Tough relationship question.. really need some help

[Spyder213]

Hey everybody,
So I started talking to this girl a year ago through mutual friends. We got along really well and were really good friends for about 4 months. Well things started to escalate and we had sex a few times and I was spending about 2-3 hours with her every day at the university. Well naturally I started to develop some serious feelings for her. I met her family, and I spent a lot of time with her for about 6-7 months straight. Well summer break started about a month ago and we stopped seeing each other for a little while. Well the other night I saw her and when I went to kiss her goodnight she moved her head away. When I asked her about it she said we should just be friends. She also said that she never thought we were together (as a couple.) Even though I would walk around holding her hand and walk her to class and all that stuff.
Well of course now I have no clue what to do. I have never cared for a girl this much before, (I'm 19), and she may even be my first love and my best friend. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship but she still wants to be friends. She also said she doesn't have interest in any other guys and that she still really cares about me. (I believe her.)

What should I do? I still love this girl and I really don't want her out of my life but I think it will hurt like hell to just be friends with her. Should I try harder to pursue a relationship? Please help me...

 

[Tiguere]

When she said she doesn't have time for a relationship....first of all that's an incomplete statement. That's womenspeak and in english it means she doesn't have time for a relationship with YOU.

Yes it hurts like crazy to let her go but in life you must take the good with the bad.

Its not even important the reasons as to why she lost attraction but instead of sobbing in self pity and starting to resent her be glad for the experience and be glad she made it worth it the time cherished together.

Life continues and never stops.

Summer is here so go get some new t shirts a new haircut and get it rockin

 

[Spyder213]

Yeah and she said she can't be a good enough girlfriend for what I deserve, which I don't understand at all..

Thanks a ton for the advice though.

 

[prairiedog24]

Yeah... whatever you do do your best to stay upbeat about it. It will help you move on, and help you keep from embarrassing yourself both for your own sake, and in her eyes.

Be nice to her, be upbeat, be as encouraging and non-passive aggressive as you can, and as another person said be thankful for the time you had (it's more than most get), and move on. No need for a dramatic "well I refuse to be friends" crap that some guys here will advise (you'll regret it later) but also don't allow yourself to pine away after her.

I had the same sort of situation play out over the last 2 years, and I wish I had a chance to do it over again so I could handle it in a more mature fashion. Do yourself a favor and get it right the first time at 19 so you don't look like an idiot at 25 like I did.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There's another guy. He's back home, or wherever she went over break. When she says there's no other guys, she means at school, or right now, or some other unspoken condition.

She feels guilty about being with him, which is why she is now trying to deny that she had a relationship with you. She does still care about you a lot, which is why she's lying to you to protect your feelings. She wants you to go have a fling with another girl so that things will be even, and that is exactly what you should do.

 

[Gam]

This is really bad but you just have to take it in strides. The reason am concerned is because you say she's not just some lover she's possible your best friend, meaning it will be difficult to detach yourself from the feelings you have for her.

All you can do is use this experience to heighten your awareness about relationships and learn the lessons, if any at all about what to expect (like the fact that all good things must come to an end, and that every end is a new beginning).