"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Was I too forward?

UKDJ

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Hey this is my first post, need some advice on a situation that's recently come about.

I've known a girl for just over a year now, through a mutual friend. We talk quite regularly (but not enough to be just friends) , generally about our interests, our degrees. No topics are mentioned that would make me believe I was in the friend zone, nor has she ever hinted at or mentioned it. Due to being anxious i've never tried to escalate the situation, but she's always been happy to see me and fine with me hugging and kissing her cheek if I choose to when I see her.

She gave me her digits the first time I asked for them (fairly soon after we met) which made me think she might have some interest. Since ive known her, two of my phones have broken and as a result ive had to ask for her number again, both times she's been happy to give it without question. She's always picked when i've called, although she doesn't reply to my texts quickly, can sometimes be a few hours or days, or not at all (found out the other day her phone has been broken for a few weeks and she hasn't been able to contact anyone)

Yesterday, when I asked for her phone number for the third time, due to having a new phone, she was friendly, smiling, and straight away asked if I would be out that night at our university night club/venue. As I hadn't mentioned anything about going out prior to her asking and that her enquiry was directly at me, i assumed there might be some interest.

I said id be out and called to ask what time she'd be heading out later that evening. Due to unforeseen circumstances I was unable to make it out that night, so I text her later that night to tell her I wouldn't be out:

' Hey how's union? Was shattered when I got home then just woke up from a powernap so won't be out tonight. Instead we'll meet for a drink this week X'


My questions are: a) was I too forward to 'assume the sale' and say 'Instead we'll meet for a drink this week' as opposed to asking?

b) from the situation up until now, does there seem to be any hint of interest level?

c) have I left it too long to have a go at escalating?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Iceberg

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A - There's nothing too forward about that. I thought you were gonna ask about her vag.

B - I don't see any signs of interest level. She gives you her number. Asks about your plans every now and then. So do my coworkers. But I don't know the situation as well as you do.

C - Is it too late? Who knows. You said you talk "quite regularly". If that means you're in each others' lives every day of the week, then yeah it's probably too late. If you catch up with her like once a month, then maybe not. It's a matter of how available you've been for her, and how much mystery you've killed.
 

UKDJ

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Thankyou Iceberg for the first reply.

a) ah ok, was just not sure if my wording in my text to her may have been a bit to blunt and abrupt as it were.

b) This was the first time she'd asked me what I was doing on a specific night and as the question was directed specifically at me, I thought maybe there was some interest. If there was no interest i can't imagine why she'd have told me the time she was getting to the venue. I told her in the phone call I was calling round to see when people were heading out, cos I was going with a few groups, which was truthful but thought mentioning it gave some social worth or at least that I wasn't just going for her sake.

c) I say quite regularly, we talk maybe once a fortnight, as im usually too busy with uni work and other social activities to catch up, she knows very little about me except for my degree as we do the same course (different years), that I play on the university badminton team and that im in a band. I've yet to mention many personal details about myself as I see that as a one way ticket to the fz. Apart from that id say im a mystery to her.
 
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