“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”

Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.

Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers.  Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.

I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.

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Understanding Approach-Anxiety

everywomanshero

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I don't feel approach anxiety is any different than any other type of performance anxiety. Fear produces certain reactions that protected us duing earlier types: your blood is priortised to certain muscles which help you escape danger or deal with it, saliva production is slowed, larger amounts of sugar are produced, sweating is inereased to keep the body cool for peak performance running from a wild animal or whatever, breathing quickens to get more oxygen to certain places etc.

Think about it, isn't that exactly what happens when a guy gets approach anxiety? Sweating, dry mouth, changes in the way muscles feel, shorter-quicker breathing, etc.

Have I ever felt this? Yep, I've had a national sales director listening to my every move and comparing me to the best people in the country. A guy only gets one shot at something like this, unlike with women where we are are lucky and have infinite chances, but nonetheless I can relate.

What about it? First you have to rule out avoidance.

Approach-avoidance is difficult to correct, because humans have a tendency to place greater enphasis on avoiding pain than seeking gain. According to the prospect theory this can be effected by referential information. Ex. Someone with approach-anxiety may approach anyway when he's not finding enough chicks online, then may revert back to avoidance (not "sarging") when he's got a lot of dates setup through online contacts.

If you have any thoughts about avoiding the situation, then that's probably exactly what you'll end up doing. I recommend never thinking about not doing somehting or putting off something important (like approaching a hottie or an acting class or whatever) til later if you're prone to avoidance patterns for that behavior.

Performance anxiety can be predicted according to Leary by the following calculation :

Stage Fright = Importance of consequences of performance
_________________________________________
Prediction of successful performance

If your cognitions see no chance of success and terrible consequences, then chances are it's going to produce stage fright. Notice that if we somehow changed those cognitions, then we could predict the degree of stage fright to go down.

Unfortuantely, us humans are really bad at detecting how much of the anxiety is detected. People consistently state that more anxiety was noticed than what the audience reports having noticed. Furthermore, when a person interprets his nervousness as a sign that he is "warmed up and ready" the same nervous energies that previously were perceived as fear are perceived as a sign of a positive, engagged performer! The whole "whatever you feel inside, shines ******d" kind of thing. It should also be noted that there is a "crossover point" where anxoius signs make the audience uncomfortable as well, but this is something that occurs at really high anxiety levels.

Hatfield, Cacioppo and Rapson suggest that body language is such a powerful form of communication that others literally take on some of the performers internal feelings. That's obvious to anyone who has ever went out in 'poor state', as it's very, very difficult to get a good conversation going under this condition. People are being assualted by negativity even though one might be saying something the same words that would otherwise be well received.

WOW this is getting wordy.

Back to the physical symtoms, there are a couple of things that may help alleviate them besides changing cognitions.
1) Not eating a lot of sugary foods that day since your body is going to amp suagr production through the roof during anxiety. If you get "the shakes" this may help.
2) Drinking some water since saliva production will be slowed to a crawl. This may help with dry mouth.
3) There are different breathing exercises one can do, but if you feel tingly or light headed that means you're taking in too much oxygen (and you shouldn't try taking really deep breaths if you already feel this way).. slow down tonto.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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MisterNigma

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Hey, just curious, any books on sales you'd reccomend?

I read, and utilize information from a few, Zig Ziglar has some great stuff, and there are plenty of others, I don't remember the authors as I haven't read them in a long while.

As far as AA goes, there are really only two ways to go as far as I'm concerned.

1. Stop caring. (By this I mean go in with no expectation as to the eventual outcome, and don't emotionally invest in the approach.)
2. Perform enough approaches where you come to a point and realize that all of the anxiety and fear you feel before the approach is nothing compared the the feeling of regret for missed opportunities.

Great post btw.


-E.Nigma
 

everywomanshero

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MisterNigma said:
Hey, just curious, any books on sales you'd reccomend?

I read, and utilize information from a few, Zig Ziglar has some great stuff, and there are plenty of others, I don't remember the authors as I haven't read them in a long while.

As far as AA goes, there are really only two ways to go as far as I'm concerned.

1. Stop caring. (By this I mean go in with no expectation as to the eventual outcome, and don't emotionally invest in the approach.)
2. Perform enough approaches where you come to a point and realize that all of the anxiety and fear you feel before the approach is nothing compared the the feeling of regret for missed opportunities.

Great post btw.


-E.Nigma
What I actually recommend reading are social psychology books. Any good social psychology book should have a lot of studies applicable to sales (and some that directly involve sales). That's what I tend to read. Aside from that, I've learned on the job. Most of my sales positions have been cold approaching people, and I think this is a really good learning environment.

#2 that you mention is actually a therapy technique called en vivio or something like that believe it or not. I remember reading about it in a psychology class.
 
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