"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Valentine day - The DJ Way
- Thread starter kinjo
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Kineti[C]harm
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2003
- Messages
- 1,520
- Reaction score
- 2
Just do something special that is special for her... Something that is fun but romantic, original but not weird, listen to what she likes... And to be honest I'm a sucker for roses...
Sexy_Malibu
Master Don Juan
WARNING!!
Do NOT buy your girl a dozen red long-stem roses on Valentine's unless you know she's into that sort of thing. Because a lot of girls nowadays will see that and think it's cliche and think "gee, he really didn't give much thought to what to get me... just went with the standard dozen red roses".
Having said that, some chicks ARE a sucker for roses (no pun intended, or um... pun intended)... but if you give roses to a girl who isn't into that sort of cliche quasi-romantic stuff, then you're really just telling her "hey I don't know you at all" and you'll be wasting your money because roses are 100x more expensive on V-day.
Some other ideas are to give her the type of flowers you KNOW she likes (if she has a favorite, like daisies or tulips?) or to give her roses in a color other than red (her favorite color... yellow, pink?)
Be a little more creative. It really is the thought that counts. And a dozen red roses doesn't require any thought, and although a lot of girls will says "awww how sweet he gave me roses" and gush at the thought of the amount of money you spent on them... underneath it they'll know you didn't put in much thought.
Give her something (or do something for her) that is uniquely her and that shows that you really thought about it and worked to make her happy. A mixed CD of your favorite songs to listen to together... her favorite food... something she mentioned about 3 months ago that she'll be shocked you remembered... that is the stuff that really gets a girl.
DISCLAIMER: The above suggestions may not be "in a DJ sense"... but they still are true, so those of you in LTRs that are stumped... this is for you.
Kineti[C]harm
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2003
- Messages
- 1,520
- Reaction score
- 2
I never said a dozen red roses did I =) ? I just said I'm a sucker for roses so to some girls I like giving just a single simple rose 
Depends on the girl. The most important thing is giving her a very good and special time.
Depends on the girl. The most important thing is giving her a very good and special time.elvis aint dead yet
Senior Don Juan
Depends on the girl. Depends on how long you've been going out with her. And it depends on how well you know her and how far along the relationship is.
Last year, I took my gf to a beautiful B&B in New Orleans. She was originally from that area, so that was my surprise for her.
Of course we've been going out for 3 years and I know her very well and I sort of know the things that would make her smile.
It was relatively inexpensive as well, as I found plenty of deals for last minute getaways.
Anyway, it all depends on her, you, and the relationship.
Last year, I took my gf to a beautiful B&B in New Orleans. She was originally from that area, so that was my surprise for her.
Of course we've been going out for 3 years and I know her very well and I sort of know the things that would make her smile.
It was relatively inexpensive as well, as I found plenty of deals for last minute getaways.
Anyway, it all depends on her, you, and the relationship.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Input please
Ok, Let's see what's your thoughts on these grounds below.
She's an ex of 1,2years of relationship who's now "thinking" of coming back after 5 months of break up.
We're currently in valve sex relationship (is that the right expression?) since about a week ago. While I'm being happy with the status quo (I'm detached now) but also letting her know that we deserve another chance. (I was a real ignorant manipulative jerk)
I'm planning this up coming valentine weeks in advance since last year, I was a total ignorant jerk who gave NO meaning to a special awaited day to her. She is now aphatic for valentine days (she however has been kept dissapointed year after year on valentine's day also with her past bf's)
So, I'm brainstorming for creative, romantic, and inexpensive ways to make it up to her. Well actually, my real intentions is to create a highly memorable event that she'll thank me for the rest of her life, as well as making her fall for me as best as I can - then withdraw for a more exciting reseduction
This is what I have in mind right now for a special Valentine:
1. Custom Audio CD - I hand picked 14 love songs, designed and printed the custom CD cover just for her and the occasion, to be presented on the night before Valentine's. (I haven't thought of anything to do on this eve, any suggestions?)
2. She has a particular kind of "special treatment" dried flower (a few red roses) on acrylic case that she's been longing to have (a guy to romantically presenting it to her) since last year, and I'm going to get it for her this time. Well, it's going to take about 3 hour return trip to buy it.
3. On V.day - No idea yet what to do during the day. Suggestions please.
But on the evening, after dinner (no idea yet what makes a romantic dinner, duh!) I'm thinking of rose petals on the bed, I going to light lots of big red candles, turn ALL other lights off set the mood with aromatherapy oil, and a "seductive" atmosphere.... soft suggestive ambience music, off course... and give her a couple of hours (yes!) of full body sensual massage (which I've learnt years ago when I was still in Uni, so u know, I'm an experienced erotic massaur) This will get her really relaxed (a different kind of high, kind of half flying kind of feeling - as some of my exes expressed it) and very horny in the end. Guess what... EXPLODING yet....gentle, lovemaking.
This is supposedly the final closing of the day, and she's not going to see/hear from me for many days after that. Ha!
I previously thought of candlelight aromatherapy bublebath in a nice hotel before the massage (done this with an ex once and it was memorable). but damn it, I cannot find a hotel that has a private jacuzzi in the room in this city where I'm living. Can't afford a Hyaat penthouse yet guys(( Actually, I'm considering to do this in my house (I live alone) to cut costs, she's still an ex however.
Hey, this is an interesting idea for you who haven't experience it. Feel free to have a try :d As I remember it, it took me only about 2 hour to learn the "sensual massage" from a book from the library! It's a skill for life!
