Ugh. Such an annoying b*tch test: she said I seemed "shy"

[The_Reaper]

What an insult to a guy's masculinity....

I recently got a somewhat temporary office job for a few months in between university.

I don't enjoy it, but I get on with the work. I don't relate particularly well to anyone in the office - I prefer to "socialise" there via Instant Message on my computer, where I talk to intelligent, interesting friends.

Via a work email, a girl (who has a thing for me), said "you seem shy".

I told her not to mistake apathy for shyness, and threw in a wink face in case she thought I was offended.

How would you respond to this b*tch test / sh*t test?

 

[KontrollerX]

I don't think it was a sh!t test so much as it was simply a pathetic opener on her part.

Good reply by you to her btw.

 

[bud_2005]

Let it get your feathers in a bunch

 

[Igetit!]

I don't think it was a sh!t test so much as it was simply a pathetic opener on her part.

Good reply by you to her btw.

Yeah,I agree with Kontroller on this one. I don't understand what makes you think this was some sort of test from her.

 

[The_Reaper]

I don't think it was a sh!t test so much as it was simply a pathetic opener on her part.

Good reply by you to her btw.

KontrollerX and Igetit, it wasn't an opener - this was after a few weeks of emailing back and forth and occasionally chatting in the office.

It was a b*tch test, because it was phrased something like this:

Her: I just had a complete assh*le customer on the phone - do you ever get them?

Me: yeah, all the time, blah blah

Her: How would you react if someone started getting abusive and saying (some sh*t)

Me: I wouldn't worry about it, just hang up and laugh - who cares, don't take it personally.

Her: I don't think you would laugh, you seem too shy.

 

[MisterMcGee]

The fact that you're letting it get to you tells us you probably didn't handle it well in the grand scheme. We're filling the blanks, naturally.

 

[The_Reaper]

The fact that you're letting it get to you tells us you probably didn't handle it well in the grand scheme. We're filling the blanks, naturally.

Of course - otherwise I wouldn't have made a post about it, would I?

It was one of the occasions where I felt taken aback, and momentarily didn't know what to say.

So I said to myself: if this happens again, or worse, if it happens during an important moment, I need to have an answer I can deliver quickly.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well after you've filled us in with more information it still doesn't necessarily look like a sh!t test.

I mean sure it definitely could have been but it could also be how the girl honestly perceived you to be.

All you can do is what you did do which was stay in your frame and give her a smart or ****y response that corrects her in a cool way.

Your response was the smart cool choice.

Also I know shyness is generally a term applied to AFC's who are shy and pathetically fearful but a DJ can appear to women to be shy but also mysterious which to a woman would be a turn on and this makes sense if its like you said and she is definitely into you.

Hmmm and to put it another way a woman might see some guy who she's incredibly attracted to because of the way he carries himself with confidence and because of how he looks and interacts with others but she might perceive this man she's attracted to as shy because he didn't talk to her or he doesn't seem to talk enough etc which in that case it doesn't kill that guy's game to talk to that woman because then he can laugh off her shy comment and say oh no I was this that or the other thing.

Like you had the "apathy" comeback ready another guy who this happens to can find another way to politely and smoothly correct a woman about how he's not actually shy after all he was just pre-occupied or very busy etc some believable excuse you feed her to get a laugh out of her, put things back in your frame and change the subject.

So yeah to conclude as long as in addition to shy you appear to a woman as strong and mysterious you can still get her turned on and wanting you.

The only bad shy to be is the shy where you are perceived as pathetic and fearful and afraid of your own shadow.

 

[Igetit!]

Of course - otherwise I wouldn't have made a post about it, would I?

It was one of the occasions where I felt taken aback, and momentarily didn't know what to say.

So I said to myself: if this happens again, or worse, if it happens during an important moment, I need to have an answer I can deliver quickly.

Dude,you got this all wrong. How can you have an "answer" for a perceived personality trait? If she said that you seem too shy,it's because all of the previous interactions you've had with her (whether in person,or by email) gave her that impression of you. That wasn't a test from her. If you're around someone for a long period of time and you think they're shy,then they tell you about something outlandish they plan to do,you'd say the same thing she said. A test is when she tries to get you to do something for her that she could easily do own her own,or if she says something sexual to try to get a reaction from you,or tries to get you to show off for her.

All she did was tell you that you seemed shy because of the way you said you'd react to a rude customer. If this incident with this customer hadn't never happened,the topic of you seeming shy probably would never have even come up.

 

[The_Reaper]

Good responses, thanks.

One thing: my own definition of a b*tch test goes a little deeper than what you guys seem to suggest it means.

I think b*tch tests can be entirely automatic and unconsious. The woman would not even think of them as "tests", even if it was pointed out and explained to them. It isn't a test in the standard way.

It's an unconscious statement (or question or demand), the answer to which will determine (unconsciously) how she will feel about you.

Don't forget, guys: psychologists disagree about many things but are virtually unanimous when they say that the unconscious mind is far more powerful and dominant than the conscious mind.

 

[slaog]

OP I think you're taking things far too seriously. Chill out a bit. She said she thought you were shy and that really offended you. Why did it? Because you're so worried about what people think.


If she was trying to annoy you then just use your own advice and laugh it off and don't take it personally.

 

[The_Reaper]

OP I think you're taking things far too seriously. Chill out a bit. She said she thought you were shy and that really offended you. Why did it? Because you're so worried about what people think.


If she was trying to annoy you then just use your own advice and laugh it off and don't take it personally.

Worried? Me? Fck No! No No no no no
*Froths at the mouth*

*Lunges for Slaog*

 

[sharkbeat]

Me: I wouldn't worry about it, just hang up and laugh - who cares, don't take it personally.

Her: I don't think you would laugh, you seem too shy.

It looks like she sees you as a very serious person, who takes everything very seriously.

I first didn't get at all why she's saying that. Being shy will prevent you from laughing? What? How is that two related? But now I understand that she's just using the word "shy" to politely say that you have been exclusive to yourself and didn't seem to have expressed your emotions much, such that the image of you laughing at these assh*le customers was not possible given your personality.

Oh snap! I just did some Jedi mind sh!t there! :crazy:

 

[Igetit!]

Hey Reaper,

We have a thread on here called "B.S. tested to the max. how did I do?"
Check out that thread. It's chocked full of test from a woman to the OP.

 

[JJMcLure]

Bottom line, you say this chick has a "thing for you". So what are you waiting for? Make a move already, unless she is not up to your standards - in which case stop worrying about what she said. Frankly, it might not be too hard to understand why she might assume you to be shy if you type on IM every day instead of talking to co-workers (which is what you said).

It's obvious you are displeased with her perceiving you as being shy, probably because it's not generally considered an alpha trait. If you want this perception to change (maybe other people also perceive you this way), you need to act differently.

Developing as a DJ/PUA is achieved through interacting with people in real life. So practice socialising whenever possible (they don't have to be targets). Focus on being outgoing.