Unsure about moving forward + "nice guy" story

[IAMAREALBOY]

New to forums. Sorry if I'm a bit messy. Ask and I'll try to explain if you guys get confused. I hope you guys read it all to really understand my situation.

Here's a bit about myself. I'm Alex. 17. (started school a year young) and I'm Chinese born Australian. Rhonda is the same. I'm just noting this because I tend to see differences in different cultures when it comes to guys and girls. We've both never been in relationships and I'm sure you guys know what that means.

Hey guys, I'm a "nice guy". I've known this girl Rhonda since year 6 and we just finished school (we went to different schools). So I met her through a friend and over time hanging out with her in year 6-7 about once a week, I started to like this girl. So I told my friends and she eventually found out in year 7. She was always really nice to me and still spoke to me even though she knew, but she never told me if she liked me. During Christmas she gave me a small card. So I decided to write her a nice card and gave it to her the week after. She said it was really sweet and gave me back an awesome one too. I still have this card today, it means a lot to me. So over time we grew apart. Didn't talk or see each other much and I wasn't really interested in any other girl. So in year 9 I spoke to one of her friends and they said they needed get a tutor. I told them to come to mine and they did after a week or so. My feelings weren't as strong as before since it was a good 2-3 years and I had no girl on my mind then. But nothing happened, during this time. I got interested in another girl (Amy) at the tutor. I found her on Facebook and I added her and she accepted. We spoke as friends and eventually she told me to come out with her friends around Christmas (just broke up with her boyfriend after some time as well). We hung out eating, drinking and going around shops. It was a good day and she didn't really ask me to come out again, but told me that we should go to the movies with some friends. So then I started to realise that I like this girl and I never made a move. Over 2 years she's had a few boyfriends and I never found the chance to do something. So in 2010 year 10 I decided to make a move. Obviously it was too late. But I told her I liked her and she said she also liked me a few months back. This made me feel pretty gloomy for a year or so. She also gave me a card for my birthday with another friend and I still have it (I just like cards i guess). So I don't talk to her much or see her and just moved on but I always looked back upon it and kick myself for being an idiot. So in between 2010 and halfway in 2012 I was just hanging out with friends and didn't really have to do anything with girls. So Rhonda's friend's birthday comes up (house party) and I talk to Rhonda about it. She said she needed to get the birthday girl something so she asked If I wanted to come shop with her. I agreed and it when we meet we just smiled and all (I guess we're both socially awkward). We've both never been in relationships. So we eat together and all and talk about what's been going on in our lives. Rhonda knew I liked Amy. A week after the party we had another one and she told me to come because she knew I was pretty lonely and avoided "love" (I told her) for quite some time after Amy. So I found out she was interested in some guy called Dean but he wasn't at the party. During the party she had a drink or two and asked if I wanted to drink. (She doesn't normally drink, she's the really sensible type. Smart, pretty, funny, etc) I don't drink for personal reasons (not because I'm a pansy). We had to leave the party for a bit with a few people and I was walking with Rhonda and one of her friends and then she locked arms with me and I was cool with this. (I love her as a friend and she's great to talk to). Then her other friend decided to do the same so it's debatable that I'm attractive (girls do say I'm cute) or just being friendzoned. We sit and she leans her head on my shoulder. I have no idea what is going on so I just didn't make any move and carried on making a conversation. We went back to the party and got a lift home from a friend. Before she left to go in her house she said to me "stay safe". I just figured she was really caring. We then talked everyday or so through Facebook about what went on in our lives. Then before the HSC (Australian exam for year 12 students) she told me to come to the library with her and study with a friend and said Dean might be there. I'm not interested in her at this time but after she stopped seeing Dean for about a month or two I've grown a bit of interest in her. I made it pretty obvious that I was interested through flirty texts. At first she thought it wasn't me (Yea I'm not normally like this, I'm the pansy "nice guy" that doesn't make moves). Confirmed to Rhonda it was me and she flirted back a bit. So i told her to come out and I needed to talk to her about something and she has a few jobs and the schedules and shifts always change and are unpredictable. So I've decided to take a step forward and grow some balls. She said lunch on a certain day and I was free. But she tells me that she's busy and her lunch break won't be long enough. Then rescheduled another day. This time lunch again. But I decided to have dinner as I figured it would be better for this type of stuff (yes I was going to tell her I was interested in her and I like her). So I said I can't make it to lunch I'll be up late tonight doing stuff. She then said she's having a dinner party with friends that night). She offered sometime next week. But I said lunch was ok but I'd be quite tired. So in the morning I asked her when she's free and she said we can have dinner. So I agree and sleep a bit more. Then I was getting ready to go out at the suggested time and she texts me maybe (she wasn't sure). I was in the shower at this time and replied 30 mins later. She then texted me whilst I was replying and said come at 6. This could be bad timing but I told her I was just heading out at 5:30 (takes me about 30 min to get to the place anyway) and she said don't worry about it. So I'm heading out and she calls me and said don't come. It was quite a let down and then she asked If i was ok. I was fine and I told her I was fine. She asked me a couple of times and asked "are you sure?" The thing is she decided to have dinner with me and thought of leaving her friends for me, but bailed out on the last minute for the second time. So I called her and asked when she's free and she said I'm really busy working so we can meet during the Christmas holidays or during new years. She asked why can't I just tell her over the phone and I told her it won't feel right. She then asked if I was gay. I started laughing a bit and said no why did you ask. She said because a couple of her guy friends were gay or became gay around her. I told her I wasn't gay. I texted "Christmas or Boxing day after the phone call since she said she was busy working the week. We can shop as well." No reply. So I haven't contacted her since and I'm really confused here. I'm only slightly interested in her and I don't want to lose her as a friend (one of those friends you'd want to keep). Help me out guys.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

