Turning ones social life around

[Viper]

I've got to change my social life around. Right now, I'm just a loser, a self-proclaimed loser; although people respect me and compliment me alot, truthfully, I don't have any REAL friends and hardly anyone 'knows' me, like, they respect me, but they would never want to start casual conversation with me or ask me to hang out. For instance, people in band(About 102 people), know my name, respect me, but they would never strike up a conversation with me, because they think I'm shy, which isn't far from the truth. When people are socializing with their friends, I'm just the guy who stands there by himself quietly just looking around at everyone else. Aside from band, it's pretty much the same, most people think of me as a quiet person and I can't really blame them, I am quiet person. Something else I've also noticed is that I care too much what other people think, during football games, when the drumline plays the drums, I want to dance, move to the beat, when the crowd cheers, I want to cheer with them, but no, I don't, because I'm too afraid of what others might think, like I'm afraid someone might think, "Is he okay?","Haha! What is he doing?". This may sound stupid, but I'm also afraid of starting random conversations with people, I fear that I'll say something stupid, if I do start conversation with someone, they won't hear me/will misunderstand me because of my unclear voice(This happens alot) and I'm not good at starting small talk.
But enough of the negativity, the person that I want to become eventually is the guy who's self confident, doesn't need the approval of others, doesn't care what others think, who's active, well known and well liked by alot of people, who gets the ladies and has something called, a life. Right now, besides Band, my life away from school, is pretty... boring, I have no friends away from school, when I don't have band practice or the band doesn't have to perform at a football game, mostly all I do is surf the internet, eat and watch TV all day. So basically, I want to know from you guys, how can I turn my social life around? How can I eventually become this "self confident", social guy that I want to be? What tips do you guys have for me.

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

they would never want to start casual conversation with me or ask me to hang out

I didn't get any further than this before giving you a word of advice:

If they would never start a casual convo with you, guess what, it's time for you to initate the convo with them, and proceed to make plans/get numbers (depending on what YOU WANT TO DO).

Don't rely on others, rely on yourself.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Get over the disappointment of others never really getting to "know" you. It won't ever happen. And the flip side is true: you won't ever get to "know" those around you, either. No one can crawl into another's head, so (forgot who said it) from the day you're born to the day you die, you spend most of it alone inside your head.

Soon enough, you won't care about that so much. It's an impossible standard to expect of others, really. It's you treating yourself like your precious (sp?), so precious in fact that no one can really plumb the depths of how special you are. At some point you wake up and get over yourself, and then getting to know people becomes easier.

It's a typical phase in jr / sr high (forget which, somewhere back there.) It's a development phase if I had to guess, some psyche major can spell it out further.

From the sounds of it, you won't have any problem navigating it.

 

[DinoCassanova]

So basically, I want to know from you guys, how can I turn my social life around? How can I eventually become this "self confident", social guy that I want to be? What tips do you guys have for me.


>>> Well you're just a shy reserved quiet kind of guy , basically. You don't want to try to turn yourself into something you're not. Part of liking yourself (and thus gaining a better sense of self-worth and a higher self-esteem) is knowing who/what you are.....and aren't. You might never be the kind of guy who's going to jump around with the crowd, or burn up the dance floor, or whatever . But that's basically OK. At the same time however, you might want to try to work with what you DO have, work within what feels "reasonable" to you. You could use to initiate more conversations. You definitely should. You could use to expand your circle of friends. Some other kind of extracurricular activity aside from the band might help with this. What about, if you're into any kind of religion, a church-based social group for teens? (Alot of hot chicks do go to church).

Also you could use to STOP concentrating so much on what others may or may not be "thinking" of you. Chances are, they are not thinking anything at all of you. Their "thought" of you, if you come into their line of sight, is probably just neutral if anything. It's definitely not negative. If you want to do more of what the crowd is doing, then do it. Why would they think anything less of you doing it if they're all doing it too??? By that I mean, cheering, dancing , etc. All they'll be able to tell from that kind of behaviour is that you're fully alive ! Use logic on those kinds of thinking errors.

Don't let negative thoughts about yourself remain for long in your mind. Just blank out for a minute if you have to. Like erasing a chalkboard that has too much writing on it. Buddhists call that, "finding your center". You can do it anytime during the day. Then, once you feel more self-worth, you can start taking on more Don Juan'ing opportunities, once you work on Don Juan'ing yourSELF. In other words, "seduce" yourself into liking yourself more, loving who YOU are, and then your self-confidence will be apparent. Even your way of walking will change, I would be willing to bet. Don't expect too much of yourself either by the way, you're only 15 after all, right?? (Or did I read that wrong??) Enjoy this part of your life, or really try to start to enjoy it ; it will FLY by, trust me. ~Dino~

 

[ScrewIt]

Let me give you one piece of advice which will be the source of your solution:

The mind can be your worst enemy or your most powerful weapon.

Mind games/warfare anyone?

 

[Jukeboxhero]

Hey man, I used to have a lot of the same problems myself. As a matter o fact, I'm still recovering from them.

One thing I can tell you, Don't worry about messing up when speaking! Everyone does it (look at the President) at least occasionly, it's human nature! If the person your talking to is a decent person they'll be understanding and won't say anything mean or make fun of you. Also, one of the best ways to not messup when saying something is to practice it by doing it. Most people messup when talking to people they are nervous around (such as girls, strangers) but the more you do it, they easier it gets.

If anything people will think of you better if you are more social as opposed to always being so quiet. Although, being a man of few words can have it's benefits too.

Basically, take Dino's advice too, I think he summed it up better than anyone could.

 

[diablo]

AE...

There are like 28392 threads on this. Try reading some, thanks.