We all experienced that: She canceled a date and turned it into a sh** test

[al77]

We met online, have talked over the phone, set up a date.
She canceled the date on two hours before the date.

We all know what to do: next her and look for other opportunities. But I am sure it was a blatant sh** test, because she left a message " blah blah.. call me on my cell **** or home ****.
When I did a day later, she didn't pick up the phone. Just to make sure I called her hone phone and a couple of hours later her cell.
Time to next her, right?

But next day I received an email:
----
i would like to apologize for having to bail on you on saturday. my mum called, and she was all upset. her mum died over a year ago, and a few weeks ago it was her bday and she has had a really tough time with things. i had to go and calm her down.
i hope that you were able to get the message. i tried to tell you to call me to let me know that you got the message but i never heard from you. please forgive me?
anyway, i would still like to get together. maybe this sunday? let me know
---

So she is saying she neeed to calm her mum down so badly that she canceled a date? Sure she has a low IL.
But why the heck she apologize and want to get together?
So it was a sh** test.

Anyway, what do you think is a good way to deal with such a test?
a) call her on the day I received the email
b) wait a day and called
c) next her
Or Somehting else?
How do you guys handle this kind of sh** tests?
I am going to do a bit of AFC move since she apologized and go for the option a)

 

[ER!C L!VE]

EDIT:

I just re-read your post.

If she's setting up a date to make it up to you, that's good. Take her up on it. However, instead of you calling her when you get the email, reply and tell her to call you. Like so: Sure, sounds fun. Give me a call and we'll set it up. :cheer:

 

[joekerr31]

seems like a pretty morbid sh*t test.

who lies about a family related death and resulting pain and suffering.

either she's bottom of the barrel horrible person or she's a good daughter who puts family before her own needs.

give her the benefit of the doubt. if she's playing you, you'll find that out soon enough.

J

 

[al77]

Originally posted by joekerr31
seems like a pretty morbid sh*t test.
who lies about a family related death and resulting pain and suffering.

I agree. She sounds like she had a decent excuse to cancel the date. But don't you guys feel there is something fishy about it?

Here is a very interesting update:
After she left me her cell and home number in a voice message and ask to call her back... I did call her home amd her cell at about 9pm (she is supposed to be home, right?)
Guess what? RIght! She didn't pick up the phone.
So I called her twise already.

I waited until she send me the email above.
Ok, next date I repeated the procedure: called her home and after 1 hour her cell at about 9 pm. Guess what?
Right!!!! She didn't pick up the phone!
You guys are still convinced it was not a sh** test? Oh well.

joekerr31,
I am not saying she _planned_ that. But she may use ANY opportunity to set up a test, using real events.

Eric,
I didn't see her in real life yet. She should have a huge IL to call a guy who she doesn't know. It is possible, but she should be very very very desperate to call a guy or have super high IL.
I have seen that once, a gal was unemployed, stayed with her parents and separated. She called me almost everyday...
Normal chicks hate calling men, so I think saying to her "call me back" means saying "goodbye".

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Originally posted by al77
so I think saying to her "call me back" means saying "goodbye".

Exactly. If she's not going to call you back, then she's not interested. Interested girls call back. She's had enough contact with you to determine her interest level. If you haven't raised her interest high enough to where she'll even honor your call back request, then why bother with her at all?

Girls call guys all the time. They have no problem calling if they know you want to talk with them and they're interested. The only time they don't like calling is when they're not interested.

Man, I deal with this often. I try to set up a date a week on the internet. The girls who are interested have no problems calling. The girls who make meeting up difficult by cancelling dates, not being avaiable, making excuses, and especially not calling me are the ones who waste my time and don't bang me.

This is my experience. Perhaps yours will be different. Try your style and report back.

"Then, he asked me to call him, how rude!"

 

[al77]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE
Exactly. If she's not going to call you back, then she's not interested. Interested girls call back. She's had enough contact with you to determine her interest level.

If you haven't raised her interest high enough to where she'll even honor your call back request, then why bother with her at all?

"Then, he asked me to call him, how rude!"

You are right, but you amplify it so much that it no longer seem real. Well, if a Brad Pitt left her a msg with "call me back at.." sure she will call back, because she not only know he is a celebrity but also she has seen him a lot in movies.

She didn't see me, and we talked only on the phone - which is nothing really. But she remember that "nice girls do not call guys".
I would let her call me if we have seen each other already. But we didn't, so she is still thinking:
"Then, he asked me to call him, how rude!"

 

[Bonhomme]

Ouch

Let's step back and look at the big picture:

You seem to be putting way to much importance on this one gal. If she can sense it -- and usually they can -- her imagination will put you straight into the "hopeless 40 year old virgin" category. Not good. All this talk about "being the prize" is right on the money.

Get others in the game ASAP. Even if it's just online contacts who you're sending emails to. Anything to lessen her relative importance.

