Wealth and dating... Do you hide your $ status from her?

[DariusTheBartender]

Been meaning to start this discussion and I'm sure I'll get some shat here but would love to hear opinions and discussion.

I made some pretty good investments over 20 years and went from a bartender (as the screen name says) to in a very healthy but not obnoxious level of wealth. I drive an absolutely crap but clean and comfortable car. In the start it's a good gold digger deterrent. I pay for every date in the beginning and generally I think it's known my job pays higher than average jobs, but they def don't know I clear 6 figures. Own property, healthy savings, 401 sitting in upper brackets for my age group.

I have ZERO interest in gold diggers or sugar babies... I got women when I was dead broke sleeping on an air mattress in a studio apartment so I don't need money to find em, but now I've got the money I am trying to figure how to use it... I also want a woman to feel comfortable that she is dating a man that works hard etc

What are your thoughts on when to drive a nicer car, when to wear the nicer watch? Take her to the classier restaurants?

I feel like in the start I want her to hang out at dive bars, mid range restaurants, and camping trips before she knows you got $$$.

How does everyone else play this card?

 

[AttackFormation]

Why do you pay for women on dates (and in general)? I just don't understand why men do this, to me it's both pathetic and sends the wrong symbolism for how she sees you even if it's cheap to you. Is it something you feel a compulsion to do? is it a calculated choice? is it because you think that's what'll get you sex? what's the reason?

I guess maybe some men are just wired to want to provide for women, fvck do I know lol.

You would think if you act like paying for her is no big deal and you keep doing it, she would get clued in that you are quite well-off whether you hide it in other regards or not. Not a behavior I would recommend if your goal was to meet women who are interested in you first and your money third.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Well one, it's not gonna break my bank in anyway, two I guess you can say it's the blue pill chivalrous part. Do you split the bill?

 

[AttackFormation]

Well one, it's not gonna break my bank in anyway, two I guess you can say it's the blue pill chivalrous part.

Even if it doesn't break your bank it is still a symbolism. And yeah, I figured the second part. Did your parents teach you that or is it just something you've never grown out of?

Do you split the bill?

I don't even like to take them to dates that cost anything haha. But if I do take her to something you have to pay for, which I could if I liked her and we'd already seen each other, I split the bill all day. If she wouldn't want to pay for her part I would take that as low interest and cancel seeing her, unless it's because she would rather do a date which is free for both of us. It helps that I consider the classic beta date - dinner - to be unbearable in itself.

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Agree on dinner, I don't take a woman to dinner until we have had sex. Drinks, wine night, hike, bike ride, etc.

Hahaha no my parents didn't teach me that. Just always been that way, when I was broke I'd buy a six pack of coors light and invite her to my place to chill and play guitar. Never would make a chick pay on first date and I've dated women who run fortune 500 companies.

 

[AttackFormation]

Agree on dinner, I don't take a woman to dinner until we have had sex. Drinks, wine night, hike, bike ride, etc.

Hahaha no my parents didn't teach me that. Just always been that way, when I was broke I'd buy a six pack of coors light and invite her to my place to chill and play guitar. Never would make a chick pay on first date and I've dated women who run fortune 500 companies.

Well, you do you if that's what you really need to do but I would recommend dropping it. Me I could never pay for a woman like that. Pathetic (blue pill white knight), sends the wrong symbolism even if you aren't a blue pill white knight (like if you were just generally weakminded, or a blowhard tradcon), and a third reason I thought of now is that if her interest level is equal to yours she should have no problem putting in the same investments (like splitting the bill) into you as you do into her. If a woman's interest level was so low that she wouldn't pay for herself, I would cancel seeing her even if I could see into the future that paying would lead to sex. Just have more selfrespect than that.

Put her to work to earn your emotional investment, that's what they want anyway. Especially if she runs a fortune 500 company, what is she dating for? certainly not to be paid for. Women in general and she certainly will crave a masculine polarity. A beta white knight, or a man who acts like one, is certainly not that man.

 

[Trump]

I made some pretty good investments over 20 years and went from a bartender (as the screen name says) to in a very healthy but not obnoxious level of wealth.

What’s healthy but not obnoxious amount of wealth?

 

[DariusTheBartender]

What’s healthy but not obnoxious amount of wealth?

Low 6 figures at day job, passive income, can do whatever I want (i.e. last minute trip to Rome) but cannot buy whatever I want (i.e. buy an Aston Martin Volante). Obnoxious is buy whatever you want and do whatever you want. No disrespect meant to the ultra wealthy Mr. Trump

 

[Trump]

Low 6 figures at day job, passive income, can do whatever I want (i.e. last minute trip to Rome) but cannot buy whatever I want (i.e. buy an Aston Martin Volante). Obnoxious is buy whatever you want and do whatever you want. No disrespect meant to the ultra wealthy Mr. Trump

If you can afford a last minute to Rome, you can afford an Aston Martin Volante.

