Vulnerable women

[Matt Rogers]

I like to think I am a nice guy and the last thing I want to do is prey on vulnerable women. But for some reason vulnerable women seem inextricably drawn to me even though I show no romantic interest at all in them.

The weird thing is they start off all flirty and I think "she's cool" but then they get comfortable and start opening up and telling me all their insecurities and other stuff I do not want to know about. I can deal with it and get them laughing and switch their focus but just knowing all that stuff is beneath the surface scares me and I do not want to get involved with them but feel bad when I love them and leave them, even though really I've not led them on and made my intentions pretty clear and invariably they do stuff like inviting me home, showing way too much interest and submitting too easily sexually..often barely any last minute resistance. They also are much too affectionate after sex insisting on cuddling and holding hands.

The morning after I can just tell from their resigned air that they are not expecting me to call them again and often they say stuff like "you don't have to call me".

I'm getting better at spotting them early on but they are difficult to avoid because there seem to be so many of them.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Vulnerable women appear such sweeties. Nothing gets my caring juices flowing more than one of those doe-eyed lovelies who just scream "love me please". Often they are great personalities too, give or take a few harmless flaws (mind the occasional more-issues-than-a-news-stand though), and sincerely loveable.

I have the same thing as you, Matt. Once I find out how fragile they are (which is sometimes as early as meeting them), I lose interest. I don't know why. Or maybe I do. I remember from such occassions that I feel they're just using me for my strength, or my understanding, or my listening qualities. Someone alongside whom they can pull themselves up. I have a history of women coming on to me because of that and it icks me everytime.

I don't want to be used for just that and get nothing for myself in return (because often they can't give much). Hence I've never laid it on physically with such girls or women, no matter how obvious and easy they made it for me.

In hindsight that has caused me to slap myself on occassion, but I suppose I'm too much of a nice guy too to hurt their feelings and mess them up more by just sleeping with them and dropping them when the relationship isn't going anywhere and I'm stuck with being the helper all the time. I just won't do it. Or can't. Haven't figured that one out yet...

Maybe I'm also doubting myself to be strong enough for two indefinately, so she can lean on me. Maybe I'm afraid I'll become attached to them and be hurt when they move on. Maybe I'm just looking for an equal match and not a puppy to look after, no matter how cute and fulfilling it may be to do that for a while.

Or maybe I just wasn't man enough at the time and needed a woman who'd listen to my insecurities and whom I could feel safe with. But I'd like to think that a man can seek that in a woman and not be needy or "not man enough". I'd like to think healthy relationships are where both sides are more or less equal, or balance eachother out.

Anyway, difficult, isn't it?

 

[jady]

I do the same thing, I think it is a combination of the vulnerability (playing on our urge to protect) and thier low self esteem (which at first can come across as interest).

In the end though, they are just women who cannot handle their own lives and are looking for someone to do it for them.

 

[NewMan]

All women are vunerable in some way. It's just to what degree do they hide it.

Like it or not, this is still a mans world.

Make use of all the tools you have.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Alexander the Great...I feel sympathy for these girls but pity is not a basis for romantic feelings or sexual attraction.

I wouldn't recommend also sharing insecurities with these women. It will turn them off because im sure part of your appeal for them is seeming like someone who can roll with the punches and handle anything life throws at them.

I'm sure the ethical thing to do is to walk away the moment you realise they are damaged but like NewMan says a lot of them hide it at first. On some level I think they want a man to swan into their lives make them laugh, give them good loving, even if it means getting hurt when they never call again.

 

[MaddXMan]

Those are just the type of women I met years ago when doing the online dating thing.

 

[STR8UP]

Don't be fooled. Women can take care of themselves.

Most of these "vulnerable" and "innocent" women have an alter ego and won't hesitate for a second to move on to greener pastures, so I no longer have ANY guilt whatsoever about looking out primarily for myself in my interaction with them.

 

[ztas]

agree wholeheartedly with STR8UP!

I've experienced very similar situations, in fact going through one right now...

No woman is ever really vulnerable...THey're always far stronger mentally than most men!


