I've been listening to a radio show on Natural News Radio called Mental Health Exposed. Although it's a show about marriage counseling it touched upon some areas of high value to SS readers. Dr Peter Pearson of Couples Institute and his partner Ellen are discussing some key issues:
1) Understand that emotional pain is perceived the same as physical pain. When you say something hurtful to your woman, you might as well punch her (and vice versa).
2) During an emotional response (which we can't avoid) the fight or flight mechanism will be triggered. This causes your partner to protect themselves in a way often diametrically opposed to minimizing your pain. Thus, we hurt eachother to avoid our own pain. That's why people often either yell or storm off.
3) Two strong people will collide.
4) Know that her predominant underlying emotion is fear, masked as anger. She is afraid of something.
5) During a fight, the best response is to ask questions to get to the root of what they are afraid of. Example: Her: "You're an ass-hole!" You: "Why do you think I'm an ass-hole?"
6) Know that neither person is damaged. It's only the communication that is damaged. When you start to think there is something wrong with them or with you (i.e., BPD or NPD etc.), that leads you down the wrong path.
7) One woman confessed the key to reversing interest level. She told her husband "Do you really want to know what I think? I pray for your death!" She expected that to be the end of the relationship. But he had the perfect reply: "How long have you been praying?". She said that by his taking her worst punch and having a sense of humor, it "Inverted the hourglass" of their relationship. Your woman needs to know she can share her darkest thoughts with you and that you won't be offended, and especially that you won't hurt her back in response. The next time your woman says the coldest thing she can, roll with the punch and invert the relationship by displaying your strength.
(The show on www.naturalnewsradio.com was sponsored by https://inlpcenter.com/)
1) Understand that emotional pain is perceived the same as physical pain. When you say something hurtful to your woman, you might as well punch her (and vice versa).
2) During an emotional response (which we can't avoid) the fight or flight mechanism will be triggered. This causes your partner to protect themselves in a way often diametrically opposed to minimizing your pain. Thus, we hurt eachother to avoid our own pain. That's why people often either yell or storm off.
3) Two strong people will collide.
4) Know that her predominant underlying emotion is fear, masked as anger. She is afraid of something.
5) During a fight, the best response is to ask questions to get to the root of what they are afraid of. Example: Her: "You're an ass-hole!" You: "Why do you think I'm an ass-hole?"
6) Know that neither person is damaged. It's only the communication that is damaged. When you start to think there is something wrong with them or with you (i.e., BPD or NPD etc.), that leads you down the wrong path.
7) One woman confessed the key to reversing interest level. She told her husband "Do you really want to know what I think? I pray for your death!" She expected that to be the end of the relationship. But he had the perfect reply: "How long have you been praying?". She said that by his taking her worst punch and having a sense of humor, it "Inverted the hourglass" of their relationship. Your woman needs to know she can share her darkest thoughts with you and that you won't be offended, and especially that you won't hurt her back in response. The next time your woman says the coldest thing she can, roll with the punch and invert the relationship by displaying your strength.
(The show on www.naturalnewsradio.com was sponsored by https://inlpcenter.com/)