Thanks. You're right I should at least hold her hand and do something. I'll get back to you guys. Whoever reads this, feel free to put your opinion on what I should do. It's just that I got friendzoned hard and I have to pull myself out of it.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

I see. I'm new to the dating game. But if I go and hold her hand and she rejects, what should I do then? The situation would be really awkward. Should I be a little persistent? But not to the point where she runs off of course.

 

[Igetit!]

Thanks. You're right I should at least hold her hand and do something. I'll get back to you guys. Whoever reads this, feel free to put your opinion on what I should do. It's just that I got friendzoned hard and I have to pull myself out of it.

I wanna see if I read that right......


Did you say you waited until "year 10" to make a move on a chick?


So you met a girl,then 10 YEARS after meeting her,you decide to make a move and let her know you like her.



It's over with. Give up. You talk about pulling yourself out of the friendzone. The friendzone IS EASY to avoid....SUPER EASY. So if you couldn't do something that's super easy to do,what makes you think you're going to do something AS HARD AS getting out of the friendzone?



Do you even understand what you did (or didn't do) that got you in the friendzone in the first place? If you don't know what you did that caused this,then how do you plan to undo it?



To me,you have two options....


1:ASK HER OUT ON A DATE.
2: Or give up.


Regular "game" won't work here cause the chick knows you. After being around you for 10 years,if you started doing "game",you'd just freak her out cause you'd be acting weird to her.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

No you got confused there. It was a young crush thing from years 6-9. But I just wasn't ready for a relationship. I've recently started talking to her about halfway this year so it's almost like a new start but she knows me from a few years back. So I've gained a little interest recently but I don't think it's too late to do something yet. There are 2 girls. Rhonda is the one I'm concerned about, not Amy. I have asked her to come out, but she's rescheduled twice now. If she reschedules one more time or says she is busy I guess we all know what that means. I'll just move on. Any tips/pointers when we go out?

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

Has anyone ever got out of the friendzone? If so please do share your story.

 

[Kbomb]

How the **** did you guys read that thing?

Jesus, that was a wall of text.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

Well what did you expect? I stated in the title of this thread. I know I still have a long way to go with this stuff. Been reading stuff from here and it's great. Will put it into action when I get the chance.

 

[BadNews]

Don't "tell" her you like her. DON'T! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! Hang out with her, keep it FUN, and SHOW her that you like her. Grow some balls and make a move (physical) and she'll get the idea. Let her be the one to begin discussions about "feelings" and other crap like that.

You need to be the man in this situation. Take charge of where this "relationship" is going. Men don't get all emotional with women they don't have a seriously intimate relationship with - let the WOMAN get emotional and talk about "emotional" things.

There is no reason to tell her you like her, when you can just show her by kissing her. Don't be a pansy, go for the gold my friend. Telling her you like her is only going to eliminate any attraction she may have for you, and get you thrown in the the friend zone forever...

 

[Harry Wilmington]

See the link in my signature? Go to it and read my article, "The Nice Guy: A Perfect Image for a Non Juan?" It will explain to you why being the form of Nice Guy that you currently are causes women to steer clear of you.