Z

 

[Chrispy]

If and when you do take it to the next level, and you find the urge to soften up and to show your own vulnerabilities (being afc), STOP, reframe, re-compose.

And yeah, insecure women might either leave you for greener pastures or depend on you for their state of being.

 

[hithard]

Wolve's in sheep's clothing.

 

[FM 3321]

These "vulnerable" women know the game much more than 99% of the guys they come across. No woman is "innocent", "vulnerable" or all that other crap. They're smart, clever and they all like to have fun sexually which is good and is why they are all seeking a real mature man that knows what's up and what he wants. It's very interesting to know what that "innocent" vulnerable girl was really thinking the entire time you thought she was sooo damn innocent.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Well, maybe I was, like I said, too much of a "weak" guy at the times I spoke of. All women are vulnerable in some regard. Some more than others. It's just those types that you'll always be putting things into (self-esteem, not just your schlong ) that I've found irky. I still do.

And yes, those doe-eyed innocent deer are usually the first to drop you the second you don't reinforce them anymore or when you're in need of some reinforcement yourself. I've experienced that only once fortunately. It was also my most painful experience with a woman. Wolves in sheeps clothing indeed.

So perhaps you guys get it better then I do in that regard, with such women. They're good for short term fun. Not long term potential. Maybe that's what I've always been looking for. Maybe I'm not a short term fun guy.

 

[FM 3321]

Well, maybe I was, like I said, too much of a "weak" guy at the times I spoke of. All women are vulnerable in some regard. Some more than others. It's just those types that you'll always be putting things into (self-esteem, not just your schlong ) that I've found irky. I still do.

And yes, those doe-eyed innocent deer are usually the first to drop you the second you don't reinforce them anymore or when you're in need of some reinforcement yourself. I've experienced that only once fortunately. It was also my most painful experience with a woman. Wolves in sheeps clothing indeed.

So perhaps you guys get it better then I do in that regard, with such women. They're good for short term fun. Not long term potential. Maybe that's what I've always been looking for. Maybe I'm not a short term fun guy.

I think all women are great for the long term as long as you're the type of guy that sets those feelings off inside them.

 

[Alexander the Great]

I think all women are great for the long term as long as you're the type of guy that sets those feelings off inside them.

I agree. I was more referring to women who jump ship the moment you're not able to give them those feelings for a while. I mean, DJ or no, we're not supra-human. It has to be from both sides in my book. Give and take.

I was talking about Users, in other words.

Or is that not what you meant?

 

[FM 3321]

I agree. I was more referring to women who jump ship the moment you're not able to give them those feelings for a while. I mean, DJ or no, we're not supra-human. It has to be from both sides in my book. Give and take.

I was talking about Users, in other words.

Or is that not what you meant?

As for the women who jump ship I think it's up to the man to become the type of MAN that doesn't make those feelings go away. You don't have to be super human but you need to be a MAN.

As for users and "gold diggers" I also think it's up to the MAN to make sure he's not throwing all his money her way. Also when a woman finally finds the MAN she's looking for I believe she'll contribute a lot to the relationship.

I said something similar to this in another thread but I think it all boils down to becoming a MAN that takes sh!t from no one in a mature way. I think this is why this subforum is called "The Mature Man." A lot of us have grown up learning how to be the immature wuss that we have to undo all that crap and dig the real man out and bring him to the surface.

I would think an example of a MAN like Donald Trump knows how to deal with "users" really well and he's usually the one to throw them off the ship.

 

[Alexander the Great]

Well, sure. I agree with you on that.

I just don't want to invest my time in someone who doesn't give anything back. You're just as well off alone then.

Trying to be the MAN who can make such women "heal" from being Users into healthy individuals, sounds a bit like the infamous saviour attitude to me. Even if you're not desperate about it, like an AFC.

Isn't it a big gamble to keep a woman around who'll jump ship the minute you're momentarily lapsing in being a so-called MAN? What purpose is there for a man to hang onto such a woman other than booty or a nice-looking consort?