Other than that, Monkey's got the right idea. Just wait a few days, and if she doesn't call, call her. No big deal, right?

 

[TheTrimReaper]

I got a flake call two hours before the date tonight, too. Whatsupwitdat? Is that like the time the girl decides "Should I wash my puzzy and go out, or should i just stay in?"

She called, and suggested another time, I wasn't feeling like any BS, so I said "Let me call you back." Next. I'm gonna start using the same stuff girls use on us on them. I'll let you know how that works out for me.

 

[whistler]

Originally posted by al77
But next day I received an email:
----
i would like to apologize for having to bail on you on saturday. my mum called, and she was all upset. her mum died over a year ago, and a few weeks ago it was her bday and she has had a really tough time with things. i had to go and calm her down.
i hope that you were able to get the message. i tried to tell you to call me to let me know that you got the message but i never heard from you. please forgive me?
anyway, i would still like to get together. maybe this sunday? let me know
---

That sounds like complete BS. You called it on the low IL. Leave it at that.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by TheTrimReaper
I got a flake call two hours before the date tonight, too. Whatsupwitdat? Is that like the time the girl decides "Should I wash my puzzy and go out, or should i just stay in?"

That was priceless!

Just ask yourself WHEN was the last time you canceled a date that you were looking forward to? Never?

I would be willing to bet that less than 5% of the male population has EVER canceled on a date he WANTED to be on. And I would doubt that it happened more than once.

My time is worth hundreds of dollars per hour, if not more. Someone just offered me $2000 and a plane ticket to drive his parents 1000 miles and fly back home....I turned it down. Could have been done in a couple of days, but my time is more valuable than that. So why should some flakey b!tch who can't say no up front or can't make up her mind that day get away with wasting my time? She shouldn't.

Women who cancel dates shouldn't be given the time of day let alone the benefit of the doubt.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

Originally posted by STR8UP
Women who cancel dates shouldn't be given the time of day let alone the benefit of the doubt.

I had a girl cancel the nite that we were going to meet. She said that she had a bad day at work and was in a bad mood. She called me the next day and set up a meeting for us that night. We did meet and I banged her that night.

I mentally next girls who cancel dates, until they call me for another date. I put the burden on them if they're interested.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by ER!C L!VE
I mentally next girls who cancel dates, until they call me for another date. I put the burden on them if they're interested.

Bingo!

I would say that at least nine out of ten times it's BS, but let her come after you if it happens to be that one in ten that isn't. If her excuse is legit, the ball is in her court and she needs to make the next move(s).

 

[al77]

Re: Ouch

Originally posted by Bonhomme

Get others in the game ASAP. Even if it's just online contacts who you're sending emails to. Anything to lessen her relative importance.

I agree 100%. This is the most important thing in almost every situation!

Although you know how it is..it is like a chase: she is pretending she is running away from me. And unfortunately this does evoke some desire to chase her....Well, even having several girls in teh game , it is still easy to call all of them.

But anyway, you advice right on the money.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by STR8UP

Just ask yourself WHEN was the last time you canceled a date that you were looking forward to? Never?
I would be willing to bet that less than 5% of the male population has EVER canceled on a date he WANTED to be on. And I would doubt that it happened more than once.

My time is worth hundreds of dollars per hour, if not more.

Here is update: I met the girl and I got a good insight about women's psychology.
She is quite smart, but common sense is not somehting she likes.
For example she kept saying "I am so close to my family, my mum etc..that I could not imagine moving somewhere without them".
She is not 18, she is 32. Can a man say that?? Even think about saying anything like that??? no way.
So it was a true reason why she canceled the date.

What I got from it is many women simply naturally mix real events with sh*t tests. They do even have to lie or think up a lot. Mum called.. oh well, I am gonna cancel the date, because she _feels_ her mum is million times more important right now. They, women, feel "right now", they lack male ability to predict life.

From the other side, since she is cute she got used to the situation when people, men, forgive her just because she is cute.
If she was not that cute, I am sure she would not have canceled the date.

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by al77
From the other side, since she is cute she got used to the situation when people, men, forgive her just because she is cute.
If she was not that cute, I am sure she would not have canceled the date.

That's the problem. If men consistently put up with that kind of behaviour then women think it's ok. I have more respect for other people's time than that, and I expect the same in return.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by al77
Time to next her, right?

What will this accomplish? Women do alot of f*cked up sh*t.. just take it as it is and don't look for a deep underlying meaning in it. Give her a call a few days down the road and set something up. Don't leave a message. Some women are so socially active that they won't return your calls because they have guys calling them all the time. Be the guy who calls her and takes her out, not the cool guy who "nexts" her. Some women like to be pursued. It doesn't mean you're a dork because you call her a few times. Some women don't have a clue about dating and think that guys are always supposed to call.