Toughness attitude

[Epicwinguy]

There are guys skinnier than me, or guys who are just all fat, yet people (especially women) think they are tough and have more muscle than they really do.

I remember back in high school, this skinny guy acted tough. I never saw any muscle on him or saw him do any tough things, but all the tough guys treated him with respect and girls talked about muscles he didn't really have (he was kinda boney even.)

A lot of fat dudes are thought to have muscle, and I figure this is more than just size. Everyone knows fat does not equate to strength, yet many regard them as pretty tough.

Now me? I have muscles that people can see. I have sparred a lot (not real fighting, I know, but it was 80% contact.) People see me as weak though, and I guess it has to do with attitude or something.

So what is it? What kinda behavior can be seen as tough and dominant? Also I have ****ty wit so that is quite a hindrance but is it necessary?

 

[AlphaNate]

Why do you think people see you as weak?

 

[dude99]

There are guys skinnier than me, or guys who are just all fat, yet people (especially women) think they are tough and have more muscle than they really do.

I remember back in high school, this skinny guy acted tough. I never saw any muscle on him or saw him do any tough things, but all the tough guys treated him with respect and girls talked about muscles he didn't really have (he was kinda boney even.)

A lot of fat dudes are thought to have muscle, and I figure this is more than just size. Everyone knows fat does not equate to strength, yet many regard them as pretty tough.

Now me? I have muscles that people can see. I have sparred a lot (not real fighting, I know, but it was 80% contact.) People see me as weak though, and I guess it has to do with attitude or something.

So what is it? What kinda behavior can be seen as tough and dominant? Also I have ****ty wit so that is quite a hindrance but is it necessary?

Skinny guy who had no muscle learned to show he had swagger. Hence you saying even the bigger guys gave him respect.

Tough is an attitude yes. But if you over do it you look like an idiot and you can't go back.

Learn swagger. Learn to be at peace with yourself. Then people will see the real you

 

[dude99]

Why do you think people see you as weak?

He is probably presenting the "i want people to like me," attitude. Instead of presenting the i like me, attitude.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You prolly got sh!tty body language.

 

[Epicwinguy]

He is probably presenting the "i want people to like me," attitude. Instead of presenting the i like me, attitude.

I am typically a quiet dude. I also have always cared a bit, though I care less now than before. For a long time I even had social anxiety, to the point I didn't even talk much to people I knew.

Anyways, I always figured there was some inner game issue for the way I act, typically quiet but much more sociable now. Any tips to come off as tough and not weak?

 

[ubercat]

Mate you re really socially uncalibrated. Even in your time here I've seen guys give you pages of golden advice specifically tailored to your situation and you haven't repped them. You have to learn to at least try to add value wherever you go. I d strongly suggest u get into a team sport. It will take longer but you will develop an air of physical competence. Normally I suggest a traditional martial art. But in your particular case I think that's just going to make you a weird aggressive guy. I'm not taking a cheap shot based on your posting history that is my honest advice.

 

[dude99]

I am typically a quiet dude. I also have always cared a bit, though I care less now than before. For a long time I even had social anxiety, to the point I didn't even talk much to people I knew.

Anyways, I always figured there was some inner game issue for the way I act, typically quiet but much more sociable now. Any tips to come off as tough and not weak?

Don't try too hard. Confidence is your key. Confidence in yourself. Confidence in not caring what other people think.

 

[Epicwinguy]

Mate you re really socially uncalibrated. Even in your time here I've seen guys give you pages of golden advice specifically tailored to your situation and you haven't repped them. You have to learn to at least try to add value wherever you go. I d strongly suggest u get into a team sport. It will take longer but you will develop an air of physical competence. Normally I suggest a traditional martial art. But in your particular case I think that's just going to make you a weird aggressive guy. I'm not taking a cheap shot based on your posting history that is my honest advice.

I have been reading back over past threads, but what particular golden advice are you talking about?

 

[ubercat]

I won't chase that rabbit. You've been here long enough to know what good advice looks like and who the solid posters are.

And believe me the experienced guys around here pretty quickly get a read on who u r and what you're struggling with from what is and isn't said in your posts.

That wasn't about repping. The key point was about adding value. Improving yourself is not easy and takes a lot of focus. But it can sidetrack into becoming self absorbed. Group scenarios can be a pain in the ass because often you will be given a lot of s*** until you prove yourself in the group. When you have to compete go hard but getting along with people is easier if you can work from Common Ground. In other words instead of you winning and them losing you're trying to identify ways you could both win. That's how good people people roll in the workplace at a BBQ or at the soccer club. So y not try a team sport? Not exactly an extreme or irrevocable course of action. Like anything you'll have to pay your dues. So if you join the local paintball team or whatever the heck you're into at least give it a couple of months before you decide it's not for you. Connections and friendships come from regular interaction. Turning up once in a while ain't gonna cut it.