Which brings me to Donald Trump. What purpose do women serve in his life? Sex? Social proof? Looks to me that indeed the guy is perfectly happy just being by himself as well. It seems all equal to him, to me. What's the added value of his women? It seems like he has value to them, not the other way around. Isn't that some sort of AFC-ism also?

I'm just not after that. Doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being a MAN or not, imho. Or maybe I'm just momentarily protesting the "don't expect anything from women" mindset. Then again, I'm an Anti-Dump kind of guy, maybe that has something to do with it.

Hmm, aren't we straying from the vulnerable women?

 

[FM 3321]

Well, sure. I agree with you on that.

I just don't want to invest my time in someone who doesn't give anything back. You're just as well off alone then.

Trying to be the MAN who can make such women "heal" from being Users into healthy individuals, sounds a bit like the infamous saviour attitude to me. Even if you're not desperate about it, like an AFC.

Isn't it a big gamble to keep a woman around who'll jump ship the minute you're momentarily lapsing in being a so-called MAN? What purpose is there for a man to hang onto such a woman other than booty or a nice-looking consort?

Which brings me to Donald Trump. What purpose do women serve in his life? Sex? Social proof? Looks to me that indeed the guy is perfectly happy just being by himself as well. It seems all equal to him, to me. What's the added value of his women? It seems like he has value to them, not the other way around. Isn't that some sort of AFC-ism also?

I'm just not after that. Doesn't necessarily have anything to do with being a MAN or not, imho. Or maybe I'm just momentarily protesting the "don't expect anything from women" mindset. Then again, I'm an Anti-Dump kind of guy, maybe that has something to do with it.

Hmm, aren't we straying from the vulnerable women?

Well if a woman jumps ship, she jumps ship. I don't think you can classify women as ones who jump ship versus ones who don't jump ship. If you're just doing what you do and she sticks around that's great. As men we're not in the business of "healing" women. Other people get paid for that.

I think Donald Trump likes beautiful women for the same reasons all men do.


As for the topic of "vulnerable women" I think these women are just bullsh!tting. I see no reason why a woman should feel vulnerable around me. My penis in her vagina isn't going to kill her, it will bring her pleasure. I don't see having sex with women as "preying" on them because every time I've had sex the woman seemed to want it much more than I did. She's screaming and hollering while I'm just "quietly" doing my thing.


I'm just debating theory here so maybe my opinions will change when I date more beautiful women instead of sitting at home masturbating to porn.

 

[SharpGame]

Maybe it's possible that if you're man enough it wouldn't matter if she depended on you for all her strength and security and you could keep a "vulnerable" woman from wanting to move on to greener pastures. But would you want to? Healthy men attract healthy women. If I can get a higher class woman, why would I waste my time with broken weak women?

These weak women attach themselves to seemingly strong men who will take responsibility for their happiness and well-being. And there are plenty of AFC's waiting in line to be that man. But then if she's not happy, it's his fault in her mind and she eventually leaves him for not being perfect. Ironically, it was probably these little imperfections that kept him from getting a better woman in the first place.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Sharpgame I think you are spot on. Why would I want to be with a weak woman who seemingly cannot take care of herself? If she leaves me I'd consider it a lucky escape but I'm out of the door the moment I see the full extent of her vulnerability and neediness.

The only twinge of guilt is a feeling I am using them for sex. Before we've slept together I have NO problem rejecting them. After all in my AFC days so many times after a date id call a girl and she'd have 101 excuses never to see me again.

After sex it is different. These girls do not seem to be able to detach emotions from sex. Sure I show them a good time, they get wet, scream with pleasure etc. But afterwards while Im happy just to go to sleep they insist on cuddling, play with my hair, want to talk for hours and "get to know me better" and seem to have the general impression that a relationship is going to follow.

If they were cool about the sex Id stick around and maybe great sex would lead to a relationship. But they are not cool...they get all clingy and scare me away.

 

[STR8UP]

I don't see having sex with women as "preying" on them because every time I've had sex the woman seemed to want it much more than I did. She's screaming and hollering while I'm just "quietly" doing my thing.

Exactly.

When I get as much pleasure as I give a woman (in and out of the sack) i might be more inclined to think that they are doing me a favor.