In the meantime, never, NEVER tell a girl you like her, especially if she hasn't been showing signs of liking you - and even if she has, you don't DIRECTLY say to a girl you like her. You let her know you like her by asking her for her phone number, then asking her out. In girl world, being too direct is akin to seeing a deer and running right up to it - she's gonna be spooked. You have to go at them indirectly to get what you want. They're very good at reading hints and subtleties, so she'll know you like her when you ask her on a date. There is nothing wrong with this - even though she'll know you like her, she won't know to what extent you like her. That question in her mind will keep you in the game - as long as she doesn't know at what level you like her, she will stay around longer. But if you go blabbing to a girl that you like her, it's a WRAP.

But hey, don't believe us - your own results in doing this speaks for itself. If all the girls you've told "I like you" to have stopped wanting to be around you, logic would say you should stop doing it, right?

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

Yes, it was a good read. The thing is, I couldn't tell if she liked me as we are friends. So I have things like her phone number, Facebook, MSN. It's hard to tell when you're friends (especially me I suck). So it's been 3 days since I last contacted her, telling her to come out on Christmas/Boxing day. She didn't reply, so should I wait for her to get back to me? Or should I ask her if we're still on the day before?

 

[Purefilth]

She then asked if I was gay

#Huge compliment there.

Translates to "WHY THE F U C K HAVEN'T YOU MADE A MOVE YET? Ive given you all the signals!"



Christmas/ boxing day is family time. pick another weekday that doesn't fall on any major holidays.

and when you meet her, go for a kiss from her dammit!

have fun.


also

She said lunch on a certain day and I was free. But she tells me that she's busy and her lunch break won't be long enough. Then rescheduled another day. This time lunch again. But I decided to have dinner as I figured it would be better for this type of stuff (yes I was going to tell her I was interested in her and I like her).
So I said I can't make it to lunch I'll be up late tonight doing stuff. She then said she's having a dinner party with friends that night). She offered sometime next week. But I said lunch was ok but I'd be quite tired. So in the morning I asked her when she's free and she said we can have dinner. So I agree and sleep a bit more. Then I was getting ready to go out at the suggested time and she texts me maybe (she wasn't sure). I was in the shower at this time and replied 30 mins later. She then texted me whilst I was replying and said come at 6. This could be bad timing but I told her I was just heading out at 5:30 (takes me about 30 min to get to the place anyway) and she said don't worry about it. So I'm heading out and she calls me and said don't come

dont do this.
set a date/ time OF YOUR CHOOSING offer her a choice i.e. thursday breakfast or saturday lunch
if she cant make it. say ok.
wait a few days and make another offer like monday coffee or weds icecream

whatever you do, dont do that garbage quoted up there.

be definite in your offer and LEAD THE INTERACTION.

Don't be afraid to walk away. - she will be more sorry that she missed her opportunity than you will be for holding on to your balls and self-respect.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

I agree with the gay part. But she told me she was free during those days or new years because of work. So should I call and ask what day she is free?

 

[Purefilth]

I agree with the gay part. But she told me she was free during those days or new years because of work. So should I call and ask what day she is free?

NO. You don't get it yet - which is fine.

You offer a choice of two days that YOU are free.
She cant make it? her loss.
maybe even the next week you make an offer of another two days that YOU are free.

If she cant make either of these, and she gives you a counteroffer THAT SHE STICKS TO AND DOESN'T FLAKE.
then accept the offer IF YOU DONT ALREADY HAVE OTHER PLANS.

If she flakes? NEXT
no counteroffer? NEXT

there are plenty of girls in the world buddy - she is not the be all and end all.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

I understand what you're saying, but it's a holiday day so I guess we're both free. She's rescheduled twice now due to her busy and random job schedules. She is not lying about it, I know it's true. But I still think I should ask if she is still coming out. If she flakes one more time I would probably consider one more chance then I'll be done with it. I know she is not the only girl, but she is one of the best ones I know of.

 

[Igetit!]

Yes, it was a good read. The thing is, I couldn't tell if she liked me as we are friends. So I have things like her phone number, Facebook, MSN. It's hard to tell when you're friends (especially me I suck).

You remember when I asked you if you know what you did wrong to end up in this situation? Well here it is here in this reply of yours.


You said you couldn't tell if she liked you or not because you two are friends.
You said it's hard to tell if someone likes you when you two are friends.


That was the mistake you made......becoming "friends" with her.


Whether you realize it or not,"friendship" IS a relationship. You ALREADY HAVE a relationship with this girl. You're ALREADY "relating" to her,it's just all platonic.


