Too smooth?

[btownbuck2012]

This doesn’t apply to social circle game. This is strictly from what I’ve experienced with OLD and cold approaching.

If you’re too smooth, even if you’ve already had sex with a woman, there is a very high chance you’ll get flaked on at some point.

I guess my “comfort game” isn’t where it needs to be but this is definitely a true dynamic I’ve experienced more than several times.

How do you tone it down? The very act of being able to lay a woman you meet in line at the in n out, I think, is proof enough to her that you’re a player, even if you’re not. Even if you manage to keep a woman around like this for a while I don’t think you’re in good shape. She’s probably either insecure and thinking you’re spinning multiple plates, even if you’re not, which basically in her mind gives her the green light to do the same or she’s resenting you the entire time you’re with her because she hates how smooth you are. I really do not think women like this.

There’s a sweet spot, somewhere between too much beta and too much alpha that I haven’t found yet but I honestly think it comes down to compatibility. I mean at the end of the day a person either enjoys spending time with you or they don’t.

I don’t really have a point to this post other than I’d be curious to hear others experiences with this specific dynamic I’m speaking about.

 

[jaymbrs]

Agree with Rando. I've been judged as a player type even when my intentions are genuine. I still have yet to figure out how to tone it down though. It's not something I feel is easy to do if you've been doing it for a long time. It becomes ingrained in you.

 

[Ranger]

I had one recently say, is this what you do to all your slvts? right after sex.
I didn’t really know how to handle it as it seemed out of the blue.
I can’t remember exactly what I said but it probably wasn’t the right thing. I probably should have just smiled and avoided the subject altogether.

 

[AttackFormation]

I don't agree with the idea that women are turned off when they think someone is a player. The ones who say that are women, and you have to look at what they do, not say. Women like hot, confident guys and so hot, confident guys will have more options. And, women are attracted by the fantasy or fact of a man having options, that's why both you and I have experienced women saying things like "is this what you do to all your slvts" to you, "call your other hoes/you're talking to your other hoes, haha!" to me, and so on. Thinking of or seeing you being able to have sex with other women makes them more attracted to you. They want to feel lucky to have you, that they beat the other women, and are turned on/attracted by the imagination of you being able to fvck other women if you so chose.

BUT like rando said, it has to be their idea. Don't try to mention or even worse directly brag about it to her. Let her notice or imagine it for herself, and when she accuses you of being a player, shift between agreeing and amplifying or turning the tables on her by matching her energy while playfully accusing her of just wanting you for sex.

Don't listen to the bullsh1t women will try to peddle you about how they don't like players. Even more if they say they "hate" players which is a dead giveaway. "Hate" means "aroused by" to women, which is why I use it as a barometer for how well I'm doing with them. What they don't like is direct bragging, because it removes suspense and means you are trying to impress her rather than vice versa (remember how she wants to feel lucky to have you), but that's not something any guy with half a brain would do anyway. If you have your own voice making you think you need to come across as less of a hot, confident guy with options... ignore it.

 

[Ranger]

I don't agree with the idea that women are turned off when they think someone is a player. The ones who say that are women, and you have to look at what they do, not say. Women like hot, confident guys and so hot, confident guys will have more options. And, women are attracted by the fantasy or fact of a man having options, that's why both you and I have experienced women saying things like "is this what you do to all your slvts" to you, "call your other hoes/you're talking to your other hoes, haha!" to me, and so on. Thinking of or seeing you being able to have sex with other women makes them more attracted to you. They want to feel lucky to have you, that they beat the other women, and are turned on/attracted by the imagination of you being able to fvck other women if you so chose.

BUT like rando said, it has to be their idea. Don't try to mention or even worse directly brag about it to her. Let her notice or imagine it for herself, and when she accuses you of being a player, shift between agreeing and amplifying or turning the tables on her by matching her energy while playfully accusing her of just wanting you for sex.

Don't listen to the bullsh1t women will try to peddle you about how they don't like players. Even more if they say they "hate" players which is a dead giveaway. "Hate" means "aroused by" to women, which is why I use it as a barometer for how well I'm doing with them. What they don't like is direct bragging, because it removes suspense and means you are trying to impress her rather than vice versa (remember how she wants to feel lucky to have you), but that's not something any guy with half a brain would do anyway. If you have your own voice making you think you need to come across as less of a hot, confident guy with options... ignore it.

Based on what I know, I think this approach is correct. Thanks.

 

[BeExcellent]

There’s a sweet spot, somewhere between too much beta and too much alpha that I haven’t found yet but I honestly think it comes down to compatibility. I mean at the end of the day a person either enjoys spending time with you or they don’t.

I don’t really have a point to this post other than I’d be curious to hear others experiences with this specific dynamic I’m speaking about.

May I offer a female perspective?

Always remember that "comfort level" also has to do with self esteem. It can be possible that the reason a woman might not enjoy spending time with you might have nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Here's what I mean by that. If a woman thinks you are "too smooth" it is because your behavior trips her insecurities UNLESS your behavior is out and out douchebag behavior. Example: chatting up one girl in an overtly sexual way and turning around and making out with the next girl over. Sensible women aren't going to tolerate that sort of thing. Short of douchebag behavior lower self esteem women have a lower threshold for having their insecurities tripped. Higher self esteem women have a higher threshold.

Lower self esteem women have a tendency to think if she wants you...so does EVERYBODY else...and this either causes clingy behavior or wigs her out to the point that she bolts. in both instances she thinks you are BETTER than her and her behavior bears this out.

