TRYING to move on

[blackhatter]

I've been broken up with my ex for 2 months now. We were together for about a year. Shortly and simply, she's a very good looking girl (hb8 or 9) who was obsessed with me in the beginning. Although she is not very sociable, she was a decent girlfriend. She talked ME into our relationship, begging for us to be more.

Although we had our ups and downs, everything seemed to be good. She went away on vacation for 2 weeks and ended up falling for some other guy. A total blow to my confidence, hence I was always the center of her world. She gave me the whole "I need some time to think about us" deal, which I later found out was just because she wanted to get with this guy. I think I played it pretty well. I asked her if she still loved me and she said no. I then asked her if she cared about our relationship and she said "I'm not sure anymore." Shortly after, I told her that there was no break and we were done for good. Click. Hardly any word since.

Anyways, I'm 2 months down the road and I'm really OVER her. I just can't seem to smother up my own self confidence. I've been seeing a few girls and laid 2 of them since. It seems like when I was with my ex, I had DIRECTION in life and knew what I wanted to do with myself. Now I feel like I'm just a piece of dust being blown in the wind.. I have no idea what I want to do, what my goals are, etc. I feel like I'm nearing the point where I get back to my old self but I'm not quite there yet.

Does anyone have any advice to get me there quicker? It's not that I still have feelings for her; I DO NOT! I am hardly even attracted to her anymore physically or mentally. I will admit that the blow to my self confidence is still very alive. I'm a good looking guy who's laid plenty of women, but this is the first time I've every been "cheated" on or DITCHED by a woman. I just wish I could get back to being the same man I was before I dated this girl. Anyways, I'd appreciate some replies.

 

[MacAvoy]

Joeker made a great post once and DJDamage has it as his signature, I believe it goes something like this:

"The problem with making women the 'point' of life is that when they screw you over, you start thinking 'theres no point' to life."

 

[blackhatter]

Good point.. lesson learned! The object is to get over it now.

 

[MacAvoy]

How long were you two goin out? How old are you?

 

[blackhatter]

21 years old.. we were together for a year. I guess I'd put her at an HB8/9.. very sexy girl.

Been through 4 or 5 relationships.. not really new to them. This is the first time a girl has ever cheated on me/ditched me, though.

She cheated on me a month into our relationship (although we were talking to each other for 3 - 4 months). I immediately dumped her.. she begged for a month for me to take her back.. got really pathetic, made me brownies every night, left me gifts at my door.

Anyways, me never being cheated on before, I took her back ignorantly. Now you might sit here and say "wow she has you wrapped around her finger", but honestly I really had HER wrapped around my finger most the time. Believe it or not, the 5 - 6 months after I took her back were the best months of our relationship. Great sex, met her family on multiple occasions, had a lot of fun. She would follow me where ever I went, she would really do anything I pleased.

Well, about 2 months ago she went on vacation and called me up with 4 days left and gave me the "I feel like we're just friends now" 3 DAYS after our 1 year anniversary (she sent me a card and a gift and all). Ha not sketchy right? So ends up she found some other guy who lives 3 hours from here.. shes single but I'm sure they still talk.

It's been awhile and I still can't put the pieces together. I don't even like the girl anymore.. I just can't understand how someone can go from loving you so much and doing anything you please, to flaunting herself with some other guy by posting pictures of him and her on facebook.. 1 WEEK AFTER SHE ASKED FOR A BREAK WITH ME! It actually makes me glad that I'm not dating a girl like that anymore. It's so funny how she tells all her friends blatant lies like "Oh well he just wasn't treating me right so I decided it was the right time to move on." Please babe, I feel bad that you have to lie to yourself day in and day out.

So I came to the conclusion that I may have done a few things wrong in the relationship, but nothing that deserved this. I've come to the conclusion that my ex was really just a slut. I'd heard it before from other people, but I always thought I would be the one to tame her. Well, I tamed her for longer than anyone else ever has, but in the end you are what you are.

 

[KontrollerX]

The key to getting over this is to wrap yourself up in your passions and maybe restart on them where you may of left off a bit or neglected them when getting with this chick.

Also to avoid losing your path in future relationships you have to be sure that while you are close to the girl you love you also keep a healthy amount of distance in that you have your own life outside of being around her and make your friends and passions equally as important as her and always do your best to believe in yourself and give yourself some good motivating talks each day about what a great guy you are.

Its that automatic inner validation so many of us brothers lack or neglect to give ourselves that makes us susceptible to losing our way or rather path in life when a relationship with some chick ends because the familiarity we had with her and her little compliments towards us each day put us in a total comfort zone and did the work of loving us for us where as strange as it sounds we were neglecting ourselves and our own self love that is so important even while experiencing love from a girl in a relationship.

If you never lose sight of your love for yourself, friends, family, community and passions in addition to the girl you are involved with you will never lose your way again.

Moving forward for you is to reconnect with everything you may of neglected while being in a relationship.

Thats your path back onto your path.

Good luck brother.

 

[DonGorgon]

it takes half the time you were in the LTR to completely recover from it...
I was in an 8 year LTr and it damn near killed me when it ended... too me 4.5 years to get right and I am still not 100% now.

 

[blackhatter]

The key to getting over this is to wrap yourself up in your passions and maybe restart on them where you may of left off a bit or neglected them when getting with this chick.

Also to avoid losing your path in future relationships you have to be sure that while you are close to the girl you love you also keep a healthy amount of distance in that you have your own life outside of being around her and make your friends and passions equally as important as her and always do your best to believe in yourself and give yourself some good motivating talks each day about what a great guy you are.

Its that automatic inner validation so many of us brothers lack or neglect to give ourselves that makes us susceptible to losing our way or rather path in life when a relationship with some chick ends because the familiarity we had with her and her little compliments towards us each day put us in a total comfort zone and did the work of loving us for us where as strange as it sounds we were neglecting ourselves and our own self love that is so important even while experiencing love from a girl in a relationship.

If you never lose sight of your love for yourself, friends, family, community and passions in addition to the girl you are involved with you will never lose your way again.

Moving forward for you is to reconnect with everything you may of neglected while being in a relationship.

Thats your path back onto your path.

Good luck brother.

That's some really good advice man. I've had my friends telling me the same exact things which has helped me a lot.. I've got a lot of real good friends with good heads on their shoulders. I'm taking this as a great lesson learned. I used to be that guy who had everything going for him and didn't really care about women.. funny how one ***** can manipulate you into being less of a man!

As for the half time recovering deal.. It's been 2 months and I feel that I'm almost recovered. I have come to the realization that I cannot change the past, but I can fix my mistakes for the future. thanks for the replies.