Trouble making solid friends in a new city...

[Omerta]

I've been a long time reader of CH and Rossy and I consider myself a renegade alpha / lesser alpha.

I graduated university and got paid to move out to a new city about a year ago now. My job requires me to move around alot so I'm in and out of the city consistently. I have a few friends from uni that made the same trek but are in LTR's and living together so we have different priorities.

Since I've moved here I have had good success charming ladies and going through spinning multiple sexual plates and dry spells (being away from the city for a month kills momentum) or pops the relationship questions.

I've been doing alot of introspection during this time and find that I am really good at making first impressions but lack at maintaining them. I'm pretty aloof and don't invest in people easily as I've been moving my entire life after highschool for work or staying put and having solid friends while in classes.

I'm the type of person that prefers to say less but when I speak have it mean something. At work I have no problem forming the situational alpha vibe even in my junior roll. I just don't have social pull in terms of holding center of attention all the time unless I know it benefits me acutely. I have been doing this pretty much my entire life the more I reflect on it. I feel like I could be a walking example of the ikea effect as funny example.

I play on a few local hockey teams and we go out for beers after the game or I get invited out and usually end up chatting with girls and not really building bro-ships. I'm not the dancing monkey entertainer kinda of guy, which I know adds value to groups as the new guy and I really don't want to make that my reason to enter a group of friends. I consider myself a good conversationalist and ask questions about their lives as appropriate as I am interested, I'm not a social circle leech to get their fems.

Basically I'm looking for suggestions to help build my social circle by adding value to peoples lives without supplicating my own self and becoming the 'funny man' cause that is not me. Anyone else been in this position before?

 

[NewJack]

So there's no easy answer to this difficulty. It touches on really deep aspects of relating to oneself and others. Specific insights would come through meditation. Its generally impossible to get deep insights about your own inner workings outside of meditation.

But these are some thoughts to use to focus your introspective practice...

Some questions to ponder.

How are you viewing those around you in terms of the value they bring?
Do some of them bring no value? Why?

What social experiences are you looking to have?

What do you believe you are offering others? What do you believe you aren't offering them? What is your worth? Why is the definition of your worth set where it currently is?

What would it mean to share something abidingly meaningful with another person? What would not qualify as meaningful sharing? Why are the boundaries of this distinction set where they are?

As you see, these are very open-ended and have no meaningful answers outside of the ones you can discover by yourself, in your quietude. There is also no value to asking them if you only ask them once and don't sincerely seek an answer. They have to be explored over a significant stretch of time.

There is no 'alpha' personality adjustment that will smooth the dissonance you are discovering. There is no mechanistic forward advancement in these areas.

What it requires is a deeper level of relating to others and relating to your own self. At least, this is how I am overcoming a similar difficulty in my own life. Good luck. Even a small amount of progress in these areas is very rewarding and is worth the investment.