read your rant
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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