However, as you can see, I have blanks spots here and there on my schedule above, and I truly welcome any creative thoughts/comments from you to add to this or even critics me of not to do or whatever you think may help.
Thanks in advance for any help.
PS: Sexy_Malibu, I'd really like to hear a comment from a woman's point of view.
Ok, Let's see what's your thoughts on these grounds below.
She's an ex of 1,2years of relationship who's now "thinking" of coming back after 5 months of break up.
We're currently in valve sex relationship (is that the right expression?) since about a week ago. While I'm being happy with the status quo (I'm detached now) but also letting her know that we deserve another chance. (I was a real ignorant manipulative jerk)
I'm planning this up coming valentine weeks in advance since last year, I was a total ignorant jerk who gave NO meaning to a special awaited day to her. She is now aphatic for valentine days (she however has been kept dissapointed year after year on valentine's day also with her past bf's)
So, I'm brainstorming for creative, romantic, and inexpensive ways to make it up to her. Well actually, my real intentions is to create a highly memorable event that she'll thank me for the rest of her life, as well as making her fall for me as best as I can - then withdraw for a more exciting reseduction
This is what I have in mind right now for a special Valentine:
1. Custom Audio CD - I hand picked 14 love songs, designed and printed the custom CD cover just for her and the occasion, to be presented on the night before Valentine's. (I haven't thought of anything to do on this eve, any suggestions?)
2. She has a particular kind of "special treatment" dried flower (a few red roses) on acrylic case that she's been longing to have (a guy to romantically presenting it to her) since last year, and I'm going to get it for her this time. Well, it's going to take about 3 hour return trip to buy it.
3. On V.day - No idea yet what to do during the day. Suggestions please.
But on the evening, after dinner (no idea yet what makes a romantic dinner, duh!) I'm thinking of rose petals on the bed, I going to light lots of big red candles, turn ALL other lights off set the mood with aromatherapy oil, and a "seductive" atmosphere.... soft suggestive ambience music, off course... and give her a couple of hours (yes!) of full body sensual massage (which I've learnt years ago when I was still in Uni, so u know, I'm an experienced erotic massaur
) This will get her really relaxed (a different kind of high, kind of half flying kind of feeling - as some of my exes expressed it) and very horny in the end. Guess what... EXPLODING yet....gentle, lovemaking. This is supposedly the final closing of the day, and she's not going to see/hear from me for many days after that. Ha!
I previously thought of candlelight aromatherapy bublebath in a nice hotel before the massage (done this with an ex once and it was memorable). but damn it, I cannot find a hotel that has a private jacuzzi in the room in this city where I'm living. Can't afford a Hyaat penthouse yet guys
(( Actually, I'm considering to do this in my house (I live alone) to cut costs, she's still an ex however.Hey, this is an interesting idea for you who haven't experience it. Feel free to have a try :d As I remember it, it took me only about 2 hour to learn the "sensual massage" from a book from the library! It's a skill for life!
However, as you can see, I have blanks spots here and there on my schedule above, and I truly welcome any creative thoughts/comments from you to add to this or even critics me of not to do or whatever you think may help.
Thanks in advance for any help.
PS: Sexy_Malibu, I'd really like to hear a comment from a woman's point of view.
duke007
Master Don Juan
What about if you've just started dating the girl - say you've only known her for two weeks?
elvis aint dead yet
Senior Don Juan
If you've only known the girl for two weeks, if you want to do something for her, go ahead, just don't go all out for the event.
I mean you two basically just met, so I'm sure you don't know that much about her and she doesn't know that much about you.
Do something simple. Don't go overboard. ANd sure don't get too fancy, especially since you two are just starting to get to know one another.
As for kinjo, geez, slow down. You are thinking WAY TOO MUCH about this girl. Great that you know her, great that you want to do something for her. But as you say, she's an EX, and as you say, you treated her badly before. WHo knows her motives.
I'd tell you the same thing. Keep it simple. THe CD idea, that might be good, I don't know. To me, that just sounds cheesey.
As for everything else, slow down and chill out. You provided a ten page list(exaggerating a little, but it was a long list) of things you wanted to do for her.
Take a step back and take things slow. YOu can do something nice for her, but again, DO NOT GO OVERBOARD.
And always remember, IT"S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE HER GIFTS OR NICE HOLIDAYS because her last boyfriends didn't.
You can treat her good, do fancy things with her and for her, but do not ever go OVERBOARD.
I mean what's she doing for or getting you?
Do not make the relationship a one way street, where you are doing everything for her. You'll only be mad and sad if you do that.
I mean you two basically just met, so I'm sure you don't know that much about her and she doesn't know that much about you.
Do something simple. Don't go overboard. ANd sure don't get too fancy, especially since you two are just starting to get to know one another.
As for kinjo, geez, slow down. You are thinking WAY TOO MUCH about this girl. Great that you know her, great that you want to do something for her. But as you say, she's an EX, and as you say, you treated her badly before. WHo knows her motives.
I'd tell you the same thing. Keep it simple. THe CD idea, that might be good, I don't know. To me, that just sounds cheesey.
As for everything else, slow down and chill out. You provided a ten page list(exaggerating a little, but it was a long list) of things you wanted to do for her.
Take a step back and take things slow. YOu can do something nice for her, but again, DO NOT GO OVERBOARD.
And always remember, IT"S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO GIVE HER GIFTS OR NICE HOLIDAYS because her last boyfriends didn't.
You can treat her good, do fancy things with her and for her, but do not ever go OVERBOARD.
I mean what's she doing for or getting you?
Do not make the relationship a one way street, where you are doing everything for her. You'll only be mad and sad if you do that.