You said you plan on trying to hold her hand. Yeah,and she's gonna look at you like you're NUTS when you do. She might think you're either drunk or on something. You know why?



Cause you're going to try to go from the "friend" she's known and gotten comfortable with FOR YEARS to suddenly trying to be a guy who wants to see her naked. She needs chemistry and passion for that,which you two don't have. If it was there,she'd be done hinted and signaled yo' ass to death by now.


It's like Rollo says,"If a chick wants to fvck you,she'll FIND A WAY to fvck you".


And her comment asking you if you were gay....dude,lol......that WASN'T a compliment or IOI. Look at the context in which she said it. You told this chick.....

So i told her to come out and I needed to talk to her about something

You said that to her. Then TWO TIMES after saying that,you tried to meet up with this chick for lunch or whatever,and both times she blew you off.


Then when you called her and tried to set up a lunch date for THE THIRD TIME,she asked you why couldn't you just tell her whatever you wanted to say over the phone. You didn't,and that's when she asked you if you were gay. She didn't ask you that cause she wanted you to make a move,she did it cause you made it seem like you had something MAJOR to tell her,and her imagination went off trying to figure out what.

So it's been 3 days since I last contacted her, telling her to come out on Christmas/Boxing day. She didn't reply, so should I wait for her to get back to me? Or should I ask her if we're still on the day before?

You need to read the DJ Bible. You're here seeking advice,but you don't need advice,you need a MINDSET change.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

I'm not that interested in her, and now I think the friendship is better actually. If I was to save this friendship (since I just kind of killed it), what would you think I should do? I'll be reading the DJ bible, it looks good. I know there are plenty of girls out there. Thanks for everyone's opinion. Will be fixing myself up over time.

 

[floydb25]

Man, I'm getting tired of writing these long ass replies - only to have the browser freeze upon sendage. ****ing PS3. Makes me want to punt a *****es' head into the ocean.

To summarize: you need to stop acting so friendly around women, and start being more sexual and exciting. If you act like a friend - you'll be viewed and treated as one. So, knock it off, and start making your intentions known right away. This means being assertive, showing a little interest, flirting, teasing, touching, making moves, talking about and escalating to sex, setting up real dates, etc. The vibe MUST be romantic from the get-go. Do NOT use friendship as a safety net to avoid rejection. None of that wishy-washy ****, either. Be bold and confident; man up.

The reason this is so important is because of how attraction works. Its always at its highest in the very beginning - with an exciting new prospect. If you start acting too friendly - you will kill their attraction towards you. Thats because they're polar opposites. You want to present a challenge, and build their anticipation, but cant if youre always available. Same with maintaining mystery, and so on. Everything you do to create and sustain attraction is the exact opposite for friendships.

NGs "FL" because they do nothing to build attraction. So while they make good LTR candidates - they dont build enough attraction to get there. Theyre too nice, passive, available, and not sexual whatsoever. Thus, FZ'd. Or, they wear their heart on a sleeve, rush in at full speed, and show TOO much interest. Bad bad bad.

Charm and wit is a good way to break the barrier. Your whole vibe and deminor should be sexual - without coming off as a perverted sex fiend. Something like squinting your eyes and grinning, talking in a low-key, charming voice, a bit of flirting and touching, making sexual inneundos, etc. Sarcasm usually works good.

The main thing is to eliminate the fear of how you think THEY perceive you. You're not bad or a player for wanting sex, and thats what separates friendships from relationships. They WANT you to be sexual, attractive, witty, assertive, and turn them on. They LIKE a chase, challenge, and some mystery. This stuff is all GOOD - they like it, and it works. Nothing "jerk" about it. Its exciting, fun, builds anticipation, creates attraction. Good good good.

 

[IAMAREALBOY]

Just a random question. I've grown up around with pretty much no father figure, so I was raised by my mum and aunt. Could this possibly be a reason why I'm nice? I see your point about the attraction. I've always been too shy, etc. So I'll be changing that over time and developing myself.

 

[floydb25]

Just a random question. I've grown up around with pretty much no father figure, so I was raised by my mum and aunt. Could this possibly be a reason why I'm nice? I see your point about the attraction. I've always been too shy, etc. So I'll be changing that over time and developing myself.

Very much so, yes. You were raised in a feminine environment. Its not bad to have certain feminine qualities, and chicks love sweet / caring guys. But it cant be overly so, or all you are. They still want men to be men.

Its hard to reprogram yourself, but it can be done. Going through hell and back through society usually shapes you right up. Also things like living on your own, not depending on mom, etc.

I was the exact same way, by the way.