turning down sex

[phillyb]

is it automatically assumed that if you turn your girlfriend down for sex one night , that you don't like her anymore. Maybe I'm out of touch, but Sometimes, like tonight I just wanted to go home and get some shut-eye. She has also asked repetitvely if I am still sexually attracted to her......yadayadayada. I tell her I am, and I really am. We have been dating for like 5 months. So I wanted to go home....we had sex last night. When I told her I didnt want to tonight she lays this guilt trip on me and says......well your either beating off, looking at other girls, wanting to go elsewhere.......or I'm going to go elsewhere.....As in she. I said, so what are you doing, threatening me, that you will go sleep with someone else. She said that's not what she meant, but said that if it is getting boring(the sex) then we need to end it because she should be able to have sex whenever she feels like it. She acted like....who would ever turn me down for sex!!---
well I did tonight.

 

[Paradox]

She is acting like a spoiled brat. If you are tired then you are tired. Just tell her you are tired.

She did threaten the relationship. I've had that happen. She has either control or self esteem. issues.

She may have other men bothering her (begging for her for sex). She may feel that she has other options. When a woman wants some all she has to do is ask for it.

It sounds like she fired a warning shot ("I'm going to go elsewhere."). Maybe she wants out and is looking for an excuse.

 

[NewMan]

If she's horny and wanting some of your pipe - then you should offer it up to here.

How many times do you here men complain that their women are tired?

Look, I've been there - felt the same as you have on occasion - and when that's happened I've been honest with her....

"Look honey - I'm a little tired tonight - so your going to have to do a little more work"....

Don't hold back the pipe.

 

[WaterTiger]

I think your relationship is in serious trouble. Either she's got very low self esteem and feels your refusal of sex is because she's not attractive/fat/ugly/whatever...OR she's getting turned on by some other guy at work or school & is expecting you to take the edge off. (At least she's being loyal) In either case, you have some things to work out.

In the mean time, next time she asks for sex, let her be on top. Less effort on your part!

 

[Chrispy]

Originally posted by WaterTiger
I think your relationship is in serious trouble. Either she's got very low self esteem and feels your refusal of sex is because she's not attractive/fat/ugly/whatever...OR she's getting turned on by some other guy at work or school & is expecting you to take the edge off. (At least she's being loyal) In either case, you have some things to work out.

In the mean time, next time she asks for sex, let her be on top. Less effort on your part!

it's nice to have a gal's pt of view - sometimes we guys are all about ourselves...saying no to sex and turning girls down

 

[Donald Kaufman]

she should be able to have sex whenever she feels like it

Ask her if that works both ways. If it does get it in writing and have it notarized.

 

[No Escape]

A few yrs ago i went to visit a chick i was dating down at her college. I slept over that night but didn't really get that hot and heavy with her...that's cause i realized i wasn't all that attracted to her physically. And because i didn't nail her that night, she accused me of being a "homo" *rolls eyes*. I later found that out from a friend who i introduced her to who's now in a relationship with her.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Let me tell you something - after a year of 'dating' (i.e. fvcking regular) and 8.5 years of marriage, I have ALWAYS been the initiator. My wife works a swing shift at a hospital here and comes home at 2am Friday-Sunday. If she were ever motivated enough to want me to hit it with her after work, I could be in the deepest stage of REM sleep and get it going with her, and want to go a second or third time.

I'll tell you, the first time I turned down Mrs. Tomassi, I just wanted to see what would happen if I did. Like I said, for about 9 years I've been the initiator and it drove her crazy to have me deny her for once. I made up some bullsh!t reason about being tired to see her response. The next night we got after it and she was a in a frenzy. So now, if I think she's making or sex into another chore I just put her off for a night and get after it with her on the next. I only do this sporadically of course since I don't want her catching onto the pattern.

Sometimes it can work in your favor if you play it right. Women hate it when you use their own ploy of deprivation against them because they know its bullsh!t too when they do it so they think you're playing them in the same way. Women do want sex, they just want it when it suits THEIR schedule or conditions, not yours.

 

[SamePendo]

There is almost nothing more ego boosting (for me) than turning down sex.

 

[DJ Supra]

dude.. are you ****ing serious?

If my girlfriend begged for sex i'd be f'ing her 10 times a day.

Be glad you found a wild one.

 

[Desdinova]

Many men will show their women that sex is their weakness. Men beg for it and even take it when the invitation is open. Women realize that this is a MAJOR weakness in men, and will use sex to get their own way. "If you do this, then I'll give you a treat". Sex becomes a prize instead of an enjoyment.

If anything, this may sound like a control issue. She wants to be the one in charge of the sex, not you. She wants you to be a horny little doggy looking for a treat. It sounds like this really threw her off.

 

[Luveno]

philly,

men can be tired just as much as women can. I tell ya that I have turned down my girl for sex on more than one occasion, and she gets all pissy. When I totally pay no attention to her whinings, she calms down and forgets about it. The best way to deal with it is to not even acknowledge it. Something as petty as this only becomes a problem if you concentrate on it.

So youre tired and youd rather sleep or rest. Thats just fine. She should respect that.