Higher self esteem women have a more laid back, take it or leave it attitude. While they may not chase you or text you 16 times a day they'll be more relaxing and "cool" to hang out with. Higher self esteem women are more likely to have a temperament to handle a "smooth" man.

But as a general rule there are more available low self esteem single women running around than available high self esteem single women. So you may just be seeing the law of averages at work in what you are observing in set.

 

[BeExcellent]

I don't agree with the idea that women are turned off when they think someone is a player. The ones who say that are women, and you have to look at what they do, not say. Women like hot, confident guys and so hot, confident guys will have more options. And, women are attracted by the fantasy or fact of a man having options, that's why both you and I have experienced women saying things like "is this what you do to all your slvts" to you, "call your other hoes/you're talking to your other hoes, haha!" to me, and so on. Thinking of or seeing you being able to have sex with other women makes them more attracted to you. They want to feel lucky to have you, that they beat the other women, and are turned on/attracted by the imagination of you being able to fvck other women if you so chose.

BUT like rando said, it has to be their idea. Don't try to mention or even worse directly brag about it to her. Let her notice or imagine it for herself, and when she accuses you of being a player, shift between agreeing and amplifying or turning the tables on her by matching her energy while playfully accusing her of just wanting you for sex.

Don't listen to the bullsh1t women will try to peddle you about how they don't like players. Even more if they say they "hate" players which is a dead giveaway. "Hate" means "aroused by" to women, which is why I use it as a barometer for how well I'm doing with them. What they don't like is direct bragging, because it removes suspense and means you are trying to impress her rather than vice versa (remember how she wants to feel lucky to have you), but that's not something any guy with half a brain would do anyway. If you have your own voice making you think you need to come across as less of a hot, confident guy with options... ignore it.

I missed this post. Concur entirely. I LOVE a good player. They are the most fun in all the game.

 

[devilkingx2]

How do you tone it down? The very act of being able to lay a woman you meet in line at the in n out, I think, is proof enough to her that you’re a player, even if you’re not.

don't agree with the idea that women are turned off when they think someone is a player. The ones who say that are women, and you have to look at what they do, not say.

I think that women like a player in a vacuum, but they don't like the reality of a player.

Basically they want a guy who's a confident smooth talker who's good looking and successful... But they want this guy to be single and then committ to them for no apparent reason.

In reality guys like that can bang lots of girls and have zero reason to committ to 99% of them so they bail for fear of being another random number until you get bored if they catch wind if you ****ing your way through the town.

So basically be James Bond but tell her you're a virgin looking for love lmao.

Guys go through the same thing with wanting sex but not necessarily liking the girls who'd actually give you lots of good sex without much hassle

 

[AttackFormation]

Example: chatting up one girl in an overtly sexual way and turning around and making out with the next girl over. Sensible women aren't going to tolerate that sort of thing.

I just smile when I read this... in actual reality she's going to be thinking two things: "OMG, he kissed her!"and "Why didn't he make out with me???" which will both make her more attracted to the guy and more competitive about getting him. "No true woman" is going to tolerate it, all right... let me know when you win on that bet.

 

[BeExcellent]

I just smile when I read this... in actual reality she's going to be thinking two things: "OMG, he kissed her!"and "Why didn't he make out with me???" which will both make her more attracted to the guy and more competitive about getting him. "No true woman" is going to tolerate it, all right... let me know when you win on that bet.

Actually you're incorrect. If a man comes off disrespectful to women it's a turn off. I know lots of players, married one, am friends with many, am dating one and so on. There is a line where a man can get into douchbag behavior. Many women will avoid that sort of guy. That doesn't mean the douchebag won't get laid; he will. But better women will avoid him. And after a while he'll start to wonder why he only gets slvts and crazies.

If sex is the highest priority then that's fine. The OP complains that he can't keep women. I'm pointing out he might be pre-selecting against decent gals.

Is he overthinking? Maybe. But OP is seeing a trend in which he is the common denominator, which means it could be something he is or isn't doing.

 

[devilkingx2]

UNLESS your behavior is out and out douchebag behavior. Example: chatting up one girl in an overtly sexual way and turning around and making out with the next girl over. Sensible women aren't going to tolerate that sort of thing.

I just smile when I read this... in actual reality she's going to be thinking two things: "OMG, he kissed her!"and "Why didn't he make out with me???" which will both make her more attracted to the guy and more competitive about getting him. "No true woman" is going to tolerate it, all right... let me know when you win on that bet.

I think you're both right on this depending on the context.

If you meet a drunk girl at a party and you take a pause from talking to her to go make out or grind with another girl, the first girl probably won't care, either she likes you and will want her turn next or she doesn't like you and doesn't care what you do (the whole thing might turn into a threesome honestly)

But if you're on a date with a girl and you step away from the dinner table to go flirt with the waitress, she'll be pretty pissed off

If she's insecure she'll hate it, if she needs dread game or to be made jealous it'll have positive results, etc.

Then there's that 1 in a million girls with a cuck fetish

 

[Ranger]

I just smile when I read this... in actual reality she's going to be thinking two things: "OMG, he kissed her!"and "Why didn't he make out with me???" which will both make her more attracted to the guy and more competitive about getting him. "No true woman" is going to tolerate it, all right... let me know when you win on that bet.

Oh that’s golden.

 

[AJ84]

I think if you’re on a date with someone (guy or girl) and it’s going well, to just focus on that person and not be flirting with other people. That’s completely disrespectful, unnecessary, doesn’t say much about you as a person, and probably won’t lead to a second date.

I don’t know anyone who would do that on a date that’s going well. Makes very little sense to me. Dating is hard enough without doing things to turn people off from you.