 

[RickTheToad]

Why do you pay for women on dates (and in general)? I just don't understand why men do this, to me it's both pathetic and sends the wrong symbolism for how she sees you even if it's cheap to you. Is it something you feel a compulsion to do? is it a calculated choice? is it because you think that's what'll get you sex? what's the reason?

I guess maybe some men are just wired to want to provide for women, fvck do I know lol.

You would think if you act like paying for her is no big deal and you keep doing it, she would get clued in that you are quite well-off whether you hide it in other regards or not. Not a behavior I would recommend if your goal was to meet women who are interested in you first and your money third.

It's quite common in the US. Even my boy, AMS, pays takes his biatches out for some grub and activities. You feed them after you fvck em. Need to replace those carbs....

 

[RickTheToad]

Been meaning to start this discussion and I'm sure I'll get some shat here but would love to hear opinions and discussion.

I made some pretty good investments over 20 years and went from a bartender (as the screen name says) to in a very healthy but not obnoxious level of wealth. I drive an absolutely crap but clean and comfortable car. In the start it's a good gold digger deterrent. I pay for every date in the beginning and generally I think it's known my job pays higher than average jobs, but they def don't know I clear 6 figures. Own property, healthy savings, 401 sitting in upper brackets for my age group.

I have ZERO interest in gold diggers or sugar babies... I got women when I was dead broke sleeping on an air mattress in a studio apartment so I don't need money to find em, but now I've got the money I am trying to figure how to use it... I also want a woman to feel comfortable that she is dating a man that works hard etc

What are your thoughts on when to drive a nicer car, when to wear the nicer watch? Take her to the classier restaurants?

I feel like in the start I want her to hang out at dive bars, mid range restaurants, and camping trips before she knows you got $$$.

How does everyone else play this card?

If it's working for you, then why change? Are you needing to fluff your ego or beat on your chest to show the world you're the sh!t? Just keep as you are doing. No need to buy things to impress other people. If you are going to buy something, such as a nice watch, car, suit, etc. do it for yourself; not for others.

 

[zekko]

I invite women to drink (and occasionally, eat) with me. I always initiate. That means I always pay. Always. Call it what you will.

Yeah, I mean it's only polite that if you extend an invitation that you are willing to pay for it. If not, you should at least make mention that they will have to pay their own way, so it's understood. It's just common courtesy.

That's not just for females. My brother invited me to an event recently and he paid for the tickets. And I've invited other guys to go to an event and I paid for the tickets. If not, I would say "Do you want to go to such and such? You'd have to pay for your ticket though, it's $80" or whatever.

With my girlfriend (and I realize that's a little different), sometimes I will treat her and sometimes she will treat me. Sometimes we go dutch. It really comes out pretty even.

 

[AttackFormation]

It's quite common in the US. Even my boy, AMS, pays takes his biatches out for some grub and activities. You feed them after you fvck em. Need to replace those carbs....

Yeah i dont know what the fvck is wrong with my dear yankees lol. Its incredible to me how you guys WANT to provide for women and insist on doing it, and prostitute-like hags at that. I guess it must be evolutionary in men.

I invite women to drink (and occasionally, eat) with me. I always initiate. That means I always pay. Always. Call it what you will.

Life is not fair but the best things in life usually contain some level of imbalance. And, contrary to popular belief, the best things in life are NOT free. They MUST be earned and you MUST be willing to sacrifice and risk.

The things I have learned...the level of gamesmanship I have accrued...the reason I KNOW women and I am so comfortable with them and can share advice is because I have paid the price. I have invested a lot of my time and money getting to know women: I estimate I've met 200 women, minimum, for 1st-date drinks, over the past 13 years. Very very rarely have they ever paid, because I won't allow them. And I was dam poor the majority of those13 years, yet I STILL managed to afford buying them a drink or two.

Whatever you give in life you tend to get back, and I have been with many women sexually, but even more importantly, I'm happy and comfortable around women and I know exactly the type of women I appreciate and I know the ones I would rather avoid. That comes only through experience, and, in my opinion, unless you're willing to pay a price for that experience, you're not gonna meet a lot of women. Maybe a lot of one-and-dones, datewise (no lays). But most women will want nothing further to do with a man who invites them to drink then expects them to pay 50%. I can hardly imagine any woman accepting a date with the caveat that she is expected to pay her half.

Buying them a few drinks and taking them out for a nice dinner (or whatever) has more than paid for itself. I have EARNED my spot in the DJ canon. I sacrificed my time and money and I have zero regrets about it.

Don't be fooled: we ALL pay for companionship. A prostitute will expect cash up front. A woman meeting a man for dates in the early courtship phase will expect drinks/food/gifts. To pretend you're above this is nonsense.

Would rather be celibate than treat myself that way and meet such despicable and entitled women even if it was just a prostitute-like arrangement for sex. Each to his own i guess, it seems to be working for you.

Now i understand why yall are trying to make so much money hahaha...

 

[logicallefty]

I let women know that I make a decent living and do not struggle, but in parallel to that I also let them know that I run a tight ship with my budget and there is no line item for them past general dates with me. My girlfriend now especially is always hinting about not having any money and I know she’s wanting me To help her sometimes. But I make it clear that I am on a budget and while can afford to go out to eat and do fun things reasonably, I will not pay her bills or give her anything extra. I also keep a really tight leash on how much I have in savings. I have dropped intentional hints that I have a lot less savings than I actually have. I don’t want her to ever know.. Or she will be pecking and hinting at me for money all the more.

 

[RickTheToad]

Yeah i dont know what the fvck is wrong with my dear yankees lol. Its incredible to me how you guys WANT to provide for women and insist on doing it, and prostitute-like hags at that. I guess it must be evolutionary in men.



Would rather be celibate than treat myself that way and meet such despicable and entitled women even if it was just a prostitute-like arrangement for sex. Each to his own i guess, it seems to be working for you.

Now i understand why yall are trying to make so much money hahaha...

Different strokes for different folks. In the New York area (northern NJ, Southern CT and NY subburbs), this is what the ladies look for for access to the p-sleeve. We're not talking about steak dinners (unless I'm cooking them at home), drinks and maybe an app. That is all. However, I see dudes taking ladies out for dinner or lunch on a first date.. It's typical and usually a waste of money for the dude.

 

[In2theGame]

For my initial dates, I didn't have a problem getting some drinks for the both of us. It depends on the girl your looking to date. Is she in a good high paying profession? Is she still a college student? etc. If the girl is younger, you'll probably have to shell out a few bucks to buy some drinks here and there. I dated some Women who were doctors, Bankers, Real Estate industry... These types always offered to buy me drinks/food and we would go back and forth on paying for things.

Overall, I would say to initially "hide" your wealth but it'll ultimately reveal itself over time. This should give you enough time to kind of vet how she is with you. Some guys like to be flashy from the get go and don't give a sh*t by pulling up in a luxury car, inviting Women to their luxury homes/apartment and offering to get exclusive service at some high class restaurant/lounge/club to show they got it.

I have a good friend who looks like a simple dude, doesn't look flashy or anything and you wouldn't think anything much of him at face value but little does everyone knows, he's worth 8-9 figures. He plays it cool at first but he knows not to be initially flashy with anything.

Women go crazy for a Man with high wealth because they immediately imagine the lifestyle, the vacations, the ability to afford luxurious clothes, cars, jewelry, ability to afford an extravagant wedding, making all her friends jealous, ability to easily afford to take good care of a child, not having to work so hard or at all, ability to live in a large house or exclusive apartment building, etc. etc.

 

[zekko]

I know you are in a 15-year LTR. Did you invite her out then ask her (before or during the date) to pay 50% on those first few dates??

Well, she's not the best example because we knew each other and talked a lot before we started seeing each other. Also, she pursued me and we had already hung out and had sex several times before we ever actually went out on a "real" date. By that point, I wanted to treat her and take her somewhere nice, so yeah I paid. Women with good taste should be rewarded

I've talked about this before, my state doesn't have common law marriage. But you give good advice for guys to check their local laws if they are considering cohabitation.

 

[Visionist]

Here in Italy a girl who wants to pay is seen as a red flag. She wants to basically pay you off to get rid of you and owe you nothing. Every girl I've hung out with who wasn't interested in me has always offered to pay for drinks. I should just go ahead and let them pay honestly.

This is perhaps the most blue pilled country on the planet, however. The very idea of red pill thinking is completely alien here. I have to tread carefully around my blue pilled friends, guard what I say. Sometimes I drop truth bombs and they state at me like "dang, you're right".

 

[Trump]

If they offer to pay, split the bill or take up the tab for the next time, I’ll notice I have a woman with a little self pride and things will continue to progress.

You could also look at it as a woman who doesn’t want to owe you anything.

If they act like the bill is invisible on these simple outings, then I know what I’ve got.

What do you have?